Aftermath
by TamSibling
Summary: COMPLETE. Post:BDM. The crew of Serenity discovers no good deed goes unpunished, while Simon discovers he and River have more in common then he might have guessed. PG:13 to NC:17. S:K, M:I.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Aftermath

Spoilers: Takes place directly following the battle on Mr. Universe's moon at the end of "Serenity"

Pairings: Kaylee/Simon, Mal/Inara

Rating: PG-13 to NC-17

Beta: The inimitable Leiasky, back in the day

Disclaimer: It's not mine – I'm simply playing with Joss' toys. He's a really good share-er.

A/N: So, this story has been languishing on my hard drive for about ten months now. And after attending Comic-Con this past weekend I was inspired to get it posted. My goal before the end of the year is actually to post all of my fic that I've been selfishly hoarding. I hope you like it!

This story is complete and runs a little over 350 pages. Tighten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Chapter 1

-- --

He wasn't awake yet. Everyone else was, except for the captain who was still in and out of consciousness, but at least he'd managed to wake long enough to tell Inara not to go. But not Simon; even after two whole days, he still wasn't awake.

And Kaylee was petrified.

She sat with him now, on the Alliance's flagship, in a small room filled with monitors and equipment. Holding his hand firmly in her own, Kaylee only focused on Simon's face, trying to ignore the cold sterility of the room, trying to block out the foreign sounds and even more foreign faces as they entered and left every few hours to check on him.

Kaylee was terrified to be here, but she was even more terrified to be back on Serenity. She worried that if she left his side, he would disappear, the Operative's assurances that Simon and River were safe flying out the window as soon as they realized the kind of reward the siblings could net them. So even though she was frightened, even though she was scared, she was staying, right next to him until he was released back to Serenity.

-- --

"She still won't leave," Inara said quietly, looking to Jayne and Zoe as the two crewmen regarded Mal's sleeping form.

Nodding once Zoe said resolutely, "Nope, lil' Kaylee's glued to the doc's side. That's plain."

Releasing a huge breath, Inara tightened her arms around herself. "And River?"

"Doin' better, but not great. I'm thinkin' the sooner Simon wakes up the better it's goin' be for both o' 'em," the first mate told her, her deep brown eyes locking with Inara's. The two women had barely spoken in the week and a half since Wash's death; since Mal had almost been killed … since they had _all_ almost been killed. And while Inara felt for the other woman, while she wanted to provide her some comfort, she also could not focus on anything else right now, but Mal.

Her eyes glanced back into the room, his unconscious form visible through the transparent partition. While Inara wanted to order Kaylee back to the surface, wanted to scold the girl for being so single-minded in her vigil, Inara knew she had no leg to stand on. She had been doing the same, sitting at Mal's side every second and for most of the same reasons.

Inara did not trust any of the men on this ship and she trusted the Operative least of all. Although the man had promised that the crew would be safe, she would not relax until Serenity was back in the air with Mal back on her bridge.

With a sigh, Inara told her, "I think that'll be better for us all." Looking first to Zoe and then to Jayne, whose expression was pretty much unreadable, Inara finally moved to go back to Mal's side. "As soon as the both of them can be moved, we'll be back. How are the repairs coming?"

"The Operative's been good to his word," Jayne said gruffly, his arms crossed over his chest. "His men've been helpin', givin' us the parts we need." Shaking his head with a bit of disgust, he added, "It's downright unsettlin', them bein' so friendly."

Wanting to agree, but knowing that the walls probably had ears, Inara could only smile slightly to him as she took her leave and reentered Mal's room.

He was in a bigger room than Simon, his injuries having required more surgeries, which meant more doctors and nurses to care for him. Now, a day after his second operation to repair some of the nerves damaged from the sword that had pierced his gut, he was resting comfortably, only half of the machines in the room currently in use.

Inara looked to the monitors distractedly, having learned the sounds they made when everything was all right; knowing the warnings they gave when everything wasn't. As the noise in the room indicated the former, Inara sat with a weary sigh and again covered Mal's hand with her own.

She stared at him for a minute, one hand absentmindedly traveling to his hair and brushing it behind his ear. Her eyes glancing down to the white bandages fixed to his bare chest, she sighed. "What is it with you and swords?"

Not getting an answer, and really not having expected one, Inara just sat, her eyes on his face, waiting for him to wake up. She didn't know what would happen after that, what would become of them once he opened those blue eyes to her, but at the moment she didn't rightly care. She only cared that Malcolm Reynolds, rogue smuggler and constant annoyance would again be up to his old tricks and soon.

-- --

Zoe stood in the doorway to the bridge, staring at the destroyed room. Her arms hung loosely at her sides as her eyes swept the small space, traveling from left to right. Traveling from the seat she had been sitting in when the wooden spear had careened through the cockpit and pierced her husband's heart.

It had of course destroyed hers in the process. No one knew that for certain, Zoe was very good at hiding her true feelings; she buried them, as she always did under layers of training and detachment. The war had taught her many things including the ability to keep moving when every muscle, every cell fought the motion.

She took one shaky step into the darkened room, her boots crunching over shattered glass and components. Looking out the open cockpit window she saw the night sky surrounding them, a few stars managing to shine all the way down to the planet, but it was nothing like when they were in the black.

It was just dark, all-encompassing; like the pain Zoe felt. The pain that started in the center of her chest and radiated down her every limb, pooling in the tips of her fingers, in her feet, at the back of her neck, in her mind; the pain that refused to go away. She would break from it, eventually. All good soldiers did; it was called post-traumatic stress disorder and Zoe knew it would haunt her again. Once she had racked up enough sleepless nights, enough endless days, enough meaningless moments, her body would break – as thoroughly as her heart had.

She was standing at his console, unaware she'd been walking towards it until her fingers ghosted over the buttons. Her eyes unfocused and unseeing, she bent down and picked up a familiar piece of plastic from the floor. Turning the green and brown mottled toy over in her hands, Zoe smiled just slightly at the sight of it. Backing up slowly, she crouched down in the doorway again, her head resting against the bulkhead as she stared at the dinosaur she held and the empty room beyond.

-- --

The place was still smoking. Black, billowy clouds rose off some of the smoldering remains, the light winds that whipped over Regina having fanned them for endless days. But other than that, there was nothing left – nothing recognizable anyway.

Buildings were hollowed out, bombed to ruins, bodies that hadn't yet been picked over by vultures, lying dead and decaying under the hot glare of the sun. Destruction had never been rendered to an outpost as unequivocally as it had been rained down on this one, and it turned his stomach.

Standing on the bridge of his small transport ship, the slightly paunchy man with tan skin and numerous scars gripped the back of his pilot's chair, his knuckles turning white from the pressure. "Take us down, now."

"Sir, we don't know if it's safe," his pilot responded, his voice accented with a long dead Spanish accent.

"If they were still here we wouldn't be," the boss reminded him. "Set us down."

Wordlessly, the pilot complied, his own stomach churning. He was only thankful that he had no family; he didn't know if he'd been able to contain his anger or his grief half as well as his boss was at this moment. Especially when the man had to know his brother was gone.

As soon as the ramp lowered, he was out like a shot, running about in the heat of the afternoon and searching for his brother. "Marco!" His deep voice echoed off burned out walls and he gagged as he inhaled a bit of that dark smoke.

Charging towards what they had considered headquarters, he entered the blackened building and stopped short at the sight of his brother's obliterated body, the only thing recognizable to him a discarded arm lying a few feet away. Turning and retching violently, by the time his crew reached him, the older man was on his knees, praying to a god he was having trouble believing in at the moment to allow his younger brother entrance into heaven.

"Sir?" the pilot questioned softly, his mouth covered with his sleeve as the smell of burning flesh and melted plastic assaulted him.

"Amen," he muttered and then rose, his hazel eyes now burning with a fire brighter than any smoldering around them. Glancing to his pilot, Rodriguez, and his first mate, Javier, Diego Sanchez barked, "Find out who did this and why."

Turning, he strode back towards his ship. "Some one will pay for killing my brother."

-- --

"Be awake soon."

Kaylee's head snapped up at the sound of the soft voice and she had to blink her eyes rapidly to clear the sleep in them. Meeting River's quizzical gaze with a small smile, Kaylee stretched her arms over her head. "Hi, sweetie. You doin' okay?"

Nodding once, River looked down at her brother's peaceful face, her hand hovering just over the center of his chest. "Strong heart," she murmured, feeling Kaylee's eyes on her as she tried to puzzle out just what exactly River was trying to tell her. "Beats faster now, knowing you're here." She met the young mechanic's wide green eyes with her equally round brown ones.

Shrugging lightly, Kaylee ducked her head in embarrassment. "Oh, I don't know 'bout that, sweetie. He don't even know I'm here."

"Yes he does," River said, rounding the bed to kneel at her friend's side. "Can feel it. That's why he's stayed asleep so long. Feels safe."

Frowning at her, Kaylee asked, "So you mean, all I gotta do to get him to wake up is leave?" As River turned a big smile on her, getting her joke, Kaylee rose. "Well, that's it. I'm goin' right now."

Giggling at her, River knew the other woman had no intention of going anywhere; not unless Simon did, in which case she would follow him to the ends of the 'verse. As Kaylee again sat, placing her hand over Simon's automatically, River rose and put a hand to her shoulder. "He used to make me feel safe," she said quietly, her eyes again locked on Simon's pale face. "Used to hold me and tell me it was okay."

At her words, Kaylee again turned to regard her, hearing the wistfulness in her tone. Seeing a bit of pain in her eyes, Kaylee reached for her hand. "River?"

Shaking her head to knock the melancholy loose, River told her, "Now, you do that for him. Make him feel safe and whole." Leaning down and hugging her tightly, River whispered, "Thank you."

Baffled, which wasn't particularly surprising given who she was talking to, Kaylee just hugged the girl back. As River pulled away and headed for the door, Kaylee called after her, "You wanna stay with him for a bit? I can leave, give you two some time."

Shaking her head, River smiled with an enigmatic grin that endeared her to Simon's and Kaylee's hearts. "No. He doesn't need me now. Needs you." And then she was gone.

With a heavy sigh, Kaylee looked off after her for a moment and then gazed back to Simon. Running a light hand through his soft hair, she murmured, "That true, Simon? You need me now?"

When he did not answer her, Kaylee scooted towards the edge of his bed and rested her hand against his cool cheek. He was so pale; Kaylee didn't like it. The doctors had told her it was to be expected. He'd lost a lot of blood and while they had managed to give him a transfusion, the shock to his system had still been great.

Shock … with a shudder, Kaylee closed her eyes, trying to will the memory of watching him get shot from her mind. He had fallen back so hard, that's what had shocked Kaylee the most; the ferocity of his impact with the hard floor. Then his face, the pain in his features as he'd tried to tell River goodbye, as he'd tried to give orders to take care of them all. To take care of her … Kaylee blinked back a tear, opening her eyes again to his face.

She had thought for sure that was it, he was gone. Kaylee had seen plenty of bullet wounds being on Serenity, had even suffered from a fairly similar one herself, but when Simon had taken that hit, as she had watched, paralyzed and helpless as the blood had drained from his gut, she had felt the cold clench of finality squeeze at her heart. Kaylee had been certain, in that eternal moment of watching him fall that she, that they, would never have a chance.

A chance at what, she wasn't rightly sure. She remembered his words right before the battle, and while Kaylee wanted to believe them, had believed them at the time, she worried that maybe it was just something to say, something for him to tell her before they were both killed by savages. Of course, she didn't really believe that; Simon was many things, but a liar was not one of them. Nor was he all that good with words and if the past eight months had taught him anything it was to think before he spoke to her. So, Kaylee had said many a silent prayer over the past week that he'd really thought before he'd told her he regretted not being with her.

Kaylee's cheeks colored slightly as she remembered her own response. _What was I thinkin'?_ Saying something like that, to Simon, had been on her mind for a while, but even though sex had been the first thing to spring to her mind, it wasn't the only thing she wanted with Simon; not anymore.

She didn't know why she thought they had a chance in hell. Maybe it was her endless optimism or just her gigantic heart, but Kaylee wanted to believe, needed to believe that if she and Simon were going to be together, that it would last. She didn't know if she was in love with him, not yet, but she was definitely in like with the swai doctor and she only hoped that when he awoke, those feelings might be returned. She only hoped the two of them might get a chance to figure it all out.

"All right, Simon," she said softly, leaning her face closer to his. "Time to stop avoidin' me. Time to wake up an' go home." When his dark eyelashes stayed firmly planted against his cheeks, Kaylee let out a sigh and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Please Simon," she whispered softly. "Please, wake up."

Still nothing and with another sigh, Kaylee rested her head on his pillow and gazed at his profile until her body again felt the pull of sleep.

-- --

"I wanna go back to my gorram boat!"

"Sir, I understand that, but we really-"

"I don't rightly give a damn what you need, lady," Mal bit out, still trying to sit up on the diagnostic bed as the nurse continued to try and push him back. "I need to get-"

"You need to stay in that bed and do as the nice lady asks," Inara told him firmly, standing in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest.

Looking to her with a shocked expression, Mal swallowed thickly and the two held their gaze in a battle of wills. As Mal gave in first and slowly lied back down, he convinced himself that it was the drugs they'd given him that had allowed Inara to win; yeah, that was it, drugs.

Entering the room fully, Inara smiled to the now frazzled nurse as the woman quickly exited. Watching her go, when Inara turned back to Mal, her lips set firmly in a thin line, a scathing comment poised on her lips, all thought left her. His eyes, his blue eyes that she had thought she knew were gazing at her now with an intensity and a pain she couldn't handle. Inhaling sharply at the sight, she felt the anger ebb off her face and slowly, she moved around to his side.

"'Nara," he began softly, reaching for her hand.

Taking it in her own, she ran a hand through his hair, only the fact that he was heavily medicated and would no doubt not remember any of this allowing her to touch him so intimately. "The ship's fine, Mal," she assured him, resuming her usual seat at his side. "Serenity is fine. The Operative and his men are fixing her."

As he opened his mouth to protest the thought of purplebellies crawling all over his beloved ship, Inara added, "Zoe and Jayne are supervising all the repairs. And River too, when we can find her."

Nodding once, Mal allowed his head to rest back into the pillows. Shutting his eyes, he let out a deep breath and murmured, "Zoe." Breathing in and out for a moment, he looked back to Inara and asked, "How is she?"

Shrugging lightly, Inara averted her eyes so he wouldn't see her concern for his dearest friend. "She's hanging in there. You know Zoe."

Mal grimaced; yes, he did know Zoe. Better than anyone else ever had, except for maybe her husband, and even then, Mal doubted that Wash had ever had a true understanding of the woman. He could not imagine the pain she was feeling now and he detested the fact that he couldn't help her; that he was confined to this hospital bed on some gorram Alliance ship. He needed to get back to his boat.

As he again tried to sit up, the pain in his abdomen protesting violently at the motion, Inara's light hand rested against his bare shoulder. Her touch on his skin was gentle, but it sent an electric jolt through him. His eyes again meeting hers, he saw the pain and fear in those big, brown orbs and he wished he was strong enough to tell her it would all be all right. But, as he lied back against the bed, and held her gaze, he knew any reassurances out of his mouth at this moment would just be words and she didn't need words from him; not anymore.

"How's everybody else?" he asked gruffly, his voice still hoarse from disuse and his body sagging even more heavily into the mattress as fatigue again enveloped him.

Her fingers again running through his hair, Mal sighed against the touch and listened for her answer. "They're fine. Simon still hasn't woken up, and Kaylee is very nervous for him. But everyone else is fine."

"Is the doc gonna wake up?" Mal asked, his eyes fluttering shut as he felt sleep pulling at his consciousness.

"Yes, he should." Inara watched him fight to stay awake and it brought a small smile to her lips; no matter what, Mal would always be the captain, looking out for his crew, trying to keep them safe. "Just rest, Mal, please. You just need to get better."

Squeezing the hand she held ever so slightly, Mal murmured, "I will, darlin', don't you worry none. Then you an' me's gonna have a talk."

Before Inara could question him further on what this talk might entail he was again sleeping, his chest rising and lowering steadily with each breath. Releasing a sigh, she leaned forward and brushed a kiss to his cheek, allowing her lips to linger for just a bit against his stubble-covered face. "Whatever you say xin gan," she murmured, staring at his face. "Whatever you say."

-- --

His neck hurt and his head ached. Those were the first two sensations Simon was aware of. He was cold too, but that wasn't much of a surprise, although his left hand felt oddly warm. Unable to open his eyes just yet and discover the source of that heat, he allowed his mind to run through the rest of its checklist, taking in all his other organs and limbs, searching for symptoms like the doctor he was. Even drugged and shot, Simon was still a really good surgeon.

His mid-section was pleasantly numb and Simon had to say a small prayer for that. He knew the pain he was in for when the anesthesia and pain killers wore off; it would not be pleasant. In fact, it would make the gunshot wound he'd received from Early look like a mosquito bite. Gut wounds were always more deadly, more painful and had a longer recovery time. He did not relish the thought of the weeks he would spend laid up in bed, but when he considered the alternative, he was more than grateful to be alive.

Especially now … his addled mind could only piece together bits from his last few moments of consciousness before the blood loss had overpowered him, but he remembered enough and most of it was about Kaylee. Her face sprang into his mind, her bright smile and wide eyes shining on him like an angel from above and Simon instantly felt some of the pain in his head go away. Although his timing had been terrible – big surprise – and his statement less than romantic – another surprise – he had at least managed to push the words out of his mouth. He had at least managed to let her know that there was or there could be something more between them; if she wanted it.

With a small sigh, he decided that maybe it was time to open his eyes. Blinking against the harshness of the bright lights, the room slowly came into focus. At first all he could make out were shapes and colors, a blob of gray there, a puddle of blue there; but slowly, Simon made out objects and things. Glancing over to his left side, trying to diagnose the source of the warmth that was encasing his hand, he felt the slightest smile turn up the corners of his mouth as he met Kaylee's sleeping face.

Her head rested on the bed at his side, her hand over his and Simon had never, in all his life, been more comforted or relieved to see someone. His heart swelled a bit when he remembered the concern on her features and the plea in her voice as she had begged him not to leave her, leave them as he had slipped under after the battle. He knew it was that same concern that had brought her to his side now, and he realized, in that moment, gazing at her peaceful face as she slept that he'd been a fool to not tell her of his feelings sooner.

Just as he was about to berate himself for his behavior, she stirred beside him. Raising her head slowly, she rubbed at her eyes, keeping one hand over his in the process. Waking fully, she turned with a small sigh to regard him, her eyes going wide and a small gasp escaping her lips as she saw his blue eyes staring back at her.

"Oh my god," she breathed, rising and placing a light hand to his face. "Simon? Simon, you're awake."

"I am," he answered, his voice rough, his throat dry and harsh from disuse. "Are you all right?" he asked quickly, noting the small red dots that still marred her neck from where the Reaver's weapon had impaled her.

Shaking away his concern, she kept running her fingers through his hair and Simon delighted in her soft touch. "Oh, I'm fine," she told him quickly. Looking up towards the door and then back to him, Simon could tell she was torn. She had no idea what to do. "I should go get somebody," she said quietly, stepping away, but Simon's firm grasp on her hand did not lessen and she was forced back to his side.

"Don't go," he told her quietly, his whole body warming as she smiled brightly at his words. "They'll be by soon enough." Blinking a few times, he told her with a slurred speech, "Besides, I have a feeling I'll be asleep again soon."

Sitting back beside him, Kaylee told him, "That's good, you need to keep restin'. You gotta get better."

Simon nodded once, quickly losing the strength to form words, but there was one other thing he had to know. "River?"

Smiling to him again, Kaylee assured him, "She's fine, Simon. Better than she's ever been actually. She's down helpin' with repairs. She's been by to see ya a few times, but—" Kaylee broke off, slightly embarrassed as she remembered all of River's assertions that Simon did not need his mei mei anymore, only Kaylee.

"But what?" Simon questioned groggily, his need for sleep quickly outweighing any concern for his sister.

Shaking her head a bit, Kaylee told him, "It's nothin'. Everything's right an' shiny." Watching as his eyes fluttered shut, she leaned down and pressed another kiss to his cheek, smiling when she noticed a small grin on his face as she pulled away. "You just sleep now. Get better."

"Stay with me?" he asked in a whisper.

Smiling even wider, even though he could not see it, Kaylee told him, "I ain't got nowhere else to be."

-- --


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: A huge, gigantic THANK YOU to everyone who commented on chapter 1! You guys are awesome and completely the reason I keep writing – and posting.

I hope you like this part as well!

-- --

Title: Aftermath

Spoilers: Takes place directly following the battle on Mr. Universe's Moon

Pairings: Simon/Kaylee, Mal/Inara

Disclaimer: It's not mine … oh, how I wish it were.

Rating: PG-13 to NC-17

-- --

Chapter 2

-- --

"Lil' Kaylee, I really need you in the engine room," Mal said quietly, doing his best to keep the annoyance out of his voice. Glancing over to Simon's sleeping form, Mal looked back to his mechanic and said, "The doc's gonna be fine. He'll be back on the surface in a couple o' days."

Her lips set into a thin line, her arms crossed over her chest, Kaylee told him, "I'm sorry, cap, but I ain't leavin' Simon up here alone." Leaning towards him, she added softly, "You know we can't rightly trust these folk."

Placing a hand to her shoulder, Mal said, "Mei mei, if they'd o' wanted Simon or River, they'd of snatched 'em by now." Holding her intense gaze for another moment, he finally said, "I don't wanna make it an order."

A few tears welling in her eyes, Kaylee glanced over his shoulder and looked to Inara for help. Stepping forward, the Companion placed a light hand on Mal's shoulder and said, "Mal, it's just a couple more days. You can spare Kaylee, can't you?"

"Please, cap," Kaylee begged, the tone in her voice drawing Mal's eyes back to her. Squeezing his arm slightly she said, "Please don't make me leave 'im here, by himself. It ain't right."

With a heavy sigh, Mal looked between his medic and his mechanic, knowing full well that this was just the start of a whole bunch of uncomfortable moments on his boat. Despite Inara's assertions, Mal was not an idiot and he knew that Kaylee liked Simon, a lot. And he had seen over the past few months how much the doctor's feelings for his mei mei were swerving in that direction. _Didn't anybody heed him on his own boat? Wasn't the rule "no shipboard romances?" What was he gonna have to do – get it tattooed on his forehead?_

"All right, Kaylee," Mal finally relented, bracing himself as Kaylee threw her arms around him. "You can stay, but as soon as the doc's clear to come back home, I wan' the two o' you on the next transport, dong ma?"

As Kaylee pulled back and nodded eagerly, Mal added, "An' you'll get straight to work on your girl as soon as you're back. Doc'll have to learn to fend for himself, at least for some hours outta the day."

"Yes sir," Kaylee told him, her eyes shining with relief and happiness. Balancing on her tiptoes, she pressed a kiss to his cheek and said, "I love my captain."

Waving off the sentiment, Mal turned to go, Inara moving to his side instantly to steady him as he was still a bit shaky on his feet. "Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say."

Cocking an eyebrow at him as they entered the waiting lift, Inara told him wryly, "I don't think I've ever said that."

"Well, you ain't a part o' my crew," he answered without thinking, kicking himself the minute the words were out of his mouth. Glancing down to Inara he saw the blank look on her face and scrambled to apologize. "'Nara, that ain't-"

"No, you're right, Mal," she told him. Looking to him with that look of detachment he'd learned to equate with her profession, she reiterated, "I'm not part of your crew. I just rent one of your shuttles."

And then the lift doors opened and the two of them strode in silence towards the transport, the trip down to the surface full of tension and unspoken hurt.

-- --

Once Mal returned, repairs really got underway. Zoe refused to let anyone else work on the bridge and although Mal did not like the look of resignation that had settled onto her features, he couldn't rightly tell her no either. They had known each other for a long time and Mal knew that if Zoe thought for even a second he was mollycoddling her in some way she would beat him to a pulp. And seeing as how he had just gotten out of the hospital, he wasn't really looking to go back so soon.

Inara helped as well, repainting the symbol of Serenity on the hull in deep golds and oranges. The two of them had barely exchanged more than a few pleasantries since his idiotic comment on the Alliance cruiser that day and while Mal knew it was up to him to make it right, he still hadn't puzzled out how.

Jayne was keeping busy, watching every soldier and Alliance contact come and go with the gaze of a highly suspicion man. Mal was glad; he couldn't be everywhere at once and it relieved him to know that someone else was looking out for his ship and his crew as well.

Kaylee and Simon returned two days after Mal himself. It was uncanny, but the moment they both stepped on board, his whole demeanor changed; the tension that had been present since all of this go se had begun seeped out of him, just a bit and it was with a bit lighter step that he moved down into the cargo bay to help Kaylee maneuver the still incapacitated doctor to his bunk.

Pushing the wheelchair through the cavernous room, Kaylee leaned over and said something to Simon that brought a wide grin to his face and it was at that moment that River came bounding out, barreling past Mal and throwing her arms around her brother. "Simon!" she exclaimed loudly, holding him fiercely.

Rubbing her back, Simon buried his face into her hair for a moment and murmured, "It's good to see you, mei mei." As she pulled away from him, eyes shining, he asked, "Are you all right?"

Nodding once, River kept a hold of his hand as Mal approached them. "Everything's fine, Simon. Don't worry."

Frowning at her, Simon was about to remind her that worry was his middle name when the captain interrupted. "Well, doc, it's about time you got here." Looking up to Kaylee, whose eyes had not left the young man's face, he said, "Holdin' my mechanic hostage on that cruiser in the process. Delayin' things," he finished with a mutter, his tone holding no menace.

Smiling weakly at him, Simon looked back to Kaylee and reached for her hand. "Well, thank you for sparing Kaylee, captain. It was good for me to have her there."

Noting the gooey look on his mechanic's face, Mal decided enough was enough. "Well, be that as it may, it's time for her to do her _job_," he stressed, getting Kaylee to break her stare on Simon and look to him sheepishly. "All the parts you need are back in the engine room, lil' Kaylee," he told her, watching as her eyes lit up and a wide smile graced her face.

"Parts? New ones?" she asked breathlessly, moving towards him and clapping her hands together with excitement.

Nodding, Mal returned the grin, delighting in how happy she was. "Top o' the line or at least that's what the Operative says."

Squealing with happiness, Kaylee threw her arms around him and kissed his cheek, before turning back to Simon, beaming. Returning her smile, Simon teased, "What are you waiting for?"

Smiling to him, this time with a bit more concern than happiness, she moved back to his side and squeezed his hand. "I'll be by to check on you later, 'kay?"

"I'll look forward to it," he murmured back, kissing her hand as she left the room.

Stepping into the young man's line of sight so he could not appreciate the view of Kaylee's retreating backside, Mal said, "Doc, you need some help gettin' settled?"

Before Simon could answer, River volunteered. "I can do it, captain daddy," she said brightly, her face holding a smile.

Looking to his sister and back to the captain, Simon told him, "I think we'll be fine."

"All right," Mal told him skeptically, watching as River wheeled him towards the bulkhead leading into the passenger dorms and then supported his shaky frame as he stood out of the chair. Hoping that he didn't rip out his stitches just getting into bed, Mal turned to head back to his work and was confronted with a very annoyed looking Inara.

Her arms crossed over her chest and a fire burning in her eyes, she told him sharply, "It won't work, Mal."

Glancing around and wondering if he'd maybe missed something, he asked, "What won't?"

Frowning at him mightily, she told him, "Trying to keep them apart. Simon and Kaylee have a real chance at something, something good. Ordering her to the engine room won't keep them apart forever."

Returning her frown, Mal turned to head back towards the catwalk stairs and said over his shoulder, "They know the rules. No shipboard romances on my boat."

With a disgusted snort, Inara followed him. She had been waiting for days to lay into him about something, and this was the perfect topic. "Please, that rule's been broken before. Look at Wash and Zoe."

"Yeah, an' we all can see how well that turned out," Mal shot back, whirling on her, his voice dropping to a deadly whisper. "You think I wanna see lil' Kaylee go through that kinda pain if'n somethin' ever happened to the doc? You do still know he's a fugitive right?"

Inara held his look for a moment, wondering if protecting Kaylee was his only motivation. She could read the concern in his eyes for the young woman plainly and was not surprised by it; Kaylee was very dear to all of them, often the only bright spot in some of their darkest times. But there was something else too and Inara was through pretending it wasn't there.

As he turned and started back up the stairs, she continued to follow and said, "That's gou shi, Mal and you know it. Forbidding shipboard romances makes things very convenient for you."

Mal had made it to the top of the stairs by now, panting a bit from the exertion as his side was still bothering him. Turning back to face her, Inara's chest was heaving with a bit of her anger and Mal had to remind himself that they were fighting. Otherwise, he might have kissed her right at that moment, wiping that adorable frown right off her face.

"That mean you're staying then?" he asked, deciding that if she was going to corner him, he was going to corner her.

Taking an involuntary step backwards, Inara found herself at a loss for words. Knowing that this conversation had taken a very bad turn and knowing that she was the one who had forced it, she tried to step past him, muttering, "That doesn't have anything to do-"

His hand on her arm stopped her movement. It wasn't a tight grasp, but it was there all the same, his fingers encircling her bare arm, just above the elbow. Glancing down to where he was touching her, Inara took a deep breath and then met his gaze. "You goin' or stayin' has got everythin' to do with it," he told her, his voice again low, but this time full of something besides anger. "An' you know it."

He stepped closer to her and Inara inhaled sharply at his nearness. She could feel the heat radiating off him and it flushed her cheeks, made her head swim. Forcing her eyes away from his, she muttered, "You said it yourself, Mal. I'm not a part of your crew."

Releasing a small sigh, Mal dropped his hand from her arm and told her softly, "You know that I didn't mean it. You're as much a part o' this crew as anybody else an' you know it, darlin'." As Inara's big brown eyes returned to his face, he added quietly, "You belong here." _With me_, he wanted to add, but stopped himself before the words came knowing that too much too soon might just scare her off again. And Mal knew he could not watch her walk away for a second time.

They held each other's gazes for untold minutes. The words were on the tip of Inara's tongue. She wasn't going to leave, not again; she couldn't. She could not walk off Serenity, could not walk away from Malcolm Reynolds or this family of theirs for a second time, even if she'd wanted to. But she couldn't admit that to him either, not yet.

Glancing down to her hands which were covered with paint, she murmured, "I have to go clean up." She moved past him and headed for her shuttle and Mal let her go, his eyes lingering on the space she'd occupied long after she'd disappeared.

-- --

Kaylee was humming away with glee as she unpackaged and examined each shiny new part. It was unbelievable; she had never had so many new pieces of pretty to put into her baby. She'd begged the captain for months, years even, to buy her some of these parts, having learned early in her time on board to only ask for the absolute essentials, compression coils, catalyzers and the like.

But now, she was surrounded by both the necessary and extraneous parts to make her engine run like new and like a kid at Christmas, she was thrilled. She was so lost in her work that she didn't hear River enter the room on her silent feet. Half-buried in the engine, Kaylee was working to dislodge an old, rusted part when River's voice startled her.

"Have to take a break."

"Oh!" Kaylee jumped back, banging her elbow on a sharp edge of the engine casing. With a slight scowl, she rubbed at the reddened spot and then looked to River, smiling instantly. "What was that, sweetie?"

Picking up one of the many new parts littering the floor, River told her, "Time to take a break."

Shaking her head, Kaylee stepped forward and plucked the very expensive machinery from the young girl's hands, more than a little overprotective. "Nah, sweetie. I'm good. I only been in here …" She trailed off, realizing she had no idea how long she'd been sequestered in the warm room.

"Four hours," River told her, meeting Kaylee's surprised gaze with a grin. "He's keeping track too."

Furrowing her brow slightly, Kaylee stepped closer to her friend, pulling a rag from the pocket of her coveralls and wiping at her greasy hands. "He who?" she asked, not quite making the connection. As River rocked forward on her feet and smiled even bigger, the light bulb finally came on and with her own wide grin, Kaylee asked, "Simon?"

"Trying to stay awake, but the medicine makes him tired," she confided, threading her arm through the young mechanic's and dragging her from the room.

"He's really been waitin' for me?" Kaylee asked, looking down at her disheveled appearance and wishing she had time to at least clean up first.

River nodded as she took the girl to the top of the stairs to the passenger dorms and gave her a gentle push. "He likes the grease, thinks it's cute."

Kaylee smiled to her again and then continued humming as she descended the stairs towards his bunk. Watching her go, River let out a tiny sigh, hoping that as the weeks past her brother and Kaylee would not need this much help; she did have other things to do.

-- --

Simon heard a light rap to his screen door and couldn't help the smile that graced his features. "Come in," he called softly, setting aside the book he'd been trying to read for the past hour.

Kaylee slid open the door and entered the room, smiling to him sheepishly. Despite River's assurances she was still painfully aware of the amount of engine grease, dirt and sweat covering her. She really should have washed up first. Sliding the screen door shut, she stood in front of it a bit awkwardly and said, "I thought I'd come see how you're doin'."

Shrugging lightly, Simon leaned back against his pillows, feeling much more relaxed now that Kaylee was here. "Okay, I guess. The pain meds are keeping me pretty numb," he confided, giving her that swai smile that made her knees weak. Studying her as she refused to come any closer, Simon finally asked, "Sit with me?"

Looking down again to her dirty clothes, she said, "Nah, I'm all dirty. Covered in grease an' such."

Frowning to her, Simon said, "You know I don't care."

Smiling at him, Kaylee reluctantly came forward and sat gingerly at his side. "All right, but I'm warnin' ya. I've been workin' on that engine for four hours an' it's hot in there."

Simon smiled back at her, and held her gaze for a moment as she absentmindedly took his hand in hers. They had sat like this on board the Alliance ship too, especially in those last few days when he'd been awake more often. Sometimes they'd been quiet, like now, while at other times, they couldn't stop talking, sharing stories and memories. Simon had soon come realize, he didn't mind either state as long as Kaylee was there.

Trying to change positions, he grimaced a bit as the movement caused a twinge of pain to shoot through his gut. Her concerned eyes on his face instantly, she asked, "You okay?"

He nodded, clenching his teeth until the pain passed. Kaylee had tightened her grip on his hand, stroking her thumb along the top of it and Simon was soon lulled by the gentle touch. "How're the repairs coming?" he asked, not wanting her to leave just yet.

Smiling to him, she said, "Pretty good. The Operative's men did get us the best parts. I ain't never had so much new stuff to put in my girl." Leaning towards him, she confided in a whisper, "Part o' me's thinkin' she might not like so many working parts all at once."

Chuckling, Simon smiled again and Kaylee's heart melted, again. "Something tells me you'll make it work," he answered, matching her tone and getting a giggle from her in the process.

As silence again fell between them, Kaylee watched Simon fight to stay awake. Smiling to him, she squeezed his hand and said, "You gotta sleep, sweetie. It ain't good to be fightin' what your body needs."

Thinking that what his body needed at this moment was her, Simon swallowed thickly even as his eyes again fluttered closed. "I know, I just …" He let the statement die, knowing that Kaylee had plenty of things to do and knowing it would not only be incredibly selfish to ask her to stay, but more than likely annoy Mal in the process.

Brushing a kiss against his forehead as she rose, she told him, "I'll be back later. I'll bring ya some supper, 'kay?"

"Okay," he murmured, wishing he could open his eyes again to watch her go. But his lids would not cooperate and so Simon could only listen to the small squeak of her reopening the door and leaving. Sighing a bit, he was soon fast asleep, shiny, silver engine parts and bright smiles dancing through his dreams.

-- --

River didn't really know what she should be doing. She'd never had a real role on the ship before, one that would dictate where and how she should help. She had thought about helping Zoe on the bridge, but the older woman's pain was like a knife through River's heart and she found that keeping her distance, at least for the next few weeks, was the best.

Jayne didn't want anything to do with her. Every time she approached him, trying to help with his newest task, he'd simply grunt in her direction and work around her. Although he had stopped calling her crazy or moonbrain. He wasn't calling her River quite yet, but still, the young reader considered that progress.

Simon was still sleeping most of the time and Kaylee was more than happy to play with her new toys. Inara was busy trying to repurpose her shuttle, working with the limited supplies she'd left behind when she'd first abandoned them. So, that left Mal.

He was in a foul mood which River had grown accustomed too. She found him now, working on the hull, trying to scrape off the red paint they'd used to mask their ship's true intention from the Reavers. He was sweating in the afternoon sun, the planet's climate lending itself to oppressively humid days until an evening rain would fall and leave a crisp breeze in its wake.

Floating towards him on silent feet, she regarded him for a few moments. He was unaware of her presence, of course, his thoughts consumed with Inara. It was something that River had yet to understand; her brother and his strained relationship with Kaylee made perfect sense to her – she knew what a boob Simon could be. But Mal and Inara were another matter all together. They were both fairly mature adults who cared deeply for one another and yet they still could not find a way to be together.

After Miranda, when things had started to make more sense for River, it was the relationships on Serenity that had become clearest of all. Her love for her brother and Simon's love for her, once her only lifeline to sanity, quickly became her strongest bond with reality, but not her only one. She now had the others as well, and their love for one another, to remind her of where she belonged. And while Kaylee's gregarious nature and Simon's reserved concern were at opposite ends of her spectrum, Mal and Inara were right in the middle.

Inara cared for them, all of them, like family, almost children. She considered herself the mother of this dysfunctional brood and unlike Jayne, who only admitted his connection to them begrudgingly, Inara wore her mantle with pride. She had secretly been glad when she'd had an excuse to call Serenity. She had not wanted to endanger Mal, but River knew she had been thankful for a legitimate reason to see his face.

And, of course, Mal – the big brother cum father whom they all resented at times, but knew they could not live without. Kaylee was the heart of Serenity, everyone knew that, but Mal was the body and soul. River found it strange that a man whose soul had so long ago been fractured by events too horrendous to mention, should be the one imbuing his ship with the faith it needed.

Deciding that staring was rude, River finally stepped up next to him, her arms over her chest as she admired his work. "Looks good. Almost can't tell we turned it into an abomination."

Starting at her sudden nearness, Mal smiled to her as his gaze returned to the cleaned section of plating he'd been working on. "It don't look half bad, do it?" When River did not say anything, but only continued to stare, Mal finally asked, "How you doing, lil' one?"

Shrugging, River answered him automatically, her eyes still fixed far away. "Better. Things are quieter, more normal." Turning to regard him, she added, "Nightmares aren't so scary now."

Smiling to her, a genuine grin, Mal leaned forward and pressed a kiss into her hair, before turning back to pick up some of his supplies. "I'm glad to hear it, darlin'."

As he moved to go inside, the day's rainstorm evident by the darkening clouds in the sky, River's small voice stopped him. "How are yours?"

Pausing, he swiveled towards her slowly and asked, "Shenme?"

Holding her ground, River explained, "Your nightmares. How are they?"

Swallowing thickly past the sudden lump in his throat, Mal turned to head up the ramp, answering, "I don't have nightmares, darlin'. What're you talkin' 'bout?"

River watched him retreat, knowing that he wanted her to drop it, but she couldn't. As much as he kept trying to pretend things were back to normal, they weren't; not for him. They were only spiraling faster out of control. Following, she was up the ramp, watching as he stowed his tools as she said, "You do have them. They're dark and scary. End with blood and pain." Mal froze at her words, still not facing her, and River added quietly, "Mostly end with Wash and preacher man now. With guilt and blame."

Moving towards her with a speed she had not expected, Mal grabbed at her shoulders and pulled her close, their noses almost touching. "Stay outta my head, River," he growled, the anger in his eyes barely succeeding at hiding his equally intense pain. "I mean it."

Releasing her swiftly, Mal stalked away, muttering a Mandarin curse as the first clap of thunder was heard outside. Watching him go with an even deeper sadness than before, River turned slowly and sat at the top of the open ramp, her head on her knees as she watched the start of the rain.

-- --

With a heavy sigh, Diego Sanchez rose slowly from beside the grave of his brother, his knees protesting the movement. Standing for a moment before the etched stone, he leaned forward to press a kiss to the top of its smooth surface, closing his eyes to say one final prayer, before turning to avenge Marco's death.

As he met the hard gazes of Javier and Rodriguez, he strode past them, all previous vestiges of his grief gone. "What do we know?" he asked, walking down the slight incline of the cemetery to the waiting mule.

"We weren't the only ones that got hit," his second-in-command told him, matching his stride. "Archer, the Cortez boys, Whitefall, they all got leveled, pretty much just like us."

Pausing, Diego regarded the taller man with a hard eye. "And?"

Shrugging once, the man said tonelessly, "Some lived to tell the tale, some didn't."

Dropping his eyes to the ground, Sanchez let out a violent curse. "All the hits were the same?"

Stepping forward, Javier answered, "Exact. Had to be Alliance."

With a look annoyance, Diego shot the younger man a hard look and said wryly, "Really, Javier? Alliance? How ever did you puzzle that out?"

Knowing better than to answer a rhetorical question, the pilot followed, his head low as his bosses formed a plan. "I know it was 'Liance, but I don't know why," Diego muttered, still looking for the commonalities that would link each of the attacked criminals together. "We've been flying under their radar for years now."

Nodding briskly, Rodriguez said, "Plus, these were surgical strikes, meant to find and damage a handful of folk. They were sending a message."

Grimacing once more, Diego turned and settled into the mule as his second took the wheel. "I want a complete list of everyone who was attacked. There's got to be a common denominator somewhere and I'm going to find it."

-- --

"He failed."

The room was deadly silent and not one of the three other occupants dared speak a word; they were barely breathing. Three sets of eyes were studiously examining the polished black surface of the table they sat around, while the man who'd spoken was intently studying a holo projected above their heads.

On a constant feedback loop, the image played the same battle over and over again. And over and over again it reminded all of them that they were in a world of trouble.

With a heavy sigh of disgust, the fourth man sat down in his chair, flipping off the holo and plunging the room into almost complete darkness. Still, no one spoke, no one dared.

The fourth man, the man in charge finally asked harshly, "How are we to get her now?"

Still silence from the other three. The man-in-charge couldn't really blame them; they were after all just his agents, and they had already failed at the same task, the task of finding, capturing and imprisoning River Tam.

Glancing to his left, the fourth man studied the profile of his closest aide. "Who is the next operative on the list?"

Consulting a data pad, it was not the aide who spoke next. "We're doing it wrong."

His eyes snapping down the length of the table, the fourth man was greeted with an equally cold gaze as one of his blue-handed agents finally spoke. "What did you say?" the one in charge asked, his gaze and tone conveying the absolute need for the agent to not be wrong.

Returning the harsh look, the agent, Beta, said coolly, "We're doing it wrong. We've already tried to get the girl and failed."

Rising, his palms pressed flat on the cold table, the man-in-charge, Adamson, told him, "That's why we need the next agent."

Shaking his head, Beta told him, "No. Another agent will just fail again."

As the two men fought their battle of wills, the other two, the aide, Domin, and the second agent, Omega, sat back in silence. They would not jump into this fray; they appreciated their lives too much.

"What exactly are you suggesting?" Adamson finally ground out, his mind working furiously to determine the best way to kill Beta for his insubordination.

With a practiced calm the agent stepped up along the table and flipped the holo back on, waiting until it had played a bit farther and showed a different scene, one with more than just a small, frail girl standing in the midst of bleeding Reavers.

Pointing to this new tableau, Beta answered with a tight smile, "We don't go after the girl."

-- --


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thanks again to everyone who commented. I'm so glad you're liking this story!

Title: Aftermath

Pairings: Simon/Kaylee, Mal/Inara

Spoilers: Begins directly after the battle on Mr. Universe's Moon

Rating: PG-13 to NC-17

Disclaimer: Joss won't let me have them. He doesn't like to share. 

Summary: It's time for the crew to say goodbye to some of their own. Simon and Kaylee grow closer.

-- --

Chapter 3

-- --

The ship was quiet, almost too quiet, as Kaylee hurried along through the dining room and toward the passenger dorms. She had awoken early and had been unable to go back to sleep, to forget what today was. She had simply gotten up and gotten dressed for the day, hoping that maybe Simon would be up. She didn't want to be alone.

Pausing for a moment at the top of the stairs, Kaylee smoothed the front of her skirt, immediately feeling guilty for her vanity. It didn't matter what she looked like – not today. Today was about honoring their fallen friends, Wash and Book and Mr. Universe and the other residents of Haven.

Shaking her head quickly, Kaylee tried to rid her mind of the image of Hiroko lying face down in a pool of his own blood. He'd been so sweet and so small and just a few days before the attack she'd held him and played with him and … Closing her eyes, Kaylee took a deep breath and let it out. _Now pull it together Kaywinnet_, she scolded herself. _This ain't about you, it's about Wash an' the shepherd. It's about saying goodbye to thems that's gone._

Feeling a bit steadier, Kaylee descended the stairs quietly, her sandals making no noise. As she turned the corner and approached Simon's door, she felt the faintest smile grace her face, despite all that was happening. The past week and a half with Simon had been … well, really good seemed to be an understatement. Every night, after supper, after she was done with the most pressing repairs of the day, Kaylee always made her way to his bunk, sitting with him, laughing and talking until his latest dose of pain medication made him too sleepy and he drifted off. Some nights, Kaylee stayed once he was asleep, her hand still holding his, watching as he slept so peacefully. He was swai even when he was dreaming and Kaylee smiled a bit wider, her mind lighting with a bunch of devilish thoughts about the young doctor.

Despite how close they'd come, he hadn't kissed her yet and that was of concern to Kaylee. She wanted him to, had even given him a few openings, but so far Simon hadn't taken one and while she was a bit put out, she was not deterred. Simon had made it plain that he wanted some kind of relationship with her and that was all the encouragement Kaylee needed to keep pursuing him.

Stopping in front of the screen, she had just raised her hand to knock when she heard a loud crash and a couple surprising curse words. Stepping closer to the thin door, she lowered her voice and called, "Simon? You okay in there?"

"Fine," came the strained reply, telling Kaylee he was not fine.

"You need help with somethin'?" she asked, her hand poised and ready to slide the door back. Over the past few days, while they'd been en route to Haven, Simon had started to feel better, which meant he'd also grown particularly stubborn, trying to overdo it and further injuring himself in the process.

"No, Kaylee, I'm fine. Just a minute." His voice was still tight and Kaylee recognized the sound for the pained expression it was.

Deciding to risk it, she slid open the door, her eyes widening in shock at the sight before her, while her lips pressed into a thin smile. Simon glanced up at her entrance, his own shocked look on his features.

Kaylee's anger quickly took a backseat to her surprise; there was Simon standing, or at least trying to, in front of his small sink and mirror. But that wasn't what had caught her so off guard; he wasn't wearing a shirt and Kaylee found herself staring at his bare chest – his bare, well-muscled and toned chest. A beautiful sight that only made Kaylee want to run her hands – and tongue – over every inch of it.

Shaking the thought away, even as her eyes continued to rove over his lithe form, Kaylee asked quietly, "Whatcha doin'?"

Smiling to her sheepishly, Simon told her, "Trying to shave."

Reluctantly pulling her eyes back to his face, Kaylee could see that he had managed to lather up one side of his face, but his injury would not support him standing for any length of time, making it almost impossible for him to complete his task.

Stepping fully into the room, Kaylee closed the door and decided it was time for her to be angry again. "An' why are you tryin' to do it yourself?" she asked, moving towards him and putting an arm around his waist to guide him back to bed. As Kaylee rested her hand against his warm skin, she tried to suppress the shudder of delight that raced through her and continued to scold. "You shouldn't be standin', especially considerin' you're gonna need all your strength for later today."

Simon nodded once and gingerly sat on the edge of his bunk, immediately positioning himself into a half-reclining position to take the discomfort away from his wound. As she stared at him for a minute more, her eyes now having made their way down to the waistband of his sleep pants, which fell right on his sculpted stomach, Simon turned his head to her and said, "That may be true, but I can't go to the funeral looking like this." Pointing to his scruffy face, Kaylee looked back to him and had to smile.

He did look a bit worse for wear. He had not shaved since the battle and the ten days of stubble on his face was quickly turning into fuzz. Not that Kaylee minded so much, she thought he looked rakishly handsome so scruffy, but she knew Simon did.

Turning back towards his sink, Kaylee gathered the shave cream, from where it had clattered to the floor, a towel, the razor and a small basin of water. Approaching him, she met the quizzical look on his face with an explanation. "I'll do it," she said simply, moving to put down her supplies in easy reach of the bunk.

Taking her hand, Simon held her gaze and said, "Kaylee, that's really very kind of you, but –"

Lowering her head to within inches of his, she warned him teasingly, "If the next words outta your mouth are proper or appropriate, I think I might have to hit ya."

Grinning to her and dropping his gaze, he began to absentmindedly rub his fingers along the underside of her wrist and Kaylee had to will herself not to shiver at the pleasantness of the touch. "Still though," he explained, bringing his sheepish expression back to her face. "It's not right. You've done so much for me already, and –"

Waving away his concern, Kaylee finished arranging her supplies as she told him, "This ain't nothin'. Admit it, you're just scared to let me near your pretty face with a razor," she added, a wicked smile on her lips as she brandished the blade.

Chuckling at her, Simon answered, "Well, you bring up a good point." Holding her gaze, he said with all seriousness, "Do you know what you're doing?"

Smiling wide at him, Kaylee instructed him to sit forward, sitting up on her knees behind his back so she could look down at him. As she positioned herself, she told him, "As a matter o' fact, I do." Sitting on her heels, she placed a light hand to his shoulder and told him, "Okay, lean your head back."

Simon did as he was told, finding it not to be half as uncomfortable as he thought. Plus now, with his head pillowed on Kaylee's breast, he had a wonderful view of her face as she set about her work. Tilting the cream bottle over her palm, she put a fair amount in her hand and began to rub it on his face as she continued to explain. "When I was a girl, I used to follow my grandpappy around like a lil' lost puppy." She was smiling as she spoke, and Simon quickly found himself lost in the happy expression. Kaylee's smile was unlike any he'd ever seen before; it lit up her entire face. When her lips were turned up, there wasn't a part of her expression that didn't feel the effects, making it shine brighter on everyone.

"An' every mornin', my grandpappy," she was saying, wiping her hands on the towel she'd thrown over her shoulder, before wetting the razor in the bowl and setting it against his cheek. "He'd shave and I'd watch him." Giggling at the memory as she took her first stroke, she said, "He used to cover my face in shavin' cream too and give me an old toothbrush so I could pretend I was shavin'."

Simon smiled at her telling and found his eyes closing as she continued her work now in silence. Her hand, first against his shoulder, was now under his chin, tilting his head back at just the right angle so she'd be sure to get every part. Her touch combined with her smell, that intoxicating Kaylee scent that vaguely reminded him of strawberries and vanilla, was heady and Simon found his mind wandering to a whole bunch of not quite proper places as her fingers ghosted over his skin, as her face dipped closer to his to get a better look.

After a few minutes of silence, Kaylee finally told him, "I love that smell, of the shavin' cream. Reminds me of my grandpappy. He was the one first taught me 'bout machines." She wasn't rightly sure why she was talking so much about her grandfather; he had died shortly after the story she was telling. But Kaylee had awoken feeling a bit melancholy and she supposed it was the knowledge of the funerals later in the day that had her mind dwelling in that not-so-pleasant place.

Trying to find something a bit happier to think on Kaylee focused for a moment on Simon's face. His eyes were closed and the look on his features was full of contentment, making Kaylee's heart flutter just a bit. She was also aware of her hand touching his neck, his shoulder, even down a bit farther and she felt a fierce pang of desire as her fingers met his bare skin. She had known Simon was handsome, but she had never suspected him to have a body like the one she'd finally seen this morning.

Smiling, she said quietly, "Hey, Simon, I got a question for ya."

"Hmm," was all he could manage, completely relaxed at Kaylee's touch.

Grinning even wider as she suspected the reaction her question would cause, she asked as casually as possible, "Where'd a doc like you get all them muscles?"

His eyes flying open, Simon stared at her, his cheeks flushing. She had stopped shaving, anticipating his answer and he watched her now, upside down, as she bit her lip to contain her giggles. Swallowing thickly, Simon realized for the first time since she'd entered the room that she had never seen him with his shirt off; and like a, a … well, like Jayne, he hadn't even bothered to try and cover up.

Trying to sit forward, he murmured, "I'm sorry, I should have put on a-"

Drawing him back against her, Kaylee leaned her mouth down to his ear and whispered, "I din't say I wasn't enjoyin' the view. I'm just wonderin' how you got 'em is all. An' how you kept 'em hidden."

Tingling at her nearness, it took Simon a moment to find his voice. As he allowed her to guide his head back so she could finish, he said, "Well, I – I used to run, at MedAcad and since I've been on board, I've tried to keep up with my exercise."

"When? I don't never see ya workin' out with Jayne?" Kaylee asked, again focused on shaving, although she was eager to hear every word out of his mouth.

Chuckling at the thought, Simon said, "No, I don't lift weights with Jayne. Mostly pushups, sit-ups, in the privacy of my bunk."

Teasing him, Kaylee said, "Well, it's a shame you kept them pretties hidden away. Seems down right cruel o' ya."

Smiling wider at her, Simon let the comment go, realizing that Kaylee was almost finished. Suddenly wishing he had a lot more face to shave, Simon sat back up as she moved around to face him, taking the towel off her shoulder and wiping the excessive cream from his face.

As she pulled the towel away, Simon blinked open his eyes and realized she was close, her face peering into his with a bright smile. "There you are," she said quietly, one tentative hand running down his now smooth cheek. "Scruff free."

He held her gaze, his blue eyes searching her green ones. Simon had wanted to kiss her so many times in the past ten days it hurt him to think of his missed opportunities. But, despite Kaylee's best efforts, he was still concerned with behaving properly. He'd tried to let some of that stiffness go, knowing that it really didn't matter all that much to Kaylee; but it mattered to him. What kind of man would he be if he kissed her, now, in his bunk while they were alone? It just wouldn't look right.

But as her mouth hovered near his, her hand still against his cheek, Simon was quickly losing all sense of right and wrong. All he could focus on were her soft lips, the feel of her warm hand against his face …

Ai ya, what did she have to do to get this man to kiss her? Kaylee waited just a second more, hoping that if she stayed close enough he might finally make a move, but as the moment passed, Kaylee knew it wasn't going to happen. Pulling back slightly, she looked back towards his sink, trying to hide her disappointment. Dropping her hand to her lap, she asked, "You got any after shave?"

As she rose to get it, Simon's hand around her wrist stopped her. Turning back to look at him, Kaylee inhaled slightly, finally reading the look of passion she'd been hoping to see for so long. Tugging on her hand, Simon pulled her close and Kaylee let him, their faces again just inches from each other. Cradling her face in his hands, Simon let one thumb gently caress along her cheek bone, loving the way Kaylee turned into his touch, her eyes fluttering closed for just a second. When she reopened them, those deep, green pools of love and desire rendered him breathless and all Simon could do was cross that final, tiny distance between them and press his mouth to hers.

Their lips met, soft meeting soft as Simon kissed her gently, almost chastely at first. One of his hands traveled to the back of her head, his fingers curling into the soft hair at the base of her neck, enabling him to deepen the kiss. Kaylee met each one of his motions with her own, leaning into him, her hands resting gently on his chest as their mouths parted almost simultaneously and their tongues met. Their warm breath mingled first, their lips moving over one another's, testing, teasing.

Hesitantly at first, the both of them still trying to determine how to please the other, they explored each other's mouths, their tongues intertwining, their mouths opening wider, their kiss deepening until the passion reached that first heightened pitch. And then, as their feelings ascended that peak, there was nothing doubtful about their kiss; they acted out of instinct, out of the pent-up desires and buried emotions they'd both been fighting for over eight months.

Kaylee's hands slid up and around Simon's neck, and she pulled herself flush to his chest, her fingers moving up into his hair, running through the silky strands. Simon's hands slid down from Kaylee's neck to her back, and he soon had her in his strong embrace, holding her tightly to him. What had begun slowly, was now a bit urgent, neither of them interested in losing this feeling, this touch, this deep-seated desire that they both felt burning brightly.

Parting for air, their foreheads resting against one another as they panted slightly, Kaylee felt a tear come and she blinked it back quickly; but not quickly enough. Simon caught sight of her distress and tipped her face up to his. With a sheepish expression, he murmured, "That bad, huh?"

Giggling softly, Kaylee shook her head, even as she kissed him again, this time wrapping her arms around his neck instantly, plundering his mouth thoroughly with her tongue. When they parted again, both of their cheeks flushed from the passion they'd awoken, Simon held a hand to her face, ready to ask her again about that tear, when they both heard a familiar voice on the other side of the door.

"No more kissing, Simon," River told him, her voice carrying loud enough for everyone to hear. "Time to get ready."

Shooting daggers at the screen, Simon smiled and kissed Kaylee again quickly, before trying to sit up. Kaylee helped him, finding the shirt he'd laid out the night before and helping him put it on. They moved in silence, neither one at all certain what to say or how to act, giving all that had just transpired. Kaylee felt her stomach fluttering madly, her heart beating rapidly in her chest. Just the thought of Simon's lips on hers made her flush fiercely, something she hadn't done over a boy in a very long time. Moving back around in front of him, Kaylee began buttoning his shirt, kneeling, her eyes focused on his chest.

Simon gazed down at the top of her head, slightly amused that he'd managed to render Kaylee speechless; he'd been fairly certain it wasn't possible. But, being Simon, he was also a bit concerned at the look of sheer sadness that had passed across her face in the moments after they'd kissed. Simon knew her, better than she thought and he hadn't missed the pain that had flashed in her eyes.

Cupping a hand under her chin, Simon lifted her face back to his, his brow furrowing as he saw more tears pooling in her eyes. "Kaylee?" he asked quietly, pulling her up gently by the arms and sitting her beside him. "Kaylee, what is it?"

Sniffling, she dropped her gaze and shook her head quickly, "It's nothin', Simon, really." Moving to stand, she told him, "You gotta finish gettin' ready. I'll meet ya outside."

Reaching for her hand, Simon managed to stop her before she left, but could not get her to turn and face him. Swallowing thickly, he asked quietly, "Is it something I did?"

Biting her lip to keep in a sob, Kaylee looked back to him and said quietly, "No, sweetie, it ain't. Trust me." Leaning towards him, she brushed a quick peck to his cheek and squeezed his hand. "I'll be outside."

Simon dropped her hand and watched her go, knowing that whatever had Kaylee bothered was more than something. Of course, it could just be the fact that they were getting ready to say goodbye to their friends. With a sigh, Simon dropped his head to his chest, realizing, like the boob that he was, that the funeral must have been what had Kaylee so disheveled. _Idiot_, he berated himself. _How could I have kissed her the morning of a funeral? She must think I'm the most insensitive, uncaring-_

"Not it, Simon." River's small, whispered voice cut through his internal browbeating and he looked back towards the door, seeing that she had opened it a crack.

Frowning at her, Simon reminded her, "Mei mei, what did I say about privacy?"

Ignoring him, River pushed open the screen and stepped inside. Her hands behind her back, her eyes cast down to the floor as she told him, "She's not sad about you. She's happy."

His frown deepening, Simon said with a sigh, "I'm not so sure about that, mei mei."

Staying where she was, River tried desperately to make her brother understand. "Lost friends, lost family, found love." As Simon's eyes lifted to her face, astonishment coloring his features, his sister smiled slightly and returned the look. "Doesn't know how to balance. Doesn't know how to feel."

Before Simon could form a reply, River was gone, leaving him to wonder at her words. It made sense, as much as anything his sister said at any rate. Kaylee felt guilty for being happy with him and with a sadness in his heart, Simon realized he should feel guilty as well; his friends' deaths did, after all, fall squarely on his shoulders.

It was he and his sister who had caused the destruction that rained down on Haven, on Mr. Universe's moon, had caused Wash's death, had made Zoe a widow. Rubbing the back of his neck slowly, Simon let out a breath, his previous happiness over his moment with Kaylee fleeing in an instant. He didn't deserve her; he'd been right to push her away. Chances were, knowing him, loving him would only get her hurt or worse. He was still a fugitive, still …

So why couldn't he get her face out of his head? Simon would do anything to protect Kaylee, just as he would his sister, and while a part of him knew that meant not being with her, he could not shake her smile from his memory, he could not dismiss the emotion or feeling in their kiss, he could not get her out of his heart.

Was it selfish, to want her, to love her, when he knew it could very possibly end badly? His rational brain, the left side told him "Yes. You are a danger. Let her go." But his emotional side, the right, yelled fiercely, "No. Grab happiness while you can. The greatest gift is to love and be loved in return."

Simon had spent years dwelling in his left brain; it contained the knowledge and techniques that had gotten him through MedAcad, made him a brilliant surgeon. But it had also made him lonely, loveless and withdrawn.

He didn't want those things anymore, didn't want to be alone. He was tired of it, tired of fighting that fight, tired of being strong, even when no one could see; tired of pretending that he didn't need anyone; tired of being the person who awoke in the middle of the night to offer comfort. Couldn't he, just once, be comforted instead? Just once?

With a heavy sigh, Simon tried to rid his mind of these conflicting thoughts, wishing that his heart would stop beating so sharply against his ribcage. He wished even more fervently that Kaylee hadn't left so suddenly, wished he could have continued to kiss her so that these thoughts, their reality, wouldn't have encroached on that perfect moment.

Trying valiantly to remember what today was about, Simon got dressed, reached for his crutch and tried to leave his own self-doubt behind him.

-- --

They stood together during the service, her hand in his, her warm body leaning into his uninjured side as the wind had picked up. Simon grasped Kaylee's hand in his own, grateful once again for the nearness of her, for her mere presence. It seemed to soothe his soul more completely than anything else.

But he could not quell his rising fear that maybe the two of them should stop whatever it was they had barely started. He didn't want to – god, how he didn't want to. Even gazing to her out of the corner of his eye, watching as she brushed away a few tears and then turned, catching his eyes on her and smiling slightly, made his heart flip in his chest, made his gut clench with desire, made his entire body lighter and more grounded at the same time.

How could he justify endangering her though? How? Life was precious to Simon, all life, but Kaylee's life was the rarest treasure. He knew if he told her his fears she would insist that they were better together, stronger together than they would be apart; she would tell him that denying their feelings for one another would only hurt them in the end, make them more vulnerable. She would tell him all those things, because those were the exact same reasons Simon was telling himself.

Sighing heavily, Simon felt his eyes tighten from all the emotion he was still trying to deny: his fear, his sadness, his guilt, his doubt, his love, his hate. Blinking quickly, he felt Kaylee's other hand wrap around his arm and he looked to her again, smiling slightly as she gazed at him with those big, green eyes and rested her chin on his shoulder. Unable to help himself, he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her forehead, before resting his cheek against the top of her hair.

Together like that they watched Zoe stride forward in a beautiful white dress and light the rocket that would free Book's, Wash's and Mr. Universe's spirits to the heavens. Everyone watched her with varying degrees of sadness, even Jayne, but Simon felt his heart sink as he realized the one thing he wanted to find, and thought he had, with Kaylee, Zoe had just lost – all because of him – because he had brought his troubles onto Serenity and into this ragtag family's lives.

Watching as the firework exploded above them in an array of colors, all seven of Serenity's remaining crew found their gazes lost in the approaching night. Slowly, they peeled away and headed back for the ship; Jayne first, oddly quiet and composed in light of the shepherd's death, then Inara, who had stood at Mal's side the entire time. Looking to him now, she tried to determine what she could do for him, what she might say to make this easier. Unable to think of anything, she simply stepped towards him and squeezed a hand to his shoulder. He looked slightly in her direction, but did not meet her gaze. He knew he couldn't. He knew the look in Inara's eyes would destroy the carefully constructed wall he'd built around his emotions and he could not let that happen; not now, maybe not ever.

Kaylee continued to stare at the tombstones even as Inara moved to her side, encouraging the young woman to come back to the ship with her. Kaylee looked to Simon questioningly and with a faint smile, he told her, "Go." His eyes drifted to his sister, who was standing in front of Book's grave, causing him a bit of concern. Kissing her forehead again, Simon told Kaylee, "I'll be back in a bit."

Nodding glumly, Kaylee squeezed his hand and then leaned heavily against Inara as her friend wrapped an arm around the young mechanic's shoulders.

Hobbling a bit, Simon approached his sister slowly. She was mumbling something, something he couldn't make out and it scared him. Reaching out a hand to her shoulder, he whispered, "Mei mei?"

"I don't understand," she said huskily, raising her voice so he could hear. "I don't." Turning back to Simon, he gasped at the pain in her eyes, at the trails of tears running steadily down her face. "The shepherd's symbol said eternal life. Eternal, lasting forever." With a forlorn gaze over her shoulder, she murmured, "This isn't eternal. This is permanent." Her big eyes back on her brother, she said, "There's a difference."

Reaching for her hand, River jerked away from him, falling in a heap at the foot of Book's grave. Her head buried in her arms, she started to cry, huge, wracking sobs that shook her entire body. Simon tried to kneel at her side, but he couldn't, the pain from his wound still too severe.

Trying to calm her with words and having no success, Simon watched with surprise as Zoe approached his sister, kneeling beside her. With a gentle hand to her back, Zoe whispered to her, "It's okay, lil' one. Shepherd got his eternal, it's just not here with us."

"Not fair," River cried, turning her tear-streaked face to the woman. "Not fair to leave us."

Blinking back her own tears, Zoe said carefully, "I know."

They held each other's gazes for a moment, brown eyes meeting brown eyes and Mal and Simon could only stand by and watch. The captain had moved towards River the moment she'd collapsed as well, but Zoe had been quicker, seeming to know what the girl needed before anyone else.

Inhaling a shaky breath, River sat up and grabbed for Zoe's hands, holding them tightly. With more tears in her eyes, she breathed, "I'm so sorry. It's my fault, my fault they're gone. My fault they left." Pulling herself into a tight ball against the hard stone at her back, River began rocking as she repeated over and over again, "My fault. I did it."

"No, River, you didn't," Zoe said firmly, startling all three of them with the assuredness in her tone. Resting a gentle hand on the girl's head, she told her, "You didn't do this, River. You ain't never done anythin' wrong." Zoe paused as River lifted her eyes back to her face and then actually gave the younger woman a small smile. "Wash always thought you-" Her voice hitched as she felt more tears come and swallowing them back, Zoe took a minute to collect herself. "Wash used to tell me that you were the most fun, crazy teenage girl he'd ever met." Leaning in, Zoe pressed a kiss into her hair and murmured, "An' trust me, sweetie, that's sayin' somethin'."

River continued to stare even as Zoe pulled back, the woman's hand still running gently through her hair. As more tears welled in her eyes, River threw her arms around Zoe and hugged her fiercely, crying some more against her shoulder, even as the grieving widow tried to comfort her.

Knowing that she'd be unable to hold back her own sadness for much longer, Zoe looked to Simon with a plea in her eyes and the young doctor moved forward, reaching out a hand for his sister. "Come on, mei mei," he said gently, grateful when she turned to him and took his hand. "It's late. Let's go inside."

River nodded once and before rising, pressed a kiss to Zoe's cheek. "He'll never leave you," she whispered, causing the woman to bite back more tears even as she rose with her hand firmly in Simon's and walked back with him slowly towards the ship.

Mal watched the siblings depart, still trying to grasp all that had happened in the last ten or so minutes. His eyes finally pulling away from River and Simon's retreating forms, he looked back to his feet. Zoe was in the same position from before, her body seemingly frozen in the crouch.

His heart was breaking for her; that was no secret. Mal could not ever remember a time when he'd seen his friend so bereft, and what made it worse, Mal knew it was all because of him. River thought she was to blame, but the truth of the matter was Mal was the captain, he gave the orders, even the crazy ones, and it was those orders that had caused his pilot's death; his assertion that he could keep River safe that had caused the destruction on Haven, at Mr. Universe's moon. His pigheadedness and ego and cockiness and … well, the list was more than likely infinite and Mal reminded himself to ask Inara for a few more adjectives to round it out.

Wishing he knew how to help, Mal moved towards Zoe and stopped just as quickly as her small voice reached him. "Just go back to the ship, sir. I'm gonna stay out here a while."

She rose then, slowly, as if the motion pained her and Mal could only watch as she moved back to Wash's grave and kneeled in front of it, resting on her heels. Despite her order, Mal stayed where he was, still at a loss for words.

As the minutes passed and he did not move, Zoe let out a sigh and repeated, "Go back to the ship, Mal." He studied the back of her head intently, only able to recall a handful of times when she'd called him by his name. "Please." It was a plaintive request, her voice small and distant, so not like Zoe.

Clearing his throat, Mal suddenly felt very nervous. He assumed it was because he knew Zoe could level him in one punch and disobeying her wishes was a very quick way to test that theory. But in reality, he knew the truth; he was afraid she would blame him and he didn't know if he could handle losing his best friend.

Stepping up behind her, Mal said softly, "Zoe, look I-"

"There's nothin' you can say, Mal," she told him, her voice still steely, even though her eyes were crying silent tears. Tears Mal could not see as she still refused to face him. "There's nothin' you can do. Wash is dead."

Another lump rose in his throat and Mal swallowed thickly, trying to clear it. She was right of course, Wash was gone and no amount of apologizing or mourning was going to bring him back.

"I can't leave ya out here alone," he finally admitted, his voice hardly above a whisper and rough with the emotion he was fighting to hide.

Zoe closed her eyes against his words. She could hear the sadness in his voice, the concern and while it managed to warm her heart just the slightest bit, she also could not give into it. Wash was gone, the only person she'd ever let see her at her most vulnerable. She couldn't let Mal see that; she couldn't cross that line in their friendship, because if she did, Mal would stop treating her as a soldier and start treating her as a woman. And Zoe knew she would always be more fighter than female.

"I ain't alone, sir," she finally said, wiping quickly at her face to clear the tears. Turning to look at him, she nodded in the direction of Wash's grave, the holo flickering as it repeated its playback. "I just need some time."

Mal's blue eyes held her gaze. He was searching, searching for the chink in her armor, the clue in her words that would tell him what he should do, how he should help. But for all he knew of Zoe, for as long as he'd known her, there was nothing there he could find. With a sigh, he took another step forward, resting a hand on her shoulder and squeezing gently.

"Don't stay out here too long, dong ma?" he whispered, waiting until she nodded before turning to leave.

He'd only taken a step when her voice stopped him. "Thank you."

Mal paused mid-stride, unable to turn back and look at her; unable to face her again without losing his captain-y resolve. Taking a deep breath, he marched back toward the ship, trying his hardest to force the image of her from his mind. As he walked up the metal ramp and into the waiting cargo bay, Mal was barely conscious of his movements.

His mind reeled with accusations, blame and doubt, his guilt taking up permanent residence in his brainpain. It had been his fault, hadn't it? His order that had sent them through Reaver space and back again; his sense of duty that had gotten them chased to Mr. Universe's Moon. Resting his hand on the railing at his side, Mal paused again and closed his eyes hard against the memory – the memory of Wash being impaled by that spear, the sound of Zoe's strangled cry as she begged him to wake up, the sickening detachment in his tone as he'd ordered her off the bridge.

Taking a deep breath, Mal resumed walking and when he next looked up he found himself standing in front of Inara's door. Why in the nine levels of hell had he ended up here? But even as he tried to feign ignorance, Mal knew perfectly well why; he needed to see her, needed her to tell him it was okay, needed her. Raising his hand, he rested his knuckles gently against the metal, unable to knock. Frozen for a moment, he leaned his forehead against the closed bulkhead and let out another sigh before wearily stepping back and heading for his bunk.

On the other side of the door, Inara heard that heavy exhalation of breath that could only be Mal's and bit her lip, waiting for him to barge in and say … something, do something. But then, as she pressed her ear to the door, she heard the faint sound of retreating footsteps.

Letting out a sigh of her own, Inara crawled into bed, pulling the covers tightly around her and burying herself in their softness, trying to pretend she was really lost in Mal's embrace.

-- --


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Here there be SMUT. You have been warned!

-- --

Chapter 4

-- --

Simon's head had lolled back against the edge of the couch, his eyes drifting shut from fatigue, grief and pain. Almost asleep, he heard the scrape of feet on the decking and looked up quickly, blinking to clear his suddenly blurred vision. Hoping it might be Kaylee, Simon let his disappointment pass as he watched Zoe's white-clad form stride into the common room and then head for his sister's bunk.

The widow the reason Simon had been sitting up in the first place, he positioned his crutch under his arm and met her at River's open door. His sister was sleeping, relatively peacefully, and Simon was grateful for that. Pulling his eyes from her, he regarded Zoe's profile, noting the lines marring her eyes and forehead. Without turning to face him, her gaze still locked on the young reader, she asked softly, "How's she doin'?"

With a small sigh, Simon said, "Okay, actually. I didn't have to give her a smoother." Pausing, he looked back to Zoe and confided in a low tone, "What you said to her out there, it really helped." The older woman met his gaze now, her expression still unreadable. Once Simon saw her eyes on his, he added, "Thank you."

Zoe smiled, a small, tight smile of reassurance and then stepped away from River's door, heading back towards the common room. Simon checked on River once more before closing her screen. Although his side was on fire, the pain from being on his feet for a majority of the day causing a lot of discomfort, he felt he owed Zoe something – an explanation, an apology – and so he followed her, a bit surprised to see her sitting on the couch, regarding him with a steady gaze as he came into view.

Her arms crossed over her chest she told him, "I wasn't just talkin' to her 'fore."

Frowning, Simon sat gingerly on the arm of the chair across from her and admitted, "I don't understand."

With a sigh, Zoe leaned forward, her hands clasped in front of her, her gaze to the floor. Simon waited, still trying to determine how best to apologize for being a party to Wash's death, trying best to lessen his guilt as it welled in his chest. His eyes unfocused and far away, when Zoe looked back to the young man she felt a pang of regret. He was so young, so innocent in so many ways, and so hardened in others.

"Simon," she said softly, waiting until he was again looking to her. "What I said before, to River, 'bout it not bein' her fault," Zoe began, reaching out a hand to rest on his knee. "I meant it for you too."

Shaking his head quickly, Simon told her, "That's unbelievably generous of you, Zoe, but I can't pretend that I didn't play a role in Wash's death." At this last word, he again dropped his eyes from hers, shame coloring his cheeks.

Sighing heavily, he was about to say something else when Zoe told him, "Simon, you ain't responsible. Wash always knew how dangerous our lives were." Pausing again, Zoe sat back and regarded the top of Simon's head. He still refused to meet her gaze and so she continued. "When Wash decided to take this job, he wasn't fully aware just how excitin' Mal's business was apt to be." Zoe smiled slightly at the memory, remembering her husband's very colorful words after he'd first been shot at. "'Bout six months after he started, he was shot. It weren't serious an' we were able to patch him up pretty good, but it spooked him."

Simon was looking to her again, his guilt taking a backseat to his curiosity as Zoe told her tale. "We'd just started … somethin'," she admitted quietly. With another faint smile she remembered those early days, the two of them sneaking around the ship like teenagers breaking curfew, trying to hide their kissing and cuddling from Mal. "We din't know what it was, if'n it would turn out to be anythin', but Wash asked me then if I'd ever leave Serenity."

Pausing, Zoe's eyes roamed over the small room, taking in the familiar walls and surroundings. Wistfully, she said, "An' I tol' him no." Her gaze again resting on the young doctor's face, Zoe said, "So Wash stayed. And six months later, we were married."

Rising, she approached Simon and rested a gentle hand to his shoulder. Meeting her deep brown eyes, he inhaled sharply, reading the pain she was trying to hide from everyone. "Simon, if I blamed you or your sis for Wash's death, than I'd rightly have to blame myself as well. An' I know that ain't what he woulda wanted." Moving her hand to cup his chin, Zoe's voice turned firm as she repeated, "It weren't your fault an' I don't want to hear any different ever again."

Swallowing thickly, Simon could only nod once, his eyes locked onto Zoe's. She held his gaze for another moment, her eyes searching his to be sure he really understood. Convinced, she straightened up and moved to leave. Simon watched her go, still dumbfounded, completely conflicted over what to say. As he was about to at least say good night, Zoe turned and addressed him once again.

"One other thing, doc," she said sternly, arms again crossed over her chest in an imposing manner.

With a bit of trepidation, Simon asked, "Yes?"

"Hurt lil' Kaylee an' I'll kill ya."

Simon almost choked on a bit of nervous laughter, completely surprised by her abrupt change in topic. His cheeks again coloring red with embarrassment, he said, "Ah, Zoe …" Again grimacing, he told her quietly, "I don't know if-"

"Don't back outta this, Simon," she warned, reapproaching him quickly. With an accusatory finger wagging in his face, she added, "You love that girl an' I know that Kaylee loves you. Don't go hidin' behind this tragedy to avoid her – or protect her."

Pausing again, Zoe lowered her voice and said, "No matter how messy it gets, it'll always be worth it." Simon's head snapped up at this admission and with wide eyes he regarded Zoe's set face. "Trust me," she added and then quickly moved away, ascending the stairs to the galley to leave a stunned Simon in her wake.

Sitting on the arm of the chair for a good long while, Simon was uncertain what to do. He felt unbelievably light, as if the weight of the 'verse had suddenly stopped crushing his chest. He could breathe again, deep cleansing breaths that filled his lungs. And all he could think of was Kaylee. Her smiling face, but more recently the pain in her eyes, and the kiss they'd shared earlier that day.

Rising with newfound determination, Simon almost doubled over as his wounded side reminded him of his limitations. Cursing violently, his heart fell as he realized he would have to wait until Kaylee either came to him tonight or he could see her tomorrow.

As he hobbled back to his room he hoped she would come to visit, as she usually did, unable to feel any disappointment when she did not; he couldn't. Simon was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

-- --

"Can't hide the sunshine."

Kaylee looked up sharply at the sound of the sing-songy voice and felt her cheeks blush. River stood in the doorway to the engine room, her body swinging back and forth slightly as she teased her friend. Hopping down the two short steps and into the room, River approached her and leaned into her face, her eyes big and wide.

"Sunshine's always bright, no matter where it is," she told her, smiling from ear to ear and pressing a kiss to the tip of Kaylee's nose.

Smiling a bit despite her sadness, Kaylee watched River twirl about the room, her arms held out at her sides, her face turned up towards the ceiling. Setting down the part she'd been working on for most of the morning, she asked her, "What's got you so happy?"

Stopping, River turned to face her with a shrug. "I'm alive," she said simply, as if it was the only explanation one should ever need.

But for Kaylee it was only a reminder of what they'd all lost. Uncomfortable under River's intense scrutiny, she turned back to her work bench, again picking up the rusted part and fiddling with it.

"It's okay," the younger woman breathed into her ear. "It's okay to be happy, to want things." Leaning in a bit closer, she added teasingly, "It's even okay to want my brother."

Chuckling a bit, Kaylee lifted her head. It had been two days since the funerals and Kaylee had seen Simon for only a handful of minutes. She wanted to be with him all the time; she really wanted to kiss him again, but guilt over her own happiness, over finally getting something she wanted so desperately, when Wash and the Shepherd had just passed seemed wrong somehow. So of course, Kaylee had retreated to the engine room, her only sanctuary, trying to bury her longing in her work.

Studying River for a second more, Kaylee asked in a whisper, "Is he mad?"

Shaking her head, River grabbed her hands and pulled her off her stool. "No, not mad. Confused, a little hurt, worried. He hasn't kissed a girl for a while. He thinks he might have done it wrong," she confided, her arm wrapped around Kaylee's shoulders.

The young mechanic smiled slightly, thinking that of all the things Simon should be worried about, his kissing ability should be nowhere near the top of that list; that had been the best kiss Kaylee'd ever had. "I don't know what to say."

Smiling to her again, River said, "The truth should do it."

Kaylee turned and gave River another grin and then hurried from the room, wasting no time in getting to Simon's bunk. With a sigh, the younger woman looked around the warm and lived-in room, noting how each inch was so unmistakably Kaylee. It was no surprise to River that her brother had fallen so hard for the young mechanic. She was a ball of sunshine, a force to be reckoned with; unpredictable, loving, warm, sexy … all the things that Simon had never before had. All things he never would have known he needed if they hadn't been forced to flee their old lives.

With a wistful sigh, River sank down into Kaylee's hammock, rocking it back and forth with one foot against the floor. She'd used to feel guilty, knowing that Simon had abandoned his old life, full of money and prestige, for her. She still did, sometimes; but seeing him happy now, with Kaylee, in this new life, made River's heart sing. She had only ever wanted that kind of happiness for him and now, he was on his way to getting it.

Staring up at the lights overhead, River watched one flicker slightly out of the corner of her eye, her gaze transfixed as it blinked every three point nine seconds, if her calculations could be trusted. Of course, she was worried too. Worried that Simon's new life would preclude his old one, would make her inconsequential to him. Whereas she had once been his only reason for being, she was now just a part of his life, and while River knew it wasn't a demotion, the sting of the shift was still with her.

Part of her fear was also borne of her new coherence. She could understand things now, like a normal girl, and River had found the transition exciting and unbelievably scary. There was no longer the excuse that she was crazy to mask her insecurities or her vulnerabilities, no longer any reason for her to hide in her bunk or run wild through the ship screaming. There was an expectation now, an expectation that she be 'normal.' But she wasn't and she never would be.

The memories that the Alliance had forced into her brain and the ones that she had gleaned were still with her. They weren't quite as jumbled as before, not quite as loud or forceful, but still there. Most days River could feel them riding the current of her newfound sanity, clinging to the edges so that she could function. Sometimes, at night, they came roaring to the surface and River had to fight for control, had to fight her own mind and the battle was more exhausting then anyone would expect.

With a sigh, she felt her eyes closing now, felt the lull of Serenity's engine spinning away. When she napped it was different, the memories didn't come and so she could easily drift off now, held safe within the ship, her home. But always aware that safety, like her sanity, was relative.

-- --

When Kaylee had seen Simon's door open she had only paused for a second before striding through and sliding it shut behind her. But now, as she stood against it, her eyes studying her booted feet, she felt all manner of rude for simply barging in.

"Kaylee?" Simon questioned softly, rising with some difficulty, but getting on his feet all the same. He was feeling better, the pain in his side not quite as severe. Moving towards her, he stopped and had to stifle a laugh when she lifted her face to meet his gaze.

Her heart sinking at his amused reaction, she asked quietly, "What? What's so funny?"

Collecting himself, Simon reached out a hand to her which she took reluctantly and drew her across the room to his sink. "I'll assume that you haven't looked in a mirror in a while," he told her, watching her eyes widen in horror as she took in her besmirched appearance.

Rubbing at the offending marks harshly, a few tears welling in her eyes, Simon turned her to face him, taking both her hands. "Easy," he told her quietly, resting a hand against her cheek. "You're going to rub your skin raw."

His touch against her face brought a few of Kaylee's tears down her cheeks and Simon finally saw her sadness through all that dirt. "Kaylee?" he asked in a whisper, but before he could say anything further, she had buried her head against his chest, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs. Completely baffled, Simon simply pulled her closer, dropping her hands and wrapping his arms around her.

Kaylee moved her hands around his back and held on tight for a few minutes as she felt her bawling fit come to end. She felt so ridiculous for coming in here and blubbering, for being so sad in front of Simon when, in truth, he was the best thing she had right now. But Kaylee's heart had felt more pain, grief and loneliness in the past couple of weeks than she rightly knew what to do with. And even a cock-eyed optimist like Kaylee had a breaking point.

As her crying ended, Simon gently guided her towards his bunk and sat her down, turning back to the sink and grabbing a damp cloth. Returning to her side, he sat and took her chin in his hand, tilting her face up so he could gently wipe away the grease and tear stains. Kaylee let him, her eyes never leaving his face as he tended to her, her heart welling with more love for him and her lips dying to once again kiss his.

While he wiped her face, Simon asked quietly, "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

Sniffling, Kaylee blinked once and answered softly, "It ain't nothin'. I'm sorry I came in here cryin' like a baby."

Pausing, Simon cradled her face and made her green eyes lock with his blue ones. "Don't be sorry, Kaylee, ever. Not to me. We've all been through a lot, more than our fair share." His thumbs gently caressing her cheeks, he added, "It isn't easy. And it isn't a good idea to pretend everything's fine when it's not."

Kaylee nodded once, removing the cloth from his hands and using it to wipe at her own which were still covered in grease. As she rubbed at each finger, Simon watched her intently. "Is there anything I can do?"

With a small sigh, Kaylee didn't look to him until she had finished. Throwing the cloth across the room and into the sink, she finally did bring her eyes back to his and said softly, "I don't think so. I mean, it's sad, ya know? Wash an' Zoe an' the Shepherd an' all them poor people back on Haven …" She trailed off as Hiroko's lifeless form floated back into her mind, bringing with it the sting of fresh tears.

Blinking rapidly, she looked away, her eyes studying a spot on the wall. "I don't know how to not feel sad," she admitted, her voice quiet. "I don't know how to not feel guilty for still bein' here when they ain't." Looking back to him with a forlorn gaze, she murmured, "That's stupid, ain't it?"

Shaking his head, Simon gave her a sad smile, wishing he knew how to help her. His arms ached to hold her, to make her feel better; his body burned with desire for her, his lips remembering of their own volition how good their kiss from just a few days ago had been. But at the moment, all he was focusing on was alleviating her sadness; it was his only concern.

"It's not stupid, Kaylee," he told her quietly, covering her hands with his own. "It's not. It's very common after a tragedy like we've all suffered to feel that way. It's called survivor's guilt." Her eyes widening a bit as he explained, Kaylee turned her full attention to him. Clearing his throat, Simon went on. "It's easy for people who survive an accident while others don't to wonder why. Why they're still here when someone else is gone? Why they were lucky enough to live when someone else died?"

"'Nara said it was just their time," Kaylee interrupted, her voice still low. "She said that everythin' happens for a reason, even death." With teary eyes, Kaylee asked urgently, "But how can that be? There ain't no reason that Wash should be gone, leavin' Zoe to be a widow. There ain't," she finished with a strangled cry, another sob rising in her throat.

As a few more tears fell down her round cheeks, Simon scooted towards her, his hand resting against her face. Pulling her towards him, she fit snugly into his chest and Simon closed his eyes against the perfection of her body against his. She felt so right in his arms and while his heart broke to see her in such pain, Simon was just glad that she had come to him, that maybe he could finally help, finally be the strength for her that she had always been for him.

Leaning back against the head of his bunk, Simon pressed a few kisses into her hair as she cried, her tears wetting the front of his t-shirt. Snuggling in tighter to his chest, Kaylee inhaled deeply and took in that familiar Simon smell, slowly waking to the fact that he was holding her, that she was resting in his arms and it felt so unbelievably right.

It was impossible for either of them to know how long they sat like that. It could have been hours or maybe just minutes, but finally Kaylee lifted her head to look at him, meeting his intense gaze. Biting her lip with a bit of nervousness, she leaned forward, pressing her lips to his, kissing him gently. Pulling back a bit, Kaylee smiled slightly to see that Simon's eyes were now filled with desire, his concern quickly fading away in light of her nearness, of their closeness to one another. Shifting a bit closer to him, Kaylee was about to kiss him again, when Simon beat her to it, his hand resting against the back of her head and drawing her mouth to his.

As his lips worked over hers, his teeth gently pulling her lower lip into his mouth where the tip of his tongue could run along it, Kaylee sighed against him, her hands resting on his chest. Feeling her body light with desire as Simon's tongue entered her mouth, Kaylee returned his embrace, meeting his passion with her own. Pressing against the back of her head even more firmly, Kaylee moaned slightly as Simon crushed their mouths together, kissing her as if she was his only connection to life.

Leaning back from him a bit, Kaylee smiled coyly as her lips traveled along his cheek to his ear. She blew gently against it, smiling even wider when she felt his entire body shudder. Dragging her tongue along the edge of his ear, Kaylee finally brought her teeth to his earlobe, nipping lightly at the flesh there as Simon let a small groan escape his lips.

Moving his hands from the back of her head to the tops of her shoulders, Simon dropped his mouth to the base of Kaylee's neck and began his own exploration of her skin there, his tongue and teeth nipping at the sensitive flesh. As Simon's mouth found a particularly sensitive spot, Kaylee felt her head fall to the side, giving him better access. With a sigh of content, she let the sensation of Simon's mouth on her skin wash over her, her hands moving up and around his neck, her fingers sliding through his hair as he continued to kiss her.

Deciding he'd had enough of that particular spot, Simon's mouth traveled up the long column of her neck, kissing every piece of flesh he could find, before his mouth again met hers. Kaylee was panting a bit as their tongues again met and Simon felt the burning in his groin increase tenfold as she breathed heavily into his mouth. Shifting, Kaylee sat up on her knees and quickly maneuvered herself into his lap, her body pressing against his as she wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened their kiss even further. Simon's strong hands had moved down her arms and around to her back, holding her tight against him.

Feeling her body pooling with barely contained desire, Kaylee reluctantly and with great difficulty pulled away from him, her head resting against the top of his chest as Simon's fell back against the wall. Trying to catch their breath, neither one spoke for several minutes, their brains still a bit hazy from the passionate contact and the closeness of the other.

Recovering first, Kaylee placed her hands on Simon's cheeks and tipped his face to meet hers. Leaning towards him, her lips barely brushing over his as a tease, Kaylee murmured, "I think it's only fair to tell ya, you're a damn good kisser."

Laughing, Simon kissed her lightly and said, "You're not so bad yourself."

She smiled, her eyes twinkling, some of her previous grief forgotten as she began kissing him again. It was a long afternoon for the young lovers as they continued to kiss and caress, Simon's injury the only thing keeping them for going any further. But for the moment it was more than enough.

-- --

Diego Sanchez was not a heartless man; mean maybe, hateful, definitely amoral, but heartless? … not quite. He had little patience for idiots and even less patience for criminals who weren't good at what they did. Diego had learned long ago that ethics and morals simply got in a man's way when he was trying to make a living.

Which made the list of destroyed bases and outposts all the more puzzling; Diego had very little in common with any of the others. The Cortez boys were a small time, low level bandits who kept their own corner of the world terrorized, but who were by no means a threat outside of their system. Whitefall, Patience's territory, was a slightly different story. That old lady sure was ornery enough, but it seemed that once she got her little corner of the 'verse to call her own, she'd gotten a bit soft; hell, Diego wasn't even sure she'd shoot him again if she saw him.

Fanty and Mingo were jokers, always playing their likeness of one another to unsettle their partners. And the others, a list of about five or six, were much the same: marginal criminals with spotty track records and nowhere near the caliber of Diego's operation. Plus Haven, a colony of miners and ex-Browncoats that had never actively done an illegal thing to speak of.

With a sigh of disgust, Diego flipped off the screen, sitting back in his chair. His mind immediately drifted to his brother, Marco. The younger man had always been smarter and more handsome than his older brother, but that hadn't stopped him from worshipping the ground that Diego walked on. Their whole family had hoped that Marco would take his smarts and do something productive with his life, not enter into the family business. But with pride a bit of his heritage's machismo, he'd signed right up.

Diego had been thrilled of course, but he'd never told Marco that. Together the two of them, the Sanchez brothers, became a synonym for unpleasantness and a bit of crime. Extortion, slavery, smuggling, gun running, illegal transport – there wasn't anything that a buyer couldn't ask of them that they wouldn't try. And they'd been rewarded handsomely.

Of course, they had their Alliance run-ins, but Diego had learned whose palms to grease and when, learned how to secure the best fake ident cards and ship documents in the 'verse, getting him out of most checkpoints unscathed. And when he couldn't talk his way out, he fought his way out. Diego Sanchez still believed that almost all of the 'verse's problems could be solved with a gun.

Looking up as his door chimed, he called, "Yes?"

Entering with a stony expression on his angular features, Rodriguez extended a data stick to him without preamble. "I think you'll wanna see this, sir."

Frowning at him, Diego took the offered information and plugged it into his terminal. Watching with growing interest, Sanchez listened intently.

"Parliament continues to deny that the Miranda broadwave, broadcast almost two and a half weeks ago, holds any validity at all. From his offices on Londinium today, Prime Minister Dresden made the following statement –

"I am disgusted that this false and violent recording has been broadcast to so many. The parties responsible should be ashamed for propagating such lies and are currently being tracked by the Alliance so that they may be captured and made to stand trial to answer to the charges of treason and murder. If anyone has any information regarding the whereabouts of the firefly-class ship, Serenity, you are urged to contact your local authorities."

Flipping off the screen, Sanchez sat back, a small whistle escaping his lips. Staring for a moment, he finally said, "Mal and his crew did all that?"

Nodding once, Rodriguez told him, "Word is Mal an' his crew were bein' chased by 'Liance 'fore this." Pausing as he waited for Diego to put the pieces together, Rodriguez only continued once his boss's eyes were on his face. "Like say, three weeks ago."

"If they were looking for Mal, what the hell they hit us for?" Diego asked angrily, sitting forward, his eyes burning.

Shrugging once, Rodriguez told him, "I don't know, but maybe somebody else does."

His chest heaving as some of the mystery surrounding his brother's death started to make sense, Sanchez ordered, "Get Patience on a wave. I wanna see what that old hag knows."

-- --

Kaylee wiped her arm across her brow, wishing it wasn't so gorram hot in the engine room. She'd had to pull the environmental systems off line to do one final diagnostic and it was taking longer than she'd anticipated. She'd already stripped out of her coveralls, opting for a pair of cargo pants and a tank top and she was still sweating. With a sigh, she again tried to concentrate on her work, doing her best to ignore the beads of sweat as they dripped down her back.

"Ahem." Turning abruptly at the noise, she smiled wide when she saw Simon standing in the doorway. With a grin of his own, he entered the room and approached her, walking without any kind of limp. Pressing a quick kiss to her lips, he asked, "How's it going?"

Frowning, she told him, "Hot."

Returning the grimace, he said, "Yes, I noticed that. It's pretty warm throughout the rest of the ship as well." Looking to the engine as it sat idle, he asked, "Is everything all right?"

Nodding once, Kaylee rose from her seated position and moved past him to replace one of the last parts she'd been working on. "Oh yeah, just needed to do one final check 'fore we put her back in the air." As she leaned forward and plugged the part into its hole, stretching even farther to attach it, she grunted with the effort.

Simon watched her, his mind filling with a bunch of thoughts that had absolutely nothing to do with the ship, the engine or anything else that did not involve Kaylee. As he looked to her now, watching the way her backside curved as she leaned into the big machine, he felt a shot of desire race to his groin. Shaking his head quickly and trying to concentrate on anything else, he heard her annoyed exclamation.

Stepping up to her side, he asked, "Can I help?"

Dropping her hands, Kaylee looked back to him over her shoulder and cocked an eyebrow. At the unspoken question, Simon replied, "Tell me exactly what to do and I'll do it." Holding his hands out in front of him, he told her grandly, "I am at your disposal."

Unable to keep the wicked grin off her face, Kaylee turned into him and leaned close, pressing her lips to his. "I like the sound o' that."

Chuckling, Simon wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into him, their lips meeting and their mouths opening as their tongues plundered each others' mouths. They had become quite adept at kissing over the past week as Simon had continued to heal and Kaylee had spent just about every moment, when she was not in the engine room, in his bunk. Simon wanted her, badly, and he knew she felt the same; it had been getting harder and harder for both of them to stop themselves from going any further the longer they touched and held each other.

Reluctantly, Simon pulled away with a groan and told her, "We have to work."

Sidling up to him, Kaylee wrapped her arms around his neck and said, "I was workin'."

Smiling to her, he pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose and said, "No, really work. On the engine."

Pouting, Kaylee sighed and said, "Okay, fine." Her face again lighting with eagerness, she asked quietly, "But we'll finish this later?"

"Oh definitely," Simon told her, his voice dropping an octave or two as his desire again spiked.

Satisfied, Kaylee turned back to the engine and started giving instructions. Simon dutifully followed every one, handing her tools, holding parts, offering his height and strength when she needed it. Kaylee tried not to concentrate too much on Simon's built physique, but she found it nearly impossible to take her eyes off of him as he finally shed his shirt, the garment almost completely soaked through after they'd been working for an hour.

Licking her lips in anticipation, Kaylee turned back to her work as Simon continued with his own and told him, "Now you're just torturin' me."

Glancing to her and then down to himself, Simon smiled wide, not at all hating the fact that he was making Kaylee a little hot and bothered. She definitely did it to him, it was about time he got to return the favor. "Yes, well, I'd hate to do that," he told her dryly, waiting for her to turn and shoot him one of those twinkling looks; which she did.

The two of them could only keep up the charade of working for another few moments. Kaylee slowly began to drift towards Simon, using the excuse of needing … something as she approached him and leaned over where he was crouched at the base of the engine, her body brushing along his bare back. With a barely audible sigh, Simon braced himself against the equipment, waiting for her to straighten up and go, knowing if she didn't do so quickly there'd be no way he could refrain from kissing her again.

Smiling as she noticed the effect she was having on him, Kaylee carefully picked up the part she'd been reaching for and turned, walking a few steps away to where he could see her and began tinkering. Simon's eyes glued to her every movement he felt the heat of the room and the heat in his groin burn with a newfound intensity. Ignoring him for only a few minutes, Kaylee finally said, "Somethin' wrong, sweetie?"

Knowing that she was playing him, Simon did his best to tear his eyes from her and answered in the same unaffected tone, "No, nothing."

"Hmm, that's good," she murmured, hiding her smile as she again studied the part. Fiddling, Kaylee began to hum softly and again smiled as she heard Simon groan across the room. Looking up, she asked, "You sure you're okay?"

Meeting her playful gaze, Simon straightened and leaned against the ladder next to the engine. "Are you enjoying yourself?"

Cocking her head to the side, Kaylee set the part down and walked towards him, her hips swaying a bit and causing Simon to grasp the ladder, his knuckles whitening as his eyes swept up and down her form. "Not yet," she told him coyly, wiggling her eyebrows. "But I could be."

And without another word she moved towards him, pulling him into a kiss as her arms wrapped around his neck. Simon dropped his tool to the decking, encircling her with his strong arms and holding her close. Their mouths again working over each other, Kaylee sighed into him, and Simon felt his longing for her increase tenfold. Only aware of Kaylee and the exquisite feelings she was inspiring in him, Simon gently guided her to the floor.

Kaylee lay back against the metal, thankful for its coolness. Looking up into Simon's hungry eyes, Kaylee felt her body pool with desire, her need causing a powerful ache to radiate from her middle and seep up into her limbs. Pulling him down on top of her, Kaylee thrust her tongue into his mouth, her fingers dragging across his back as he met her passionate kiss.

Working his hands up and into her hair, Simon kissed along her jaw and down her neck, again finding that perfect pulse point and biting softly at the skin there. Kaylee mewled in his ear at the touch and Simon felt his body respond even more, felt his growing arousal as it throbbed painfully with want. Running his hands over her breasts as he continued to nibble at her skin, Kaylee arched into his touch, his fingers rubbing through her shirt and causing her nipples to harden.

Kaylee allowed her head to fall back as Simon's mouth worked farther down her chest, his tongue licking at one sensitive nipple through the thin material, causing her to moan from the sensation. Opening her eyes to watch as he loved her, Kaylee caught sight of a curious gaze hanging impossibly above them. Her eyes widening as she recognized the face, Kaylee tugged gently on Simon's hair and murmured, "Sweetie?"

"Hmmm," was all Simon could answer, his mouth still working diligently over her skin.

Yanking a bit to get his attention, Kaylee said more forcefully, "Sweetie." When he finally looked to her and saw the concern in her eyes, he asked softly, "What is it?"

"We ain't alone," she told him quietly and nodded once above them.

Turning, Simon caught sight of his sister's curious gaze and was instantly horrified. Anger he had never exhibited towards River rising in him, Simon glared at her. "River!"

"Blocking the ladder, Simon," she told him, not at all affected by his obvious ire. Pointing to the metal steps, she said, "I can't get down."

With a sigh, Simon sat up and offered a hand to Kaylee who took it, trying to hide the small grin on her features. She wasn't really all that bothered that River'd been peeking; she suspected the girl would be a little curious, but Kaylee knew for Simon, it was the height of unacceptable. Kaylee was trying to be cognizant of that fact, but she was finding the displeasure coloring his features just a tad amusing.

Stepping far out of the way of the ladder, Simon pointed to it and glared to his sister. "Go."

With a sigh, River alighted down the metal rungs and was to the engine room door in seconds. Turning to face them both before she left, she confided, "Trust me, I didn't really want to be here for that either."

As she skipped away, Simon dropped his chin to his chest and muttered a violent curse, which instantly made Kaylee lose it, her carefully constructed barrier crumbling at the expression on Simon's face. Clutching her stomach as she doubled over in a fit of giggles, Kaylee felt tears of laughter forming that she could not hold at bay. Turning to her, Simon asked, "And what is so funny?"

It took Kaylee several moments to catch her breath and when she finally did, she was still suppressing a few laughs. "Nothin', honey, jus' the look on your face …" She trailed off again as more laughter consumed her and Simon found he could not avoid laughing with her. He supposed in the grand scheme of things it was a little funny.

Moving towards her, Simon wrapped his arms around her waist as Kaylee wiped at her teary eyes and took a few more deep breaths. "Oh, that was funny," she told him, looking to him with one of her trademark smiles. Noting the seriousness on his features, Kaylee sobered instantly, painfully aware of what River had interrupted between them.

Cradling her face in his hands, Simon leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers. "I really want to get out of here," he murmured against her mouth before kissing her again.

Moaning as her body remembered the passion he'd so recently inspired, Kaylee murmured back, "Me too. My bunk?"

Shaking his head, Simon continued to kiss her and said against her mouth, "I was actually thinking I could use a shower."

Her eyes lighting with delight, Kaylee pulled away from him reluctantly and reached for his hand. "Well, then Doctor Tam, we'd better go make sure you're clean," she told him, pulling him along.

Unable to do anything else, Simon followed, the two of them barely making it more than five steps before Simon had grabbed her from behind and spun her around, crushing his mouth to hers. Kaylee answered his kiss with her own, rubbing her body against his and burning as she felt his need growing hard against her thigh. Tugging on his hands, she continued to pull him towards the shower room by the passenger dorms. They had to stop at least three more times on the way, as their hands and lips refused to be deterred from their mission.

Pushing open the metal door, Kaylee had barely closed it again, before Simon had her pinned against it, their mouths clinging to one another. Running her hands up his back, Kaylee kissed him deeply, her tongue exploring his mouth, her lips working over his. Panting as he pulled away and again lowered his head to her shoulder, Kaylee ran her hands through his dark, soft hair, slightly damp from sweat.

His arms around her waist, Simon bit down just slightly on Kaylee's neck, knowing he was leaving a mark and not all that concerned. He wanted her so much, he didn't know how he'd waited this long. As she continued to kiss him, her hands running along his shoulders and down to his waist, Simon groaned against her, his whole body throbbing with need, his pants getting uncomfortably tight.

Resting her hands on his chest, Kaylee met Simon's desire-filled eyes and smiled slightly, pushing him back. Grabbing at the hem of her shirt, she pulled it up and over her head, discarding it on the floor. Simon's eyes widened at the sight of her bare chest exposed to him, and instantly he reached out a hand to cup one of her breasts, kneading the flesh gently, the pad of his thumb ghosting over her already hardened nipple. Her head falling back against the door at the touch, Kaylee felt her body burn as Simon lowered his head and drew his tongue in a slow circle around the nub before biting down, ever so slightly, and sucking gently.

Wrapping her arms around his neck again, Kaylee pushed him back and into a shower stall, reversing their positions so he was pressed against the cold wall. Bringing her face close to his, Kaylee's eyes lit with barely contained passion as her tongue darted out and teased him, running along the edge of his lower lip before probing his mouth and then pushing through as she pressed her breasts against his chest. Running her hands down his sides as she continued to kiss him fervently, Kaylee cupped his arousal through his pants, smiling as he moaned into her mouth.

Running her hand along the length of him, Kaylee continued to kiss him, not needing to look as she unfastened his pants and pushed them down to his ankles, underwear and all. Simon kicked the material away, having already shed his shoes and now stood naked before her. Kaylee leaned back a bit, her eyes widening as she saw his burgeoning length, her core again throbbing with want as she imagined the feel of him inside her, the intensity of his thrusts, the power of his release … Wrapping a hand around him, Kaylee pulled slowly as she again kissed him, this time a long, lingering kiss that turned Simon's knees to jelly.

Pressing into her, Simon cupped the back of Kaylee's head in his hand and drove his tongue deep, trying to taste every part of her. Reaching a hand down to her waist, he ran a hand between her pants and her skin, feeling the dampness of her panties and knowing she was good and ready. Moving both of his hands to her waist, Simon trailed kisses down her chest, pausing to lavish each of her breasts with a bit of attention, before he made it to her belly button. Kneeling in front of her, Simon kissed along her stomach, her skin smooth and soft as his hands worked at her pants, pulling the material down her legs. Doing his best to contain his desire as he wanted to make this last at least a little longer, Simon slowly pulled her pants off her body, taking care to untie her boots and throw them aside. When she was bare to him except for the lavender pair of lace undies she was wearing, Simon looked up to her face, catching her large green eyes as they gazed down at him with want and yearning. Holding her gaze, Simon ran his hands up her legs until he reached her thighs, moving his fingers around to tease her, his light touch working over her unders.

Gasping as his thumb and forefinger circled her most sensitive spot, Kaylee fisted her hands in Simon's hair. She wanted him, she wanted him inside her and she wanted him to stop this torture. Looking back up to her, Simon smiled slightly at the look of pure hunger on her face. "Simon." His name was a breathless whisper on her lips and he felt his length throb almost painfully in anticipation. Rising slowly, Simon kissed her again, their tongues entwining, as he reached behind him and turned on the water.

As the warm stream beat down on them from above, Simon wrapped his fingers into the edges of Kaylee's panties and pushed them down. She took care of discarding them out of the shower stall and then looked back to him, her hands coming up to rest on his face. Pulling her close, Simon kissed her slowly, passionately and Kaylee whimpered into his mouth, feeling as though she might explode if he didn't take her now.

Pushing her back until she was pressed against the cool shower wall, Kaylee held Simon's gaze for a moment as he gently reached around and lifted her, being sure to position them both at the right angle. Wrapping her legs behind him, Simon braced one arm on the wall by her head and then brought his lips to hers as he slid into her.

Kaylee gasped at the feel of him, at the fullness as he entered her, her body stretching to accommodate him. It had been quite a while since she'd been good and sexed by a man and Kaylee felt her body unraveling quickly as Simon started to move within her. She did her best to return each of his thrusts, her precarious position not making it that easy. But Simon's hold on her was tight and she knew he would not let her fall.

Simon knew his end would come quickly; it had been too long since he'd been with a woman and the anticipation of this moment was already too much for his body to handle. Wanting Kaylee to come first, Simon kept one arm firmly around her waist while he dropped his other hand to where they were joined and touched her, rubbing urgently against her. Her head fell back against the wall as his ministrations and his increasingly quick thrusts brought her close. With another few snaps of his hips, Simon swallowed her cry with a kiss, groaning against her as his own release thundered hotly into her.

Both of them shaking and weak, Simon knew he wouldn't be able to balance her for long. Sinking down to the floor of the stall, Simon sat with her in his lap, his spent length still buried deep, and Kaylee rested her head against his chest, even as the water continued to run over them from above. Pressing a kiss to her temple, Simon wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight.

"That was amazin'," Kaylee murmured, her body spent from such an incredible coupling. Turning her lazy gaze to him, she smiled and said, "You are amazin'."

Studying her face, Simon pushed some of her wet hair from her cheek, his fingers running along the edge of her hairline and down her neck. Kaylee's eyes fluttered shut against the soft touch and another contented sigh escaped her lips. Pressing another kiss to her forehead, Simon murmured against her skin, "You are amazing, bao bei."

Grinning even wider at the use of the endearment, Kaylee snuggled in tighter to his chest, sighing again as her movements caused his length to twitch a bit inside her. Listening to the sound of the water as it fell around them, Kaylee wondered if there was a more perfect moment. Guessing that the swai man who held her so close now would see to it, as would she, Kaylee waited only a few minutes more before turning a mischievous look on him.

Noting her expression, Simon let some of his trepidation show as he asked, "What?"

Her eyes sparkling, Kaylee pressed her swollen lips to his and murmured, "Let's go again."

-- --


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: And here there be more smut. 

-- --

Chapter 5

-- --

"I want them caught. I want them put on trial and then I want them executed." Prime Minister Dresden's eyes flashed with anger and insistence as he punctuated each statement with a sharp rap of his knuckles against his desk. "Publicly," he added, his voice dropping to a deadly whisper.

Adamson met the other man's angry gaze evenly, his arms crossed over his chest. "I understand that, sir. My men and I are working on it."

"Your men?" he asked incredulously, straightening behind his desk and staring. "Your men who have failed so spectacularly in the past?" Snorting, he dropped into his chair and asked, "You expect that to satisfy me?"

Recognizing the rhetorical question, Adamson kept his mouth shut and waited for the man to finish. "I want to know exactly what you're planning and when I can expect to see some results," Dresden ordered. His gray eyes were blazing with barely concealed anger.

Sitting tall in his chair, Adamson held the man's gaze and said steadily, "We're working now to track the ship. They took off from Persephone about three days ago."

"That doesn't answer my question," Dresden bit out, his hand slapping the desk with a sharp crack. "When will they pay?"

"With all due respect, sir," Adamson told him, his own voice growing sharp with annoyance. "The reason my men have failed in the past is because capturing River Tam is not easy and neither will be capturing the crew of Serenity." Dropping his voice to a mere growl, he added, "But we will succeed."

"That broadwave is ruining me," Dresden muttered, sitting back in his seat. "I need to make Captain Reynolds and his crew examples. We need to discredit them as soon as possible."

"We can discredit them and make them suffer without having them in custody," the other man told him. "I'm sure there are plenty of skeletons in their closets worth parading around."

"Do it," the prime minister ordered. "Do whatever it takes, just get them."

Taking note of the dismissal, Adamson rose quickly, leaving the office and meeting Domin in the outer room. Walking out in silence, he stalked out of the building before speaking. "Get me everything you can on Reynolds and his crew. I want to know every dirty secret, every illegal dealing. We're going to flush them out and we're going to do it now."

Nodding once, Domin dutifully typed notes into his datapad, tapping away with his stylus. "We received word this morning that Serenity was seen heading for the Rim. Out towards Whitefall."

"Then so are we," the other man said, continuing his brisk walk towards their waiting shuttle. "Any word from Beta and Omega?"

Shaking his head once, the aide answered, "No. They're still trying to track the Operative, but have been unable to locate him."

"I'm not surprised," Adamson muttered. "We did, after all, make him an expert at being invisible." Walking up the ramp and into the shuttle's confines, he turned to Domin and said, "Get me everything you can as fast as you can. We don't have a lot of time."

As his aide nodded and moved to carry out his request, Adamson turned into his office and muttered, "Serenity doesn't have a lot of time either."

-- --

Diego held the steady, even gaze of the man on the screen, noting the way his eyes burned holes into the other. He had expected a less than favorable reaction, but Diego hadn't quite been ready for so much venom. "There's no way in ruttin' hell I'm bringin' my crew anywhere near you," Martin told him. "I don't care what we're meeting for."

With a sigh, Diego tried again. "I told you Marty, we need to find out what the hell happened. Why the Alliance decided to reduce us to rubble."

"Like they need a reason," the other man snorted, his eyes rolling with annoyance. "Come on, Dee, you know they love wasting money rattin' out honest businessmen like us?"

"And a colony of peace-loving miners?" Diego countered, keeping his eyes steely. "It don't make any sense, Marty, even for those idiots." He watched the other man closely, waiting to see if his logic might actually make a dent in the man's stubbornness. Seeing the smallest opening, Diego charged ahead, knowing that if he enlisted Marty Ling's help, the others would follow. "I for one wanna know why I buried my brother in the ground. Why my people are on the run, scattered from the ruins of what you used to laughingly refer to as a headquarters." Studying him for a second more, Diego dropped his voice low and added, "Don't you?"

With a heavy sigh, Martin dropped his chin to his chest and thought for a few moments. He did not trust Sanchez; hell, he barely trusted anyone in his own organization. But like Diego, Ling had been trying to puzzle out exactly what had prompted such a random and sudden attack. He did want answers.

Raising his eyes back to the screen, he warned, "You try anythin' funny an' I will end you, Dee. I mean it."

Holding up his hands in a gesture of truce, Sanchez told him, "This is as above board as I get Marty."

With a careful nod, the other man held his gaze for another moment and then asked, "All right. Where do you wanna meet?"

-- --

Zoe was on the bridge again. Unable to stomach being in her bunk for any length of time she found herself looking for new places on the ship. Places where she could be and not remember her husband. Of course, there really was no such place and so, in an effort to be close to him, she'd drifted back to the bridge.

She twirled one of Wash's dinos in her hands now, the T. Rex; Wash's favorite. Zoe smiled as she remembered his defense of one of the fiercest prehistoric animals.

"_He's just misunderstood, lamby toes," he'd said with that slight plea in his voice. "Big, tall guy like that with sharp teeth, of course people are going to accuse him of all kinds of unsavory things."_

_Running her eyes over his particularly loud shirt, Zoe had asked, "Kind of like what people say about men in shirts like yours?"_

_Frowning, he looked to her in mock horror and asked, "What do people say?"_

_Stepping closer to him, Zoe had dipped her mouth close to his and whispered, "That you're a damn fool."_

_Letting out an exaggerated breath, Wash had reached up and cupped the back of her head in his hands, brushing his lips over hers. "Oh, that's a relief. I thought it'd be something bad."_

Zoe remembered how she'd laughed that day and that night. Wash had brought her more joy in their years together than any man, any person ever had. He had given her freedom, freedom to be herself, freedom to be weak, freedom to be loved. It was a freedom Zoe hadn't even been aware she was missing until she'd gotten it. And it was the loss of that freedom, that safety net that hurt her so much now.

Placing the dinosaur back on the console, Zoe rose slowly from his chair, stretching her back. Her wound from the battle was still a bit tight, but healing well and Zoe knew she had Simon to thank for that. While the Alliance docs had patched her up good, it had been the young doctor's quick thinking in the field that had saved her from a permanent disability. Zoe wasn't likely to ever forget that.

Drifting towards the stairs at the bow of the ship, Zoe descended them easily, sighing as she reached the small alcove. There was a bench in here, barely long enough for her tall frame, but comfortable and Zoe laid on it now. This was the only place she'd been able to get any sleep in the past weeks. Turning on her side, so her back was to the stairs, Zoe stared out the window in front of her at the expanse of space and stars.

"Not good to be alone."

While Zoe could not see her, she heard River's small voice. Not turning to face her, she told her quietly, "Go to bed, lil' one."

There was more silence and given River's propensity for moving soundlessly, Zoe was uncertain whether or not she'd really gone. As she continued to stare, she listened for the girl and finally heard the sound of a small sigh. "Not sleepy," she finally said, her voice closer.

Rolling over, Zoe saw that River was standing behind her, her eyes also transfixed out the canopy and on the stars. Those big, brown eyes that had worked their way under Mal's skin, under Kaylee's and Inara's, under Wash's and under Zoe's. She had meant what she'd told the young reader at Wash's funeral, she didn't blame her. But she also could not look at River or Simon without thinking about what could have been if they had never come on board.

"You gotta sleep, River," Zoe told her quietly. "You're the pilot now. We need you well-rested."

Shaking her head slightly, River's long hair waved back and forth over her shoulders as she said, "Can't sleep."

Studying her a bit more intently, Zoe sat up and turned to fully face her, noticing for the first time the distress that now tightened River's face. Reaching out a hand to her, she asked gently, "What is it, sweetie?"

Shivering slightly, River ran her hands over her bare arms, trying to keep the chill away. Something was building, something malevolent, and it had been tugging at River's mind and heart for a few nights now. She had initially assumed it to be some residual affects of her time at the Academy, a few of those dark memories that she could not always squelch, but she wasn't so sure anymore.

It was growing, this evil force, and River didn't like it. Whenever she closed her eyes to sleep now, it was there, a dark cloud that enveloped her and her brother, the entire crew, the ship, the 'verse. It scared her.

Finally meeting Zoe's concerned gaze, River told her in a whisper, "Darkness."

Her eyes searching River's face for a clue, for some notion of how to help her, Zoe found nothing, her heart sinking as she saw the girl become more agitated, her body shaking violently from an unexpected chill. Reaching for her hand again, Zoe guided River to the bench at her side and then held her, resting the young girl's head against her shoulder.

River let out a heavy sigh at the comforting touch. She knew that Zoe had wanted to have Wash's baby, that she had wanted to be a mom, and now, as she rocked River like a small child, like the immature girl she was, River knew Zoe would have been, could still be, a great mother. Blinking back a few tears, she whispered, "I'm scared, Zoe."

"We all are, baby," she said softly, pressing a kiss into the girl's hair. "We all are."

-- --

Kaylee wasn't exactly sure what time it was, but she was awake and she could not go back to sleep. Rolling onto her side, she came face to face with Simon, his head resting against the pillow, his breathing even as he slept. Smiling at how undeniably handsome he was, Kaylee sighed with a bit of content, and leaned in closer to him, her hand resting against his cheek.

She thought of waking him, of tiring herself out by asking him to make love to her – again – but Kaylee knew he needed his sleep. The two of them had been pretty much operating on no rest since they'd first made love over a week and a half ago. They would go about their daily duties on the ship, finding all manner of reasons to be alone together and then stumble to one or the other of their bunks at night and sex each other until breakfast. Kaylee was tired too of course, and her body ached a bit, but she didn't care. She had never had a better lover than Simon nor had she ever cared so much for a man. She would take this pleasant ache and the fatigue if it meant she got to love him.

Her mind wandering she moved her hand as he sighed in his sleep and rolled onto his back, his movement causing the sheet covering them both to slide down to his waist. Her eyes widening with delight as she let them wander over his deliciously muscled form, Kaylee smiled wickedly as she trailed her hand down over his chest, lightly so as not to wake him. Her fingers dancing down to his abdomen, she propped herself up on one elbow so she could study his features.

His mouth was curled up at one corner in a half-grin that made Kaylee's stomach flutter. His dark eyelashes rested against his pale cheeks, his equally dark hair mussed from sleeping and sexin'. Smiling again, Kaylee leaned over and pressed a light kiss to the corner of his mouth, suppressing a giggle when he moaned in his sleep. Running her fingers across his stomach, they drifted over a raised patch of skin that immediately made Kaylee's heart beat painfully against her rib cage.

Pulling her eyes from his face, she found herself sitting up more fully as her fingers outlined the scar they'd found, the one from the bullet wound he'd suffered no more than four weeks ago. It was still red, the small two inch scar the only imperfection on Simon's fine body, but it should have been the length of her arm for all the meaning it held to Kaylee.

It meant she'd almost lost him, completely; not just for a day or a month, but forever and the thought that this last week had almost been taken from them filled her with dread and sadness that made her stomach hurt. They had all lost so much already, Kaylee could not imagine her life right now if she had lost Simon as well.

Kaylee leaned over him and pressed a kiss to the scar, allowing her lips to linger there, before pulling away and resting her head on his stomach, her fingers still tracing the small bump.

Lost in a million thoughts, Kaylee didn't even feel Simon shift as he woke up, but she did feel his hand as it rested against the top of her head. "Kaylee?" he questioned groggily, not at all sure what was going on. "You all right?"

Lifting her head, Kaylee looked to him with a big smile. "O' course, I am," she lied, leaning forward and kissing him soundly. Returning the kiss, Simon wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. As their tongues met and their passion deepened, Kaylee could not help the torrent of emotions that raced through her. Sadness and grief mingled with passion and love and she couldn't sort them out. She'd tried not to dwell, tried to focus on Simon and loving him, but her heart was still broken from all they had suffered and although Simon's love had helped to heal her, she wasn't quite able to reconcile all she was feeling.

With a whimper, she pulled away, dropping her head to his shoulder, taking deep, steadying breaths in an effort to quell her tears. Startled by her actions, Simon was instantly awake, his hand resting against the back of her head. Pressing a kiss against her temple, he murmured in her ear, "Kaylee, what is it?"

"It's stupid," she mumbled against him, her breath tickling his neck as she snuggled closer.

"I'm sure it's not stupid," Simon told her. Shifting so he was on his side next to her he looked into her wide green eyes and saw her conflict. Kissing both of her cheeks, he asked again, "What is it?"

"I almost lost ya."

Staying close and holding tight, Simon brushed some of her hair from her face and reminded her gently, "But you didn't."

"I know," she murmured, snuggling into him, her forehead resting against the top of his chest. "But I coulda, an' I just-"

Simon cut her off with a fervent kiss, his mouth crushing against hers. Kaylee met his desire with her own, wrapping her arms around his neck and flattening her body against his. As his lips trailed down her neck and over her chest, Kaylee whispered in his ear, "Simon, I can't lose ya."

Pulling his head up from where it had started nibbling at one of her breasts, he held her gaze with his own. "You won't," he assured her, taking her face in his hands. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise you."

Biting her lip, Kaylee tried to forget the unpredictability of their lives, the fact that at any moment, whether Simon meant to or not, he could be gone, killed, kidnapped, imprisoned. She wanted to believe him, she wanted to trust that he would be with her forever, but she knew that their life in the black was more than dangerous and could easily pull them apart before they even knew what was coming.

Kaylee nodded once and then kissed him, her tongue driving deep as she fought to drown her sorrows in his touch. Sighing against his mouth as his hand ghosted over her stomach and then dipped lower, Kaylee broke their contact when she felt his fingers gently probe her already wet center, her body full of desire for him the minute he'd touched her. The tip of one finger traced along her, teasing her and Kaylee mewled in his ear, her hands fisting into his hair at the intimate touch.

"Simon," she moaned, her lips brushing over his cheek. "Love me, please."

Needing no further encouragement, Simon leaned in and kissed her again, pulling her lower lip into his mouth gently first, sucking on the flesh before running his tongue along it and then diving it into her mouth, tasting her warm breath. Kaylee moaned again as his fingers continued to dance over her, her hips arching towards his wandering hand and forcing one of the digits dangerously close to penetrating her.

Kaylee threw one of her legs up and over Simon's hips, feeling the swell of his arousal in the process, her own body throbbing even harder with need. Kissing along his jaw and over to his neck, Kaylee sucked gently on his throat, smiling a bit against his skin as he moaned at her touch. Running her hand down his well-muscled chest, Kaylee followed her hand with her mouth, leaving a trail of hot, wet kisses behind, before her teeth and tongue swirled over first one nipple and then the other.

Simon's head fell back at Kaylee's touch, her mouth on his skin causing his body to yearn for her. His hand still teasing her, Simon pushed one finger into her as she pulled away from his chest and could only smile with pride as she mewled loudly at the intrusion. Sliding another finger inside, Simon began thrusting, his hips moving in time with Kaylee's as she met his motions. Digging her fingers into his back, she dropped her head to his shoulder, her mouth again closing over his skin and biting slightly as she felt her body tighten and tense around him.

"Wo de ma," she panted, knowing she was close to breaking, the tension in her gut coiling tight. Fastening her mouth back over Simon's, she pushed her tongue in as she came, shaking as she felt the tension in her body snap, leaving her warm and relaxed in Simon's arms.

Watching as her green eyes opened back to him, Simon smiled and gently kissed her swollen lips before pulling his fingers from her, smiling even wider as she whimpered at the loss of contact. Pulling her flush to him, Simon continued to kiss her, as Kaylee's hand traveled back down his chest and closed around him. His arousal was already near painful, watching Kaylee keen beside him almost causing him to come right after her, but as he felt her cool fingers slide up and down his hard length, he knew that the feel of her, her touch, her body was the only way he ever wanted to feel pleasure again.

Dropping his head back, Simon closed his eyes, doing his best to keep his hips still and not thrust into her too quickly. Kaylee watched him with twinkling eyes as his face contorted with pleasure. Shifting positions, she gently pushed him onto his back and tore the sheet off of them, exposing his entire body to her. Grinning wickedly as he lazily opened his eyes to her, Kaylee quickly straddled his hips, keeping her hand wrapped around him.

His hands fisting into the sheets at his side, Simon murmured, "Kaylee, I can't-"

"Oh yes you can," she told him coyly, rubbing her folds along his straining length before she drew her body lower. Watching him as he watched her, Kaylee smiled wide her tongue darting out and trailing a slow circle around the very tip of him. The light, wet touch made Simon's eyes roll into the back of his head and he clenched at the sheets even tighter.

Licking up the first few salty drops, Kaylee ran her tongue along every inch of his arousal before taking him into her mouth and sucking lightly, her lips again turning up into a smile as Simon groaned, his hips thrusting upward of their own volition.

As he felt Kaylee's mouth close over him, Simon realized he had never felt anything quite so erotic in his life. Opening his eyes and watching her however was a whole other story and Simon felt his body pulsing with barely contained need at the sight. Wrapping his hands into her hair, Simon begged, "Kaylee."

Looking up to him, Kaylee slowly drew her mouth away, allowing her tongue to run up the length of him one more time before repositioning herself above him. Meeting his gaze, his eyes dilated with desire, Kaylee felt as if her body was on fire and without any further hesitation, she slowly sank onto him, gasping as his hardness filled her completely.

"Ta ma de," Simon moaned as Kaylee's wet heat surrounded him, his breath coming in short pants as she began to move. It was languid at first, easy and slow and Simon returned her motions with like ones of his own. But quickly, Kaylee hurried the pace, her hands resting on his chest as she threw her head back and let out a feral groan.

Simon ran his hands around her waist and cupped her backside to him, driving himself as deep as he could with every thrust. As he felt his own release coming before Kaylee's, he moved his hands up her back, grabbing her tightly and rolling her over so that their positions were now reversed.

Surprised by the suddenness of the movement, Kaylee opened her eyes to meet Simon's and smiled at him as he lowered his mouth to kiss her, long and deep. Their tongues meeting, he began to thrust into her again, this new position now allowing him to drive deeper, causing Kaylee to whimper against him with pleasure. "Faster, Simon," she whispered to him, her breath hot against his cheek. "Harder, please."

She wanted him to break her, she wanted him to drive her to a release so strong she would pass out from the ecstasy of it all. He obeyed her requests, a small grunt rumbling in his chest as he pushed harder with each snap of his hips. Wrapping her legs around him, Kaylee dug her fingers into his shoulder, knowing she was probably leaving marks, but she didn't care. She needed to feel him, all of him, she needed him.

And with one final push, Simon's hot seed rushed into her at the same moment that Kaylee's body tightened around him, her own juices covering his buried length with wetness. Panting and exhausted, they lay in each other's arms trembling slightly, waiting for their heart rates to return to normal. Simon was finally able to regain his senses enough to roll over, making sure to keep a tight hold on Kaylee so he could bring her with him, holding her tight to his chest. Still buried within her, Simon pressed a kiss into her sweat-soaked hair and sighed with content. He was exhausted, but he didn't care. Every time with Kaylee was like this, unbelievably passionate and satisfying. Simon would sacrifice any amount of sleep for the feeling he was basking in now and for the comfort of holding her close.

Snuggling into him, Kaylee smelled the scent of their coupling mixed with his sweat and she smiled, sighing as she pressed a lingering kiss over his heart. Rubbing her cheek against his chest, she finally brought her eyes up to his face and smiled at the look of sheer content on his features. "Simon," she murmured, waiting until he had opened his eyes to regard her.

One of his hands running through her hair, while the other gently rubbed at her shoulder he asked, "Hmmm?"

"I love you." Kaylee hadn't been fully aware that that was what she was going to say. She had wanted to say something romantic or sexy, but instead, she had just uttered three little words that normally drove men to either random acts of love or ridiculous examples of foolishness. As Simon's hand through her hair froze, Kaylee bit her lip, realizing she probably shouldn't have said anything. She would die if he didn't feel the same.

Studying her for a second more, Simon willed his heart to slow back down as he asked, "You do?"

Sighing, she again rested her cheek to his chest and answered quietly, "O' course I do." Trying to quell her rising fear that he did not feel for her all she felt for him and trying to remind herself that they had only been sleeping together for a little over a week, Kaylee murmured, "It's okay. You don't gotta say nothin'."

Placing a finger under her chin, Simon tipped her head back to look at him. "What if I want to say something?" he asked, brushing his lips against hers.

Shaking her head, Kaylee told him, "Don't say it, jus' to say it. You gotta mean it." Pausing for a moment, she added, "I jus' wanted to tell ya, 'cause, well, we never know what's gonna happen out here an' even if you don't love me," she said, almost choking on the statement, "I wanted you to know that I love you."

Caressing her cheek with his thumb, he said, "It's a little early for that, don't you think?"

With a slight shake of her head, Kaylee told him firmly, "Not if you mean it. An' I do."

The held each other's gazes for a moment and Simon again marveled at the unbelievable fortune he had been blessed with. Despite all the things he had done to push Kaylee away, despite all the obstacles they had faced and beaten, she was with him, she loved him, and she demanded nothing from him in return. Simon had never known that kind of unconditional love before and it caused his heart to feel as if it might burst from his chest.

Leaning down and cupping her chin in his hand, Simon brought their mouths close and whispered, "So if I tell you I love you too, will you believe me?"

Kaylee gasped slightly at his words and the sincerity behind them before Simon again kissed her, long and deep. Shifting so she was on top of him, Kaylee met his blue eyes with her green ones as their lips parted. Running her fingers through his hair, she asked quietly, "Should I?"

Allowing a small sigh to escape his mouth, Simon stared at her for just a moment before saying softly, "Kaylee, I love you."

Kaylee saw the truth in Simon's gaze, felt the sincerity in his words and had never felt such unbelievable relief and joy at once. Kissing him again, Kaylee rolled her hips over Simon's causing his spent length to harden a bit inside her. Pulling away from him, Kaylee asked softly, "How'd we get this lucky?"

Smiling at her as he leaned in to kiss her again he asked softly, "You're asking me? I've never been good at talking to girls." As she giggled against his lips, he told her truthfully, "I have no idea, but honestly, I don't really care how we got here."

"Just that we're here," she finished for him, her eyes sparkling in the dim light of the bunk.

"Exactly," Simon told her and again kissed her, the two of them quickly realizing that tonight would not be the night they would get any more sleep.

-- --


	6. Chapter 6

-- --

Chapter 6

-- --

Beta watched the feed of the Reaver battle for about the hundredth time. Replaying the image, he paid particular attention to the moments before River entered the room alone and the moments after. He watched each of the other crewmen, how they related to one another, to River; how they acted in the midst of such a vicious firefight.

He knew the key to taking down River Tam was to take down her family. This ragtag crew obviously meant more to the girl than just about anything, which of course fit with River's profile. Switching screens, Beta flipped through the young genius' Academy record. Her test scores were off the charts in everything from languages, science and mathematics to agility, sword fighting and karate. She was a marvel, there was no doubt. She was also a deadly threat to the Alliance and she needed to be stopped.

It was of little consequence to Beta that the girl was being hunted now precisely because of what had been done to her. That the government that wanted her back in custody was the same one that had destroyed her life. Beta didn't bother with such ethical dilemmas; all he knew was that his superiors wanted River Tam and so he would deliver her – and reap the rewards.

Cycling back through his records, he this time brought up the profiles they had on Serenity's crew. A group of nine that was now seven, Beta glanced over Captain Reynolds, Jayne Cobb, Zoe Washburn. Instead he focused on one particularly bright face with a huge smile and one particularly demure face with a cultured past. These two women would be the first step in getting River out of hiding. Beta was sure of it.

Looking up as his partner, Omega, entered the room, he asked, "Any word?"

"They've filed a landing request for Beylix. They should be there within a day."

"Interesting choice," Beta murmured, pulling up the planet's profile. Noting that it had been allied with the Independents during the war, he could only assume that Mal was hoping to cash in a few favors, visit with some old friends. With a tight smile, he also realized that it would be the perfect opportunity to start stalking them. "Have you changed our course?"

Nodding once, the other man answered, "We'll arrive approximately two hours ahead of them." Crossing his arms over his chest, Omega asked, "I'm assuming you have a plan?"

Grinning wider, Beta returned his even gaze and said, "Like I said before, in order to get to River, we get to her family."

"Her brother hasn't proved any easier to capture than the girl," Omega told him, still confused as to why his partner thought cornering Simon Tam was a workable solution.

"Not her brother," Beta explained with annoyance. "Her new family." Pressing a button, he flashed a crew photo onto the vid behind him and pointed. "That family."

-- --

They were all assembled for supper, real food laid out before them as they were still enjoying the supplies the Operative and his men had offered. From his seat at the head of the table, Mal looked around at all their faces, taking a bit of comfort in the sounds of laughter and easy banter. Looking to his right, he caught sight of Zoe, her expression still tight with grief, as it had been since Wash's death. He'd tried to talk with her over the past few days, but with practiced avoidance she had sidestepped him and so Mal had given up … for now. His eyes traveled down to Jayne and River, the latter messing with the big merc as she grabbed for food off his plate. Of course, Jayne was actually smiling at her each time she grabbed for his roll and Mal supposed that was some sort of progress. River was smiling too, and Mal had to admit, he liked seeing the happy expression on his albatross.

Rounding the corner, Mal grimaced slightly as he took in Simon and Kaylee, sitting impossibly close to one another. They had been engaged in some conversation with Inara, but now Mal noticed their heads bent together, Kaylee's hand in Simon's as he whispered something in her ear that made her giggle, her eyes widening with anticipation. Doing his best to not speculate on what the good doctor might be saying, Mal glanced back down to his food and stabbed at a piece of tomato with a vengeance.

A light hand to his arm interrupted his brooding and he looked to his left to see Inara regarding him with a bemused expression. Leaning towards him, her lips were so close to his ear, he could feel them brush against his skin. Fighting the tremor her touch caused, he listened as she said, "Jealousy is such an ugly trait, Mal."

His eyes widening at the implication, Mal pulled back from her and said, "I ain't jealous."

Cocking an eyebrow at him, Inara was about to form a retort when a loud giggle from Kaylee drew all eyes in the room to the couple. Realizing they were the center of attention, Simon blushed while Kaylee simply smiled wide and stood, tugging on Simon's hand. As they left, Kaylee called over her shoulder, "Excuse us."

As everyone watched them leave, Jayne muttering some comment about batteries and River and Zoe sharing a small smile, Mal simply returned to his dinner, suddenly feeling as though he'd lost his appetite. Rising with her dish in her hand, Inara moved past him and muttered, "You sure you're not jealous?"

Mal glared at her, but the look held no real menace. Besides, now he had a perfect view of her backside and he found his eyes following her every movement, found his mind wandering to a place it should not go. They had not really spoken for long since she'd decided to stay and Mal knew that was his fault, again. He seemed incapable of having a normal conversation with her, incapable of even visiting her in her shuttle.

"Have to take the leap," River told him from down the table, the reader easily translating his thoughts and in the process commenting on them. As his eyes snapped to her face, he saw the big grin on her features as her eyes darted between Inara, oblivious as she stood at the kitchen sink, and back to Mal. "Have to jump sometime or soon, the net will be gone."

Swallowing thickly and suddenly feeling very uncomfortable, Mal rose abruptly, grabbing his plate. Dumping it unceremoniously into the sink, he stalked out of the room and headed for the bridge hoping for just a bit of peace and quiet. He didn't see River's eyes follow him out, or the way Inara's gaze lingered in his direction before she returned to her shuttle with a sigh.

On the bridge, Mal flipped on the cortex, trying to distract himself from thinking on Inara. Of course he had to take the leap, he had to make a move or she would end up leaving him again. But how could he? Inara was a Companion, part of his crew and also the most beautiful woman he'd ever met. There had been something between them in that look they'd shared before the battle, and Mal knew if he could just act on it he might be able to finally be happy. But happiness was an emotion Mal did not warm to, he had been miserable for the better part of his life and while he didn't always like it, at least he knew what to expect from it. If he crossed that line with Inara, if he tried to have something, something for himself, he wasn't at all convinced it wouldn't blow up in his face. And leave him more devastated than before.

Shaking the thoughts away, he punched a few more buttons, reading the reports with a detached interest until one in particular caught his eye.

-- --

"That's a load of go se," Inara muttered, watching the end of the recording Mal had brought to her. Her eyes burning angrily, she watched him carefully, noting the way his shoulders slumped forward as he sat in front of the terminal in her shuttle, not moving.

Standing behind him, Inara hesitantly took a step forward and rested a light hand to his shoulder. "It's ridiculous, Mal," she told him, her voice a bit softer. "People will figure out the truth."

With a slight shake of his head, Mal turned to her and said resignedly, "No, they won't. Folk don't wanna know the truth, they wanna know what's safe an' happy. They don't wanna know what we found at Miranda." With another sigh, he rose slowly and murmured, "I never shoulda sent that wave."

Shocked at his admittance, Inara stood still for a moment as he moved to go. Regaining her senses, she intercepted him, her hands resting firmly, but lightly on his shoulders. "Mal, you don't mean that."

"Don't I?" he asked, his voice a bit harsher than he'd intended. Looking into her concerned eyes now, Mal felt his throat close up a bit. She was so beautiful, so amazing and yet, just like everyone else on this boat, he'd ruined her life in one self-proclaimed act of bravery. "We ain't gonna get outta this, 'Nara," he told her, his tone still steely. "If the 'Liance is lookin' for us, the list o' places we can go, the list of folks willin' to give us jobs, it's pretty damn short."

Whirling away from her, Mal stalked to the other side of the room, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides as his anger got the best of him. "That gorram wave is gonna cost us everythin'. It already cost me two o' my crew an' now …" Mal let out a heavy sigh, his chin dropping to his chest as the pure hopelessness of their situation finally hit him. Sinking slowly onto her new couch, in her newly appointed shuttle, he let his head fall into his hands as he murmured, "I've destroyed us all."

Inara could only stare as she watched Mal try so valiantly to hold it together. She knew he had a point; if the Alliance was really serious about hunting them down, about making them stand trial, then yes, their lives were over. But Inara could not believe it would be over that easily. They had done the right thing, she knew it – well, Mal had done the right thing, he'd inspired them to take the risk and it was his perseverance that had allowed them to succeed. The 'verse deserved to know about Miranda, about what their government was capable of; and River deserved to be free of that memory, to live her life as a normal girl.

And Mal deserved the chance to be a hero; a chance that had been taken from him years ago at Serenity Valley, just as his faith had. But now, Inara saw that brief flicker of hope he'd been clinging to draining away and it broke her heart.

Moving to his side slowly, Inara rested a gentle hand to his shoulder as she sat next to him. Not turning to look at her, Mal simply kept his face buried in his hands, knowing that if he met her gaze again, he would truly be lost. "'Nara, I'm so sorry," he breathed, his voice muffled. "I'm so sorry I ever let you rent this shuttle."

Her eyes still studying his profile, she told him quietly, "I'm not."

Freezing for a moment, Mal tried to determine if he'd just heard what he thought he had. Still not willing to look at her, he said, "Well, you should be. I've ruined you."

Frowning slightly and trying to lighten the moment, Inara said, "Oh, I don't know about that. It's a pretty tall order for one man to ruin a whore."

Turning to face her quickly, Mal grabbed for her hands and told her, "Don't say that." Her eyes widening in shock at the hurt in his features, Inara could only watch as he said, "I'm taking you back to your girls. Maybe if you can get enough-."

"I'm not going back." Her voice was quiet and Mal had to strain to hear her. Looking at her as she dropped her eyes to her lap, to where he still held her hands in his, she said, "I don't want to."

"'Nara, you gotta," Mal told her, unable to believe he'd actually forced the words past his lips. As her hurt gaze returned to his face, he simply barreled ahead. "The sooner you get gone, the less chance there is for the Alliance to make a connection between us."

Shaking her head firmly, Inara told him, "Mal, I don't care. This is my home, my family. I'm not going to hide from-"

"You have to," Mal ground out, interrupting her again. This time, he'd seized her by the shoulders, his fingers digging into her skin almost painfully. Surprised by his intensity, Inara could only hold his gaze, searching his pained expression and feeling his fear and guilt as they radiated from his eyes.

Reaching out a gentle hand to his face, Inara whispered, "Mal?"

At her cool touch, he released her, exhaling heavily with the movement. Dropping his chin to his chest, Mal took deep breaths, trying to slow his racing heart, trying to drown the sorrow blooming in his chest. Who was he kidding? He couldn't order Inara off his ship even if he wanted to. He couldn't watch her walk away again. But he couldn't watch her be imprisoned or executed which they surely would be should the Alliance ever catch up with them. He had already caused the deaths of too many people and Mal could not bear the thought of causing hers.

Without looking to her, Mal slid his hand over and clasped hers. Quietly, he told her, "At least think about it." As she opened her mouth to contradict him, he added as a small plea, "Please?"

Nodding hesitantly, Inara studied his profile, wishing she knew what to say, how to help him. She wished even more strongly that she could hold him, that their relationship could take that sort of physical contact; she wanted to comfort him, as she had with countless other men, her clients, but more than that she wanted Mal to comfort her. She wanted them to be strength for each other. But unlike Simon and Kaylee who had discovered a way to make it work, Mal and Inara continued their dance, and Inara had to admit she was tiring from the steps.

Willing to risk his reaction, she tugged lightly on the hand he held, causing his eyes back to her face. Smiling slightly to him, she rested her hand back to his cheek and said, "It'll be all right, Mal. We'll figure it out."

"How?" he breathed, unaware the word was even coming before it fell from his lips.

With an even sadder smile, Inara sat just a bit closer and said, "Oh, I'm sure it'll involve quite a bit of yelling and maybe even some name calling." He actually smirked at her joke and while the expression normally infuriated her, she found her heart lightening now. Taking a deep breath, she allowed the hand on his face to drift up and through his hair, her fingers sliding gently through the soft strands.

Mal closed his eyes automatically at her soothing touch and released a heavy sigh. At his obvious content, Inara sat even closer their knees touching now and pulled their joined hands into her lap.

Mal felt his body turning to jelly as Inara continued to touch him. Her caress through his hair, while not the most intimate, was damn sexy, and Mal had to fight himself to keep from kissing her. He knew he should go; he probably should have never come to see her in the first place, but when he'd seen that report, when he'd realized the trouble they were in, there had been no other place he could think of to go.

Inhaling slowly, Mal allowed his eyes to flutter open and he found Inara's face much closer than he'd imagined. Her lips, perfect and red, were hovering inches from his own, her eyes transfixed on her fingers as they stroked through his brown hair. Lifting their joined hands from her lap, Mal brought her fingertips to his mouth and kissed them, his eyes on Inara's face the entire time. At his movement, she'd stopped, her gaze resting on him, her cheeks flushing a bit as his lips brushed against her hand.

Feeling her gut clench in a familiar and yet unfamiliar way, Inara watched with wide and hopeful eyes as Mal moved his hand to her cheek, his thumb brushing back to her ear. Praying that this wasn't a joke or a dream, Inara let him pull her in, let him press his lips to hers. Inara had kissed plenty of men before, but she had never been kissed like this. Mal's hand slid to cup the back of her head, pressing her lips even more urgently to his, his tongue darting out to trace around her mouth before pushing through. All Inara could see and smell and feel at that moment was Mal and she reveled in it.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled herself closer, her entire body lighting with desire, her core starting to melt and pulse with need and long-buried emotions. Ai ya, she wanted him.

Mal couldn't believe how good she tasted, like lavender and jasmine. He couldn't believe how soft she was either, how supple her lips were, how passionately she returned his kiss. He ran his hands up and through her hair, fisting them in the dark curls, unable to get enough of her, unable to stop kissing her. Pulling his lips from hers, he trailed kisses down her neck, pushing back the top of her dress from her shoulder so he could nibble on the skin there. Inara let him, tilting her head to the side, panting a bit in his ear as he found a particularly sensitive spot and began to lick and nip at her skin. Her hands continued to run through his hair and Mal had to admit the sensation was more than exciting.

Tipping her mouth to his ear, Inara's teeth grazed over his earlobe and Mal let a deep groan emanate through him. Continuing to suck on the flesh, Inara murmured, "Mal, I want you." Even as she said the words she couldn't believe it and Inara felt her whole body tense as Mal pulled away at her admission.

Cradling her face in his hands, Mal held her gaze and Inara stared back, praying that she had not just ruined this. "'Nara," he said softly, swallowing thickly, trying to regain his composure; trying to ignore the fact that she was practically sitting in his lap. "We can't-"

Shaking her head quickly, Inara rose readjusting her dress and shaking her hair out. If he was going to deny her, than she would beat him to it. "No, of course we can't." Crossing her arms over her chest, she used all of her training to keep the tears from her eyes as she said, "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me."

Mal sighed heavily, but did not rush to reassure her. Rubbing a hand over his tired eyes, he wondered why they kept doing this to each other. Why they just couldn't be happy. It boggled the mind. Rising slowly, Mal told her, "I'm sorry if I crossed the line."

Bristling, Inara told him coldly, "No, not at all."

They stood staring for untold minutes. Mal could feel his heart pounding in his chest as she held his gaze. He'd been right before; he could easily drown in those eyes of hers, even when they were flashing with anger at him. He wondered why the two of them just couldn't see past their own hurts, their own insecurities to cross that infinitesimal distance between them and try to love each other. Then'd been so close just a moment before, but like an idiot, Mal had ruined it, silently giving Inara the impression that he didn't want her, when the truth couldn't be more opposite.

Mal loved her with just about everything he had. But he also knew that the people he loved normally ended up dead. And so with difficulty, Mal rose and stepped away from her, saying quietly, "I got captain-y things to do," and then turned, exiting quickly before he lost his nerve.

Inara watched him go, sinking back onto the couch once she heard the hatch clang shut. Within minutes she was shaking, her eyes welling with tears she refused to cry as she realized now and with certainty that she really did love that man.

-- --

River was staying in Kaylee's bunk tonight as her brother and the young mechanic had basically taken over the passenger dorms. They still slept in Simon's, but their cries of delight and the waves of passion that River felt in such close proximity made sleep almost impossible for her.

Tossing and turning on the narrow bunk, River could not sleep. The darkness was back and it was trying to swallow her, to eat her up and spirit her away. River didn't want it to, she didn't want to be gone again, crazy again, but she didn't know how or even if she could fight it. Eventually, her mind and body got too tired to battle it anymore and with reluctance, she felt her eyes drooping shut, her heart rate slowing as she drifted off.

She awoke terrified, her hair and pajamas plastered to her skin with sweat, her body trapped in the sheets. Screaming for untold minutes, she felt tears well in her eyes and slide down her face as she heard the hatch open and saw Mal descend the ladder quickly, his groggy expression sobering instantly as he noted her distress. Moving towards her, he was by her side as Zoe descended into the room.

Placing his hands to her cheeks, Mal asked her gently, "What is it, lil' one? Are you hurt?"

Shaking her head fiercely, River sat up shakily and felt more tears come. She started to cry, her body shaking violently and Mal could not stand to see it. Moving towards her, he wrapped his arms around her and River fell into his chest, feeling better just knowing he was close.

Meeting Zoe's equally concerned expression over the top of River's head, Mal told her, "I think you better go get the doc."

"No," River said quickly, straightening up and wiping at her cheeks. Biting her lip to keep her tears in, she looked to Zoe and then back to Mal. "See? All better."

Frowning at her, Mal rested a hand against her face and said, "I don't know who you think you're foolin', darlin', but it ain't us."

Grasping the hand he head to her cheek, River begged, "Please don't get Simon. I don't want to worry him. He deserves to be happy."

Mal held River's wide-eyed gaze and frowned mightily. He did not like the idea of the girl waking from nightmares and keeping the doc in the dark, but he also couldn't deny her much; especially not when she looked to him with those big eyes. Leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her forehead, Mal told her, "All right, we'll let your brother sleep." As River made a face, Mal amended, "Or whatever it is he's doin' at the moment." Looking again to Zoe the older woman sat behind River on the bunk as he added, "But you gotta tell us what's got you so spooked."

River nodded once, casting her eyes over her shoulder at Zoe. As the Amazon woman met her gaze she saw her fear and knew immediately what River would say. "It's the darkness," she murmured, watching as Zoe's expression did not change at the admission.

"Shenme?" Mal asked, more than confused. "What darkness? We're in the middle of space, 'course it's dark out here."

Glancing back to Mal, River could read his concern, but more than that, she could read his fear and his heartache. He was still reeling from his encounter with Inara a few hours ago and now he was trying desperately to bury something out of River's reach. He knew something and as River dug deep, she found it.

Grasping his hands, she said suddenly, "You know. The darkness is coming for us. It wants us, wants to destroy us."

Mal studied her expression, his eyes widening as he realized she had indeed plucked the very thing from his mind he did not want her to know. "It ain't gonna get us, River," he told her sternly, wishing he could believe the words. "I ain't gonna let it."

With more tears pooling in the bottom of her eyes, River shook her head slightly and said, "You can't stop it. Nobody can." Choking back another sob, she sat forward and wrapped her arms around him and Mal held her trembling form tight, wishing he knew how to help. Zoe's eyes again finding his, Mal shook his head slightly, letting her know that he would tell her all he knew when he was good and ready, but not right now.

Right now, all he was concerned about was calming River down and getting her back to sleep. They hadn't gone through all they had for her to lose it again. Mal refused to let that happen, even though he was painfully aware he had no control over the situation.

-- --

Arriving in orbit around Beylix, Mal ordered River to keep the ship in the air and then called everyone to the galley for a crew meeting. He didn't want to do this, he didn't want to tell them the kind of danger they were in, but he also could not keep them in the dark. They were all adults and Mal had to let them each decide how best to handle the situation.

Waiting impatiently as Kaylee and Simon were the last to arrive, Mal glared at them as they stumbled into the room, clothes thrown on haphazardly. As they both met Mal's intense stare, they sobered immediately dropping into their usual chairs and sitting with their eyes cast to the tabletop. Nodding once, Mal remained standing, his eyes locking onto River's for a moment, before he addressed them all.

"We got a bit o' trouble," Mal said, doing his best to keep his voice even. "An' I think it's best we all decide how to handle it."

Snorting, Jayne raised his eyebrows skeptically and asked, "Since when you ever wanted our opinion on somethin'?"

"Since what I'm about to tell ya could get us all killed," Mal ground out, regretting the words the minute he said them. The look of fear that flashed in Kaylee's eyes as she grabbed for Simon's hand and held it tight was enough to make him kick himself. But couple that with the look of resignation in River's and Mal wanted to crawl into a hole.

"What'd ya mean, cap?" Kaylee squeaked, her eyes instantly filling with concern. "What's goin' on?"

"Well, lil' Kaylee, seems the 'Liance ain't too pleased with us airin' their dirty laundry," Mal told her, keeping his emotions under control. "The Prime Minister is a might upset about our little broadcast an' he's made it known that he wants us brought in to stand trial."

"There won't be a trial," Simon said harshly, his eyes meeting Mal's. As the two men reached a silent understanding, Simon added quietly, "You know that."

Nodding once, Mal told him, "That I do, doc. But it don't change the fact that the 'verse has suddenly become a bit more dangerous for us than I generally like an' we need to think of a way to stay safe, until we can figure somethin' out, more permanent-like."

As silence enveloped the room, Mal finally let his gaze roam over to Inara. She was sitting with her back straight, her lips pursed together and she was doing her best to not return his look. He wanted to reach out and squeeze her hand, reassure her, hell, even tell her that he was the 'verse's biggest fool, but he couldn't. Not now when he had already placed her in so much danger, and not in light of what had happened last night.

With a sigh, he dropped his head down and waited for someone to speak. Not surprisingly, it was Jayne. "You're gonna run." It was a statement, not a question and the disgust in his tone instantly set Mal on edge.

His eyes blazing, Mal snapped his head back up and fixed the mercenary with a cold stare. "You got a better idea, Jayne, now's the time."

"Runnin' ain't never got us nothin' 'fore, except chased. Oh yeah, an' it got the Shepherd killed." Jayne's blue eyes held the look of a challenge and Mal had to grasp the edge of the table, digging his fingernails in to keep from launching across the room and pummeling the man. "That's right, Mal, your eagerness to run from a fight is what got all our friends killed. I know you ain't forgotten that."

Growling, Mal rounded the table, ready to put the bigger man in his place, when Zoe stood, blocking his path. "It ain't worth it, sir," she told him, her eyes cold, her expression betraying nothing.

Seething, Mal looked past her to Jayne, noting the smug expression on his features. Pointing to him, Mal said, "You do anythin' to endanger this crew, again," he added, allowing his gaze to flicker to Simon and River and then back to Jayne. "And I will space you."

Grumbling, Jayne rose and stalked towards the galley, fixing himself a cup of coffee. Some of the tension left the room as he and captain got a bit of distance from one another, but not enough; everyone was still wound too tight.

Squeezing Simon's hand fiercely, Kaylee murmured softly, "What're we gonna do?" Simon turned to regard her, placing a hand to her cheek. At his touch she brought her eyes to his face and asked again, "Simon, what're we gonna do? We got nowhere to go."

"That's not true," Inara said evenly, drawing all eyes in the room to her. Shifting her gaze to Mal, she told him, "I have a place for us to hide, at least for a while."

Shaking his head, Mal moved back to her side and knelt next to her. "Don't do this, 'Nara," he pleaded, his voice quiet. He saw her gaze soften a bit as he added, "Don't do this. Let me take you back to your girls. Get off this boat an' forget you ever met me."

Still mad and hurt from their encounter the night before, Inara couldn't help but feel a sharp pang of longing as she looked into Mal's eyes now. She saw something there, the same something she had seen the night before, before he had pulled away. Inara couldn't be certain, she had so little experience in it, but she could have sworn it was love.

Reaching for his hand, she squeezed it gently and told him, "I can't do that, Mal and you know it."

Before he could interrupt her again, Inara looked back to the rest of the crew and told them, "The Guild has a few safe houses scattered throughout the Rim. It's where they send Companions who have needed protection in the past." Returning her gaze to Mal she told him, "There's one on St. Albans."

"I ain't goin' to Albans," Jayne growled from the galley. "It's ruttin' cold there."

"Would you rather be killed, Jayne?" Inara asked harshly, allowing her eyes to blaze a bit with the anger she was feeling. "Because we can gladly leave you on Beylix."

Grumbling even more vehemently, Jayne banged down his mug, Kaylee jumping at the unexpected sound, and stalked out of the room, heading for his weight bench. Mal let him go, having no desire to listen to the man's complaints. Silence again filled the room and Mal's eyes traveled around it again, taking in each of the faces at the table. Meeting Simon's concerned expression as he rested his cheek on top of Kaylee's head from where she clung to him, Mal felt another lump rise in his throat; this was so very, very bad.

About to say something, he stopped as River sat upright in her chair, her body tensing, her eyes going wide. "They're here," she murmured, sprinting from the room and towards the bridge. Mal and Zoe followed first, the others fast on their heels. Crowding around her small form in the pilot's seat as she worked the controls, she kept murmuring something. Hard for Mal to make out, he knelt beside her and listened closely, his gaze hardening as he understood.

"They're here," she whispered again, bringing up the image of a ship on the viewscreen. Mal recognized it as a standard Alliance cruiser and he cursed violently. Rising, he asked her, "They seen us yet?"

"Doesn't matter," she told him, her voice toneless as she stared at the image. "Already knew we were coming."

"Who?" Simon questioned, shouldering his way through to his sister. "Who knew, mei mei?"

With a blank gaze, River looked to her brother and said simply, "Hands of Blue."

"But they ain't seen us, right, River?" Mal questioned, his brain scrambling for a solution.

Looking to him, she said, "No, they're just waiting. We haven't shown up on their readouts yet."

"Good," Mal told her, moving to the co-pilot's station. "I want you to maneuver out towards one of the moons. Let's get some distance on 'em."

River did as she was told, her fingers flying across the buttons like a concert pianist. Everyone watched, their hearts in their throats as they pulled back from Beylix and headed away from the planet. Mal kept his eyes locked diligently on the console, looking for any trouble, for any hint that they had been spotted, but with a sigh of relief, he realized they had avoided detection for now.

"We gotta move fast," he muttered, addressing the comment to Zoe.

"St. Albans is only a three day ride from here," Inara reminded him, meeting his intense gaze with one of her own.

"What makes you think we'll be safe there?" Mal questioned, rising to stand in front of her. "I don't like the idea o' bein' grounded."

"We can't stay in the sky forever, Mal," she told him quietly. "Besides, Serenity is the biggest calling card you have. If we stay with her, they'll capture us for sure."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Mal said, backing up from her. His eyes wide with disbelief, he asked, "Are you telling me to abandon my ship?"

Casting her eyes to the deck, she said softly, "Temporarily, yes."

Mal's mouth opened and closed a few times as he tried to form words and none came. How in God's name did she think he was going to leave his ship? He'd just gotten her back.

"She's got a point, sir," Zoe said quietly, not at all surprised when Mal's eyes flashed to her, betrayal in his gaze. "If we take the ship to St. Albans, it'll be a helluva lot easier for the 'Liance to track us."

"Not you too, Zo," Mal breathed, moving towards and taking her by the shoulders. "We can't leave Serenity."

"We never will," Zoe reminded him, the two ex-soldiers holding a look full of meaning that the rest of the bridge's inhabitants could only guess at.

"No." Kaylee's voice was quiet, but sharp and all eyes in the room turned to her. She was no longer sad, just angry as she looked to Mal, Inara, Zoe and back again and then repeated, "No, we ain't leavin' Serenity behind."

Moving towards the distraught girl, Inara reached for her friend's hand and was surprised when she jerked it away. "We might have to, mei mei," she told her, trying to ease the obvious pain she was feeling. "Just for a little while."

Kaylee stared at them all in disbelief. "How can you all even think o' doin' this?" Letting her eyes rest on Mal, she told him, "Aren't you always tellin' us it's better to keep movin'? Safer? We can't go to ground now!" Covering her mouth with her hand, she raced from the bridge, breaking out of Simon's grasp even as he reached for her.

"Kaylee!" he called, taking a step towards her. Torn, he looked back to the rest of them and then looked to Mal. "Whatever you decide to do, I'll do it, captain," he said evenly waiting as Mal nodded once and then turning, the young doctor took off after Kaylee, knowing exactly where she was headed.

After the young lovers had departed, the bridge was deathly silent. No one knew what to say, least of all Inara. Looking between Mal and Zoe she felt their pain as if it were her own. She knew what this ship meant to them and more importantly what it represented. She knew that Mal did not want to lose his freedom, his way of life, but she also knew that the fuel would run out eventually and that tracking Serenity's signal was a lot easier than looking for a needle in a snow-covered landscape.

"The safe house on St. Albans," she said quietly, clearing her throat to keep it from shaking. "It's fairly large, but far away from any civilization. The locals know of it, know what it's used for and the Guild has always rewarded them handsomely for their silence." Meeting Mal's eyes she told him, "We will be safe there."

"Yeah but for how long?" Mal asked with a sigh, falling back into the co-pilot's chair heavily.

"Long enough," was River's cryptic response, all eyes in the room resting on her. "Long enough for us to work a plan. Long enough for us to avoid the darkness."

"You sure about that, lil' one?" Zoe asked, not at all surprised when River shot her a look of pure annoyance. "Right, you're a reader," Zoe muttered under her breath. Looking back to Mal, she added, "How could I have forgotten?"

Smirking at her, Mal told River, "All right, take us out of the world, towards St. Albans. We'll need to find a planet on the way, someplace we can dump the ship without it being it too much danger."

River nodded once, turning back to complete his orders when she froze. "They know we're here," River breathed.

Rushing to her side, Mal and Zoe both checked the readouts. "We're humped," Zoe muttered vehemently, feeling her gut churn with bile as she watched the Alliance ship come about.

"Maybe not," Mal reminded her. Looking to River, he asked, "Lil' one, did you rig up some more o' them cry babies like I asked?"

Smiling wide at her usefulness, River told him, "Of course, captain daddy."

Pressing a kiss onto the top of her head, Mal said, "That's my girl. How 'bout you release one o' them right now and shoot it off in the very opposite direction of where we're gonna go?"

River smiled even wider and set about her task. Zoe looked to him puzzled as he seemed completely convinced this was going to work. "Sir, do you really think the Blue Hands are gonna give us up to go help out a stranded ship?"

"No," Mal told her, moving back to the co-pilot's seat and looking up some star charts. "But I am thinkin' that when they read Serenity's transponder code rocketing away from them at a clip, they're gonna go runnin'." Glancing back to her with his trademark grin, Zoe could only shake her head. The man really was certifiable.

"I hope you're right," she muttered, moving to stand over his shoulder and take in their choice of planets to leave the ship on.

"Me too," Mal murmured, roving over star charts. Lost in his task he did not hear Inara leave the bridge, but when he looked up a few minutes later to find her gone, he felt his heart sink just a bit in his chest. How was he ever going to fix this?

-- --


	7. Chapter 7

-- --

Chapter 7

-- --

Simon jogged towards the engine room, pausing in the doorway and looking for Kaylee. Not seeing her immediately, he stepped into the room. "Kaylee?"

The sound of a slight shuffle to the back of the engine drew his attention and Simon moved around the big piece of equipment. Pausing, he saw Kaylee, her back against the wall of the room, her knees pulled tight to her chest, rocking a bit. Her cheeks were wet with the tears she'd cried and Simon's heart hurt for her.

Moving to her side, he knelt next to her and murmured, "Bao bei," while running a hand through her hair.

Not looking to him, she said quietly, "It ain't right, Simon." As he narrowed his eyes at her, trying to understand, she went on. "It ain't. We did the right thing. Why do we gotta be punished for it?" Burying her face against the top of her knees, she mumbled, "I don't understand."

Resting a hand to her back, Simon wasn't at all sure what to say. He didn't have words for this; Kaylee was right. They had done the right thing, at least to them, just as he felt he'd done the right thing a year ago when he'd gotten River out. But the people in charge, the people who had control, did not see things that way and so they were suffering for following their own moral codes. And it wasn't right.

"It won't be forever, Kaylee," Simon told her quietly. As she looked back to him with fresh tears in her eyes, he smiled slightly and said, "It won't. We just need to regroup for a bit. And then we'll figure something out and-"

"Stop makin' promises to me you can't keep," Kaylee bit out harshly, standing and stalking towards her workbench. Picking up one tool after another only to throw them back down, Simon watched her dumfounded as she said, "You ain't got no idea what we're gonna do. So stop pretendin' you do."

Rising, Simon took a few hesitant steps towards her and said softly, "I'm just trying to help."

"Well, you can't," she told him coldly, turning to him with her arms over her chest. "You can't do nothin'." As she held his bewildered gaze, Kaylee felt guilt swelling in her chest. She knew Simon was only trying to do what he thought was best, trying to be supportive. But she couldn't take empty promises right now. There was nothing to be done and the hopelessness of their situation and the helplessness she felt made Kaylee's gut twist so violently she thought she might be ill.

Turning away from him, she let out a small sigh and said quietly, "Just go, Simon, 'kay? I wanna be by myself for a bit."

Torn, Simon stood still for a moment, trying to decide what to do. He wanted to give her space, if that was what she truly wanted, but he also wanted to be there for her if she should need him. As she continued to ignore him, however, Simon decided that maybe obeying her wishes was for the best. Moving towards her, he pressed a kiss into her hair and told her, "I'll be in the infirmary if you need me."

She nodded once, waiting until she knew he was gone to sink onto the stool at her workbench and stare at nothing.

-- --

"Sirs, we've picked up Serenity's signal," the sergeant informed them, his voice clipped by years of training.

Beta and Omega both approached the man's console, sharing smug expressions. "Let's go get them," Beta murmured, watching the pilot input new coordinates.

As they maneuvered towards their prey, he heard a few klaxons start to blare and looked to the sergeant with alarm. "What's that?"

"They're rabbiting, sir," he said, his voice still steely and efficient. "Heading away at full burn." Turning he asked, "Do you want to pursue?"

"Are you kidding?" Beta ground out. "Go!"

Grumbling he looked to his partner and murmured, "They are not escaping us this time."

-- --

Glancing to Mal and Zoe with a huge grin, River sat back and told them, "They took the bait."

Smiling to her, Mal said, "Nice work, lil' albatross." Mal paused for a moment, studying her features and River looked back to him just as intently. "Is this gonna work, darlin'?" he asked, unable to refrain from asking his resident psychic if they would really be all right.

Rising, River nodded once and said, "For a time. But eventually, we're going to have to make a stand." Moving to leave, she paused in the doorway and looked back to Mal. "Oh, and you should say you're sorry."

Frowning at her, Mal asked, "To who? For what?"

Returning the frown, River told him, "Leap," before traipsing away.

Meeting Zoe's quizzical and slightly bemused expression, Mal grumbled turning back to his work. "Not a word, Zo," he warned her. "Not a word."

-- --

"What the hell do you think Mal's gotta do with us gettin' hit?" Marty asked skeptically, studying Diego as though he had suddenly grown two heads.

Shaking his head, the other criminal told him, "I ain't rightly sure, but the timin' is just a mite too suspicious for me." Studying Ling as the man took another sip of his drink, he asked, "You ever worked with Reynolds 'fore?"

Thinking for a moment, Marty answered, "Maybe once, twice. He's a bit of a loner, don't like to share profits." With a tight smile, he confided, "Although, I remember this one time, ooh, he riled up them 'Liance fellas bad. Came tearing into my moon, needin' a place to lie low …" With a chuckle, Marty reminisced, "He does have a natural talent for pissin' them purplebellies off."

Nodding once in agreement, Diego sat back, thinking on this latest information. He too had harbored Mal and his boat once after a heist. He'd been trying to outrun some trouble and needed a place. It was common courtesy among men in their profession to offer aid when it could be afforded; it helped having favors to collect throughout the 'verse.

"An' I know Patience helped him out once," Diego added thoughtfully. "O' course she shot 'im, outta principle, but still …"

Furrowing his brow as he began to catch on, Marty asked, "So, wait a minute. You think we all got hit 'cause they was lookin' for Mal?"

"Maybe not lookin', maybe just tryin' to be sure he din't have nowhere to go," Diego amended. The longer he thought on it, the more it made sense.

With a new fire in his eyes, he sat forward and downed the rest of his drink in one swallow. Rising as he threw some credits onto the table, he started for the door, Marty's firm grip on his arm stopping him. "Where'd ya think you're goin'?"

"To kill Reynolds," Sanchez bit out, wresting his arm away from the man and heading for the door.

Following quickly, Marty told him, "Look, I ain't sayin' that ain't a noble plan and all, but that hun dan's got nine lives and you know it."

Whirling, Diego asked, "Your point?"

"Going after Reynolds is a risk," Marty told him, stepping closer as a few folks passed them on the raised sidewalk. Pulling the man into a shadow, he added, "Why take it all by yourself when you know of about half a dozen folks who'd be more than willin' to help?"

Eyes narrowing, then widening with realization, Diego allowed a wicked smile to light his face. "Do you honestly think I can convince them all?"

Returning the man's smile, Marty clapped him on the shoulder and drew him back towards the bar so they could finish their planning. "Oh, come on, Dee. You know there's only one thing men like us like more than coin an' that's revenge."

-- --

As Inara answered her door, she was more than surprised to see Mal standing on the other side of it. With a nervous stance, he glanced to her and then down to his feet as he asked, "Can I come in?"

Amazed that he'd actually knocked, Inara was speechless and so she nodded once and moved aside, giving him room to step through the hatch. Shutting the door behind him, she turned to regard him, her arms crossed over her chest. She would not be undone as she had been the night before. She had already resolved herself to that.

Waiting, she watched as Mal struggled to find something to say. Unwilling to give him any kind of help, she simply held his gaze in silence. Finally, he muttered, "We're gonna dump the ship on Whittier." His tone was even, lifeless and despite Inara's desire to feel nothing for him, she hated the dull look in his eyes as he talked about leaving Serenity. "There's some pretty deep caves there, Zoe an' me spent some time there durin' the war. We think we gotta place. Should be safe enough."

"That's good," Inara said automatically, her voice quiet. As silence again filled the room, Inara felt her resolve weakening. He was in so much pain, she could see it. She had been trained to see it, trained to alleviate it for years, but because he was a fool or she was a fool or something, there was nothing she could do to help him and it was killing her.

Clearing his throat, Mal continued. "I think we'll take the shuttles. I can get Kaylee to rig up some fake 'sponder codes. If she ever speaks to me again," he added in a mutter, the memory of the pained look in his mechanic's eyes causing him to shiver a bit.

"She'll come around, Mal," Inara assured him, taking a hesitant step forward. "She loves this ship almost as much as you do." Dropping her voice to no more than a whisper, she added, "We all do."

Mal studied her face as she spoke, noting the truly conflicted look in her eyes. He could see her pain too, her fear of what would become of them. Of course he saw her anger, but he was used to that now; he was always doing some fool thing to tick her off, and what he'd done last night, well, that was unforgivable. And yet, she'd still thought of a way to keep them safe, and Mal had to marvel at her dedication to their family.

"Mal, I-"

"'Nara, I-"

They both spoke at once, looking to each other and smiling sheepishly. Clearing her throat, Inara said, "You go first."

Shaking his head, Mal told her, "No, you. I think, considerin' all that's happened, it's the least I can do."

Inara blushed at his words, again averting his gaze. Taking a deep breath, she said, "I didn't mean to spring the St. Albans idea on you." Looking back up into his eyes, she continued. "I know I probably should have discussed it with you first, but-"

"But after last night the last thing you wanted was to see my ugly mug," Mal finished for her, a slight smile tugging at his lips.

Smiling back, Inara nodded and told him, "Pretty much, yes."

Waving away her apology, Mal told her, "It's a good thing you prolly didn't tell me first. I prolly woulda said no an' then we'd be in even more trouble."

More silence and Inara was finding it hard not to think of their brief interlude last night, when he had kissed her and touched her. She wanted him to do that again more than she wanted just about anything else.

Mal studied her for a moment, firmly locking his thumbs into his belt so he didn't charge across the room and take her in his arms. He thought of the kiss they'd shared last night and he desperately wanted to taste her again, but with all the will power he possessed, he was staying rooted to the spot.

Clearing her throat and feeling her cheeks redden again under the intensity of his gaze, Inara prompted, "You were going to say something?"

Blinking Mal looked to her and asked, "Huh?" As she continued to look at him expectantly, he said, "Oh, yeah, right. Well, okay." Pacing away from her a bit, Mal took a few deep breaths and then turned back to her. She had moved closer into the shuttle and Mal found himself backing up involuntarily, trying to stay out of range of her sweet scent; he wouldn't be able to resist her if he breathed it in.

"I'm sorry, 'Nara," he said in a rush, the words flying from his mouth. Her eyes widening in shock, Inara was speechless again for the second time in ten minutes and she didn't know what to do. Noting her uncertainty, Mal continued. "What I said last night, what I did … it weren't right," he finished softly, taking a step towards her and then stopping. _Stay away, Malcolm_.

Nodding once, Inara swallowed hard and dropped her gaze. "I understand, Mal," she said softly, wishing she didn't. Looking back to him, she said, "Just go."

Studying her intently, Mal was pondering her words as she continued to stare at him. After a few moments, when Inara knew she would start to cry if she didn't busy herself with something, she moved past him and continued to pack a small bag she had started, pulling out her warmest clothes for St. Albans.

Gasping as he moved up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, Inara fell into him as he pulled her tight to his chest. Pressing a kiss into her hair, he whispered, "You don't understand, 'Nara."

Turning in his embrace, Inara's eyes searched his for meaning. Finally seeing her tears, Mal smiled sadly to her as his thumbs wiped along her cheeks. "What's all this about?" he asked softly, running a hand up and through her hair.

"Just go, Mal, please," she begged, her voice small as she felt her body responding to his touch.

"Now hold up," he said softly, stepping closer to her so there was not an inch of space between them. Looking into Inara's pained face, he said quietly, "What if I don't wanna go?"

With the slightest glimmer of hope, Inara looked to him and breathed, "You don't?"

Shaking his head, Mal stared at her for a moment, lost in her beauty, in the perfection of her lips, those lips had that felt so good against his own, that had been so responsive to his touch. He wanted to feel them again.

Gliding his thumbs down and over her mouth gently, Mal tipped her face up and lowered his mouth to hers softly. Pulling away, he looked into her eyes once they had reopened to him and he saw more confusion in her gaze. Knowing it was time to come clean, Mal said, "I backed away last night 'cause …" Breaking off, he pulled away from her again, but this time, he kept his hand in hers and gently led her to the couch. Sitting beside her, he looked into her concerned gaze and smiled. "You are so incredibly beautiful, 'Nara," he told her, kissing her again.

This time he deepened the kiss, opening his mouth wide and meeting her tongue with his. She tasted just as he remembered, sweet and sultry and Mal pulled her close, his hands running into her soft hair. Inara lost herself in his embrace for a few moments, unable to deny her body the contact it so desperately craved. But with difficulty, she finally managed to pull away from him. Touching her forehead to his and panting slightly, she told him, "Kissing me isn't going to get you out of this."

Smirking at her as his mouth traveled along her jaw, he murmured, "I think your underestimatin' my abilities."

Running her fingers through his hair, Inara sighed as he found that sensitive spot on her neck and it was another few moments before she could again gather her senses. Tugging on his hair, she got him to pull away. "I mean it," she said softly, holding a hand to his cheek. "Tell me, please. I have to know-" She broke off, biting her lip, unable to believe she was actually going to say the words.

"What, darlin'?" he asked her, running his hand against her face.

"I want to trust you, Mal," she finally said quietly, her eyes closing against his caress. "I want to trust this," she added, opening her eyes again and meeting his intense gaze. "I need you tell me what's going on."

With a sigh, Mal nodded and told her, "That ain't easy for me."

Nodding, she said softly, "I know."

Holding her gaze for a moment more, Mal sat back into her couch, glad when Inara edged a bit closer, wrapping her legs up and underneath her. With a hand to his shoulder, she waited for him to start.

Tearing his eyes from hers, Mal stared across the dimly lit room and told her softly, "'Nara, the people I care about, they tend to get hurt." Pausing, he let out a deep breath and said, "With all that's goin' on, the last thing I wanted to do last night was start somethin' with you that could just put you in more danger."

Turning to face her, he told her urgently, "Watchin' you walk off my boat is mighty painful, but it's preferable to havin' to watch you die." His hand resting against her cheek, he added quietly, "But it ain't that I don't want you, 'Nara. That couldn't be further from the truth."

Swallowing hard past the lump in her throat, Inara leaned towards him and kissed him lightly, before pulling away and gazing into his blue eyes. "Mal, I can take care of myself, you know?" He smiled sheepishly as she continued. "And you're right. Walking away is much easier than staying and fighting, maybe even dying." As his blue eyes filled with concern, Mal edged closer, taking both of her hands in his.

With a sigh, Inara told him, "But Mal, I can't keep doing this. I can't keep pretending there's nothing here, that you don't mean something to me." Her gaze turning firm, she told him, "There is honestly nowhere else in the 'verse I'd rather be, but we can't keep doing this dance, Mal. It's going to kill me."

"You shouldn't wanna be with me, 'Nara," Mal warned, his voice a soft whisper. "I ain't no good, 'specially not for a woman like you."

Pressing a finger to his mouth, Inara told him, "I think I, out of all people, am more than capable of making that decision." Smiling at him, she assured him, "And you are the best man I have ever known."

Doubting that were true, Mal couldn't think on it for much longer as Inara's lips again met his. He pulled her to him tight, kissing her fiercely, his hands running up her back and cradling her head. Inara swung her legs out and over his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck, running her fingers through his hair.

Parting for air, Inara kissed down his neck, sucking on the skin there. "Do you want to leave?" she murmured, her breath tickling him slightly and causing a shiver to race down his spine.

"Not for all the money in the 'verse," he answered, pulling her lips back to his and kissing her once again.

Sighing with content, Inara felt her body responding to him, felt her need for him increase as his hands and lips were everywhere, showering every inch of her with attention. Moving her hands to the front of his shirt, she undid a few of the top buttons and ran her fingers over his chest, his warm skin under her hand causing her to burn with more desire.

Mal continued to kiss her neck, again pulling at the edge of her dress so he could uncover the soft skin there. One hand supporting her back, his other ran down along her leg, finding the hem of her skirt and touching the bare skin of her calf underneath. Running his fingers back up the toned limb, Mal's calloused hand against her thigh caused Inara to tremble and she let her head fall back as he worked his fingers between her thighs, teasing her.

As Inara moved closer to him, hoping to feel more of his touch, her thigh brushed over his burgeoning arousal and she smiled a bit. As his head again fell to her shoulder and kissed the skin there, he asked her, "You want me to go? You better tell me now."

Shaking her head, Inara could not form the words as his hand and his mouth turned her mind into mush; her instincts were taking over now, instincts long forgotten in her line of work. It had never been about her pleasure before, ever. Inara had never slept with anyone except as a companion and it thrilled her and scared her all at once to know that Mal would be the first.

Pressing his thumb against her most sensitive spot, Inara whimpered in his ear, whispering his name that sent a jolt of desire straight to his already hard length. "Mal," she breathed, over and over again, regaining enough of her senses to push his suspenders off his shoulders and continue working at the buttons of his shirt, finally freeing him from the fabric. As she ran her hands over his bare skin, her fingers tracing lightly over the scars she found, Mal let his head fall back against the wall of the shuttle, his eyes closing as Inara's mouth trailed light kisses down his chest.

Shifting in his lap, Mal pulled his hand from her as she straddled his hips, rubbing their groins together suggestively and getting a guttural moan to emanate from deep within him. Crushing her mouth hungrily against his, Inara poured as much passion into the kiss as she could. Sitting up slightly, Inara gasped as Mal thrust against her, despite their layers of clothing. Her eyes closing at the feel of him, Inara wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to him as he rose slowly, carrying her to the bed.

Laying her down gently, Mal kissed her again as he disrobed her, pulling her silk dress over her head. As he gazed down at her underwear clad form, Mal could make out every curve, every luscious inch of her skin and he felt his arousal throb painfully in his pants. As if reading his mind, Inara reached forward and undid his belt and fastenings, sitting forward to push the offending material and his unders down his legs.

Joining her on the bed, one of his knees between hers, his weight supported on his arms, Mal just held her gaze for a moment. Her brown eyes were full of so many emotions, it was hard for him to understand them all. He saw desire there and passion, saw concern and caring, saw even a bit of worry. He thought he might have seen love, but assuming it was just his mind playing tricks on him, he dismissed the thought. Brushing a soft kiss against her lips, Mal murmured, "If we do this, things is gonna change."

"Promise?" she asked, closing her eyes as she prayed for the response she wanted.

At his prolonged silence, Inara opened her eyes and found him still staring at her intently. Running a hand along her cheek, Mal told her, "'Nara, I don't want a one night stand." Pressing his mouth to hers, he murmured, "I want you."

Nodding once, Inara blinked away a tear and kissed him fiercely, holding his face in her hands as she drove her tongue into his mouth. As his hands again roamed over her, setting every inch of skin they touched on fire, Inara lost herself in the exquisite sensation of having sex with a man she was truly in love with.

-- --

Simon had spent a few nonproductive hours in the infirmary, trying to concentrate, but finding it impossible. His conversation with Kaylee had left him cold and anxious and while he wanted to go charging back to her side, he remembered the pain in her voice as she'd asked him to leave her and so he'd stayed away.

Not at all certain if she would be sleeping with him tonight, Simon slowly trudged to his bunk, sliding open the screen and entering the dark room. Reaching to flip on a light, he started as he made out Kaylee's form under the covers. Blinking her eyes against the light, she looked to him with a sad smile. "Hey you," she murmured, rolling onto her back.

"Hey," Simon said softly, moving to her side. Resting a hand against her cheek, he asked, "Are you all right?"

She nodded once and held his gaze for a second, before reaching for his hand and holding it. "Sorry, I din't come get ya. I jus'-"

Leaning down, he pressed a soft kiss to her lips and said, "You just needed some time. I understand."

Kissing her again, Simon moved away from her and got ready for bed. Kaylee watched him intently, her eyes dancing as they swept down his body as he got undressed, pulling on a pair of pajama pants, but leaving his chest bare. Propping herself up on one elbow, Kaylee scooted over as he came back to bed, lifting up the covers and sliding in beside her.

With a sigh of content, Kaylee nestled into his side. Simon felt her press herself against him, still loving the fact that she slept in the nude. Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, he reached behind him and flipped off the light, settling his cheek against the top of her head with a sigh of his own.

Kaylee draped her arm over his chest, her hand gently rubbing along his opposite shoulder. After a few minutes of silence, she said softly, "Simon."

"Yes?" he answered, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"You really think we're gonna be okay?" Her voice was small and fearful and Simon instinctively tightened his arm around her shoulders.

Kaylee sighed against him, listening to the reassuring sound of his heartbeat under her ear. "I do," Simon finally answered, his voice a whisper.

Tilting her head up to look at him, she could just make out his concerned expression in the dim light. "How do ya know?" she asked.

Leaning forward he kissed her gently and said, "Because I love you and whatever happens that won't change." Running his hand through her thick hair, she sighed against the touch, her eyes fluttering closed.

"I do love you, Simon," she said quietly, opening her eyes again. "I really do," she repeated, her voice and eyes imploring him to believe her.

Smiling at her, Simon said, "I know."

Sighing with a bit of relief, Kaylee leaned up and pressed her mouth to his before settling back against him. As she again tightened her arm around him, Simon returned the embrace and told her, "Just get some sleep, bao bei. Everything's going to be fine."

Kaylee nodded silently against his chest, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. She lay awake for a long while, her mind conjuring a whole bunch of doomsday scenarios that did nothing to ease her anxiety. Saying a prayer to the Shepherd and to Wash to keep them safe, she finally drifted off.

-- --

_Inara was warm, more warm than she remembered being before and she liked it. Basking in the glow of the sun overhead and the beauty of the field surrounding her, Inara turned her face towards the sky and let out a deep, contented breath._

_This was the kind of freedom she had been seeking since arriving on Serenity. The freedom to be where she wanted, when she wanted and with whom she wanted. The idyllic setting brought a lightness to her heart she had seldom felt before and, with a smile on her face, she closed her eyes against the brightness of the daylight._

_With a small gasp, Inara leaned back into the strong arms that encircled her, knowing instantly who stood behind her. There was no one else in the 'verse who had ever touched her like Mal nor anyone else who could make her heart skip a beat. Leaning her head back against his shoulder and tilting it just slightly had the desired effect and instantly, Inara felt his warm lips brush against her skin. It really was perfect._

_Forcing her eyes open, she turned to look at him and met his shining blue eyes as they stared at her. "Hello beautiful," he murmured into her ear before kissing her, this time on the lips, his hand moving up to gently cradle her cheek. Inara turned a bit in his embrace, her hands resting lightly on his shoulders as his lips continued to caress hers. With another small sigh, Inara broke the contact, her forehead resting against his, and murmured, "Hello yourself."_

_It was impossible to tell, as it almost always was, how long they stood in each other's arms, but too quickly, night was upon them, the sun of the day fading and leaving a chill wind behind. Shivering slightly, Inara moved to stand more securely in Mal's arms and gasped, this time in shock as she registered that he wasn't there._

"_Mal?" Trying to keep the worry from her voice, she looked around, the approaching darkness making it difficult to see. "Mal?" she called again, this time with a bit of panic and was rewarded with a small and familiar chuckle._

"_I'm right over here, darlin'," he said and as Inara turned in the direction of his voice she felt a bit of relief replace her anxiety. _

_Moving towards him, she said, "Where did you-"_

_Abruptly, Inara stopped again, watching as Mal's form continued to retreat from her. Even as she hurried her steps, rushing to catch him, he kept backing away. Breaking into a run, Inara yelled, "Mal! Stop! Where are-"_

"_Can't stay forever, darlin'." His voice, still easy and carefree reached her, making Inara's blood run cold with the casualness of it all. "Dangerous men are lookin' for me. Gotta keep movin'."_

_Feeling a tear slide down her cheek, Inara continued to run, her lungs burning as she ran out of oxygen. "Mal, please! Stay with me!"_

"'Nara."

With a start, Inara came to, her mind reeling from the horror of her dream. Looking about, she recognized her dimly lit shuttle, the feel of the bed beneath her. But turning her head slightly to the side she saw Mal's concerned gaze, his face hovering inches from hers and Inara felt another tear break free at the sight of him.

With very little forethought Inara lunged for him, wrapping her arms firmly around his shoulders and hugging him to her. Startled, and more than concerned by Inara's sleep talking, Mal held her back tightly, not at all liking the fact that she was having a nightmare after their first time together.

She was shaking and Mal liked that even less. Running his hand through her thick curls, he tried to shush her, whispering soothing words in her ear. Inara continued to hold him, her head buried in the crook of his neck. It had been so real, that was what had Inara so rattled. Mal had just walked away; he'd walked away from her.

As another violent tremble shook her, Mal reached around and pulled the blankets tighter to their naked forms. It had been an unbelievable act of passion, their love making, and it had left them both tired. In an effort to enjoy the moment and not think about the consequences they had both been dozing when Inara had begun thrashing about and murmuring. Now as Mal held her tighter and Inara let him, he was doing his best not to panic and trying to think of what to do next.

Placing his hands on her cheeks, Mal gently pulled her head away from his shoulder so he could look into her eyes. Those deep, brown eyes that had drawn him in the minute he'd met her. He'd never told her that of course, never told her that he'd gotten lost in her eyes before, had decided long ago that it was the only place he ever wanted to drown, but it was true. And the fear that stared back at him now made his heart hurt.

"'Nara?" he whispered, running his hand gently down her cheek, while brushing some hair behind her ear. "What is it, darlin'? That sounded like a mighty nasty dream."

Shaking her head quickly, Inara did not back away from him only dropped her eyes to the bedspread. "It was nothing. Just a nightmare is all." Taking a deep breath, Inara counted to five and affected her best companion-gaze before looking back to Mal.

Apparently it had been the wrong move. "Don't do that," he told her, his tone harsh, his hands gripping her face a bit more tightly and forcing her eyes to meet his. "Don't treat me like one o' them clients. I ain't them," he finished in a whisper, his momentary spurt of anger gone. "I ain't gonna love ya an' leave ya."

Inara's eyes pooled with tears at his words, but she couldn't tell him why. Not only was that quite possibly one of the most romantic things she had ever heard, it was also a direct contradiction to her dream, the dream that had felt so real; the dream that had ended with Mal leaving her.

Shaking her head again, Inara bit her lip. Dropping her gaze back to the bed, Inara prayed that Mal would just let it go, but of course, he didn't. Running his thumbs along the bottom of her eyes, he managed to dislodge a few of her tears and when she again looked to him, her cheeks were wet. "Tell me, ai ren," he murmured, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"It's really very silly, Mal," she said quietly, shifting out of his hold to lay back into her pillows. "It was just a nightmare." As he lay down beside her, their heads so close they were on the same pillow, Mal studied her. Noting the intensity of the gaze, Inara assured him, "Really. I'm sorry I woke you."

Running a hand up and through her hair, Mal didn't speak for several moments, content instead to watch the peaceful look that came over Inara's face at his touch. She really was incredibly beautiful and Mal was having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that not only had he just slept with her, but she had wanted to sleep with him. As the silence lingered, Mal said quietly, "It mighta been a nightmare, but I was in it."

Snapping her eyes open to meet his gaze, Inara realized she must have cried out in her sleep. Taking a deep, steadying breath, she told him evenly, "Yes, you were."

"An' you were asking me not to go," he continued, watching closely for her reaction. At this last statement, she actually shivered again, and Mal pulled her close, his arm around her waist. She nestled into him with a small sigh and Mal felt a little better as she relaxed. "Where was I goin'?"

Shrugging lightly, Inara told him softly, "I don't know. You were just leaving." With another heavy sigh, she added quietly, "You were leaving me."

Brushing a kiss to her forehead, Mal wrapped both his arms around her and held fast. "I ain't gonna do that, 'Nara," he whispered. "I tol' ya, this ain't a one-time thing for me." Glancing down with a sudden lump in his throat, Mal swallowed thickly and added quietly, "Unless you want it to be."

With wide eyes, Inara looked up to him sharply and breathed, "Oh god no." Smiling slightly, she rested a hand to his face and said, "Mal, I have no idea how we're ever going to make this work, but …" Swallowing hard, Inara murmured, "Just don't go, Mal."

Feeling the tightness in his chest lessen immensely, Mal pulled her close to him and said, "I ain't, darlin'." Resting his cheek to her hair, they lay still and quiet for several moments, and Mal could feel Inara's body sagging as she tried to sleep. Pressing another kiss into her hair, Mal whispered, "It's okay, 'Nara, sleep.

"I'll keep them nightmares away."

-- --


	8. Chapter 8

-- --

Chapter 8

-- --

"We had a trace on their signal at Beylix, but it appears it was a decoy," Beta reported with disgust. Meeting Adamson's intense gaze as he stared at the screen, the agent actually felt shame; shame that immediately turned into anger and a deep desire to kill Malcolm Reynolds painfully while capturing and delivering River Tam to his superiors.

"I seem to remember your assurances that your plan would work," Adamson growled, staring down the other man. "I seem to remember you standing on my ship, guaranteeing the capture of River Tam and the rest of Serenity's crew." Pausing, he let his eyes bore a hole into the other man, before grounding out, "Do you remember that, Beta?"

"Yes sir," he answered quietly. Seething with anger at his own failure and the other man's condescension, he bit out, "We are doing everything we can to track them. They will not elude us again."

"See that they don't," Adamson ordered and then the screen went blank.

Dropping into a seat, Beta let out a heavy sigh. This Tam girl was going to cost him much more trouble than she would ever be worth, he was certain of that now. Spinning around to face the door as he heard it open Beta demanded his visitor, "Tell me you have news."

Nodding once, Omega offered, "We've been able to track the trajectory of the decoy signal. We have a point of origin."

"And?" Beta snapped, rising up in his chair and staring down his partner.

Swallowing thickly, the other man answered, "And we have the remnants of an ion trail." Pulling out a data card from behind his back, Omega tossed it easily to Beta and watched as the other man's eyes widened at the information. "It was definitely a firefly-class ship and it was definitely looking to land on Beylix."

With a tight smile, Beta rounded the desk and headed for the door, Omega following on his heels. "It's time to close in for the kill."

-- --

"'Nara?"

Glancing up from her vanity, Inara met Kaylee's grin in her mirror. Turning to her friend, Inara reached out her hand and gestured the younger woman forward. "Mei mei, it's so good to see you," she confided, rising to hug the mechanic when she was close enough. "I feel like we haven't talked in ages."

Smiling, Kaylee pulled back and plopped herself easily on Inara's couch. "I know an' so much has been happenin,'" she said coyly, winking at the older woman as she rushed to her side.

"You and Simon," Inara elaborated, cocking her eyebrow suggestively.

With a big nod, Kaylee said with a satisfied grin, "Mmm hmm." As a knowing smile covered Inara's face, Kaylee barreled ahead. "'Nara, he's so swai. I mean, I've always known he was good looking, but 'Nara," she told her, clamping her hand over her friend's and holding her gaze intently. "Muscles, he's got a body like you would never-"

Giggling like a girl, Inara settled back into the sofa, delighting in the happiness of her friend. She had known that things between Kaylee and the young doctor had progressed past their previous awkwardness and she knew, mostly from Mal, that the couple had been spotted in more than one intimate embrace. But they hadn't had a minute to talk about it, and Inara's heart swelled at the way Kaylee's eyes danced. She was so happy, as she should be.

"It's so good to see you happy, Kaylee," Inara told her honestly, pulling the girl to her for a quick hug. "And is Simon happy?"

Pulling away, Kaylee smiled again and said, "I think so. He told me he loves me," she added in a small voice, still a bit uncertain of his admission so soon in their relationship. True, it had been her blabbering that had forced the issue and Kaylee feared that while Simon had seemed sincere, he had just repeated the phrase to appease her. She didn't want to believe that, but … well, given all Simon had been through and how different they were, she couldn't rightly see why he'd actually be in love with her.

"Mei mei, that's wonderful," Inara said, her eyes shining for her friend. Noting the distraught look on Kaylee's features, she amended, "Isn't it?"

Nodding quickly, Kaylee told her, "Oh yeah, it is. It's just, I kinda blurted it out an' I think Simon might just been sayin' it to say it, ya know?" As a glimmer of fear diminished the joy in her eyes, Kaylee added, "It is kinda soon to be sayin' it, but you know me. It pops in my head an' comes outta my mouth."

Smiling warmly, Inara told her, "Kaylee, you know that Simon is a very sincere, deeply caring young man. I doubt he would tell you anything just because." Reaching up a hand to her face, Inara got Kaylee's green eyes to meet her brown ones as she said softly, "I think you need to trust him."

Taking a deep breath, Kaylee again smiled wide and said, "I know I do. An' I do trust 'im, really. It'll work out." With another wide-eyed gaze, she asked, "Won't it?"

Running a hand through Kaylee's hair and averting her gaze, Inara thought on her own relationship with Mal. He had left that morning, early, not wanting to alert the crew to their business. Inara had agreed that was probably for the best at the moment, but she still hadn't liked the idea of him slinking away like they were doing something wrong. Truthfully, it made her doubt that anything they had done or said the night before had really happened. "I hope so," she finally answered, her voice soft, her gaze drifting.

Frowning at her, Kaylee reached out and took Inara's hand, holding it tight. Once the older woman's eyes were on her, Kaylee said firmly, "Okay, spill."

Smiling, Inara told her, "Kaylee, I don't know what you're talking about."

Her frown deepening, Kaylee crossed her arms over her chest, tilting her head to one side and studying Inara intently. When her scrutiny produced no concrete evidence, Kaylee rose, circling the shuttle. Inara watched with a slightly bemused expression, wondering what exactly the younger woman was hoping to find. Rounding the bed, Kaylee studied it for another moment and then whirled around, her eyes again dancing with joy. "You had sex!" she yelled, her voice carrying out the open shuttle door.

Her eyes widening in shock, Inara sat frozen for a moment, before rushing to shut her hatch and then confront her friend. Sputtering with feigned indignation, Inara told her, "Kaylee, I certainly did not-"

Rolling her eyes, Kaylee reached for her friend's hand and pulled her towards the head of the bed. Pointing to the pillows she said, "There's two head marks on them."

Inara's eyes traveled the length of her arm, amazed when she saw what Kaylee did. Ai ya, the girl was observant. Grasping for an excuse, Inara told her, "I was just restless last night, in my sleep."

Her eyes twinkling, Kaylee grinned and said, "I'll bet ya were." Sinking onto the bed and pulling Inara down next to her, Kaylee asked, "So, is the cap'n any good?"

"Kaylee!" Inara had no idea why her cheeks were flushing or why she felt the need to back away from her friend, heading across the shuttle and taking a few deep breaths. Inara had been trained her entire life not to be shy about sex. But last night hadn't been about sex; Inara wondered when she'd finally figure that out. It had been about love, loving Mal, and that was a topic she had no experience with. Nor was it an experience she was eager to share; at least, not yet. Trying desperately to deter Kaylee's train of thought, Inara retorted, "Is Simon?"

Not surprisingly a dreamy look passed across the younger girl's face. "So much better than I ever thought he'd be," she confided, her voice a bit wistful. With a slight shake of her head, Kaylee refocused her attention to Inara, waiting expectantly for the companion to share similar details about her night with the captain.

Turning back to Kaylee, Inara smiled patiently and told her, "Mei mei, you know I love you, but this is something …" Trailing off, Inara thought of how best to explain. Taking a deep breath, she said, "This is something new for me and for Mal. I think," she muttered hesitantly, in truth having no clue how he was feeling. Moving back to Kaylee's side and sitting, she finished, "I would love to tell you all about it, but right now, I kind of want to keep it to myself. Okay?"

Nodding once, Kaylee looked to Inara for only another second before wrapping her arms around the other woman and embracing her tightly. "Oh, 'Nara, I'm so happy for you. You an' the cap'n. I want ya to be so happy."

Patting the girl's back lightly, Inara murmured, "So do I, mei mei. So do I."

-- --

"Lil' one?"

Zoe circled the cargo bay, looking for River, slightly concerned as the girl had not shown up for breakfast. Simon hadn't either, so Zoe had headed to the infirmary first, thinking the two siblings might be sequestered there, in the midst of tests or some such, but the doc had not seen his sis either. Offering to look for her, Simon had reluctantly agreed. Zoe knew he had seen the way she'd started to dote on River during the past few weeks, and while he was a bit baffled by it, it did relieve him to know that someone else was looking out for her.

But it was mighty hard to do that when the girl couldn't be found. "River?" Zoe's eyes swept over the catwalks again, knowing that was River's favorite hiding spot. Squinting as she made out a small, dark form in the far corner, Zoe trudged towards it, lightly jogging up the stairs.

Of course, Zoe's concern was also born out of the very real memory of River's caterwauling just a few nights before and again last night. She was still sleeping in Kaylee's bunk, giving Zoe a ringside seat to her thrashing about. When River had started screaming Zoe had rushed to her side, a bit surprised when Mal did not show. Assuming that he was busy with other concerns, she had tried to get the young genius to confide in her, but with a shake of the head and a few strangled sobs, she had insisted everything was fine.

As Zoe made it along the edge of the grating, she noticed that River was not splayed out on her stomach like usual. Instead, the girl had curled up into a small ball and was muttering as she rocked a bit back and forth. Her concern on the rise, Zoe knelt beside her and placed a light hand to her shoulder and asked, "River? Sweetie, you okay?"

"It's too dark," she mumbled, over and over again. With a sigh, Zoe wished she knew how to interpret crazy-genius-speak, but unfortunately, it seemed to be a talent no one on their boat possessed.

"What do you mean, River?" she questioned. "What's too dark?"

"All around," River muttered, shaking a bit harder. "It's coming."

With a lump in her throat, Zoe felt the familiar feeling of dread well in her chest. "What's coming?"

At the question, River stopped moving completely. Zoe could barely see her features in the dim light of the cargo bay, but she could make out the wide eyes that took up almost half of the girl's face, her pale skin so white it was almost glowing. Rising slowly into a sitting position, Zoe watched in awe as River's expression changed from one of fear to one of curiosity. Her gaze wandering far away, Zoe studied the reader's face, waiting for the moment when she would return to the present and give Zoe the information she needed.

And in an instant, it came. Flicking her eyes back to Zoe, River held the woman's gaze in her own and muttered simply, "The end."

-- --

"Doc!"

Simon looked up from where he'd been cataloging supplies as he heard Zoe's slightly agitated voice call his name. Guessing that the first mate had found River and that his sister had done something to upset her, Simon stood, an apology already forming. But as he watched Zoe enter the small room, dragging River behind her, he realized whatever River had done was a bit more severe than usual.

Before he could even ask the question, Zoe stepped over to the comm and punched it for the bridge. "Sir?"

"_Yeah, Zoe."_

"I need you down in the infirmary, ma shong." With another hard hit she turned off the device, standing with her arms over her chest in the doorway as she waited for Mal. Guessing that now was not the time to question the large, imposing woman, Simon went to River's side instead, cupping her chin in his hand and checking her over.

"Mei mei?" he questioned softly, feeling her forehead, checking her eyes to see if they were dilated. "Are you all right?"

River's gaze turned from one of annoyance to one of immense sadness, forcing Simon to hold her tightly as Mal stormed into the room. Looking between the siblings and Zoe, Mal asked his first mate, "What happened?"

Nodding in River's direction, the two women's gazes were locked as Zoe answered, "Seems River's been havin' some other visions."

Grimacing, Mal dropped his chin to his chest, rubbing his hand along his neck as he let out a soft curse. Stepping inside the infirmary and to River's side, he waited until the young girl had focused on him before asking, "All right, lil' one. What'd ya see?"

"Excuse me," Simon said sharply, not at all appreciating the fact that he was being ignored. "Would one of you like to tell me what's going on?" As neither Zoe nor Mal looked all that eager, the doctor turned his attention to his sister. "River? What's wrong?"

Grasping for his hand intently, River locked her eyes with his and said, "Don't be mad, Simon, please. I didn't know what it meant. I didn't know what it was." Her voice pleaded him to believe her making Simon swallow his initial anger. "It's all right, River. Just tell me now. What is it?"

Swallowing hard, she held his gaze for a moment, and then let her eyes drift to Mal and Zoe. Finally dropping her look to her lap, she studied her hands still entwined with her brother's. Looking at the pale fingers wrapped in his equally tan-less ones, she whispered, "Darkness."

Stepping forward, Zoe prompted, "Tell 'em what you just told me, lil' one."

With an imploring gaze, River regarded the older woman. She didn't want to repeat it; she didn't have enough information to coach them against it. River feared what would happen if they all starting acting overcautious now – it could, in the end, blow up spectacularly in their faces.

At her hesitation, Mal stepped forward and intoned quietly, "C'mon, River. Tell us."

"I don't know what it is," she said truthfully, her mind working overtime to extract as much data from the visions as she could. They were unlike other visions she'd had before, they only came in pieces, fits and starts and River found it nearly impossible to paint a cohesive image with the bits she had. "I don't," she repeated, looking to Mal, praying for him to believe her. As he nodded slightly, she continued, "All I know is that it's very dark, it's after all of us and … it feels like the end," she finished in a whisper, blinking back tears of confusion and fear.

The room was deathly silent at this admission, no one quite certain what to make of anything. With a heavy sigh, River leaned forward, resting her head against Simon's shoulder. She was really glad he was here. She was happy for him and Kaylee of course, but during the past week she'd been confronted with more unpleasantness than she was accustomed to since Miranda, and he had always been able to calm her before. Even now, for just these few brief minutes, his presence was having that effect.

Automatically reaching up to run a hand through her long hair, Simon whispered, "Mei mei, how long has this been going on?"

Shrugging lightly, River did not look to him, but answered, "I don't know. A little over a week, I guess."

With wide eyes, Simon drew her back to look at him. "River, you should have told me," he said sternly, hoping to impress upon her the seriousness of her omission.

Smiling sadly, River told him softly, "You have Kaylee now, Simon. Need to focus on her, her needs. You don't want to lose her," she reminded him, watching as his cheeks flushed slightly and guilt clouded his eyes.

Pulling her hands to his mouth, Simon kissed them and held her gaze. "I don't want to lose either of you, dong ma?"

River nodded once again and then sank into Simon as he moved forward to wrap her in a tight embrace.

As the two siblings had their moment, Mal and Zoe drifted outside, both of them disturbed by what River had admitted. "You think it means somethin'?" Zoe asked, eyeing her captain from the corner of her eye. Something was different about him today, that she had been able to tell right off. But now, as the weight of River's prophecy weighed on him, she was beginning to see his old self coming back.

With a smirk, Mal droned, "Oh, I don't know, Zo, it ain't like the girl's a reader or nothin'." Letting the comment slide, Zoe simply waited for him to continue. His eyes traveling back into the infirmary and studying River, he answered, "I will tell ya, that with all that's goin' on right now, I don't like our resident psychic predictin' the end."

"But she also said we'd be safe on St. Albans," Zoe reminded him, her eyes also having returned to the room. "At least for a time."

"I know," Mal sighed, looking back to her. "But how long is that? An' how are we gonna know when we gotta pack it up?"

Pursing her lips as she thought, Zoe told him, "Somethin' tells me, we're gonna have to keep trustin' our Albatross for them kinda warnings."

"I guess we will," Mal muttered, trying not to dwell on the fact that the last time he had trusted River, he had lost two crewmen and almost been killed himself. Of course, that wasn't the girl's fault, but still …

Turning to head for Inara's shuttle, Mal called over his shoulder, "Be sure we're at full burn for Whittier." Not waiting for affirmation, he muttered, "I'm feelin' a mighty big cravin' for some snow."

-- --

Kaylee was tired, her day spent once again bent over the engine, making sure she was exacting the most energy from it in order to get them to Whittier as fast as possible. She had tried to explain to Mal that the engine was working at its greatest efficiency ever with all the new parts, but with a scowl and a grumble, he'd still insisted she make it go faster.

With a sigh, she headed for Simon's bunk, anxious to see him, and paused, her heart catching in her throat at the scene before her. It had been a fairly common one in the past eight months, but now, after Miranda, it seemed completely foreign.

Simon was again in River's bunk, the dorm across from his own, sitting at her bedside and watching her sleep. Judging by his intense gaze, Kaylee could only assume something was wrong with his sister and that fact, coupled with their current situation, only increased her anxiety.

Entering the room on soft feet, she stood just inside the doorway and called, "Hey."

Turning abruptly at the sound, Simon offered her a sad smile and said, "Hey." With a quiet sigh, he turned back to River, gently brushing some of her hair from her forehead before pressing a light kiss there. Rising, he headed for the door, wrapping an arm around Kaylee's waist and guiding her from the room. He'd only slid it halfway shut, when he again turned to Kaylee and she felt her heart beat even more sharply at the look in his eyes.

Resting a hand to his face, she asked quietly, "What's goin' on?"

With a weary sigh, Simon rubbed a hand along the back of his neck, trying to loosen his aching muscles. "It seems River's been having nightmares again."

Trying to keep the fear from her voice, Kaylee swallowed hard and asked, "'Bout what?"

"Some kind of darkness," Simon explained, moving with her to his bunk. They both sat on the bed, facing one another and Kaylee waited for him to continue. "She's not exactly sure what it is, but given our current situation, it doesn't exactly bode well."

Glancing back over her shoulder in the direction of River's room, Kaylee questioned, "Is she gonna be okay?"

Closing his eyes, Simon flopped down onto the bed, and said, "She should be. I gave her a smoother, just to see if it could help her sleep through the night."

As silence descended upon them Kaylee couldn't help but think of what this might mean. River's nightmares had manifested a month ago into Miranda, an atrocity more horrific than anyone had ever imagined. Now, the reader was having nightmares about some kind of darkness, more than likely chasing them. Simon was right of course, it could just be an indication of what was currently happening, the warrants for their arrests definitely qualifying as bad news. But Kaylee feared it was also a harbinger of things to come – worse things, and she wasn't sure she could handle more bad news right now.

Easing herself down beside Simon, she nestled tight to his side, her head resting on his shoulder. His strong arms immediately came around her, holding her close as he dropped a light kiss into her hair. With another sigh, he said quietly, "She was trying to keep it from me."

"Why?" Kaylee asked, hearing the guilt in his tone.

"She wanted to make sure I was focusing on you," he answered quietly, rubbing his cheek against her soft hair. "She wanted to be sure I didn't lose you."

With a small smile, Kaylee tried to relieve some of the tension as she looked to him. "Well, sweetie, your track record ain't that great. She did have reason to be concerned." As Simon returned her grin, she added honestly, "But you know you don't gotta worry 'bout that. I ain't plannin' on gettin' lost anytime soon."

Leaning forward, Simon pressed his lips to hers for a long moment. Pulling back, he whispered, "It doesn't matter because I would find you anyway."

Smiling at him, Kaylee kissed him again, feeling some of her tension ease away at his touch. When they had again parted, Kaylee's head on his shoulder once more, she asked, "You sure she's gonna be all right?"

"I hope so, bao bei," he whispered, feeling his concern and love for his sister spike once more. "I really hope so."

-- --

"Diego have you suffered a severe blow to the head recently?" With a look of absolute incredulity, Mitchell Cortez stared at his old friend. The man looked a bit more disheveled than was typical, his face sporting a dark layer of stubble, his eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep. Mitch knew that the death of a loved one could take its toll, but he had never expected Diego Sanchez to completely lose his mind. "There's no way I'm letting those people anywhere near my operation."

With a sigh, Diego cast his gaze off screen and then counted to ten. He had known this would be difficult. Trust was considered a four-letter word among the men and women he considered peers; it was also a dangerous liability. But he'd hoped that Mitch might come through – the man had always seemed a bit more level headed than others. "Mitch your operation is the most centrally located and the best hidden," Diego reminded him, his gaze again fixed on the other man. "We need neutral ground for this meeting or I have no chance of gettin' the others to come."

Frowning, the other man retorted, "I'm fairly certain you've got no chance regardless." As Diego let the comment slide, Mitchell pursed his lips together and stared him down. He knew this was important for him; Dee needed to avenge his brother's death and that was something Mitchell could relate to. However, he wasn't completely convinced revenge was worth risking his entire operation, an operation that was still smoldering from the Alliance's attack a little over a month ago, to men he'd just as soon shoot on sight as shake hands with. "What do you think this little meeting of the minds is going to accomplish?"

Doing his best to keep his temper, Diego tried to explain. "Mitchell, the Alliance leveled our operations. In the process they killed my little brother. And do you know why? Because they were trying to prevent that tamade hun dan Reynolds from having a place to hide." Seething again, Sanchez paused, taking a few deep breaths. "Our generosity at giving him a place to hide came back and bit us in the ass an' my brother paid the ultimate price." Narrowing his gaze, he told the other man fiercely, "I am not gonna just let that go. I want Reynolds to pay."

"Who are you hoping to recruit for this crusade?" Mitchell asked.

"I've already got Marty Ling with me an' I've waved Archer an' Patience. They both seem to be on board." Studying the other man intently, he added quietly, "An' I was hopin' you might consider joinin' the cause."

"Of course you were," Mitchell muttered, rubbing a hand over his eyes. While he was not convinced this was the smartest of ideas, he also had to admit that the eclectic group Diego was hoping to recruit could easily make short work of Reynolds and his crew; they were definitely motivated enough. And considering the hell that do-gooder Mal had thrust the 'verse into in the past month, the Miranda wave causing all kinds of problems, Mitchell had to admit he wouldn't mind the chance to take the ex-Browncoat down a few pegs.

Wagging a finger at the screen, he said firmly, "No guns, on anybody. And only two people per ship can come down to the surface." As he watched the other man's face spread into a smile, Mitchell continued, "And just so we're clear, I'm not trusting any of the rest of them, I'm trusting you, Dee. If something goes wrong, I'm blaming you too."

Swallowing thickly, Diego nodded once and said, "Don't worry, nothin's goin' wrong. Thanks Mitch."

Nodding, the other man said, "Wave me with the details once you've gotten a hold of the others. We'll be waiting." And with that the wave screen went dark.

Slumping back in his chair, Diego glanced to his side and smiled widely at Marty and his second, Rodriguez. "I tol' ya he'd come around."

Snorting with derision, Ling rolled his eyes and muttered, "Oh yeah, 'cause that was so easy." Holding Sanchez's gaze for another moment he said, "You realize that convincin' the others is gonna be harder."

With a thin smile, Diego told him, "I don't care how hard it is, as long as at the end of the day, I've got Reynolds at my mercy."

-- --


	9. Chapter 9

-- --

"_He doesn't love you."_

"_That's not true." She looked at the cold man with wide and empty eyes. "He does."_

"_He won't come. He doesn't care."_

_Clenching her small, bound hands into fists, she shook her head violently causing her stringy dark hair to whip back and forth with the motion. "He does care," she kept murmuring, closing her eyes and trying to conjure an image of her brother. "He does. He loves me."_

"_Has he tried to reach you?" _

_The man was faceless, his form merely a dark shadow that River could not see. He was surrounded by darkness and she shivered despite herself. He was adamant that Simon did not love her. They were trying to break her, trying to convince her that she was alone and inconsequential. River had already gleaned their motives, her abilities growing in leaps and bounds as they continued their painful and drug-aided experiments. This man was responsible for taking Simon away and River hated him for that fact alone._

"_Has he answered one of your letters?" he questioned again, waiting for an answer._

_River knew what he wanted her to say, to do, but she would not discount her brother like that. He did love her, he did care. She wanted to believe that he was coming for her, but as the weeks passed into months, even she had started to lose hope; which of course was what the dark man was banking on._

_A lone tear broke loose and ran a cold trail down her cheek. Maybe he wouldn't come; maybe she would be forced to suffer in this place, to turn into the thing that they wanted so desperately. She didn't want to, but as the man began hurting her again, driving needles into her arms, pushing drugs into her system, she knew that eventually she would be forced to make a choice and despite her need to believe in her brother, she feared what that choice might mean._

_Throwing her head back as the pain intensified, River cried out, "Simon!"_

Her voice shot through him and he was out of bed and to her side in an instant. Kaylee stumbled behind him, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she watched Simon try and comfort his sister. River was sitting up in bed, her knees pulled into her chest, her body shaking with sobs and fear.

"I'm here, mei mei," Simon assured her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her tight. "I'm here, you're safe."

With a heavy sigh, River fell against him, her head resting on his bare shoulder, her tears wetting his skin. She hated those memories. She hated that those men had made her believe her brother didn't love her; hated herself more for falling for it.

Rubbing light circles along her back, Simon simply held his sister tight, wishing he could do more. He'd really thought she was getting better, since Miranda, but this incident now was so reminiscent of her behavior from a few months ago, he began to fear a relapse. Waiting until he felt her sobs subside, Simon finally asked, "What did you dream?"

Shaking her head against his shoulder, River simply held him tighter and murmured, "It doesn't matter."

Pulling back from her a bit, Simon held her teary, wide-eyed gaze and said, "Yes, it does. Especially considering all that's happening." Pausing, he watched River try and collect herself, her hands wiping futilely at her cheeks even as more tears fell. "What did you dream?"

"I was at the Academy," she answered softly, not meeting his eyes. She could feel his anger and guilt swell at this admission and she hated it. It hadn't been his fault, not any of it, but because of who Simon was, because he loved her so much, he shouldered the responsibility anyway. "There was a man, he was …" Trailing off, River didn't want to finish. She knew if she told Simon about her interrogator's assertions, he would only feel worse.

Glancing up she met Kaylee's gaze and reached out a hand to the young woman. Hesitantly, Kaylee stepped forward and took it, her look a bit puzzled as she looked from River to Simon and back again. Reaching for one of Simon's hands, River placed it over Kaylee's, making sure the two of them were holding fast before letting go. With a small smile, she said softly, "That's how it should be."

Frowning, Simon admonished, "River-"

Shaking her head, she told him firmly, "No, Simon, I mean it. You don't need to be worrying about me anymore." Looking back to Kaylee with a warm smile, she said, "You need to be with Kaylee." Her eyes filled with just a glimmer of light, she leaned into her brother and confided in a loud whisper, "She's your sunshine."

Holding his sister's gaze for a moment more, Simon turned to Kaylee and met her gaze. She smiled sadly to him, even as he tugged gently on the hand he held and pulled her down onto the bed beside him. Pressing a kiss to her cheek, Simon held his bao bei's gaze for just another minute, before looking to River. "Just because I'm with Kaylee doesn't mean I've stopped being your brother."

Clearing her throat, Kaylee found her voice and told the younger woman, "Yeah, sweetie. We're both worried about ya. You gotta let Simon help." Leaning in close to her friend, she pushed some of River's unkempt hair behind her ear and told her, "Besides, I ain't goin' anywhere so you don't gotta worry."

With a weak smile, River told her, "But you could, if we're not careful." Looking to her brother, she said firmly, "You have to hold on to her, hold on tight."

Frowning, Simon leaned forward and asked urgently, "River, do you know something? Is something going to happen to Kaylee?"

Shaking her head, River sighed heavily. She didn't know anything concrete which made it even worse. All she knew was that the darkness was coming and even a bright light like Kaylee could not avoid the all-encompassing nature of that black. However, River did know that as long as Simon stayed close to his newfound love, they should be all right; at least, that's what she assumed.

"Just stay close, okay?" she asked, stifling a huge yawn as the adrenaline that had been pumping through her system finally receded. "Just remember to hold each other." Shifting, River wormed her way back under her covers, feeling the pull of sleep once again. "Go back to bed," she told them both. "I'm tired."

Sharing a look of concern and confusion, Kaylee shrugged lightly as Simon leaned forward to press a kiss into River's hair. "Do you want a smoother?" he asked softly.

Shaking her head, she mumbled, "No, I'll be okay."

Rising, Kaylee moved out of the room and back towards Simon's bunk as he stayed to be sure his sister was really asleep. Once inside the small room, she sank onto the bed, sitting with her back to the wall and her knees to her chest. Shaking slightly as she remembered River's cryptic words, Kaylee tried to dismiss her warnings. But how could she? The girl was a reader, a psychic, and she had proved on more than one occasion that her predictions were more accurate than not. And Kaylee did not like what that track record could mean for her latest round of assertions.

With a heavy sigh, Simon entered the room, closing the screen door behind him. Turning to the bed, he took in Kaylee's frightened face in the dim light and moved to her side, pulling her into a tight embrace without a word. Kaylee instantly wrapped her arms around him, her body shivering a bit as her fear again coursed through her.

After several moments, Simon finally whispered, "It's going to be okay."

Shaking her head against his shoulder, Kaylee countered, "You don't know that, Simon." Swallowing hard, she added, "Your sis usually ain't all that wrong."

"But she is about this," Simon affirmed, leaning back from her. Cradling her face in his hands, Simon met her green-eyed gaze and said, "I have no intention of letting you go." Bringing her face to his, Simon kissed her gently and Kaylee sighed against him. His touch could light her body on fire and calm her anxiety all at once and she had to marvel at the contrast. He was the most loving man she'd ever met and also the most loyal, protective. It only made her care for him more; only made the thought of losing him more unbearable.

Deepening the kiss, Kaylee pulled Simon to her, her hands wrapping around his neck, her tongue diving into his mouth. He met her passion with his own, his hands drifting up her neck to cup the back of her head and bring them closer. She was perfect and amazing and Simon would never tell her how much River's statements had rattled him. He would never tell her that he was just as scared as she was. He would only do everything in his power to protect her, to love her, to keep her safe and with him. Even if it was the last thing he did.

Falling back on the bed, Kaylee kept her arms firmly around Simon bringing him down with her. Bracing himself above her on strong arms, he pulled back a bit, both of them needing to catch their breath and gazed into her green eyes. Trailing a light hand down her cheek, Simon watched with a heart full of love as Kaylee's eyes closed against his touch, her face turning into his hand, a small sigh escaping her parted lips. When she had again opened her eyes to him, he kissed her softly and murmured, "I'm not going to let anything happen to you, to us. I promise."

Nodding once, Kaylee whispered, "Just hold me, 'kay?"

Kissing her again, Simon rolled onto his back and pulled her against his chest, his arms enveloping her. Kaylee sighed against him, as she felt the warmth of his embrace, the comfort of his touch. Wrapping one leg around his and her arm across his chest, she murmured, "I love you."

Closing his eyes and trying to quell his fear at what the future might hold, Simon kissed her forehead and whispered back, "I love you, Kaylee. Remember that."

Kaylee let out a huge breath and then tried to sleep, finding it a bit easier with Simon's arms around her and the comforting sound of his heartbeat just under her ear.

-- --

Diego waited impatiently for the others to arrive. As they were not a trusting sort, the men and women had refused to follow his instructions, opting instead to set their own timetables and then change them at random.

With a heavy sigh of annoyance, he paced the length of the repurposed store room, his hands behind his back. It had taken a bit more convincing then he generally liked to get the others to show up, but once both he and Marty had made a plea, the others had reluctantly agreed. This had to work; he had to get Malcolm Reynolds in his hands and make him pay, make him suffer, maybe even watch him burn.

"They're on their way, Dee," Marty reminded him from his seat across the room. "They are comin'."

"I know," Sanchez told him harshly, glancing again to the timepiece on the wall. "But they are now over an hour late. I would like to exact my revenge on Reynolds before I'm old and gray."

"Well, then I guess it's too late, considerin' that you're already an old, crotchety hun dan." The new voice belonged to a stout and hard woman standing in the doorway, a tall man behind her. With a gait that came from years of riding horses, she entered the room, her cold gray eyes circling the small space for any trap. Apparently satisfied, she motioned her aide to follow and then looked back to Diego. "My, my, Dee, you get worse lookin' every time I see ya."

Smiling thinly, Diego strode forward and reached out a hand. "Patience, it's good to see you." As the older woman inclined her head as acknowledgement, he added, "I'm glad you could pull yourself away from Whitefall."

Sucking her tongue against her teeth and dropping into the nearest chair, the prairie woman propped her feet onto the table in front of her and retorted, "Yeah, well any chance to take down Reynolds is one I'm gonna take."

Diego would have offered a response, but the door again swung open and Mitchell Cortez entered, followed by his second-in-command who was also closely followed by Archer and his man. Greeting them in turn, by the time Fanty and Mingo had arrived, it was time to get started.

Standing at the head of the table, Diego's gaze swept over all those assembled and he had to smile. He had not known that hatred for Malcolm Reynolds could inspire such risk. These people were known for some of the worst criminal dealings in the 'verse, a reputation earned because they did not trust frequently, if at all. But here they were, sitting down to break bread together if only to end Reynolds' pathetic existence.

Placing his hands palm down on the table in front of him, Diego finally addressed them. "I'm fairly certain we all know why we're here, but just in case-" Breaking off, he activated the screen behind him, flashing an image of Mal and getting a few grumbles from the assemblage.

Pointing to the screen, Diego said, "This man, Malcolm Reynolds, is the reason that our operations were reduced to ashes a few weeks ago."

"How do ya figure, Dee?" Fanty asked, as his brother echoed, "Yeah. How do ya figure?"

Smiling tightly, Diego began his explanation, outlining all the information he and Marty had been able to string together. By the time he was done, he had a room full of men and women more than ready to capture, maim and kill Malcolm Reynolds.

-- --

Inara was awakened from a fitful sleep by the sound of heavy footfalls inside her shuttle. Rolling onto her back, she blinked quickly to clear the sleep from her eyes and glanced in the direction of the noise. Making out a dim shape, she asked softly, "Mal?"

With a heavy sigh, Mal circled the bed and sat beside her. "Yeah, darlin', it's me." Running a light hand through her hair, he pressed a kiss to her lips as he said, "Sorry, I din't mean to wake you."

Shrugging, Inara stifled a yawn as she curled onto her side, her arms folded underneath her pillow. "Everything all right?"

Nodding once, Mal's eyes traced the curve of her jaw, the roundness of her cheek, the outline of her eyes. "Sure," he murmured absentmindedly, even as his hand drifted from her hair and down her cheek. "Just gettin' ready to leave my boat is all," he said wistfully, and then rose abruptly, moving away from Inara to divest himself of his clothes. This was the first time in the few days since they had slept together that Mal had not come to her almost immediately once Serenity's night cycle had started. It had worried Inara a bit, but now that she could read the tension radiating off of him, read his weariness, she knew that he had only been trying to spare her his foul mood.

Sitting up slightly and following his movements in the dim light, Inara asked hesitantly, "Do you blame me for that?"

Sighing heavily again, Mal didn't answer until he had slid into bed beside her, his eyes back on her face. "Boy, I'd really love to," he told her softly, his hand resting against her warm skin. "But no, darlin', I don't." Flopping back heavily onto the bed, he stared at the ceiling and told her, "I blame me."

Before Inara could open her mouth to protest his logic, he added quietly, "This can't be right."

Wondering to which situation he might be referring as they seemed to be mired in the midst of quite a few, Inara held her breath for a moment and then let it out slowly. "What's not right?"

"All o' this," he said with exasperation, his hands clasped over his bare chest. "We're runnin' again." Turning his head to meet her concerned gaze, he confided, "I promised myself, after we found the Shepherd and Haven that I wouldn't run from any more fights." Looking back to the ceiling, he muttered, "But I am, again."

Sliding back under the covers, Inara inched towards him, her head resting in her hand so she could look into his face. "Mal, you're not running from a fight, you're keeping your crew safe. You're protecting us," she reminded him, placing her other hand to his face and turning him to again look at her. "It might feel like running, but it's not."

"I can't be responsible for more deaths, 'Nara," Mal muttered, unaware the words were forming before they were out of his mouth. "I can't watch anybody else-"

Inara silenced the rest of his words with a kiss, a gentle brush of her lips against his. Pulling back slightly, she told him softly, "No one else is going to die, Mal."

The statement, uttered with such conviction, made Mal's heart thud against his rib cage. "You know that for sure?" he asked, reaching a hand up to her cheek as her face hovered above him. "'Cause I'm thinkin' a guarantee right now wouldn't be such a bad thing."

"There are no guarantees, ai ren," she replied, her fingers running lighting through his hair. "There's only faith."

Rolling his eyes, Mal reminded her, "Yeah, well, I don't believe in God."

"You don't have to," she answered, resting her head against his shoulder. "You just have to believe. Don't you remember? That's what the Shepherd said."

With a heavy sigh, Mal buried his face in her soft hair, breathing in deeply. He did remember the Shepherd's words; they were burned into his brain, the man's dying wish that Mal restore his faith in something, anything. At the time he had interpreted it to mean he should believe in River, now he wasn't so sure. Maybe there was something else, something more worthy of his faith. Or maybe Mal was just grasping for straws, searching for meaning where none existed as a finally desperate grab to not spiral into a pit of despair.

"I don't know what to believe in, 'Nara," he finally admitted, his voice a whisper against her forehead.

Tightening her arm around him, Inara pressed a kiss to his neck and said softly, "You will."

-- --

"Report."

His voice belying none of his nervousness or anxiety, Adamson simply returned Dresden's harsh gaze and answered, "We're still tracking them."

Snarling, Dresden lunged towards the screen, his face encompassing the entire area and bit out, "So you still don't have them?"

Shaking his head once, Adamson said, "No sir."

"Unbelievable," Dresden muttered, pushing away from his desk and pacing behind it. His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides even as his chest still heaved with barely contained anger. Turning his disapproving stare back on the man, he asked rhetorically, "Do I need to remind you what is at stake for you and for the Alliance if you do not get River Tam back into custody?"

Shaking his head again, Adamson remained silent, knowing that any defense, any statement at this moment would be seen as an empty and pathetic excuse. There was no way out of this for him unless he produced River Tam, bound and gagged.

With an even firmer scowl on his features, the prime minister again leaned into the screen and told him, "I am keeping track, Adamson. This is the second time you've lost that girl." His voice dropping to a growl, he added, "Don't do it again," before flicking off the screen.

Releasing a huge breath he hadn't been aware he was holding, Adamson slumped back in his chair, his thumb and forefinger pinching at the bridge of his nose, trying to ease the tension there. He was quite literally humped if he didn't get the girl back.

Slamming his fist against the table in front of him, he ignored the throbbing pain that radiated through his hand as he thought of all the trouble she had caused him. Of course, when he'd first met River Tam, the young, psychic genius, she'd been fun; fun to tease, torture, torment. He remembered with just a hint of fondness their first few interrogation sessions together. He had enjoyed breaking her down; enjoyed watching her fall for his lies. But too soon, she had been snatched away, gone before his real and lasting work could begin.

Sure, the behavioral conditioning had managed to gain a foothold, her neural reprogramming well on its way to being complete by the time her brother freed her. But the final phase of her transformation had never begun; Adamson's work had been stopped midway and it angered him. River Tam had been poised to be his greatest achievement in human weaponry and he'd lost her.

So, he would simply get her back. She would not be able to escape him forever. While Early and the Operative had been unsuccessful, he was certain that Beta and Omega would not fail. Certain of it because they both knew the consequence if they did and both of the agents were much too petrified of death to risk it.

Reaching out, he flipped on his internal comm and called for his aide. It was the dead of night, but he didn't care. Adamson was ready for this charade to be over. He was ready to finish it.

-- --

"How's it look, lil' one?" Mal asked, his hands resting lightly on the back of River's chair as she piloted Serenity expertly through a narrow crevice.

"Right and shiny," she responded easily, her tone not betraying any of the tension she felt at flying in such tight quarters. Lowering the ship even further into the small opening, River flew slowly by a half a dozen caves, their openings round and wide. Coming upon the last, Mal regarded the ovoid shape as Serenity's running lights played across it.

Speaking for him, River murmured, "That one," before maneuvering Serenity into the darkened cave. As she moved the ship further inside and the firefly was consumed with darkness, Mal felt a familiar shudder wash over him. He had never liked these caves, liked them even less after spending the better part of a month in one during the war. He'd been holed up with Zoe and about six other men and thankfully they'd had a good store of rations, but still; the darkness and the cold had been all-encompassing and Mal did not often dwell on the memory.

"A past pain will save the day," River told him, her eyes never leaving the viewscreen as she lowered the ship slowly to the cave floor. As Mal's eyes looked to her with a bit of awe, she flipped a few switches to power her down and turned to him. "A place that was once your nightmare will be your salvation."

And with that, she strode from the bridge, heading for the cargo bay, Mal on her heels. The ship was so quiet and Mal disliked it. River's power down sequence had pulled the engine off line and lit the internal emergency lights, casting everything in a silent and orangish glow. He'd already sent his crew off and again Mal was reminded of another dark time, when he'd almost died trying to fix his ship; another time when he'd sent his crew away. Another time when they had proved their loyalty by coming back to him.

With a small sigh, he made it into the cargo bay just as River opened the outer door. Looking back to him with a grin, she announced cheerfully, "Our ride's here, captain daddy."

Grinning despite himself, Mal grabbed his bag from the floor and hefted it over his shoulder, following her out into the darkness and the relative comfort and safety of shuttle two.

-- --


	10. Chapter 10

-- --

Inara was an expert shuttle pilot and at the moment, she was thankful for the familiarity. She was fairly certain that had piloting the small craft not been second nature, she would be completely useless as her nerves were threatening to overwhelm her.

She had agreed with Mal that splitting up was for the best; had even volunteered to take half the crew to St. Albans while he, Zoe and River stowed the ship on Whittier. But now that they were actually separated, now that Inara felt the very real paranoia of being on the run, she did not like the fact that Mal was not with her.

Taking a deep, calming breath, Inara closed her eyes for a moment and counted backwards from ten. Feeling a bit steadier, when she again opened her eyes, she saw the shining white and blue sphere of St. Albans looming. Turning towards the interior of the shuttle, she called, "We'll be landing soon. Everybody strap in."

The warning was needless for Simon and Kaylee who had not strayed far from their seats on the opposite side of the shuttle from Jayne since leaving Serenity. Much to the mercenary's chagrin, he'd had to watch the doey-eyed couple stare longingly at each other for the entire ten hour flight. He'd tried to amuse himself by cleaning and reassembling Vera a few dozen times, but it was just a mite sickening and with relief, Jayne readjusted his harness, eager to get on the ground.

With a small sigh, Kaylee wrapped her hand firmly in Simon's, leaning her head on his strong shoulder. He rested his cheek into her hair, pressing a kiss to her temple, hoping to ease the tension he'd seen rising in her since they'd left Serenity.

As the ship shuddered slightly breaking atmo, Kaylee pulled away from Simon fishing through a bag she'd brought. Pulling out a small palm-sized device, she began fiddling with it, waiting until the red light atop it had stopped blinking and instead burned steadily. Rechecking its code, she met Simon's quizzical gaze with an explanation. "It's the bogus transponder the cap'n wanted." Holding the device in front of his face, Kaylee said, "This'll tell anyone who even thinks about snoopin' that we're an Alliance transport."

Frowning at her, Simon gingerly took the device, flipping it over in his hands. "Ah, won't they figure out that's a lie once they see us?" he asked, having no desire to insult his girlfriend, but also just a bit puzzled.

Smiling wide, Kaylee told him happily, "The transponder ain't for deterring folk close up. It's for anybody doing sweeps from orbit."

"But what if they do come looking? Close up?" Simon asked, still a bit concerned that their ruse was not going to work.

Frowning herself, Kaylee looked to the small box and then back to Simon and shrugged. "I don't know. Cap'n didn't ask me to think of a way to camouflage the ship, just a way to scramble her code."

Praying that the captain had a plan to counter the close-up method of investigation, Simon shrugged slightly and felt the tiniest bump as Inara brought the ship in for a landing. As the three of them were getting ready to disembark, the Companion swept out of the cockpit, throwing a warm and heavy shawl around her shoulders. With a smile she said, "Better put on those coats. It's freezing out there."

Simon helped Kaylee into hers, before donning his own jacket while Jayne grumbled the whole time about being cold. Pulling open the hatch, Inara stepped out first, her small bag in hand and pulled her shawl tightly around her as the wind whipped by. Getting her bearings, she saw the house sitting into the side of a small mountain range and began the slight climb up towards it.

With the crunch of snow underfoot it was difficult to hear much else, but there was no mistaking Kaylee's squeal of delight as she took in the sight of their new home. "Oh, it's so shiny," she breathed, racing to catch up with her friend. "'Nara, you didn't tell us it'd be so big."

With a smile, Inara followed Kaylee's wide-eyed gaze, trying to see the house through her mei mei's eyes. It was fairly large, a two-story structure with a wraparound porch. In the front right hand corner was a circular tower that extended three stories, capped by a pointed roof giving it the look of a castle tower from Earth-that-was.

Reaching for Kaylee's hand, Inara told her, "Well, I couldn't very well have us crammed into a one-room house now, could I?"

"Especially not with Jayne's hygiene habits," Simon muttered, getting smiles from the girls and a snort of disgust from Jayne. The bigger man simply stalked by, making it up to the house before the rest of them and standing impatiently on the porch, waiting for Inara to open the door.

Having memorized the code by the time she was sixteen, Inara entered it by rote and the door swung open. The four of them entered the darkened and cold interior and Kaylee's eyes only went wider. The furnishings were covered in drapes and dust cloths, but it was obvious that the place was outfitted for royalty. The foyer was a large, two-story room, the stair case extending up through the middle and ending at the open-aired landing above. To the right and left of the staircase were openings to two sitting rooms, both with fireplaces. One held a grand piano while the other seemed to contain a wave screen and other state-of-the-art equipment.

Shutting the door against the cold, Inara reached for a light switch, casting the room in a buttery glow. Looking to them all, she pointed towards the back of the staircase. "The kitchen is through there and there's a bathroom back there too." Glancing up the stairs she said, "There are four bedrooms on the second floor, two with their own bathrooms, a separate bathroom and then there's a bedroom in the tower."

Squealing again, Kaylee grabbed for Simon's hand and tugged on it, pulling him up the stairs. "We call the tower," she yelled over her shoulder even as no one made a move to beat them to it.

Smiling as the two disappeared, Inara called to them, "Don't dawdle. We've got a lot of work to do before the others arrive."

Looking to Jayne, Inara asked him, "Would you mind heading into the basement and bringing up some firewood? I'd like get this place warmed up as soon as possible."

Jayne grunted, but did as she asked and Inara had to wonder if Mal had talked with the big man before sending him on with her. Watching him walk away, Inara stood alone in the middle of the open room and looked about. It was exactly as she'd thought it'd be and yet it still brought a pang of longing to her heart. She loved her shuttle, and she loved Serenity, but sometimes Inara missed the richness of this life. Dismissing the thought quickly, she undid her shawl, draping it over the banister and moved into one of the sitting rooms. Running her fingers lightly over one of the dust cloths, she pulled it back and off of the grand piano, folding it neatly and trying to keep as much as the dust from her hair and clothes as possible.

Once it was stacked into a small pile on the floor, Inara sat gingerly on the bench and folded back the housing over the keys. The white and black ivory board was immaculate, showing no signs of wear. Guessing that the noise they would produce would be horribly out of tune, Inara simply glided her fingers over the smooth keys, her eyes closing as she remembered one of her favorite sonatas, by Gustav Mahler, an old Earth-that-was composer.

A loud grunt and the heavy scuffle of feet broke her reverie and Inara turned to see Jayne standing behind her, his arms full of wood. "Where'd ya want it?" he asked.

Shaking her head to clear it, Inara rose and began to prepare the house for the arrival of the others.

-- --

"Sirs, you'll want to come up to the bridge."

Both Omega and Beta exchanged a look before bolting from their chairs, rushing out the double doors and onto the bridge. Out their forward viewport was the black expanse of space, dotted with stars and one, small brown-black shape.

With a bit of hope, Beta leaned over the pilot's shoulder and ordered, "Tell me that's the ship."

"It's a shuttle, sir," the younger man answered, his fear of giving the wrong answer clearly evident in his tone. "From a firefly-class vessel. The code does not link it to Serenity, but-"

"How many other firefly-class shuttles could there be in this region of space?" Omega interjected, standing to the pilot's other side and locking eyes with his partner.

With a silent nod, Beta smiled, a small tight grin, and ordered, "Bring them in."

-- --

River knew they were in trouble. The other ship, doing its best to stay out of sensor range, to fly undetected caused the hairs on the back of her neck to stand up. With a slight shiver, she leaned back in her pilot's chair, and took a deep, steadying breath. With her eyes closed and her mind calm she could determine the extent of the problem and it was bad.

Sitting forward, River keyed in a different path, hoping that it might deter them. They were Alliance, the Hands of Blue who had registered their signal at Beylix, and managed to find them once again. River felt the darkness they brought racing for their tiny craft and she feared they would not be able to outrun it.

Without removing her eyes from her readouts, she called out, "Captain!" knowing that while Mal had said he was going to sleep, he was wide awake and anxious. In seconds he had made it to her side, his eyes big with concern.

"What is it, lil' one?" he asked urgently, his blue eyes roving over the controls, looking for the danger.

Nodding to the screen at her side, River told him quietly, "Alliance."

Muttering a string of curses that would have put Jayne to shame, Mal shook his head and asked, "Can we beat 'em?"

Even as Mal asked the question, he knew it would be a futile attempt, as did River and Zoe who had joined them. The shuttle had not been built for stealth or speed and even the Alliance transport the Blue Hands were piloting was far better equipped than their craft.

Even with a few maneuvers, River could not outrun them. Fear in her eyes, she turned to Mal and told him, "We have to protect the others."

Pursing his lips into a thin line, Mal nodded once and then glanced to Zoe. His first mate was tense, her spine rigid, her eyes set as she stared straight ahead and did not meet his gaze. Releasing another big breath, Mal laid a gentle hand to River's shoulder and murmured, "I'm sorry, Albatross."

With shining eyes, River turned to face him and then stood to her full height as the ship shuddered once; the tracking beam had locked on. Placing a cool hand to Mal's cheek, she reminded him, "Not your fault."

Mal could only nod once, unable to conjure any reassuring words before the young woman, the girl who had already been tortured beyond recognition by the men who had captured them now, left the cockpit to wait. Once she'd gone Zoe finally faced Mal and told him, "This could be it, sir."

"I know, Zo. I know."

Zoe had no time to form a retort as a loud clanging reverberated through the ship signaling that they were safely ensconced in the belly of the Alliance's hold. Taking a deep breath, she followed Mal to the center of the shuttle, adopting his hands-up pose as they heard the sound of barked orders and stern voices from the other side of the metal doorway.

Mal had taken up point, leaving River to his right and Zoe to his left. He had left his gun in its holster, knowing they would remove it anyway. His gut churned with all he had failed to do, all he had left unsaid, all he had never accomplished. He knew, with startling clarity, that this would be the end. The Alliance, and more importantly, the Prime Minister, wanted him and his crew to pay for sending out that broadwave. And they wanted River back. Mal shuddered to think of what was in store for her, knowing that it could only be worse than what she had suffered before.

He had not protected her; he had not done what he had sworn to do: keep her safe. He thought fleetingly of Simon, knowing the younger man would be livid once he learned of their fate. With a small grimace, Mal considered that it might not be such a bad thing that he would probably never see the doc again; the boy would just be forced to shoot him for turning his mei mei over to these men.

All other thought fled his mind as the hatch rolled back and two men in dark suits with blue-gloved hands entered the room, flanked by five armed Alliance soldiers. The armed men immediately circled them, four of them keeping weapons trained on their new prisoners while the fifth confiscated their weapons. The three crewmen remained still the entire time, Mal's eyes locked with the two agents. They had not moved since entering the room, regarding all that was happening before them, no doubt at their order, with a detached interest.

When it was determined that the Captain and his crew were clean, one of the blue hands stepped forward, addressing Mal. "Captain Reynolds," he said, his voice a monotone. "You are a very difficult man to track down."

"Yeah, well, I hate bein' predictable," Mal told him, cocky even in the face of certain torture and possible death.

The other man showed no expression as he continued, his eyes roaming over first Zoe and then River. "And I see you have returned something to us." Stepping over to stand before the young reader, Beta held her gaze for a few moments. He had barely a drop of the talent the girl possessed, but even Beta could read her strength and her skill; of course, he could also read her fear, but that particular emotion had never concerned him. "A piece of stolen property finally back where it belongs."

"She ain't property," Mal bit out, turning back to look at the man. Apparently, he moved too fast. With a swift jerk, the soldier nearest the captain jammed the butt of his gun into Mal's stomach, causing him to double over, gasping for air. Blinking rapidly, Mal held his gut for a moment, before straightening back up to come face to face with the first agent.

"You were saying, Captain Reynolds?" the man drawled.

With a smirk, Mal took another deep breath and repeated, "She ain't property an' she certainly don't belong to you."

His statement only caused another swift hit to his stomach and this time his back, causing Mal to fall to the floor on one knee. Standing over the gasping captain, Beta regarded him coolly, and said, "I think, Captain Reynolds, that your opinion of what does and what does not belong to the Alliance are about to change."

Nodding once, Beta's men roughly dragged Mal to his feet, while the others manhandled Zoe and River out of the shuttle. The Tam girl tensed as the guards squeezed her arms tightly. She wanted to end them, lash out with a few swift kicks and drag them down, but she knew she couldn't. There was too much at risk; the odds were not with her and she had to weigh the risk against the reward.

Beta and Omega watched them go and then stepped out behind them. As they were pulled out of earshot, Beta told his partner, "This could actually be fun."

Frowning at him, Omega answered, "We still need the rest of the crew or Adamson is going to be very displeased."

Smirking, Beta strode forward and told him, "Oh, we'll get the rest of the crew. Have no fear."

-- --

Simon and Kaylee had wanted desperately to try out the bed in their room and the tub on the third floor of the tower in their private bathroom. But after only a few moments of kissing, Inara had come knocking, ordering them to get a move on so that everything would be in place once Mal and the others arrived.

With a groan, the lovebirds had separated, Simon moving to help Jayne as he made sure each of the chimneys was clear and safe for a fire, while Kaylee followed Inara from room to room, shaking out dust cloths and uncovering furniture.

As they worked their way into the third bedroom, uncovering another bed that was a mattress and not much else, Kaylee frowned and asked, "Where's all the sheets an' blankets an' stuff?"

With a small smile, Inara finished folding her drop cloth and then looked to Kaylee. Reaching for the girl's hand, Inara told her, "I'm glad you asked."

Moving to her side, Kaylee's eyes lit with even more delight as Inara knelt down at the foot of the bed and placed her fingers in two knots on the end of one short floorboard. Pulling up with a bit of effort, she revealed a storage compartment in the floor full of everything the room could possibly need. As Inara reached down and piled the fine linens and down comforters beside her, Kaylee went to her knees beside the woman, running her hands over everything and cooing like a small child.

"Oh, 'Nara, these is shiny," she murmured, rubbing her face in a particularly soft fleece blanket. "An' I'll bet they're warm too."

"They certainly are," the companion assured, straightening once she had emptied out the small chamber.

Peering down into the hole, Kaylee said, "Wow, that thing's pretty big. I betcha River could fit down there."

Frowning at her, Inara grabbed an armful of linens and said, "Well, let's not suggest that mei mei. The house is full of these compartments and if River decided to hide in one, it could take us days to find her."

Giggling softly at the thought, Kaylee moved back to the bed, helping Inara make it. As they had finished and were placing the comforter over the sheets, Simon poked his head into the room. "Hey."

Turning at the sound with a wide grin on her face, Kaylee broke into a fit of giggles at the sight of him. His face was smudged with soot, the black ash across his forehead, cheeks and down his nose. Even Inara, for all her training could not suppress a bit of laughter.

Puzzled, Simon asked, "What? I was just coming to tell you the chimneys are clear."

Collecting herself somewhat, Kaylee moved towards him and said, "Well, o' course they are, sweetie. You're wearin' all the soot."

His confusion turning to annoyance, he walked back out to the landing, and bellowed, "Jayne!"

"What?" came the big man's gruff reply as he stepped up to the bottom of the staircase and met the doc's angry gaze above.

"You told me I was clean," Simon bit out, pointing at his face and trying to ignore Kaylee as she dissolved into another fit of laughter.

With a smirk, Jayne looked to him for a moment, eyes twinkling and asked, "Did I? Huh, must've been seein' things." Whistling softly, Jayne ambled away, leaving a fuming Simon to stand at the railing.

"Overgrown, stupid, unevolved ape-man," Simon muttered. Looking back to Kaylee, he saw her wipe tears from her eyes and had to smile. "Are you enjoying yourself?"

Smiling to him affectionately, Kaylee leaned forward and kissed him soundly. "I think it's cute," she told him once they'd parted. As Simon opened his mouth to disagree, Kaylee pressed a finger to his lips and said, "Why don't you get cleaned up an' I'll fix ya a treat?"

Wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, Simon moved towards her, wrapping his arms around her waist. Leaning in to nuzzle the soft skin of her cheek, he murmured, "What kind of treat?"

"Not that kind," she told him, slapping playfully at his arm. "But it'll be good," she amended at the look of disappointment on his features.

Frowning, Simon mumbled, "I doubt that." Brushing a quick kiss to her mouth, Simon turned to go and said, "I'll see you downstairs in a bit."

Watching him go, Kaylee allowed her gaze to linger over his well-proportioned backside, before turning back into the bedroom with a sigh. Inara was still fixing things around the room and Kaylee watched her for a moment, noting the way her friend's hands never stopped, how her body never stilled.

A bit concerned, she moved forward and stood at Inara's side, studying her for another moment before asking quietly, "You okay, 'Nara?"

With a practiced look of ease, Inara looked to her quickly and told her, "Of course, mei mei. Why wouldn't I be?"

Frowning, Kaylee wasn't rightly sure. She had known Inara for a while now, almost two years and she liked to consider herself fairly astute when it came to understanding others, but there were still hidden mysteries to Inara's moods and personality that Kaylee had yet to unearth. With a small shrug, she finally said, "All right then," and left, heading for the kitchen and hoping that they would have the supplies she'd need to make her "treat."

Inara waited until she was gone to release a soft sigh. She wasn't all right of course; even though it had only been twelve hours she acutely felt Mal's absence. Doing her best to keep her fears at bay, Inara simply kept moving, hoping the knot in her gut that told her something was wrong was just a construct of her overactive imagination.

-- --

"Where is the rest of your crew?"

With a roll of his eyes, Mal simply regarded his interrogator, the same blue-handed agent who had taken him off the shuttle and remained silent. They had been at this for over four hours now and Mal was quickly tiring of the man's persistence; didn't he know there was no way Mal was giving up his family?

Holding the captain's fierce stare, Beta regarded him with an unreadable expression, his lips pressed into a thin line as he decided how best to proceed. He had expected Serenity's captain to be stubborn however patience was a virtue Beta possessed. But he did not like the idea of that ragtag group out there in the 'verse, having time to cook up a scheme.

Turning to his partner, Omega gave him the barest of shrugs and Beta sighed softly. "All right then." Glancing towards the opaque window in the center of the room, the agent spoke to it. "Take Captain Reynolds back to his cell and bring us the woman."

"It ain't gonna matter who you talk to," Mal told him as two heavily armed guards entered the room and grabbed him roughly by the arms. "Not one of us is gonna tell you anythin'."

Smiling tightly, Beta watched as the soldiers hauled Mal from the room and murmured, "We'll see."

Once the door was safely shut behind them, he turned to his partner. "Has Adamson been contacted?"

Nodding once, the other man told him, "Yes, he's en route. We can expect him in approximately five days."

The small grin again on his features, Beta sat down and leaned back, his expression one of total relaxation. Regarding him with a raised eyebrow, Omega finally asked, "What are you so smug about? If we don't have the rest of Serenity's crew by then, he is not going to be happy."

Releasing a sigh, Beta explained, "No, Omega, that's where you're wrong. Adamson could care less about the rest of those criminals, he only wants the girl."

"Then why are we going to all this trouble?" Omega was confused. He had obviously missed some key information when this mission had been planned and he did not like the idea of being out of the loop. "Tracking down the rest of Reynolds' crew is not going to be easy."

Beta knew that of course, but that had never been his plan. And he suspected, delivering the seven troublemakers to Dresden had never been part of Adamson's plan either.

Glancing to the door, both men rose again as the tall, Amazon woman was brought into the room, a firm expression on her features. With no time to explain, Beta could only hope that his partner didn't do something to ruin his plan – and, ultimately, his promotion.

-- --


	11. Chapter 11

-- --

Chapter 11

-- --

"What's this called again?" Jayne asked as he downed his third mug of Kaylee's treat.

As the three others smiled to him widely, she answered, "Hot chocolate, Jayne. I can't believe you've never had it 'fore."

Shrugging once, the big man rose and went back to the stove pouring himself another cup as Simon, Kaylee and Inara sipped on theirs. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, Simon pulled Kaylee to him and whispered in her ear, "It is good, but it's not better than some of the other treats you've given me."

Her eyes widening slightly as a giggle escaped her mouth, Kaylee turned to him and planted a kiss to his cheek. "Yeah, well, I gotta save somethin' for later," she murmured in his ear, causing a delightful shiver to race down his spine.

Tightening his grip on her, Simon held her gaze for a moment more before glancing to Inara. The older woman had been suspiciously quiet for most of the afternoon and he'd noticed as the sun had set that her anxiety seemed to be on the rise.

Looking to her for a moment more, he finally asked softly, "Is everything all right, Inara?"

Startled, Inara blinked quickly and met Simon's blue-eyed gaze, her face belying her concern before she could again drop a practiced façade over her features. Smiling thinly, she said, "Yes, of course." Shivering once, she glanced around and said, "It's getting cold in here, don't you think?"

Rising abruptly, she looked to Jayne and asked, "Did you start fires in all of the hearths?" Not waiting for an answer she strode quickly from the room, leaving Simon and Kaylee to look to one another in confusion. Squeezing his hand once, Kaylee brushed another kiss to his cheek and murmured, "I'll be back."

Taking her own mug and Inara's abandoned one, Kaylee headed out of the kitchen, searching for her friend. A bit surprised, she found her in one of the front rooms, sitting at the piano and staring at the keys.

Knowing that something was wrong and determined not to stop talking until she found out what, Kaylee approached her friend and extended her mug. "You forgot your cocoa."

Blinking rapidly and refocusing her mind to the here and now, Inara glanced to Kaylee and smiled sadly. "Thank you, mei mei," she said softly, taking the mug from her and cradling it in her lap.

As silence again fell in the room, Kaylee took a seat at Inara's side studying her before she turned her attention to the instrument before them. With a light hand she gently touched the keys. "It's so pretty," she whispered, again drawing Inara's attention.

Nodding once, the companion said, "Yes, it is." Glancing to Kaylee she asked, "Do you know how to play?"

"Me?" Kaylee smiled to her and shook her head. "Oh heck no. My mama tried to teach me once, she could play pretty decent, but I never took to it." Noting a bit of regret as it flashed in Inara's eyes she asked, "You?"

Smiling again as her eyes drifted back to the keyboard, Inara told her, "Yes, I learned. I began studying at the age of three and then when I went to the training house it became my instrument of focus."

"Ooh," Kaylee cooed, turning to face her friend with an excited expression. "Play somethin'."

Frowning, Inara closed the hood over the keys and rose stiffly. "No, mei mei, chances are the piano is badly out of tune. And it's been too long anyway."

Moving to the opposite side of the room, Inara stood before the crackling fireplace, wishing it could warm her. She had been freezing since they'd arrived on St. Albans, and while she knew part of it had to do with the cold outside, part of it also stemmed from her fear. Mal should have waved by now to tell them he was coming. That had been the deal and the fact that he hadn't yet filled her with cold dread.

"So, you gonna tell me what's wrong or do I have to guess?"

Kaylee's teasing tone reached her and Inara whirled quickly, clearly disturbed that the other girl had picked up on something. "Kaylee, there's nothing-"

"If you tell me there's nothin' wrong, I will hit ya, 'Nara," the young mechanic warned, taking a step forward. "It's plain as day. I mean, even Simon can tell."

Smiling slightly at the comment, Inara released a heavy sigh and slowly sank onto a nearby couch. Staring into the dark liquid in her mug, it took Inara several moments to say anything and when she finally did, it was in a voice barely above a whisper. "I'm worried about Mal."

Frowning, Kaylee sat beside her and brushed some of the woman's thick brown hair off her shoulder. "Why? He ain't supposed to be back yet."

Nodding once, Inara admitted, "I know, but I thought for sure he would have waved by now." Taking a deep breath, Inara finally turned to face her friend and Kaylee's heart beat sharply against her rib cage at the look of pure concern on the other woman's features. "I don't know if I could handle anything happening to him."

Smiling sympathetically, Kaylee moved forward and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Oh c'mon now, 'Nara. Cap'n's been in plenty o' tight spots before an' he's always come through just fine." As Inara's look turned from concern to disbelief, Kaylee amended, "All right, maybe not fine, but that's why Simon's here; to patch 'im up."

Swallowing past the sudden lump in her throat, Inara said, "I know, I just …" Trailing off, she thought of Kaylee's comment no more than a few days before, when she'd asserted that Inara and Mal had finally slept together. She'd been unwilling at the time to share any of her fears or joys with the young woman, but now, with her anxiety mounting and the seriousness of their situation building, Inara was fairly certain she would burst if she didn't tell someone.

"Mei mei," she began softly, her eyes again studying her lap. "Do you remember a few days ago, when you asked about Mal and I?" Kaylee nodded, holding her breath as she waited for the juicy details she was hoping Inara would reveal.

"Well, it's true, Kaylee." She spoke quietly as if afraid saying it out loud would break some sort of spell. "Mal and I did sleep together and we have pretty much every night since."

Throwing her arms around the woman, Kaylee squealed and said breathlessly, "Oh, 'Nara, that's so shiny. Ain't ya happy?" Pulling back, she saw the conflicted look in her friend's eyes and asked, "Ain't that what you wanted?"

Releasing a sigh, Inara told her, "More than anything and Kaylee, it was better than I could have imagined," she explained, a small blush creeping up her neck. Just the memory of each of their passionate interludes made Inara burn with desire and she suddenly felt Mal's absence even more painfully.

"But?" Kaylee prompted, noting as Inara's stop and start confession got harder for her to continue.

"I have no idea what to do," Inara breathed, turning wide eyes to her friend. "Kaylee, I have never been in love before." At the shocked expression on the mechanic's features, Inara continued. "Really. I have never slept with anyone who wasn't a client, and now that Mal and I …" With a sigh, she dropped her head into her hands, wishing the fear and doubt and nervousness she felt would just go away. "I'm so scared, Kaylee," she murmured. "I'm afraid I'll lose him or he'll lose interest or that maybe he won't come back and …" She trailed off, completely at a loss.

Staring for a moment, Kaylee was in a bit of shock. She had always believed Inara to be the more experienced of the two of them and while it appeared that in the physical aspects of relationships she was, Kaylee knew she had been in love before, just as she was in love with Simon now. Rubbing a light hand to her friend's back, Kaylee told her softly, "'Nara, you're just in love with him, that's all. These fears you've got are perfectly normal."

"I don't like them," she pouted looking to her friend. "I want them to go away."

Chuckling lightly, Kaylee confided, "Oh, I don't know about that, 'Nara. I ain't sure they ever go away."

Eyes widening, she asked, "Is this how you feel? With Simon?"

Thinking on it a moment, Kaylee answered, "I did, in the beginning. I was worried maybe we'd be together and realize it weren't right." Grasping her friend's hands, Kaylee reassured, "But, 'Nara, when it is right, it's amazin'. You just gotta give it a chance."

"What if Mal doesn't think it's right?" Inara questioned, her tone fearful.

Frowning, Kaylee said firmly, "Well, if'n he don't than he's an even bigger fool than any o' us gives him credit for."

"Uh oh." Simon's exclamation could be heard from the doorway and both women turned to greet him with smiles. "I hope you're not talking about me."

Laughing, Kaylee squeezed Inara's hands once more, before rising and wrapping her arms around his neck. "Oh, no honey, we're talkin' 'bout the captain."

"Oh," Simon murmured knowingly, guessing by the distraught look on Inara's face that the companion and Mal had finally stopped dancing around each other. "Well, in that case, I completely agree with your assessment."

Nodding once with a big smile, Kaylee said, "Thank you doctor." Looking over her shoulder to Inara, she grinned and said, "See? I told ya."

Rising, Inara smiled back and tried to shake her fear. "Yes, you did, mei mei." Inara watched the couple for a minute more as they again stared into each other's eyes and she could only smile at the light and love that radiated from them. Moving past them she said, "Why don't you two go check on those bedrooms upstairs?" Not bothering to look, Inara could feel Kaylee's bright grin shining on her. "Make sure all the fires are going and that the beds are made."

Without further encouragement, Kaylee grabbed Simon's hand, pulling them from the room. "Sure, 'Nara," she called over her shoulder.

Smiling at their eagerness and Kaylee's insatiability, Inara watched them go and then took another deep breath. _Pull it together, Inara_, she scolded herself, moving back to the kitchen to clean up. Everything was going to be fine.

-- --

Mal was dozing when Zoe was brought back to their cell. As the guards roughly shoved her into the room, his first mate stumbled a bit, placing a steadying hand to the wall. Scowling at the now closed door, she looked back to Mal and said dryly, "Sorry. I didn't mean to disturb your beauty sleep."

Grinning, Mal watched her as she lay down on a cot across the room and closed her eyes. "Ah, that's all right. I'm thinkin' at this point I'm gonna have to sleep non-stop till I die for it to do any good."

She smiled slightly at his joke, but otherwise remained silent. Rocking his head back against the cold metal wall, Mal again studied the room wondering if Alliance designers were just blind or incredibly unimaginative. Knowing it was the latter he rose slowly and paced the square space, his hands running lightly along the smooth walls. There wasn't even a seam, a bolt that could be seen; just cold gray metal.

"If you're thinkin' of punchin' your way out," Zoe said from the opposite side of the room. Glancing to her, Mal could only smile tightly as he saw her eyes were still closed. "Give me a warnin' will ya? That clangin' noise gives me a headache."

"Nah, I think I like my knuckles in their current arrangement," Mal answered, walking back over to his own bunk and sitting down. Finally, he asked, "You seen River?"

Shaking her head once, Zoe told him, "Nope. Not since they took 'er when they brought us on board."

Mal's gut churned uncomfortably as his mind again sifted through the likely fates she was no doubt suffering. He had never intended for her to be in this kind of trouble again. That wasn't what he wanted, hell, it wasn't even what Jayne wanted, but Mal felt a sense of responsibility for his albatross that he'd be hard-pressed to define. He knew part of it was born of love, his love for the girl. Despite her crazy moods and tendency to turn homicidally violent, she was sweet and caring, ridiculously smart and more than a little mischievous. Mal wasn't rightly sure when he'd come to think of her as a little sister, when he'd started to dote on her just like the doc, but he did. And it was with a fierce protectiveness that he wished he could keep her safe.

Part of it was also the fact that she was an integral member of his crew, having adopted Wash's role of pilot as if she'd been born for it. Mal had despaired at the thought of anyone but Wash guiding his ship, but as soon as River had sat at the helm, he had felt a great weight lifted.

"We gotta get outta here, Zo," Mal said softly, sitting up to face his friend. Finally turning to regard him, she asked, "You got any ideas? 'Cause without weapons, a blow torch or the key, I'm thinking that door is stayin' where it's at."

"I don't want River goin' through this again." Mal's voice was soft, but deadly and Zoe recognized the look of determination on his features.

Rolling onto her side and propping herself up onto her elbow, Zoe told him, "That girl has survived more than just about any o' the rest of us. To be honest, I ain't worried 'bout her, at least not yet." At Mal's puzzled expression, she explained, "It was somethin' the blue hands said right before I got in the room. Somethin' 'bout a man named Adamson. He's comin' for River."

"Go se," Mal muttered, his chin falling to his chest. That was not what he'd wanted to hear. "When's he coming?"

Shaking her head, Zoe answered, "I don't know, I didn't hear that part, but I'm thinkin' that until he gets here, River's gonna be safe, relatively speakin'."

Mal nodded once at this assessment, guessing that were probably true. He still didn't like it though. Just as he was about to say something else, the door again opened and two more soldiers entered the room while a third stayed outside, his gun trained on the occupants.

"Captain Reynolds, it's time for some more questions," one man said as he approached, this time hauling Mal to his feet and slapping binders to his wrists. Grumbling as the man tightened them on purpose, Mal threw Zoe a smug grin as they took him from the room.

With a heavy sigh, she watched them go, wondering how exactly Mal had ended up staying alive this long.

-- --

River was cold and alone. Shivering, she sat with her back to the wall in the brightly lit cell, her knees pulled into her chest. She refused to sleep or eat, even as they had brought her food in the past ten hours. No one had come to question her, no one had asked her anything or done anything to her, but she knew they were simply waiting.

The men who most wanted her were not on board this ship. In fact there was a man, one man, who she knew was the root of the darkness she had sensed before. And he was coming – for her.

River shivered again guessing that this might actually be the one time she did not make it. She had tried to examine the future, had tried to focus her thoughts tightly enough in order to determine what would happen, not just to her, but to her entire family, to no avail. Everything was still clouded in darkness, and River could not tell when or if the light would ever shine on them again.

With a soft sigh, she thought fleetingly of Simon, knowing that when he learned of her fate he'd be bereft. She was glad he had Kaylee, relieved to know that the bubbly girl who loved her brother so much would be there to help him through his grief. He would need her, more than he'd ever imagined and River only hoped he would heed her advice of only a week ago and hold on tight.

Sitting in silence in her cold cell, River simply rocked and waited.

-- --

With a cry of joy that Simon easily swallowed with his mouth over hers, Kaylee felt her body tighten and relax in a delicious moment of ecstasy just before Simon's own release burned through her.

Panting and a bit sweaty, the two of them lay in each other's arms for several moments, the only sound their pounding hearts and a few deep breaths. Pressing his lips to her swollen ones, Simon murmured, "No offense, but that was definitely better than your hot chocolate."

Giggling softly, Kaylee kissed him back slowly, her teeth and tongue exploring his mouth, her body still lit with desire and satisfaction from their coupling. Groaning softly, Simon returned her passion with his own, his hands moving up and into her hair as she rolled her hips over his suggestively, causing his still buried length to twitch a bit.

Forced to part for air, Kaylee grinned at the look of pure contentment on Simon's face and then made her way down his chest, planting wet, open-mouthed kisses to every inch of skin she could find. "We need to remember to do this at least three times a day," she murmured against his skin, smiling as he chuckled deep and the sound vibrated through her lips. Gazing at him with a look of mock offense, she asked innocently, "What? Too many times for ya?"

"Oh no," Simon teased back wrapping his arms around her and flipping them over. He watched with delight as Kaylee's dancing eyes burned for a moment with newfound desire as the new position caused him to again move inside her. Dropping his mouth to her neck and suckling softly on the skin there, he finally answered, "No, three times is fine, but I don't think it's enough."

Laughing, Kaylee closed her eyes against the unreal sensation of Simon's mouth on her skin, of his hands running through her hair, of their joined bodies. "Oh, well then," she whispered, finding it difficult to form words as Simon's mouth traveled lower and began to tease one of her nipples. "How 'bout five times?" As Simon grunted, either in displeasure or appreciation Kaylee couldn't quite tell, she giggled again and said, "Or how about six? Seven?"

Finally, Simon lifted his eyes to her face, smiling wide. "Are you trying to kill me?" he asked playfully, noting the way her whole face lit up at his question.

Taking his face in her hands, Kaylee pulled his mouth to hers and whispered, "Never, bao bei. Jus' tryin' to keep you satisfied."

Simon smiled even wider as she again kissed him fiercely, his mind full of thoughts that only focused on this beautiful woman in his embrace. He would never quite understand how or why they were so perfect for each other, but he also didn't really care. All he knew was that they were in love and they were together and he would do everything in his power to keep it that way.

Pulling apart again as his lungs demanded oxygen, Simon rolled onto his side, his arms still wrapped firmly around Kaylee's shoulders. Resting her against him, he sighed at the comfort that came from holding her close, of feeling her hold him back, of knowing that he was loved. It was a feeling Simon had been missing in his year in the black, one he was fairly certain he'd been missing his whole life. He had never felt for another person the way he felt for Kaylee. He loved his sister, yes, but it was a completely different kind of bond, of relationship.

Pressing a kiss into her soft hair, Simon murmured, "I love you."

Smiling at his words, Kaylee sighed with content and told him, "I love you too, sweetie."

As silence again filled the space between them, Kaylee snuggled in even tighter, feeling a chill descend upon the room. Glancing up and out the window, she saw that snow was swirling by outside and if she listened, she could hear the sound of a fierce wind. Shivering despite the nearness of Simon and the warm blankets they were nestled beneath, Kaylee burrowed into his side.

Smiling at the top of her head, Simon whispered, "Cold?"

Nodding once, Kaylee murmured softly, "A bit."

With a sigh, Simon waited another minute before leaving the warm confines of their bed and moving towards the fireplace. Stoking at the dying embers, he placed a few fresh logs on the fire and waited a minute until it was again roaring healthily before climbing back into bed. Kaylee met him with a passionate kiss and a warm embrace and they again found themselves lying together in silence, now staring into the red-orange fire.

Running his hands through her hair, Simon found his mind wandering again, pondering this newfound love he felt and what it might mean for his future. His mind flashed to River's latest nightmare, no more than a few days ago. His body tensed slightly as he remembered the look of fear in her eyes, remembered her assertion that he needed to keep Kaylee close – to hold onto her.

Kaylee had begun to drift off, but she felt Simon's tension and her concern spiked despite her sleepiness. "Sweetie?" she questioned softly, tilting her head back to look at him. "Everythin' okay?"

Nodding once, Simon tried to smile reassuringly and failed. As Kaylee's concern turned to skepticism, he asked quietly, "Do you still think about what River said?"

Frowning, Kaylee asked, "When? After her nightmare?" As he nodded, Kaylee frowned a bit deeper, her forehead wrinkling in concentration. "A bit," Kaylee said softly. She had tried not to think on it, but it was difficult to keep her mind from drifting to those dark places when so many bad things were happening. "I guess I …" Trailing off, Kaylee tightened her arm around Simon's chest and rested her head back against his shoulder. "I jus' didn't like her worryin' so much, 'bout us not bein' together."

Holding her tightly, Simon assured, "That's not going to happen, Kaylee. I promise you that."

Shaking her head sadly, Kaylee told him quietly, "You can't know that, Simon. An' I know you're only tryin' to be supportive, but …" Rolling over so her chin was now resting on his chest, she continued. "I never understood before."

Simon's brow furrowed with confusion and she went on. "I never understood how hard your life was, on the run. Bein' a fugitive must o' been mighty scary for ya, an' I never stopped to consider that 'fore." Swallowing thickly, Kaylee rested a hand to his face, her green eyes holding the gaze of his blue ones. "I'm sorry 'bout that."

Taking her hand from his face, Simon kissed her palm lightly and then told her, "I'm sorry you have to know what it's like to be a fugitive. I'm sorry that my sister and I taking passage on Serenity put you in this position." The look of pure regret in his eyes made Kaylee's heart stop for just a second.

With a firmness to her features, she edged closer to him and said, "Don't be sorry, Simon. If'n you hadn't o' come on board Serenity then we never woulda met." With a sad smile she told him, "I ain't never gonna be sorry for knowin' you or River."

He nodded reluctantly, knowing it was the only response that would satisfy Kaylee at the moment. As she again settled into his side, he held her tightly, trying not to let his fear over the uncertainty of their situation overwhelm him.

"I wish I knew how to fix it." Her voice was quiet but it still pulled Simon away from his internal musings.

Resting his cheek against her hair, he questioned, "Fix what?"

"All o' what's goin' on," she answered, her fingers gently brushing against his opposite shoulder. "This is the first time since I been on board Serenity that I-" She stopped abruptly, an irrational fear gripping her heart. She worried that if she admitted her true feelings out loud it would only strength them, only make their current situation more hopeless.

Noting her hesitation, Simon squeezed her to him and prompted, "The first time what?"

With a heavy sigh, Kaylee turned back to look at him, her eyes pooling with unshed tears. "I'm scared, Simon," she finally breathed, a shiver running through her as she said the words. "I mean, really scared. I don't think the cap'n can fix this. An' I don't wanna …" Her voice dissolved into a strangled sound as a sudden lump appeared in her throat.

Holding onto her as tightly as he could, Simon didn't know what else to do. He hated to see her so frightened, so unbelievably terrified over a situation that was his fault despite her assertions to the contrary. And what he hated even more was the fact that he didn't know how to fix it either. He too was waiting for Mal to come in with a grand plan and save the day and while he was somewhat disgusted with himself for his inaction, he was also somewhat relieved that this time he wouldn't have to be the problem-solver.

"We're going to work this out, Kaylee," he whispered, his lips resting against her forehead. "We are, and when it's all over, we'll have this great and fantastic story to tell our grandchildren."

Sobering in a second at his words, Kaylee bit her lip, trying not to read too much into his statement. It was just an expression, after all, wasn't it? Pushing the thought away, Kaylee instead focused on his assurance that they would be fine. She had to believe that, she needed to believe in Simon and herself and their relationship. It had to work out because there was, quite literally, no other alternative.

Letting the silence again envelope them, they found themselves staring into the dancing flames of the fire for a long while before sleep finally took them.

-- --

"Anything?" Diego paced his bridge, hands clasped behind his back as his crew worked diligently. It had been almost a week since their little summit and to date, they had not one sighting or hint of Reynolds or his ship.

"Nothin' sir," Javier answered, knowing how upset his boss would be. "Their last known sighting was in orbit around Beylix, at least according to Patience and her group. But since then, nothing."

With the slam of a fist, Diego stopped his pacing, his breaths coming in short pants as his anger took over. This shouldn't be so hard, he thought to himself. Making Reynolds pay should be fairly easy, the man was, after all, fairly idiotic and completely incapable of flying under the radar. Why they had yet to find him was source of great frustration to Sanchez.

"We'll find 'em sir," Rodriguez said quietly from the man's side. "It's only a matter of time."

"Time is somethin' I don't have," Diego bit out, glaring at his second. "Not if I want the help of the rest of 'em. They're only going to divert their attention and resources for so long," he explained. "We need to find them now."

Silence permeated the bridge, each of his crew reading his frustration and annoyance and having no desire to get their boss glaring in his direction. Diego took a deep breath and tried to concentrate. There had to be a way to find them, they couldn't have simply disappeared, it was literally impossible.

Glancing back to Javier, he ordered, "Tell all our-"

"Sir," the pilot cut him off sharply just as the warning alarm sounded announcing an incoming wave. Reading the screen before him, he turned with a sly grin and said, "We're getting a wave from Ling."

Praying it was good news, Diego stepped forward and hovered in front of the small screen waiting impatiently for his new partner's face to appear. As soon as the image had flickered to life he bit out, "Well?"

"It's good to see you too, Dee," Ling drawled, his eyes flashing with annoyance at the other man's impatience. "My health's fine, thanks for askin'."

"Shut it, Marty." He was in no mood. "Tell me you know where they are."

With a grimace, Marty took a deep breath and met his colleague's gaze. "I know, but you ain't gonna like it."

As the man's scowl just deepened, Ling continued. "A firefly-class shuttle with three crewmen aboard was picked up by an Alliance transport about a day and a half ago. It was blasting off of Whittier when it was spotted."

"Was Reynolds aboard?"

With another sigh and a slight nod, the man confirmed, "From what my people tell me, yeah, chances are, he was."

Muttering a string of Chinese curses, Diego tried to keep his anger in check but quickly lost the battle. Pacing an angry path, he seethed with rage and finally managed to grind out, "Where was the ship seen last?"

About to answer him, Marty's eyes flashed for a second with disbelief. "You're not gonna try an' spring 'im are you?" Diego's only answer was to turn a hard glare to the screen and Ling whistled through his teeth. Running a hand through his hair, he muttered, "You are crazier than I ever gave you credit for."

Ignoring the comment, Diego told him, "Give me the coordinates."

Studying the man for a minute more, Marty worked a few controls off screen and Javier nodded once to his boss as their screens scrolled with new data. "I gotta tell ya, Dee, you do this an' you're goin' in alone." As Sanchez refocused on the other man's face, he continued. "The others don't care near enough to go up against the Alliance."

Nodding, Diego told him, "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind." With the briefest nod, he signaled Javier to close the connection and the screen faded to black. Looking over his pilot's shoulder he read through the new coordinates and ordered, "Plot a course, full burn." Turning on his heel he stalked off the bridge, heading for his quarters as Rodriguez jogged to keep up.

"Sir?"

"What?" he growled, not stride never wavering.

"You really want revenge this bad?"

Rodriguez's calm tone and skepticism irked the other man more than he cared to admit. Whirling on him, he stepped right up into the taller man's face and answered, "Yes. My brother will not have died for nothin'. Mal's responsible and he will pay."

Backing off, he headed away, muttering, "And I don't care who I have to go through to see that he does."

-- --


	12. Chapter 12

-- --

Chapter 12

-- --

Sometime in the middle of the night, Inara awoke and she was freezing. It was no great surprise as the fire had died down, and while she had piled every blanket available onto the bed and donned her warmest pajamas, she was still cold. Sighing as she considered that Mal's presence would be more than enough to keep her warm and toasty, she bolted upright, a paralyzing fear gripping at her heart.

Glancing quickly to the timepiece by her bed, she recognized the time with barely contained dread. Throwing back her layers of covers, she slid into her slippers and pulled on a robe, whipping open the door and running across the landing to Simon and Kaylee's door. Pounding frantically, she heard their groans as she called, "Simon? Kaylee? Get up, something's wrong."

Panting as her fear constricted her lungs, Inara waited impatiently as Simon finally opened the door, his arms crossed over his bare chest as he shivered a bit. "What is it, Inara?" he yawned, rubbing a tired hand over his eyes.

Annoyed she asked, "Didn't you notice the time?"

Puzzled, Simon looked back to the clock by their bed and his eyes widened in an instant. "They haven't called," he breathed as he looked to her, his own breath coming in short pants as he felt Inara's fear.

Shaking her head once, she told him, "No. They're three hours late."

"What's goin' on?" Kaylee asked, pulling her robe on and coming to stand at Simon's side.

"Mal and the others haven't waved," Inara explained impatiently as she moved to rouse Jayne. "And they should have almost three hours ago." As she banged on the mercenary's door, she said a silent curse wondering just why all of Mal's plans always had to go so spectacularly wrong.

-- --

"You know, I'd think you'd boys be gettin' pretty …" Mal's voice died as another jolt of burning electricity shot through his system. Panting against the pain and trying to still his body from the involuntary twitches, Mal squeezed his eyes shut, blinking hard against the tears that were pricking the back of his eyes. This was no fun.

When he'd finally gathered enough breath into his lungs again, he continued. "Gettin' pretty tired." His voice was hoarse from all the screaming he'd done. He'd tried at first to stay quiet, to not give these sadists the benefit of hearing his agony, but after the second hour, he'd stopped clinging to that false pride and just let 'er rip. Not that it had deterred them at all. Or encouraged them to ask him any questions.

Sagging against the bindings that held him upright, his head lolled back against the cold metal table and he was grateful for the reprieve, no matter how short. The pattern had been five shocks every twenty minutes, each one varying in length and intensity. He had started to bleed, his bare chest covered with a few electrodes that now sported rings of blood, while a few trails of the sticky substance fell down his skin. His head was throbbing too, the drugs they'd injected him with before the electro-therapy giving him an intense headache as well as turning his limbs into lead weights.

He thought briefly of Inara – he always did in the quiet moments before they struck again. Her beautiful face, her intoxicating scent, her soothing voice, these were the things Mal wanted to remember, not the smell of his own burning flesh or the sight of these murderous men or the sound of his own screaming.

He knew that they had missed their rendezvous by now, knew that Inara would panic and possibly try to find him and Zoe and River; he knew for certain the doc would insist on it. But Mal also prayed that they never found them. The Alliance wanted them, all of them, to pay for Miranda and if the rest of his crew came anywhere near them they would only suffer the same fate he was now.

Mal didn't want that for Inara. She had already sacrificed too much being with him, on his ship; loving him. He would die every day if it meant he could keep her safe. That was all he wanted – Inara safe and whole and happy, preferably in his arms, but if that wasn't possible, than just safe and whole and happy somewhere else.

He exhaled heavily as he felt the heat rising along his chest, the men again turning up the juice on the torture device and he stilled himself for another round of electrocution. With his eyes closed he could still picture Inara's incredible smile before the pain grew too intense and he couldn't picture anything.

-- --

Adamson was already en route to intercept Beta and Omega when he called the Prime Minister with the good news. "We have Reynolds, sir and his first mate." Pausing for effect, he added with a small grin. "And the Tam girl."

Pursing his lips, Dresden did not allow his happiness at having some of Serenity's crew in custody show. Crossing his arms over his chest, he asked evenly, "And the others?"

Trying to hide his annoyance at the man's tunnel vision, Adamson answered, "We'll get them soon enough. Unless …" He let the thought die, waiting for Dresden to push the point. If the prime minister was going to agree to his plan than he'd have to think it had been his idea.

And just like that, he took the bait. "Unless what?" he questioned harshly, eyes narrowing. "What are you planning, Adamson?"

"Me?" he asked with mock innocence. Shrugging lightly he said, "Nothing. I was just thinking that in order to be certain we've finished River Tam's neural reprogramming we're going to have to test it."

"And?" Dresden asked, clearly losing patience.

"And who better for her to kill than her own crew, including her brother." Adamson allowed the cheshire grin he felt creeping along his mouth to take hold. Sitting back with his fingers steepled in front of his face, he watched as the prime minister considered the possibility.

With a small shake of the head, he answered firmly, "No, it's not public enough."

"Prime Minister," Adamson said urgently, sitting forward abruptly and doing his best to reason with the man. "Think about it for a moment. We already have the two ex-Independents in custody, Reynolds and Washburn. Once Tam's reprogramming is complete, she'll kill the rest of them."

"And if she doesn't?" the other man asked, his expression still unreadable.

"Then she'll still have led us right to them and we can dispose of them as we see fit," Adamson answered easily, holding Dresden's questioning gaze. "It's really a win-win."

Dresden regarded the other man for a few minutes, trying to size him up. It was no secret that Erik Adamson had been severely chastised for the escape of River Tam a year ago when her brother had managed to free her from the Academy. Adamson's work was to have been the crowning achievement of the school, the final experiment in what would have become the ultimate weapon. But too soon, River had been taken from him, his work interrupted and while Dresden wanted the girl back for a myriad of reasons that had nothing to do with her ability to level a room, he knew that the man on the other side of the screen had one goal in mind, and one goal only – redemption.

"You realize that if this doesn't work, there will be no one else for me to blame but you." It wasn't a question and Adamson appeared unfazed by the implied threat as he nodded once and continued to stare.

With a sigh, Dresden nodded back. "All right, fine. Play your game. Conduct your experiment. Bring Reynolds and Washburn back to Londinium for their trial and execution. Do with the Tam girl whatever you please, as long as the end result is the death of the rest of Serenity's crew."

With one more nod, Adamson signed off, more than giddy. He had already been eager to get to River, to continue his work, to turn her into an unstoppable killing machine. But now he would get to watch her cut down those closest to her, get to order her to kill her brother and family. And he would finally get the recognition he so richly deserved.

-- --

Londinium – Prime Minister Dresden's Office

REPORT: The Prime Minister and his staff confirmed today that two of the leading insurgents responsible for the release of the Miranda broadwave, Sergeant Malcolm Reynolds and Zoe Alleyene Washburn, have been taken into custody. Both are currently en route to Londinium where they will stand trial for treason and crimes against the government.

Reynolds and Washburn were Independents during the great war and two of the only survivors from the Battle of Serenity Valley. For the past seven years they have operated a smuggling business from the Firefly-class transport, Serenity. The rest of Serenity's crew see attached images is still wanted for treason. If you have any information leading to their whereabouts, please contact your local authorities immediately. They are considered armed and extremely dangerous.

-- --

"It don't say nothin' 'bout River," Kaylee said quietly as the four of them stood hunched around the small cortex screen in Inara's shuttle. Fearful that the signal could be traced from the outlets in the house, they had all thrown on their heavy coats and boots and trudged through a layer of freshly fallen snow in the early dawn light. Now an eerie silence surrounded them as they again read the report outlining the fate of their captain and first mate.

Looking to Simon when no one answered her, Kaylee slid her hand into his and squeezed tightly. "That means she's okay then, right?" she asked timidly, noting the hard set to Simon's jaw and the cold fear that clouded his eyes.

"Not necessarily," Inara murmured as Simon still could not speak. With a sigh, she rose from her seat, walking across the shuttle and sitting heavily on her bed. "It could mean River is in far worse danger than Zoe and Mal."

"Like what?" Jayne grunted, annoyed at having been awoken early. He had collapsed onto the couch across the way, his feet propped up on Inara's delicate table, slush dripping off of his boots and onto the veneered surface.

"She's back at the Academy." The statement, cold and angry came from Simon and with barely contained rage he pulled away from Kaylee and stormed out of the shuttle. She wanted to follow him desperately, but the young woman knew he needed a bit of space; especially if his assertion turned out to be true.

"You think that's what's happened to her?" Kaylee asked fearfully, moving to Inara's side. "You think those men got her again?"

"I don't know, mei mei," Inara confided, wrapping an arm around the young mechanic's shoulders. "But I would say it's a distinct possibility."

The three of them sat in an uncomfortable silence, none of them at all sure how to proceed. Inara's mind was consumed with thoughts of Mal, knowing that he was no doubt suffering and fearful that she may never see him again. She didn't doubt the courage of resolve of her friends, but she did doubt what the four of them, including Simon, could do. Without Mal and Zoe, the brains behind strategy, they simply had one gun hand, a ship's mechanic, a Companion and a doctor. Not the best group to mount an assault against a highly secure and highly paranoid government.

"We have to get them back."

Three sets of eyes swiveled towards the door as Simon's voice reached them. His face was still hard and full of anger, the cold air of the morning flaming his cheeks with bright red. His arms over his chest, he looked first to Inara then to Kaylee and then to Jayne before asking the bigger man, "How long will it take us to get to Londinium from here?"

Shrugging, Jayne answered, "I don't know, I'd say about two weeks if we can get a decent transport." Finally processing the question, the mercenary narrowed his eyes and asked suspiciously, "Why?"

"Because we have to get them back," Simon repeated, each word stinging sharply as his anger gave way to a bit of fear.

"Nu-huh," Jayne protested, rising swiftly and shaking his head. "You're as crazy as your sis if'n you think we're got a chance in hell of gettin' them back."

"Well then, I guess it runs in the family," Simon sniped, watching as Jayne's incredulous gaze swept to Kaylee and Inara's unreadable expressions and back again.

The tension that surrounded them was palpable and no one was comfortable. Rising slowly, Kaylee approached Simon hesitantly, laying a gentle hand to his arm and getting him to focus his eyes on her. "Sweetie, I think Jayne's got a point. This ain't somethin' we can rightly do, not if we expect to live through it."

Shaking his head resolutely, Simon told her, "I don't care. I have to get River back. Nothing else matters."

Her eyes welling with tears at his seemingly casual dismissal of his own life and their life together, Kaylee nodded once and backed away, moving around to the far side of the bed and sitting with her back to the rest of them. Simon instantly knew he'd said the wrong thing and while he also knew he should try and comfort her, he couldn't, not right now, not when his sister was in such danger.

"Simon, Kaylee has a point," Inara told him, her expression firm. Rising to stand before him she said, "We can't just go storming in there. For all we know River is halfway across the 'verse by now."

Simon swallowed thickly but did not interrupt and so Inara continued. "But there are ways around bureaucracy, if one has the right connections."

Frowning, Simon didn't follow her. "Meaning?"

"Meaning _we_ can't land on Londinium," she said, getting sad looks from the rest of the room. As she strode toward the wave screen and took a seat she added, "But a Registered Companion can."

-- --

Mal awoke to the bright, unforgiving lights of his cell. Blinking rapidly, he felt pain shoot through his body as he tried to sit up and quickly abandoned the effort. Working his tongue around his mouth for a bit, he was able to croak out, "Zoe?"

A long pause and then another hoarse voice answered his. "Sir."

Craning his neck and clenching his teeth against the pain the motion caused, he saw Zoe lying on her back on the opposite bunk, her own features worn with fatigue and hurt. "You all right?"

"I've been better," she answered honestly, suppressing a small moan as she tried to shift her position to see him. "You look like hell," she finally said, as she took in his beleaguered form.

Smiling and letting out a pained, "Ow," with the movement, he retorted, "Yeah, well so do you."

They grew quiet again as they both did their own assessments of their various injuries. Mal's chest was still bare, giving him an unobstructed view of the red welts that covered his skin from where they had applied the electrodes. The raised skin was raw, dried blood caked at the edges while bruises radiated in larger circles around each mark. Again attempting to shift his position, his arms and legs protested violently, no doubt the drugs they had pumped into his system still having an effect.

Grunting and panting a bit, he was finally sitting up, his back resting against the cool wall. Looking again to Zoe, he grimaced as he got a better look at her injuries. Her shirt was ripped in a few places, most of it stained with blood. Her right cheek and eye were swelling, no doubt from a heavy-handed hit and Mal's blood burned to think of one of those hun dans striking her. Oh, they would pay dearly for that.

"How long I been out?" Mal questioned, still wincing as he continued to get comfortable.

"I ain't rightly sure," Zoe answered, her voice soft. "You were out cold when they brought you back an' took me, an' you were still out when I got back 'bout half an hour ago."

"Oh, so a while then," Mal muttered. His eyes drifting to the closed door across the room, he asked, "They been back since?"

"Nope, seems they're leavin' us in peace for the time being."

Mal disliked that theory. Leaving them in peace meant they were either leaving them to rot or were planning something so incredibly dastardly and evil it took extra time to prepare. He liked neither option at the moment.

Tensing instantly, he heard the sound of the metal door clicking as the lock released and watched as the two blue-handed agents entered the room, a soldier covering them from behind with a weapon trained on the incapacitated prisoners.

Beta's eyes roamed from Mal to Zoe and back again before a tight smile graced his lips. "Enjoying your stay?" he taunted.

"Yeah," Mal ground out, clearing his throat so he didn't sound quite as pathetic. "Your hospitality knows no bounds."

Smiling wider, Beta sighed softly and said, "Ah, yes, the famous Reynolds wit." Stepping towards the captain he confided, "We will break you of that."

"Good luck," Zoe murmured from across the room, having made no move to sit up. "I've been tryin' to break him of it for years."

Beta let the comment and his annoyance at their apparent joviality go. They would both be despairing soon enough. Stepping back, he said, "Well, no matter. In a couple of days, I don't think it's really going to matter how chipper you are."

As neither of them demanded an explanation, Beta continued anyway. "Prime Minister Dresden, you remember him, don't you?" Beta asked needlessly before continuing. "The man who issued your arrest warrants. He's demanded that you be taken to Londinium where you will stand trial for treason."

"What about River?" Mal ground out, having already guessed his fate would involve some kind of courtroom and a proverbial noose. "Where is she?"

"River Tam is no longer our concern or yours," Beta informed him evenly. "She is being returned to the Academy from which she was illegally stolen a year ago. She has schooling to complete."

Mal tried to charge across the room to the man, but his body failed him and he only succeeded in slumping further on his bunk. "Chu fei wo si le," Mal growled not at all surprised when the blue-handed agent simply smiled again.

"That can be arranged, Captain," he reminded him, stepping out of the room and leaving them once again alone.

With a heavy sigh, Mal shut his eyes, wishing for a fleeting second that they had succeeded in killing him a few hours ago. He couldn't live with the knowledge that it had been his stupidity that would again cause River such pain. He couldn't allow her to go through that again. But he also knew, in his present situation, he had no choice.

"We'll get her out, sir," Zoe told him softly, her eyes still closed, her body calm.

"Oh yeah," he snorted, shooting her a glare. "And how exactly you see that happenin'?"

"Give me some time," she said quietly, exhaling a soft breath. "I ain't worked out the details just yet."

"Yeah, well hurry up."

-- --

"Londinium. Government Complex, Parliament. Two weeks from now."

Inara watched as the screen divided itself into four rows of three images, each of the twelve rectangles displaying a capture and a bit of biographical information. In order to land on Londinium and not be questioned she would need a legitimate slate of appointments, regardless of how her stomach turned at the thought of Mal's reaction.

Tapping four of the images, she dismissed the others and focused on the few she'd selected. With a grimace she realized that while they were all highly placed Government officials, she would never, under normal circumstances, have engaged them in contracts. However, one was seeking a date for a high-profile campaign dinner while another was looking for companionship to attend a private polo match. And even better, one was attending a ball, held at the Prime Minister's mansion in three weeks time and needed an escort. Sending queries to these three, Inara sighed heavily, her fingers resting gently against the keys.

"'Nara?" Kaylee questioned quietly from behind her, resting a hand to her back.

Turning to her friend with a sad smile, Inara met her concerned gaze with an unconvincing look. "I'm fine, mei mei."

"No ya ain't, but since nobody is, I'll let it slide," Kaylee murmured, kneeling at her friend's feet. Looking up to the older woman with round eyes, Kaylee breathed, "I don't know what to do."

Glancing across the way and taking in Simon's brooding form as he sat at the end of the couch, Inara looked back to the girl and rested a light hand to her face. "Just be there mei mei and try not to push. When he needs you, he'll let you know."

Kaylee's own eyes drifted to Simon and she swallowed thickly. It pained her deeply to see him so upset, so angry, so fearful. She knew that his thoughts were consumed with images of River and what she was suffering and while Kaylee had initially tried to convince him that she would be all right, he had immediately rebuffed her, letting her know in no uncertain terms that regardless of what may be happening, his sister was not all right as long as she was with those agents. Kaylee, of course, had known that to be true, but it just wasn't in her to dwell on the negative, no matter how overwhelming it seemed.

With a small sigh, she looked back to Inara, noting the faraway look in the Companion's eyes. Guessing she was just as concerned for the captain, Kaylee laid a gentle hand to her knee and said softly, "He'll be okay."

"I hope so, Kaylee," Inara breathed, offering the girl a soft smile. Shaking her head slightly to clear it, she looked back to Simon and then rose. "I'm going to check on our course. I don't like leaving Jayne alone in the cockpit for extended periods of time."

Kaylee smiled slightly at the comment as her sad eyes drifted back to the man she loved. Squeezing her arm gently, Inara whispered again, "Just be there," before moving past the young woman and into the cockpit.

Once they were relatively alone, Kaylee moved back to Simon's side and sat down gingerly. Glancing to him for a minute, Kaylee hated the way he was staring; he'd been like this since they'd left St. Albans over three days ago. He barely talked and when he did it was only a few words that were always cold and abrasive. He hadn't touched her since they'd been in the black, not even agreeing to sleep with her in one of the crew bunks.

And it was killing her. Kaylee had seen Simon brood before; it had been a fairly common occurrence in his first few months on board when River's condition had been extremely bad. But since Miranda, even before that, since they'd helped Nandi and Petaline, he'd been doing so much better. And of course, the last month or so, as they had finally started a relationship, had been incredible. The absence of that, of his love, of his presence in her life made Kaylee cold, in her bones, almost as cold as she'd been on St. Albans and she shivered despite herself.

Looking to him again, she said softly, "We're gonna get her back."

Simon nodded once, but did not speak and so Kaylee continued. "Once we get the cap'n an' Zoe out, we'll be able to go stormin' in there and get River too."

She smiled weakly as he finally turned to regard her, the expression fading instantly as she registered the look in his cold eyes – hopelessness. "Kaylee, do you have any idea how long it took me to get to River before?" he asked, his tone harsh. "Two years. Two years of secret meetings and bribes. Two years of being arrested and sneaking out of the house. Two years of exploiting and then ruining every connection I had." Letting out a huge sigh, he turned his eyes forward and said, "It's not going to matter if Zoe and Mal are there or not. The resources I need to get River back I no longer have access to."

"What is it with all this 'I' stuff?" Kaylee asked hotly, her anger at their situation and Simon's detachment on the rise. Grasping for his hand, she squeezed it firmly and told him, "You ain't in this alone."

"Yes I am!" he shouted, standing quickly and pacing in front of her. "It's always been me and River. It's my job to keep her safe, to protect her, to get her back." He continued in a quiet voice, not even aware of the effect his words were having on Kaylee, paying no attention as tears of heartache trailed down her pale cheeks. "If I had just stayed focused on her recovery I could have helped her more, kept her closer. She should have never started piloting Serenity," he murmured, all his presumed failures whirling through his mind.

Kaylee sat numbly in front of him, not even aware anymore of his words or his actions. So that was it then, he was making a choice and as Kaylee had secretly feared in the past month, the choice wasn't her. Rising slowly, she spoke softly, forcing Simon to be quiet so he could hear her. "River told us to hold on to each other, Simon Tam." Her tone was even as more tears poured from her eyes. "And just like that, you're lettin' me go." Taking a step back from him, she told him quietly, "I thought you loved me."

Holding his bewildered gaze for only a moment more, Kaylee finally sighed and turned away, heading back to one of the rooms. Sinking down onto the bunk, she curled up into a tight ball as far away from Simon as she could get, pulling a blanket over herself. Burying her face in a pillow, she cried as softly as she could, her shoulders shaking as her sobs threatened to consume her.

Simon stood and watched dumbly, Kaylee's pain having a greater effect on him than he'd been prepared for. In a rush, his sister's words came back to him and his cheeks flushed with shame as his promise to never leave the woman he'd just dismissed flashed in his mind. He was being an idiot. No matter what trouble had befallen his sister, Kaylee was not to blame, and Simon was stupid and foolish to try and foist the responsibility on her. Kaylee was guilty of nothing but loving him and Simon felt his heart break as he realized he had just proved how undeserving of that love he was.

Not at all certain she would forgive him, but needing to try, Simon took a deep breath and counted to ten. Approaching the bed cautiously, he slid across it and tried to pull Kaylee into his arms. With a violent jerk, she pulled away from him, sitting up and turning her tear-streaked face to meet his. "Whatda ya want, Simon?" she asked harshly, wiping at her cheeks. Her pain was still evident but it was mixed with anger now and Simon swallowed hard at the deadliness of the combination.

With a sigh, he told her softly, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Her voice had not softened and she pressed on. "For tellin' me I don't matter or for blamin' me for distractin' you from River?"

"Both," he said quietly. Risking another cold reaction and knowing he would deserve it, Simon reached out a hand to her face and brushed his thumb gently across her cheek. She did not pull away and he edged a bit closer, praying he could salvage the only good thing he'd ever had. "All of it. Kaylee, I'm so sorry. I'm just – I'm so scared for River and I can't help blaming myself."

Kaylee held his gaze, watching as his blue eyes again flashed with fear, concern, anger and finally tenderness; directed at her and so intense she felt her breath hitch in her throat. "But I should have never blamed you. I should have never implied that I don't love you, because I do, Kaylee," he breathed, leaning forward and pressing his forehead to hers. "I love you more than I ever thought I could love another person and I promised I would never leave you and I'm not going to."

Leaning back slightly to meet her tearful eyes, Simon cradled her face in both his hands and murmured, "Please forgive me."

With a heavy sigh, Kaylee closed her eyes, feeling a few tears snake down her cheeks and in the next instant feeling Simon's soft touch as he brushed them away. "You can't keep shuttin' me out," she told him quietly, reopening her eyes to meet his. "You can't try to run when things get hard or we ain't never gonna make it." As his face blanched at her words, Kaylee covered his hands with her own and told him, "And I want to make it. But we both gotta want that."

"I do, Kaylee, I swear," he told her urgently. His eyes were pleading with her, hoping for a second chance he knew he didn't deserve.

"Then you gotta let me help you," she said firmly. "An' I don't care if that means watchin' you throw things, but you gotta let me in." Searching his blue-eyed gaze for understanding, Kaylee added, "I'm worried 'bout her too."

Wrapping his arms around her, Simon pulled Kaylee tightly to his chest, burying his head in her hair. She sighed against him, holding him back just as fiercely. Running her fingers up through his hair, she murmured, "I love you, Simon Tam. I don't know how else I can convince you o' that."

"You don't have to," he told her, shaking his head slightly. Pulling back he looked deep into her eyes again, remembering all they had shared over the past nine months and all he hoped they had yet to experience. "It was my stupidity that caused this. I'm the one that needs to convince you."

"Then lay with me," she said gently, meeting his gaze. "Get some sleep. You're gonna need your rest when we get ready to put our plan into action."

Simon sighed heavily, again finding himself lost in the depth of her eyes, in the well of love and hope and sunshine he found there. Cradling her face in his hands once more, Simon drew her mouth to his and kissed her, his lips sliding over hers before he ran his tongue along them, wanting to show her how he felt. Kaylee's mouth opened to him and they were soon locked in a passionate embrace as the kiss deepened and their hurt and fear found an outlet in their desire.

Pulling back as they needed to breathe, Kaylee sighed and laid down on the bed, Simon lying beside her and opening his arms so she could nestle into him. Getting comfortable, Kaylee ghosted her fingers over her lips, her eyes closing for a moment as she remembered the feeling of that kiss. Tilting her head to look at him, Kaylee smiled slightly and said, "This is gonna be a long two weeks."

Simon smiled back and pressed another kiss to her mouth before drawing the blanket over them both and tightening his hold on her. "Tell me about it," he whispered back and then found that despite his anxiety for his sister's well-being he was soon fast asleep.

-- --


	13. Chapter 13

-- --

Chapter 13

-- --

River felt him coming. He was like the tide or a sunset – inevitable, and he was coming for her. They had still left her alone, the Hands of Blue, obviously under strict orders to not harm her or speak with her in any way. With a shiver, she remembered the fate of the Alliance officers on Ariel who had made the mistake of listening to her; just minutes later she had heard their death cries.

Rising unsteadily, her head swam a bit from lack of food. She still refused to eat, knowing that what they brought to her was designed to make her sleepy, designed to dull her responses. And while she guessed that in a few hours she would be praying for the blessed peace of unconsciousness, she did not want it now.

She sat gingerly on the edge of one bunk and closed her eyes. She started a bit as she felt a stab of Mal's pain, followed closely by Zoe's. They were hurting them again. River had felt each of their torture sessions, knowing exactly when the electricity had burned through them, knowing the moment they fell unconscious as the pain became too intense.

River hated it. She hated the fact that she could feel it and that she knew she couldn't stop it. She had briefly considered running, devising an escape plan, but she knew it was futile. On a transport in the middle of space her options were a bit limited and once she got back to the Academy, she would once again be held firmly in their grasp.

She only wished there was a way to tell Simon not to come. She wanted him to know that it was all right, that she had resigned herself to the fact that this was her life, her fate. That she was the experiment, the guinea pig and she would endure their torture if only to keep his family from more pain. River knew that was ridiculous reasoning; the Alliance and Parliament had no intention of leaving her family alone. But she also had felt something else, something final that would signal the end of their search. Would clearly tell them that they would not win and deter them from continuing to look. River had been unable to clarify what it was, but she knew it had to do with her or, more accurately, the loss of her.

Leaning back against the wall, she sighed heavily and blinked a few tears away. Don't come for me, Simon, she pleaded silently, wishing she could reach him, but he was too far away and not at all open to his own inherent gifts. Being a reader was not a construct of the Alliance's experiments, it was genetic and while Simon had always had a proclivity for math and science, he was just as capable as she of reading others, of feeling things more acutely, as she did. But he wouldn't, because Simon was afraid of feelings, afraid of what they did to him, afraid of what they could do to others. At a young age he had made a decision, an unconscious one, but a decision all the same, to not dwell in the same space River often occupied.

She wished he could; closing her eyes, she concentrated on him hard, reaching for him across time and space, finding the string of light that connected her to him and focusing all of her attention to it. She pushed it and grew it, making it shine brightly, make it glow and pulse. River was lost in her ability and without knowing it she laid down on the bunk, a sweat breaking out across her forehead as she concentrated.

A few images flashed into her mind as she continued to seek out her brother; images of a house with many rooms and covered furniture; images of her brother and Kaylee sipping warm drinks from earthen mugs; images of Simon and the rest of the crew piling into Inara's shuttle.

Moaning softly, she knew what that meant. They were already on their way. Doubling her efforts, River was still trying to reach him when the sound of her cell door opening broke all of her concentration. Snapping her eyes open and panting at the exertion of trying to connect with him, she rose slowly to meet her visitor, her breath catching in her throat at the sight of him.

With a cold smile and dead eyes he greeted her. "Hello, River. It's been a long time."

-- --

"_Don't come."_

"_I'll be fine. Stay with Kaylee."_

_An image of River with needles in her head flashed through his mind even as her light voice echoed in his head. "Don't have to worry about me Simon."_

"_Stay away, Simon, please. They'll kill you. They'll kill you all."_

With a sharp gasp Simon sat upright in bed, his eyes darting around the dim room searching for his sister. She had been so close, or at least, it had sounded that way. He closed his eyes tightly as her whispered pleas echoed again through his mind.

"Sweetie?" Kaylee's whispered voice startled him and he turned to regard her concerned gaze. Sitting up beside him, she asked, "You okay?"

"Yeah, yes," he answered huskily, keeping his voice low. Lying back down, he took a few deep breaths even as he felt Kaylee's quizzical gaze still focused on him.

Lying back at his side, she whispered, "What'd ya dream about?"

Simon exhaled a slow breath and turned his head to meet her eyes. Smiling to her lightly, he again said a silent prayer that she had forgiven him his momentary stupidity of a few days ago. With her fingers running lightly through his hair, he told her, "It was River. She was … she was trying to tell me something."

Furrowing her brow, Kaylee asked, "Tell ya what?"

With another sigh, Simon closed his eyes, trying to conjure the images of his sister from just moments before, trying to remember her words. As realization dawned he looked back to Kaylee and said, "She doesn't want me to come."

Swallowing thickly as Kaylee considered this warning, she studied him for just a moment before assuring him, "Well it was just a dream, right? It prolly weren't real."

"No, probably not," Simon muttered. Staring at the ceiling for a moment more, he rolled onto his side, his back facing Kaylee and thought again of River's cryptic warning. It had been undeniably real, as if she had been standing beside him and whispering in his ear. But that wasn't possible. He not only had no idea where his sister was, but she had never before been able to 'communicate' with anyone. Despite her many gifts telepathy had never been present among them.

He started slightly as he felt Kaylee's arm wrap around him, her head resting in the crook of his shoulder as she spooned herself against him. Dropping a kiss to his cheek, she whispered, "Get some sleep, 'kay? We only got another week 'fore we can find out exactly what River was tryin' to say."

Simon nodded once, reaching for the hand she'd laid across his chest and kissing it lightly before holding it firmly in his grasp. Despite Kaylee's assurances and despite his own assertion that it had only been a dream, Simon found that River's plea haunted him throughout the night.

-- --

With a cloth bag over his head and his feet and wrists bound by heavy chains, it was impossible for Mal to make out much of anything. He could, of course, feel the sharp point of the gun sticking into his back and the rough, circulation-stopping grip of the guards that had his arms, but other than that, he could have been walking along the edge of a volcano or a paved sidewalk for all the clues he could make out.

He could hear the sound of Zoe's shuffling feet beside him and he smiled tightly with memory. It was a classic "Zoe" response to captivity: she always dragged her feet when being led around like some animal on a leash, just to make her captors work harder. Good ol' Zoe.

With a bit of relief, Mal felt a cool blast of air as they entered some type of building, the sounds around them creating a steady hum as people went about some kind of business. Hearing the chime of a lift, Mal was completely confused as to their whereabouts now. He'd assumed they were headed for some sort of jail, but now, he wasn't so sure.

After a short ride in a lift, the guards holding him shoved his backside roughly into a hard seat and pulled the shroud from over his head. Blinking rapidly as light again assaulted his pupils, he tried to focus on their surroundings. As the interior of an opulent office with large windows came into view, he turned a questioning gaze to his second mate as she too studied the room.

"I see they're improvin' their jail cells," she muttered, getting a slap across the face and a shouted "Bi zui!" from one of her guards.

Staring at the man with a deadly gaze, Mal watched Zoe lick at the blood trickling from her split lip. Having seen that look on her before, he smiled inwardly, knowing that when they were free again, that guard was going to regret that hit.

Waiting in silence, they were both slightly startled as a tall man with a noble bearing entered the room and sat behind the overly large desk in front of them. Mal recognized him immediately but kept the look on his face impassive as their host studied them both in silence.

After several minutes, he finally asked evenly, "Sergeant Reynolds, Mrs. Wasburn, do you know who I am?"

Nodding once, Mal answered. "We do. And it's captain, by the way."

Folding his hands in front of him, Dresden continued to hold the man's contemptuous gaze as he answered, "Not according to my records." Picking up a data sheet from a stack beside him, he listed off Mal's war record, quickly continuing onto Zoe's. Neither prisoner so much as flinched; they had lived it after all, and in no way needed a reminder of that hell.

Studying them once more, Dresden said coldly, "You will stand trial in a week."

"An' what exactly are the charges 'gain?" Mal asked smartly, allowing a small smile to grace his face. "'Cause I'll admit, you could prolly pick from quite a few."

This remark got him a slap across the face and Mal swallowed the metallic taste of his own blood. Glaring to the guard, Mal only drew his gaze back to the Prime Minister as the other man stood and rounded his desk, leaning against it as he addressed them. "You are quite the joker, Sergeant Reynolds, but you will stand trial for treason and you will be found guilty." Dresden smiled at this last remark and then leaned forward a bit, confiding, "And then, you will be executed."

"So I'm guessin' a fair trial ain't really an option here?" Mal questioned sardonically, getting a hit on the opposite cheek and tasting more of his own blood.

"A fair trial?" Dresden snorted, rising to his full height and pacing before them. "You can't possibly believe you actually deserve one, not after the lies you propagated about this government."

"They weren't lies, an' what's worse, you know it!" Mal braced for the hit and doubled over as this time both of his guards struck at him, one punching him firmly in the gut while the other cracked a fist against the side of his skull. Panting and wincing at a new pain in his side that he guessed was a broken rib, Mal slowly worked himself back up to his full height and met Dresden's gaze.

Zoe had tensed against her bindings the minute they'd hit Mal and with a dark scowl she glared down her own guards, daring them to strike at her. Dresden simply regarded the whole scene with a sad smile on his face and slight shake of his head.

"Pathetic really," he finally muttered, sharing a look with the other men in the room, before waving them away. "Enjoy your stay on Londinium."

-- --

With a sigh of relief, Inara settled the small transport onto the roof of the Guild's training house and powered the ship down. It had been a tense flight for the past two weeks and she was more than grateful that they were again on solid ground – and would soon at least be able to shower and sleep in their own rooms.

Walking out to the shuttle proper, she met the concerned gazes of her three passengers as she said, "Just stay put for a few minutes. I've already given Melinda a heads up, but I want to prepare her fully."

As she moved to leave, Simon reached for her arm, stopping her. "Are you sure we can trust her?" he asked quietly, throwing a concerned gaze over his shoulder to Kaylee who was waiting impatiently. "A lot is riding on Melinda being true to her word and yours."

With a small smile, Inara assured him, "Simon, I would never do anything I thought might endanger us further." Placing a hand to his face, she said, "Trust me, please."

He nodded once and with another smile, she turned to go, greeting her friend on the platform with a big hug.

"Oh, Inara, it is so good to see you," Melinda breathed, wrapping her arms tightly around one of her dearest friends. Pulling back, she took in the other companion's appearance and told her, "You haven't aged a day, but you do like tired, mei mei." Resting a hand to her cheek, Melinda questioned, "Is it really that bad?"

With a small nod, Inara took her friend's hands and told her urgently, "Mel, I cannot stress how important your discretion is right now. For me, for my friends," she added, glancing over her shoulder to the smaller craft. Looking back to her friend, she said more firmly, "For my family. We need a safe haven and someone we can trust." Meeting the woman's violet eyes, Inara said, "I assured them that was you."

A bit fearful at the seriousness of Inara's words and her expression, Melinda swallowed hard and said quietly, "Of course, Inara. I would do anything for you and anyone you consider family. You are safe here."

Letting out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, Inara embraced her friend again. "Thank you, Mel," she murmured. "I really needed to hear that."

"And I really need to hear this whole story," the other woman challenged, getting a small smile from Inara as she teased her. "And I want to hear all about your pirate."

Chuckling lightly, Inara patted one of the hands she held and assured her, "In due time, my friend. But first, we all need to get settled, and I need to get ready for my appointment tomorrow night."

Nodding once, Melinda let Inara draw her towards the ship and make the introductions, praying that she just hadn't brought a world of hurt down on her girls or the Guild.

-- --

"He won't come again."

With deadly eyes, River stared at the man. "You were wrong before," she told him harshly. "You'll be wrong again."

"So he is coming?" Adamson questioned, noting the way River's entire body tensed as he implied that he would use her to trap her brother. "When River? You have to tell me."

Shaking her head, River's stringy hair whipped around her face and neck as she shouted, "No! I don't have to tell you anything."

A sharp pain erupted in her back as the guard behind her discharged a jolt of electricity straight into her spine. Jerking involuntarily as the current coursed through her, River's head hit against the back of her chair with a sharp bang and she bit back the tears she felt forming at this new injury. As her body calmed itself again, she slowly raised her eyes back to Adamson and bit out, "You're wrong about my brother."

Regarding her coolly, Adamson had to admit he was a bit disappointed. He had thought for sure that it would be easier to break River Tam the second time around, but it seemed that the girl really did care for Simon and the others on that rusty ship. Her bond with them was strong and it was making his job decidedly more difficult.

With a sigh, he leaned forward, his hands clasped in front of him and met her deadly gaze. "I was wrong about him before," he confided softly. Reaching out a hand, he covered one of hers, but she jerked away, her whole body shaking at his touch. "But I'm not wrong now, River. If he comes, he'll be killed. And if he doesn't, your fate is sealed."

A smug grin spread along his face and River lunged for him, her bound hands grasping for his jugular. But before she had even cleared her seat, she felt an overwhelming amount of pain as more electricity shot through her and within seconds her body gave out. The small girl fell to the floor in a heap, her body still convulsing a bit as the currents charged through her system.

Looking to her with sad eyes, Adamson nodded once to the guards and the men dragged her from the room, taking her back to her cell. As they left Domin and one of his doctors entered, ready for his next order.

Pulling out a handkerchief and wiping away a bit of blood River had spat in his direction, Adamson told them, "I want to up her dosage of the hallucinogen and we need to turn the temperature down in her cell."

With an alarmed gaze, Domin stammered, "Sir, it's already forty degrees in there." As Adamson only stared in response, the man gulped and made the note, once again waiting for the next order.

Thoughtfully, Adamson sat back down, keying a few buttons embedded into the table and watching as the Reaver battle he knew so well replayed again. "We need to break her bond with these people," he said, almost to himself. "Can we simulate this battle? But replace the Reavers with her crew?"

Nodding once, the doctor, Evans, answered, "I don't see why not. Couple the familiar scene with the hallucinogen and she won't know what to think."

Smiling tightly, Adamson again rose and headed for the door, "Exactly."

-- --

Kaylee sank into the warm water and let out a deep, contented sigh. Despite all that was happening and the fear that had taken up permanent residence in her belly, she felt a bit of relief as the water lapped against her bare skin. Her stomach was full of real food, Inara's friend Melinda having fed them a wonderful meal, she had a beautiful bedroom to share with Simon and she was now luxuriating in a porcelain bath tub filled to the brim with bubbles that smelled heavenly.

Closing her eyes, Kaylee rested her head against the lip of the tub and let out another deep breath. She immediately felt guilty for her momentary burst of happiness, but she tried hard to push the anxiety away. They were all wound tighter than drums over the entire situation and if moments of relaxation were all they could get than Kaylee would take one.

She had wanted Simon to relax with her, but he had barely eaten a thing at supper and then told her he needed to walk to clear his head. With a small smile, he had brushed a kiss against her cheek and squeezed her hand before walking out into the night. Kaylee had asked if he wanted company, but he'd said no, said she should enjoy that big bathtub she'd had her eye on. So she was, but it wasn't the same without him there.

Playing with the bubbles that bobbed on the water in front of her, Kaylee pushed the white bunches of fluff about, her mind wandering. She had done this once, a long time ago in her grammy's tub. Her grammy Frye had always given Kaylee bubble baths when she'd gone to stay with her and she had never made Kaylee get out until she was good and wrinkled.

Smiling slightly at the memory, Kaylee again leaned her head back noticing for the first time the skylight in the ceiling above her. She could make out a few twinkling stars in the black and she soon found herself lost in thought, oblivious to the world around her until she heard a soft clearing of a throat.

Glancing up sharply as the sound startled her, Kaylee looked to see Simon standing in the doorway, his arms over his chest and a small smile on his face. Moving towards her as he noticed her wide-eyed expression he said apologetically, "I didn't mean to startle you."

"S'okay," she murmured, tilting her head up and getting the kiss she wanted. Pulling a short stool over to the side of the tub, Simon trailed his fingers through the cooling water and Kaylee watched him for a moment.

Placing her hand over his, when his attention was again focused on her she smiled coyly and asked, "Wanna join me? I could run a fresh bath."

Returning her smile, Simon shook his head slightly, taking his hand from the water and running it lightly through her hair. Kaylee held his gaze the entire time, reading his fear and his anxiety. And yet, there was still nothing she could think to do.

"You are unbelievably beautiful, bao bei," he murmured, surprising her. He had, of course, told her she was beautiful before, plenty of times, but it seemed a slightly odd statement for him to make now.

Reaching for his hand, she held it firmly and told him, "You're pretty swai yourself." She smiled to him, a wide, bright grin, but it did nothing to lighten the look of pure sadness on his face.

Pointing past him she asked, "Can you hand me that towel?"

He nodded, reluctantly pulling his eyes from her face. Unfolding the large cloth, he held it up for her and Kaylee stood, letting some of the water and bubbles drip away before gingerly stepping out of the tub and walking into his embrace. Simon wrapped his arms around her, bringing the soft fabric around her and rubbing her shoulders gently. Her eyes shining with love and adoration made Simon's heart catch in his throat and without a word he crushed his mouth to hers, pulling her tight against him.

As he fisted his hands into her hair and Kaylee wrapped her arms around his neck, her towel-clad body pressed against his fully clothed one. Holding her tight, Simon continued to kiss her, Kaylee's concern for him quickly turning to passion as his mouth worked along her jaw and down her neck, sucking at the skin there.

Reaching for the buttons of his shirt, Kaylee undid them, finding it difficult to concentrate as Simon's teeth and tongue continue to nip at her sensitive skin. "Ai ya, Simon," she murmured, bringing her mouth to his cheek and trailing light kisses against it.

Raising his head to meet her gaze, Kaylee saw the flash of something else besides desire, but before she could say a word he had lifted her into his arms, carrying her from the bathroom and to the bed. He laid her down on the fluffy blankets, pressing a lingering kiss to her mouth, before stepping away to finish pulling off his shirt. As he joined her on the bed, he ran his hands down her warm skin, pausing to tease her nipples and knead the soft flesh of her breasts. Kaylee's eyes fluttered closed against his touch, her desire for him warring with her concern. She had seen something off in that look before they had left the bathroom and while he was currently doing everything he could think of to drive her wild and make her ache, Kaylee could not let it go.

Placing a light hand to his chest even as he moved in to kiss her again, Kaylee breathed, "Simon, wait."

Puzzled, he pulled back, sitting on his heels. "What's the matter? Are you all right?" he asked quietly, his eyes giving her a quick once over, looking for the problem.

Sitting up a bit, Kaylee told him, "Yeah, sweetie, I'm fine." As he held her gaze, she added, "But you ain't. And as much as I'd love to be sexin' you right now, it ain't gonna solve whatever's got you so upset."

Simon released a heavy breath, his chin dropping to his chest. Shifting his position, he sat on the bed, his back against the head board and reached for her. Kaylee moved willingly into his lap, straddling his hips, not at all bothered to be sitting before him naked, but more than concerned by his melancholy. As he did not volunteer any information she asked, "Is it River?"

Nodding once, Simon cradled her face in his hands and said softly, "Without the money and contacts I had before, I don't think I can get her back."

Swallowing thickly, Kaylee brushed her fingers through his silky hair, glad that the light touch caused him to release a small breath. Watching as his eyes closed and he leaned his head back, Kaylee inched forward a bit and told him, "Well, we just gotta think of another plan, that's all." Pausing, she watched as Simon's eyes again opened to her and she offered him another brilliant smile. "We'll get her back."

Staring at her intently Simon's hand caressed her face, his fingers running lightly over each of her features: her eyes, her nose, her mouth, as if he was trying to memorize her. Kaylee sat still, her body tingling with more desire for him as he continued to hold her. After several silent moments, he finally murmured, "I think I have a plan."

Grinning at him, she said happily, "I knew it. What is it?"

The happiness on her features and the trust that shone in her eyes made Simon's heart break and he wondered if this really was the best idea. But it had been the only option he could think of as he had circled the grounds during his walk. He needed money and contacts and he knew two people who had both.

Leaning his forehead against hers, he told her quietly, "I'm going to contact my parents and ask for their help."

Her eyes widening in shock, Kaylee swallowed hard and asked, "You think they'll do it?"

Shaking his head, Simon told her, "I have no idea, but they're the only people I know with money to burn and some fairly well-placed friends." Releasing another big sigh, he added, "Plus, River is their daughter. And while they weren't quite willing to help before, maybe the time apart has changed their minds."

Kaylee nodded once, her eyes still wide with a bit of fear. She did not like this idea. She did not like the thought of Simon asking his folks for help, two people that he had always painted as uncaring and closed off. She had no faith that they would be willing to help their son, even though the very thought sent a shiver down her spine.

Physically shaking as the cold thought passed through her, Simon noticed and pulled her against him, his cheek resting against her hair. "It'll be okay, Kaylee," he told her softly.

She nodded again and then said quietly, "Well, I have always wanted to see where you grew up."

Simon's entire body tensed beneath her and Kaylee felt it. Sitting up slowly, she looked back in his eyes and saw something else there that immediately made her heart beat thunder in her ears. "Simon?" she questioned timidly, trying to stay calm. "What is it?"

Again holding her face in his hands, Simon swallowed hard and forced himself to say it. "You can't come, Kaylee. I have to go by myself."

Shaking her head fiercely, Kaylee pushed away from him quickly. Reaching for her robe at the end of the bed, she pulled it on and told him angrily, "No, Simon, no way."

Rising he stood before her and reached for her, not surprised when she backed out of his grasp. "Kaylee, it's too dangerous for you to come. _I_ shouldn't even be going, but I have to."

"No, Simon, you don't," she told him, glaring at him. "We can think of another way. You just gotta give it some time."

"River doesn't have time," he bit out, his voice harsher than he had expected. Sighing heavily as he recognized the hurt that flashed in Kaylee's eyes, he took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. "I don't know what they're doing to her in there, Kaylee and the longer we wait-"

"The worse it gets," she finished for him, her voice quiet as she gazed at the floor. Glancing back to him, Kaylee took a step towards him and said, "Simon, I get that, I do, but you goin' off to see your folks, it ain't the smart thing to do. You said it yourself, it's too dangerous."

"But it's River," he shouted, wishing he could make her understand. Reaching for her, he grabbed her by the arms and held firm, staring at her intently. "I can't sit by and let her suffer, Kaylee. I can't."

"Simon," Kaylee breathed, surprised by his vehemence. Trying to wriggle out of his hold, she said softly, "Simon, let go, please."

Releasing her in an instant, Simon's eyes flashed with fear and pain as he watched her rub at her upper arms where he had gripped them tightly enough to bruise. Sinking slowly onto the edge of the bed, Simon dropped his head into his hands and murmured, "What is wrong with me?"

Kaylee approached him tentatively, regretting her words as they had obviously pained him. As she neared him, Simon backed away, moving until he was at the head of the bed again. With fearful eyes he looked to her and held up a hand. "I'm sorry, Kaylee," he breathed. "I didn't mean it."

She smiled to him and said quietly, "I'm fine, Simon, just surprised me is all." As he shook his head again, Kaylee continued her approach, trying to quiet him even as he attempted to run from her. "It's okay, sweetie, really," she told him softly, sitting beside him and placing her hand to his face. "I'm okay. You didn't hurt me, I'm fine."

Simon's wide eyes studied her face and Kaylee's chest constricted at the look of pure terror in his gaze. "I'm so sorry," he breathed again.

"It's okay," Kaylee repeated, reaching for him. Pulling him to her, Kaylee guided his head to her shoulder and wrapped her arms around him, holding him firmly. Simon at first remained tense in her grasp, but within moments he had melted against her, his arms wrapped around her tightly, his head buried in the crook of her neck.

"Kaylee I have to get her back," he kept repeating, his voice cracking as more emotion overtook him. Simon had no idea what was happening. Ever since that dream a few nights ago he had felt more on edge, more raw and vulnerable than he had for a long while. He found himself jerking at the oddest moments, a strange pain shooting up his back, or at times, he would search obsessively into the night looking for his sister, swearing that he had just heard her voice. But she was never there, and there was nothing wrong with his back, and his desperation was only getting worse.

"We will get her back, sweetie," Kaylee whispered, her hands rubbing small circles along his back. "We will, you gotta have faith."

Squeezing her even more tightly, Simon murmured, "I love you so much." Pulling back suddenly, he moved his hands up her arm, pushing the silky sleeve of her robe back. Looking to him quizzically, Kaylee watched as he turned her arm over gently, studying her bicep. With a relieved sigh, he looked to her and said, "I didn't hurt you."

Shaking her head, her eyes pooling with tears, Kaylee assured him, "No, baby, you didn't. I just wasn't expectin' it." Cupping his chin in her hand, Kaylee lifted his eyes back to her face and said, "I'm fine." Leaning towards him, she kissed him, surprised by the hesitancy in Simon's touch. Determined to wipe this fear from his mind, Kaylee pressed her lips to his more firmly, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him to her. Simon caved under her passionate embrace, and kissed her back, his mouth opening to hers, their tongues entwining as their desire again flared.

Drawing him down to the bed with her, Kaylee's hands roamed over his chest, even as their mouths remained fastened to each other's. Panting slightly as they broke apart to take a breath, Kaylee met his saddened eyes and told him, "I love you."

He nodded once and then leaned down to kiss her again, his touches more tender and intimate as he worked his hands over her. Kaylee found the change unbelievably arousing, as she was used to their overly passionate and often times urgent, couplings. He was always gentle with her, but this time it was different, he was careful, his touch soothing her burning need for him before again lighting it. As his fingers worked at the tie of her robe, Kaylee dropped her head back on the bed and let out a moan of delight as his hands ghosted over her stomach and down to her wet center, her hips arching into his hand as he teased her ever so slightly.

Looking back to him, Kaylee saw the love in his eyes, and smiled at him, even as he pressed against her, causing her to whimper with need. Running her hands down his chest, Kaylee tugged at the waistband of his pants and murmured, "These need to come off."

He grinned at her and nodded once, standing and undoing the fastenings, pushing the material and underwear down his legs and depositing them on the floor. Leaning back over her, Simon steadied himself above her, his eyes again focused on hers. They held the look for what felt like an eternity and just as Kaylee was about to ask him if he was all right, he sighed heavily and rolled onto his side, facing her. Confused, Kaylee turned to look at him and studied his conflicted features.

"I love you, Kaylee," he told her softly, his hand running through her hair. "So much, I didn't know I … I just … I don't know how else to say it."

Smiling at him, Kaylee pressed a light kiss to his lips as her hand traveled down his torso and curled around his still hard length. Pulling gently, she murmured against his mouth, "Don't tell me, Simon. Show me."

With a small moan of desire as Kaylee's words and touch rekindled his passion for her, Simon rolled onto his back, pulling Kaylee with him, watching as she straddled his hips and sank down onto him slowly. Once surrounded by her wet heat, Simon guided her mouth to his and kissed her fiercely, his momentary hesitation gone as Kaylee began to move on him.

Moaning into her mouth, he pulled her more tightly against him, and then rolled them over, switching their positions and driving himself deep within her. Kaylee cried out at the pleasure of it and dug her fingers into his back as he continued his thrusts. She was doing her best to keep up with him, but she found herself peaking quickly, her legs wrapping around his back and another cry rising to her lips as he pushed her over the edge. "Simon," his name was breathless whisper as she felt her body let go and then sink back down to earth.

She pressed her lips to his as she continued to move with him, trying to bring Simon to the same heady place he had just taken her. She wanted him to feel that joy, she wanted him to be happy and she wanted to give that to him. Dragging her nails down his back and resting her hands on his hips, Kaylee met each of his thrusts with her own and in a minute felt his entire body tense as his hot seed thundered into her. With another cry, he collapsed on top of her and Kaylee gladly took his weight, running her hands along his back and pressing kisses into his damp hair and along his cheek.

An unexpected tear broke lose as Kaylee remembered all they were trying to forget, remembered River's warning for the two of them to hold onto each other. Remembered Simon's statement from just a half hour before that he was going to leave. Pressing her cheek to his, Kaylee murmured in his ear, "You can't go, Simon. You can't."

Feeling her distress, Simon pulled himself up and saw the tears staining her cheeks. Rolling onto his back, his arm tightly around Kaylee, she came with him, burying her head into his chest. After taking a few shaky breaths and feeling the gentle touch of Simon's hand along her back, she raised her face to meet his gaze and whispered, "You can't go, Simon. It ain't right. It's what River warned us against, 'member?"

With a somber nod, Simon told her softly, "I remember." Pressing another kiss to her forehead, he said, "I'm sorry I even brought it up. I'm sorry that I-" Releasing a heavy sigh, he finally finished, "I'm just sorry."

Shaking her head, Kaylee told him, "Don't be sorry, just trust us, trust me, trust that we're gonna get through this. Dong ma?"

Simon smiled slightly at her and nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

Kaylee returned his small smile and then resettled herself against him. Reaching for a blanket Simon pulled it over them and held her firmly against him as they both finally drifted to sleep.

-- --

"Damn it!"

Diego's roar echoed through the ship as he replayed the statement from the prime minister's office. With impassive looks Rodriguez and Javier simply watched as the man raged, his chest heaving with anger.

Reading through the words again, Diego punched off the screen with a sharp blow, cracking the button's housing. "Leave it to Reynolds to get away with murder."

"With all due respect, sir," Rodriguez intoned lightly, doing his best not to draw the other man's wrath. "I hardly think a government trial is gettin' off the hook. Chances are Reynolds'll be dead within the week."

Eyes blazing, Sanchez whirled on the man, stalking up to him. "I want to kill Reynolds, up close and personal. A firing squad is too good for him."

Releasing a sigh, the second mate did not continue the argument, but only took a step back and dropped his gaze. Staring at him for a moment longer, Diego continued to fume, his mind racing to find a solution, to find a way that he could be the one to pump Reynolds full of lead.

Moving back to Javier's side, he ordered the man, "Get me all the information you can about the Parliament's offices on Londinium and any archived footage of trials like this."

Heading for his anteroom, he added, "And set a course for Londinium."

As he disappeared, Rodriguez shared a look with the young pilot, noting the expression of sheer terror that had graced his features. "You heard the man," the first mate growled, his own anger at Sanchez's tunnel vision causing his gut to churn. "Apparently, we're on a suicide mission."

-- --

Simon awoke with a sharp intake of breath. Glancing about the darkened room, he remembered in a rush where they were. Looking to his side, he saw Kaylee's sleeping form and smiled lightly, comforted to know she was close. Feeling a chill rush through him, he rose slowly and padded across the room to their bags, searching for his pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. As he pulled them on, he wondered why he was so cold. Normally, Kaylee's warm, naked form against his kept him more than cozy throughout the night.

But now as he slipped the warm fabric over his ice cold skin, he only shivered more violently. Wrapping his arms around his chest, Simon headed for one of the room's windows, opening it slightly to test the air. Noting the humid heat that greeted him, Simon realized there was no reason for him to be freezing. Concerned that he might be getting sick, he moved towards the bathroom, checking his forehead for a fever.

Not registering one, he flipped on a soft light and ran the water in the sink, letting it get so hot steam rose off of it. Looking into the mirror above the sink as the warm air surrounded him, Simon inhaled sharply, noting that his lips were blue, his skin paler than usual.

Another violent tremor racing through him, Simon raced to warm himself, splashing the scalding water on his skin, burning himself in the process. But he couldn't feel it. Even as he stared at his now red forearms, knowing that he had burned the skin with the hot water, he could only continue to shake, shivering so hard he felt nauseous and dizzy.

And then, without warning, a sharp pain shot up his spine, rendering his legs completely useless and with a crash he fell to the bathroom floor, still trembling as his legs twitched, his mind working to regain control of them.

"Sweetie?"

Kaylee's concerned voice reached him through the door, and Simon found himself unable to answer her. "Sweetie, you okay?" she called again, her tone betraying her concern.

Struggling to stand, Simon only served to fall again and at the sound of a second crash, Kaylee burst in, her eyes widening with fear as she watched him shake uncontrollably.

Falling to her knees beside him, Kaylee cradled his head in her lap and saw his blue lips. "Simon, what's wrong?"

"I'm so cold," he stammered, his teeth chattering as another wave of frigidity washed over him.

"Oh sweetie," she murmured, at a loss for what to do. "Are ya sick?"

Shaking his head, Simon told her, "No, I just – I want to go back to bed."

Nodding once, Kaylee rose, wrapping a firm arm around his waist and pulling him up with her. Bringing his other arm around her shoulders, Kaylee bore his weight, doing her best to support his heavier frame. "Come on, sweetie," she said softly, walking him slowly back to bed and helping him to lie back down.

Once he was again under covers, Kaylee reached for her discarded robe, covering up her naked form. Piling more blankets onto him, she pressed a kiss to his mouth, starting at the coldness of his lips. Running a light hand through his hair, she told him softly, "I'm gonna go make ya some tea, all right?"

Reaching for her hand, Simon chattered, "Don't go."

Smiling sweetly to him, she told him, "I'll just be gone for a minute. 'Nara showed me where the kitchen was and it's right down the hall." Kissing him again, she said, "We gotta warm ya up."

Simon nodded once, knowing she had a point. Holding his face in her hands, she watched as he sighed at her touch, the warmth of her seeping into his chilled skin. Brushing her lips to his once more, she murmured, "I'll be right back."

Simon barely heard her leave the room over the chattering of his teeth. Pulling the blankets tighter around him, he curled up into a ball, trying to trap as much heat as possible and insulate himself, but it wasn't working. What was wrong with him?

Closing his eyes, he tried to think of warm things, sunny days, summers on Osiris, but nothing worked and in an instant he was confronted with a completely different image – the sight of his sister, freezing and shivering on the floor of a cold cell, her body beaten and bruised.

Squeezing his eyes shut even further, Simon murmured, "River."

_Simon, don't come._

Her voice was barely more than a sigh, but Simon heard it clearly and shivered even more violently. "River, where are you?"

_Doesn't matter._

Her voice was growing stronger and Simon buried himself under the covers, keeping his eyes closed for fear he would lose sight of her. The image of her in his mind had not changed; she was still curled up into a tiny ball, shivering and cold, suffering and Simon could feel it.

_Doesn't matter where I am. Can't save me again._

"Don't say that," he said to the air. Simon was barely aware that he was speaking, barely aware of anything other than the fact that he knew, beyond reason that his sister was suffering, dying, and he had to get to her. "I can. I will. Tell me where you are."

The image-River shook her head once and finally lifted her head, her eyes opening wide and Simon got the distinct impression she was staring right at him. _Stay safe, stay with Kaylee. Don't come._

"River!" Simon's voice was a pained cry as the image of her disappeared and Simon was staring at the back of his blank eyelids. His mind searching for her again, he cried, "River!"

"Simon."

Snapping open his eyes, Simon bolted upright, searching for his sister, praying she was there with him, safe and whole. But instead he was greeted with Kaylee's concerned gaze, her brow furrowed as she regarded him, a steaming mug of tea in her hands.

Placing the cup down on his bedside table, Kaylee sat next to him and took his hands in hers. "Were ya dreamin', sweetie?" she asked softly, rearranging the blankets he had managed to push off.

Turning impossibly wide eyes to her Simon swallowed thickly as he realized he hadn't been dreaming; he'd been awake. He'd been fully awake and alert and if he wasn't mistaken, he'd just had a vision.

Shaking his head once, he murmured, "No. It wasn't a dream."

Kaylee's eyes widened at this admission, before narrowing again, her concern for Simon growing in leaps and bounds as his behavior became more and more erratic. Reaching again for mug, Simon's cold hand around her wrist stopped her and Kaylee turned her gaze back to his.

Seeing that she was again looking to him, Simon whispered urgently, "What's happening to me?"

Edging closer, Kaylee took his face in her hands and assured him, "Nothin' sweetie. You're just worried 'bout River, that's all." Running a light hand through his hair, she placed her other hand over his chest and gently pushed him back into the bed. "You need to get a good night's sleep. Things'll look a mite better in the morn."

Giving him another small smile, Kaylee moved back to her side of the bed, slipping out of her robe and nestling her naked form next to him. Simon rolled into her, his head resting on her breast, and Kaylee wrapped an arm around his shoulders and his waist, enjoying the chance to cuddle him for once as it was usually the other way around.

Pressing a kiss to his still cold forehead, she murmured, "Warmer yet?"

A heavy sigh escaping his lips, Simon told her quietly, "A bit."

Taking that as a challenge, Kaylee held him as tightly as she could and said, "Jus' get some sleep, 'kay?"

He nodded once, unable to form more words as his mind reeled with all he'd seen and experienced in the last ten minutes. It hadn't been a dream, he knew that; he had just seen River, experienced what she was going through and based on the sensations, it was what he'd been feeling for the past few days. Praying that he wasn't suffering from a mental break, Simon clung to Kaylee fiercely, wrapping an arm around her, finally falling into a fitful sleep.

-- --

News Brief: Londinium, Prime Minister Dresden's Office

Prime Minister Dresden announced today that the trial for accused traitors, Malcolm Reynolds and Zoe Alleyene Washburn is set to begin two weeks from today.

Reynolds and Washburn were both key players in the release of the Miranda broadwave approximately eight months ago. An immediate controversy engulfed Parliament, the Alliance and Blue Sun, all of the organizations having ties to the failed Miranda settlement. Denounced as Independent-produced propaganda, Parliament, in cooperation with the prime minister's office and the Alliance, began searching for the perpetrators of this treasonous act, tracing the recording and its broadcast the crew of a firefly-class transport, Serenity.

Serenity, under the command of Captain Malcolm Reynolds, former Independent, played a vital role in the release of the fallacious broadcast and was responsible for the deaths of several Alliance soldiers in a fierce space battle around the same time. Zoe Alleyene Washburn, who fought with Reynolds during the war, surviving the Battle of Serenity Valley with him, is the second-in-command on the Firefly. The rest of the crew is still at large see attached images. Citizens of the Alliance-held worlds are encouraged to contact their local authorities if any of these other traitors are encountered. They are considered armed and highly dangerous.

-- --


	14. Chapter 14

-- --

Chapter 14

-- --

With a sigh, Inara regarded herself in the mirror before her, self-hatred welling in her gut. She despised herself for doing this, for doing the exact thing Mal had always accused her of – whoring. But she could think of no other way, no other way to gather the information they needed without drawing suspicion; no other way of getting him back.

Steeling herself, Inara pushed her doubts from her mind and took a deep breath, doing her best to find her center. She had already been on one date, the first one just a few days after they'd arrived. He had been a kindly, older gentleman and Inara had never been so relieved in all her life. He had truly only been seeking companionship and she had attended the dinner, her sparkling smile in place, her false laugh flowing easily. She had tried to get information from the assembled politicians on Dresden and what his plans might be, but other than hearing murmurs of how severely the Miranda broadwave had embarrassed him, she had been unable to find out anything else.

Rising slowly, she moved to grab her shawl, knowing she needed to hurry if she was to be on time. Heading for the door, a soft knock startled her slightly. Greeting her visitor, Inara said quickly, "Kaylee, I'm sorry. But I really have to be going."

The rest of her protest died on her lips as Kaylee brought her frightened green eyes to Inara's face. Finally noticing the depth of her mei mei's distress as the girl wrang her hands in front of her, Inara pulled her into her room and shut the door. "Kaylee, what is it?"

"It's Simon," Kaylee said quickly, her eyes welling with unwanted tears. "He's gettin' worse."

"The chills again?" Inara questioned, guiding the trembling girl over to a chair and sitting her down.

Shaking her head quickly, Kaylee told her, "No, 'Nara, that ain't it." Swallowing thickly, she said in a whisper, "He thinks he's seein' River."

"Seeing?" Inara's brow furrowed as she read the fear in Kaylee's eyes. "Seeing her how? You mean he's dreaming about her?"

Shaking her head again, Kaylee tried to explain. "That's what I thought at first too, but he says that ain't it. He says he's fully awake when he's seein' her. He can see what they're doin' to her." Swallowing past the lump in her throat, Kaylee tried not to think of Simon's pained expression from just an hour ago as he'd again felt a sharp stab of pain to his back and fallen into a heap on the floor. Turning her eyes up to Inara, she whispered, "It's bad, 'Nara."

"Oh, Kaylee," the other woman breathed, pulling her friend into a tight hug. "It'll be all right. Simon's just stressed from all that's happening."

"I wish that's all it was, 'Nara," Kaylee told her, pulling away and holding her friend's gaze. "But I don't think it is. I'm scared for him."

Squeezing her hands, Inara told her, "I know you are, Kaylee and it's because you love him. But you've just got to hang in there for a little longer, both of you."

Nodding once, Kaylee rose slowly, releasing a heavy sigh. "I know."

Inara watched as Kaylee moved for the door, her heart beating sharply against her rib cage for the other girl. Things were so incredibly strained right now, it was taking its toll on all of them, but it appeared to be affecting Simon and Kaylee the most. Walking her friend out into the hallway, Inara told her, "I'll come and see you both after I'm back, all right?"

With a soft sigh, Kaylee told her, "Yeah, 'Nara, that's be nice. Be careful," she warned quietly, moving back towards the room she was sharing with Simon. Inara watched her go, wishing she could blow off her client and help her friend, but she needed to keep up appearances.

Pushing her shoulders back and holding her head high, Inara strode proudly from the training house, trying to banish the thought of Mal from her mind. She wouldn't be able to do this if she thought of him. Instead, she had to rebuild those high, strong walls around her heart, the ones he had so easily circumvented months ago and forget that she was in love.

She was once again Inara Serra, Registered Companion, and Mal had never had any place in that life.

-- --

River's sweat-soaked hair clung to her cheeks and neck as she whirled and kicked. The blades fit perfectly in her hands as she wielded them expertly, moving with a fluidity that bespoke of unparalleled grace and unrivaled deadliness.

Slashing another of her opponents from sternum to navel, she spun quickly, plunging one curved blade into another attacker's chest, while kicking behind herself and connecting her boot with a sharp crack to another enemy's rib cage.

Panting as she continued the drill, River knew they were watching her. They had watched her every day this week for hours at a time, forcing her to relive this horrific fight, recording her reaction times, her movements, her technique. River knew she performed the same every time; that was, after all, how they had programmed her to be. An automaton with killer instincts and deadly precision; a living, breathing weapon who did not allow pesky things like morals to cloud her judgment.

As she counted through her expected death toll, River slowed slightly, knowing the battle was coming to an end. Whirling once more, she turned to land a decisive blow to her last attacker only to meet air. The rules had changed, the parameters of the battle altered, and River stumbled for a moment, trying to regain her balance.

Before she had time to collect her thoughts, she staggered back and fell hard as a booted foot collided with her mid-section. The wind knocked from her, River lay frozen in shock for a moment on the floor, before rising slowly, annoyance burning in her eyes as she sought out this new enemy. Coming face to face with another Reaver, River disposed of him quickly, slicing open his neck, his blood spilling onto her arms. A sharp kick to her kidneys threw River off balance again and she found herself scrambling to meet these new attackers.

They were not supposed to be here. As River adopted a new attack pattern, her mind recounted the last thirty minutes of battle and in each recollection she had disposed of the ninety-eight Reavers in the room. These new attackers were wrong, extraneous and it annoyed River that she had to continue to fight.

As two strong burly arms wrapped around her from behind, River's body tensed, searching for a way to break the hold. With her small arms pressed painfully into her sides, she panted as the attacker's grip squeezed her chest, another enemy appearing before her, raising a large knife and attempting to run her through. Using all of her weight, River swung her legs up, pushing forcefully against the knife-wielder's chest, while serving to throw the big man from behind to the floor. Hitting the ground on top of him, River rolled to her right and sprang into a fighter's stance, whipping her blades around and through his neck in one swift movement. As blood spilled onto the cold metal floor, mingling with the death of the others, River's mind barely registered that this face was one she knew, before turning to dispose of the other attacker.

Slashing again, a diagonal line from shoulder to hip bone, River's eyes widened in shock as the new body crumpled to the floor, almost cleaved in half, the dead eyes staring back at her once again familiar. With more confusion clouding her judgment, River took a step back, desperately grasping for a balance that would not come. Propelled by a primal need to keep fighting, River disposed of two more attackers, her mind's eye watching in horror as Inara and than Mal sank to the floor, their faces frozen in masks of death.

Raging, River whirled, searching for her captors, knowing they were watching with barely contained glee. She would make them pay for this. But before she could take the chance, the hairs on the back of her neck stood up, signaling the approach of more danger, and without hesitation, River acted.

Whirling, she slashed one blade through the man's neck, the other blade driving deep into the woman's gut. And then, with startling clarity River read the astonished looks on both Simon's and Kaylee's faces as they fell to the ground, dead before River could even think to stop herself.

Sinking to her knees between them, the blood-soaked blades fell from River's hands, as she stared uncomprehendingly at the sight before her. Shaking, she stared at her hands through tear-filled eyes, making out the red, slimy liquid that coated them – the blood of her brother, the blood of her family – she was drenched in it, drowning, and River found herself clawing for air. Her chest heaved as she could not breathe, could not find the strength to slow her heart rate, to stop her tears.

Keening over, an anguished wail erupting from her, River continued to sob as Adamson and his men ended the simulation, the room clearing of the holographic bodies instantly, leaving a cold, sterile environment in their absence. The young woman, too bereft to notice, simply continued to sob.

-- --

_Everything was red, his vision, his hands, his arms. The floor beneath his feet was slick with it and Simon's stomach turned as he realized it was blood – his blood and Kaylee's, Mal's and Inara's, Jayne's and Zoe's._

_Chest heaving as panic overtook him, Simon's eyes roamed the room frantically, his hand gripping the gushing wound on his neck. Pulling away a bloody hand, he gasped audibly as his eyes set on River, scythes in her blood-stained hands plunging a sharp blade into Kaylee's gut._

"Kaylee!"

Simon's anguished cry was enough to wake the woman sleeping at his side and half the training house. Gasping for air, he placed his hand to his neck again, visibly relieved to pull it back clean. Whirling to Kaylee, her wide eyes full of concern for his agitated state, Simon pulled back the covers, checking her bare stomach for a wound, looking for blood.

As his hands and eyes explored her skin, his breathing more erratic, Kaylee tried to soothe him. Running her hands through his hair, she said softly, "Shh, sweetie, it's okay. It was just a dream."

Apparently convinced that she was indeed unharmed, Simon met her deep green eyes and then fell against her heavily, his arms around her. He held her so tightly Kaylee feared she may not be able to breathe. As he shook against her, still unable to catch a full breath as fear and dread coursed through him, Kaylee rocked him a bit and whispered, "You're okay. You was jus' dreamin'."

Kaylee squeezed her eyes shut, saying a silent prayer as she held him tight. Whatever was wrong with Simon was getting worse, much worse than even just a few days ago when she had gone to seek Inara's help. He could no longer sleep through the night and often woke screaming her name or River's. Her fingers slipping through his silky hair, Kaylee pressed a kiss to his cheek and asked, "You wanna tell me about it?"

Simon shook his head, reaffirming his hold on her. She was the only thing that made any sense to him right now, the only person who made him feel safe and normal and Simon was not about to lose that for anything. Besides, if he told her what he'd seen – his sister slashing them both and decimating the crew, Simon feared her reaction. Kaylee had the biggest heart of any person he had ever met, but even he knew that seemingly unending love had a limit.

Finally able to take a deep breath, Simon breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth several times, before pulling back from Kaylee. As his eyes met hers, he felt such a swell of love for her he knew it could easily cause his chest to burst. He felt something else though too, concern. But not his own; it was concern mixed with confusion and full of love. Blinking rapidly, Simon took Kaylee's face in his hands and stared. Biting her lip, Kaylee held the gaze, noting the intensity in his look, unwilling to break the spell.

Simon's bright blue eyes darted back and forth, trying to understand all he was feeling. Closing them abruptly, he took one more deep breath, trying to slow his heart beat and in an instant it became clear. Snapping his eyes back to hers, he whispered breathlessly, "You're worried."

Nodding hesitantly, Kaylee's brow furrowed slightly as she told him, "O' course I am, sweetie. I hate seein' ya like this." Running her hand down his cheek, Simon felt not only her touch, but the love behind it, the want for him to return the caress and the need for them to be together.

Without a word of explanation, he covered her mouth with his, kissing her gently, feeling Kaylee's initial shock dissipate as his tongue worked over her lower lip and into her mouth. Her desire spiking as Simon's strong hands rested at the small of her back and kneaded the skin there, Kaylee flattened herself against him and returned his passionate kiss, her tongue exploring his mouth with abandon.

Forced to part for air, they held one other's gazes, panting slightly. With a small smile, Kaylee again ran a hand down Simon's cheek and he sighed, not only from the physical sensation but from the emotion that came with it. Exhausted beyond reason and consumed with his own worry and fear, Simon wasn't sure why he felt he could sense Kaylee's emotions as well. But they were so clear to him, if he concentrated. Like now, her need to be strong for him was warring with her fear and Simon knew it – knew it in a way he shouldn't and while it scared him to no end, he also found the knowledge strangely empowering. Cradling her face in his hands again, Simon murmured, "I'll be okay."

Her smile deepening, Kaylee told him, "I know that," even as Simon felt her doubt rage through her mind.

Shaking his head lightly, he told her again, "I will, Kaylee. I'll be okay." Brushing another kiss to her lips, he told her, "I love you."

"I love you too, sweetie," she murmured back, wrapping her arms around his neck and holding him tight.

As he sank back with her into the mattress, tangled in her arms, Simon felt more relaxed than he had for weeks. Stroking her soft skin, his mind instantly wandered back to the dreamscape and with a small shudder, he finally admitted, "We have to get her back, Kay."

Tensing slightly, Kaylee took a deep breath and then lifted her eyes to meet his. "We will," she said softly.

Pressing a kiss to her forehead, Simon nodded and said, "I know, but it's got to be soon." _Or we'll lose her_.

He did not admit that to Kaylee, did not admit how close his sister was from disappearing forever. She was steps away from being irrevocably altered and Simon feared what that transformation might yield. And he feared what it would do to him if he truly lost his baby sister.

With another shudder and a heavy sigh, Simon tried to hold onto the feelings of peace Kaylee had inspired only moments ago and go back to sleep. However, it was a long night of staring at nothing for the unnerved doctor.

-- --

The large estate came into view, the lights and grandeur of the place as familiar to Inara as her shuttle on Serenity. Once, not so long ago, she would have relished the opportunity to attend such an event. On the arm of selected client, dressed in her finest silks and wearing her perfect veneer, Inara Serra would have worked the room, circulating among Londinium's elite like a prima ballerina.

The hovercar rumbled to a stop and Inara forced herself to take a deep breath. Waiting for the driver to help her out, she willed her stomach to stop churning and then plastered her biggest smile to her face. Stepping out into the cool night air, Inara pulled her black lace shawl about her bare shoulders, the red strapless gown she wore swishing with each step, the click of her heels barely audible over the noise. Ascending the stairs regally, she was greeted at the top by a tall, broad-shouldered man, his brown hair clipped close to his scalp, his eyes a muddy brown. He looked almost exactly like his photo, blue uniform and all and Inara inclined her head to him in greeting, as he stepped forward to take her hand.

Bending over, he brushed his lips against it, his eyes never leaving her face. "Miss Serra, your registry photo does not do you justice," he said, his tone full of confidence. Slipping her hand through his bent arm, he said, "I am thrilled that you deigned to be on my arm this evening."

Inara could only smile as she said, "Well, thank you, Commander Ling. I assure you the pleasure is mine."

They stepped through the grand doors of the estate into a high-ceilinged foyer. The marble they walked on was white and gleaming and Inara's eyes swept the room, taking in all the finery, the glittering chandelier, the heavy drapes, the other guests bedecked in jewelry so expensive it could buy Serenity a hundred times over.

"And please," Inara told her date, laying her other hand lightly against his arm and leaning in. "Call me Inara."

With a wide smile that Inara was not too certain she liked the commander nodded once and said, "Then you must call me Michael, Inara."

Nodding once in acquiescence, Inara's next statement was cut off as Michael was greeted by a fellow officer, a general according to the bars on his shoulder. Using the distraction to her advantage, Inara's eyes roamed the room, looking for any one she might recognize. She had been studying vids on the Cortex of Parliament officials and other highly placed Londinium authorities. She needed to be sure she spoke with or overheard the right people; this was her last chance to find out something that could help Mal.

"Inara, don't tell me I've lost your interest all ready."

The slightly playful voice sounded at her shoulder and Inara turned with another big smile as Michael's eyes studied her intently. "Of course not, Michael. I was just looking to get us some drinks."

"Well, allow me," he told her chivalrously, stepping away with a small bow and heading across the room. Alone, Inara's gaze again scanned the room and with an easy gait, she moved across the way to a small cluster of officials whom she thought she recognized.

Surreptitiously stationing herself to the outside of their circle, she nonchalantly watched the couples dancing in the middle of the room as one of the men spoke up.

"Do you really think the Prime Minister will kill them?"

"Why wouldn't he? It's not as if they didn't cause him some embarrassment."

"But surely the Miranda rumors are just a hoax."

An uncomfortable silence greeted this last statement and Inara fought the urge to scream out a denial. She wished it had been a rumor.

"The fact remains that they committed treason. Even if it's true, that recording should never have been broadcasted in such a careless manner."

"There you are."

With a slight jump Inara turned to regard Ling as he held out a champagne glass to her. Noting her momentary start, he asked quietly, "Are you all right, my dear?"

Smiling sweetly to him, Inara took a sip of her drink to mask the tremor in her voice. "Of course," she finally said. Placing a light hand to his arm, she drew him away from the group she'd been listening too, and stated, "I'm surprised that a man such as yourself could get away this evening." As Michael's look turned to one of confusion, she elaborated, "What with the trial and all."

"Ah yes," he said, taking a sip of his own drink. "Those hun dans have kept us rather busy, but it will be over soon enough."

Swallowing hard, Inara continued to feign innocence as she asked, "Oh? What do you mean?"

Turning to her, Michael regared her coolly for a moment, his lips pursed in a look of pure examination. Inara held the gaze, fully aware that she had tipped her hand too early. Before he had time to speak, she took his glass and set it down with hers on a nearby table. Offering him her gloved hand, she asked, "Care to dance?"

"With the most beautiful woman in the room?" Spinning her out into the middle of the dance floor, Inara tried to ignore the churning in her gut as he pulled her very close. "I'd be delighted."

-- --

"Stop!"

River's scream was loud and long, piercing the ears of Adamson and his men as they regarded her through the one-way glass. Sinking to her knees, she fell forward on her stomach, her arms covering her head as her body shook uncontrollably.

She had stopped her training exercise in the midst of killing her brother and Adamson was not pleased. For the past five days, he had been running this simulation with her and every time she had killed the crew, including her beloved Simon, with little forethought. But today, she seemed to be more coherent, cognizant of her deadly actions and she was resisting. But not if Adamson could help it.

Nodding to his right, he told the doctor, "Drug her again."

His eyes widening slightly as he realized just how much of the hallucinogen was in the girl's blood, the older man said, "She'll fight me." The bruise to his temple from his dosage administration that morning underlined his point.

Looking to Beta and Omega, the blue-handed agents were out the door before he'd said a word. "No she won't," Adamson told the doctor.

He watched with a detached interest as the three men entered the room. River tensed as the blue-hands hauled her to her feet. With a sharp kick to the right, she knocked Omega to the ground as Beta jammed his fist into her side, cracking at least one rib and causing the young killer to cry out in pain.

Seeing his opportunity, the doctor stepped forward and jammed the syringe into River's thigh before hurriedly stepping back and out of the room. Beta helped Omega up and out and again in the observation room, all four men watched as River Tam again turned a feral look in their direction and began to kill.

-- --

It was night time again on Londinium and Simon had given up trying to sleep. There was no point to it anymore. Yes, he still loved the feel of Kaylee in his arms as he tried to drift off, but as the week had passed his dreams had become more vibrant, more real and they were causing Simon more and more discomfort.

He could barely eat or sleep and it was taking its toll. With a heavy sigh, Simon dropped onto a nearby bench, grateful for the cool night air that breezed over him. He was out in the house's garden, a beautiful and fragrant collection of flowers, most of which he had not seen since leaving Osiris. His mother had had a garden too, a rose garden. Closing his eyes for a moment, Simon's mind wandered back almost two decades and he could remember the light in his mother's eyes as she had tried to instruct him on the proper way to prune a bush.

When his ten-year-old sensibilities could not handle it, she had simply waved him away, telling him to play with his baby sister. Young Simon had accepted the task willingly; after all, River was two and just starting to be fun. Chasing her about the yard, Simon laughed as he remembered her squeals of delight every time he got close and then let her get farther away.

"'Imon, 'Imon," she would chant, not quite having a grasp on esses yet.

"I'll get you River," he would call coming within inches. One time he hadn't been watching closely enough and she had tripped, going down hard on her knees in the gravel path and skinning them.

Those big, brown eyes had looked up to him full of tears as she'd wailed, "'Imon, ouch."

With a gasp, Simon's eyes snapped open and he was back in the garden in Londinium. Rubbing at his knees as the residual pain of the memory lingered, Simon buried his face in his hands. What was happening to him? This was more than sympathy, these feelings he was having; these visions of his sister were more than imaginings – they were real.

Shivering, Simon wrapped his arms around himself as he rose and began pacing again. It wasn't possible; as a doctor and a fairly smart one, he knew that. Of course, the past year and a half with his sister had taught him more about the limitless possibilities of the human body and mind than he had ever hoped to learn in medical school, but still … Simon's very smart brain could not wrap around the fact that he might be experiencing some kind of sixth sense, like his sister.

"Hey you."

Whirling, Simon took in Kaylee's silhouetted form, standing in the doorway to the house and he let out a sigh of relief. Instantly, he felt more at peace just knowing she was close, but he also felt more fear well in his chest – her fear, for him.

"Hey," he said quietly, making no move to approach her.

Staring at him for only a second more, Kaylee wrapped her arms around herself and stepped towards him. Once she was in front of him, she turned her big green eyes up to him and asked softly, "You okay?"

Simon held her gaze, easily lost in her wide eyes. They showed him everything and Simon marveled once again at his bao bei's openness. There wasn't anything she tried to hide from him. Even her anxiety and fear were swirling in those green pools, Simon could see it, right next to her love for him.

That honesty was why he couldn't lie to her now. Shaking his head slightly, he told her quietly, "No, Kaylee, I'm not."

Without a word, Kaylee got closer and wrapped her arms around him, her cheek resting against his shoulder. Simon wondered for a brief second if perhaps she was psychic – how else could she have known that her touch was what he needed. Holding her back, Simon's hands rubbed small circles on her back and Kaylee sighed slightly.

"We'll be okay," she murmured. "You'll see. An' River'll be okay too an' soon we'll all be back together."

"I wish I could believe that, bao bei," Simon whispered into her hair.

Tilting her face up, Kaylee said firmly, "You gotta, Simon. We gotta believe that or we ain't never gonna get through this."

Her determination was like a slap to his mind and Simon started slightly as he read that fierceness from her. Gently brushing her hair back from her face, Simon told her, "I'm so sorry, for all of this."

Covering his hands with her own, Kaylee told him sincerely, "There ain't nothin' to be sorry for. I love you, you boob," she teased, trying desperately to break the tension. "An' I would go through all this again if'n it meant I still got to have you in my life."

Brushing his lips to hers, Simon sighed and told her, "I am unbelievably lucky."

"You got that right," Kaylee teased. Pulling away from him, she tugged on his hand and said, "Can you at least try to come to bed?" As Simon hesitated, she added coyly, "You know I can't sleep if'n you ain't there."

Smiling slightly, Simon nodded and followed her inside, wishing he could have as much faith as Kaylee.

-- --

"Michael, you didn't really fight in the battle of Serenity, did you?" Inara's incredulous tone was the first one she had not faked all evening. After showering Ling with compliments, niceties and numerous false laughs, she finally felt she was making some headway. Now, as they discussed his war record, her stomach roiled violently as she realized that the man whose arm she had been on all night might very well have shot and killed most of Mal's unit.

With a proud smile that only made her more nauseous, Michael downed the rest of his drink, a stiff brandy and said, "I did indeed." Leaning towards her, she smelled the rich alcohol on his breath as he whispered, "And lived to tell the tale. How many men can say that?"

_I can think of one._ Inara bit back her retort and then gently leaned in, making sure her body was just brushing against the commander's arm. "I can't believe a brave man like yourself would want to work in the Prime Minister's personal security force." Watching as his eyes widened at the implied insult, Inara frowned slightly and added, "Isn't it, kind of, boring?"

"I can assure you, it's anything but that," Michael told her, signaling a waiter to bring him another. "Look at this whole Miranda scenario. After that broadwave, we spent a full two months doing constant surveillance sweeps, drills and all kinds of reconnaissance, trying to protect the prime minister and paraliament."

Trying to remain calm as Inara realized she'd finally led the man down the path she needed, she prompted, "Yes, that was a nasty business. Is it true they have some of the perpetrators in custody?"

"Absolutely," Ling confided, dropping his voice to a whisper. "And even better, they're going to be executed."

Her heart clenching with unnatural fear, Inara breathed, "What? I thought they were to stand trial?"

Rolling his eyes, Michael told her, "There isn't going to be a trial." With a sick laugh, he again occupied himself with his fresh glass of brandy and Inara sat back, doing her best not to faint.

Mal was going to die. Inara had become more and more convinced of that as the evening had gone on. On Ling's arm she had been introduced to more members of Parliament, including Dresden himself, than just about anyone else in the room. And the conversations had always gone the same way – drifting towards the impending trial of the traitors, each person in attendance tonight was out for blood. And now, Michael had just confirmed it.

Leaning back against the lounge they sat on, Inara closed her eyes and breathed deeply. A hand to her knee startled her and jumping, she opened her eyes to regard Michael's quizzical face. "My dear, you're looking a bit pale."

"Am I?" Inara asked needlessly, knowing that she must indeed look as if she'd seen a ghost. Rising, she swayed a bit on her feet for a moment before regaining her balance. "Must be too much champagne. I'll be right back."

She was barely out the door before Ling's firm hand was around her elbow. Turning to regard him, Inara asked easily, "Yes?"

Studying her intently, Inara felt her resolve melting under her date's scrutiny. He was on to her. "You've been trying to get information on the trial all night." It was a statement, not a question and so Inara did nothing but stare back at him. Pursing his lips, he asked, "A personal interest, perhaps?"

Drawing herself up to her full height, Inara told him, "Commander, I am a member of the Alliance and the Guild. We do not condone treason in any form. I simply wish to ensure that these traitors will be brought to justice." _Forgive me, Mal._

Guiding her from the room and into an empty hallway, Ling's hand was still around her elbow as he said, "Really? I don't think a woman interested in justice would be so easily affected by the mention of a simple execution."

"I am not a barbarian," Inara shot back, her own feelings about capital punishment, regardless of the criminal, shining through. Of course, in the case of her boyfriend, she would always be anti-execution. "I believe there are more humane ways to deal with criminals."

"I'm sure you do," Ling said softly, his eyes raking over her form. Inara willed herself to remain still. As silence stretched between them, Michael's eyes back again on her face, Inara did her best to stay impassive. Finally, she asked, "I really would like to freshen up, if you don't mind?"

Taking a step back, Inara was able to move past the commander and towards the nearest restroom, before Ling's voice stopped her dead in her tracks. "I can get you in to see him."

Later Inara would curse her stupidity and her transparency. But at that moment the thought of seeing Mal regardless of the location was enough to cause her heart to stop. Realizing the minute she'd stopped walking she'd given herself away, Inara waited, listening as the heavy footfalls of Ling approached her from behind.

His mouth down by her ear, he whispered, "I had a feeling it was the brigand you were interested in." Dropping a kiss to her cheek, he added, "Noble women, such as yourself, always fall for the bad boy."

Turning slowly, Inara asked, "Can you really get me into see him?"

Sighing, Ling took a step back and said, "Of course. I'm the one that escorted him to his cell in the first place." Folding his arms across his chest, he smiled slightly and said, "Well, escorted might be the wrong word; shoved might be more appropriate."

Fighting the bile that raced up her throat, Inara said evenly, "I would be very grateful if it could be arranged for me to see Captain Reynolds."

With another wide smile, Ling told her, "Well of course, Inara." Gently pushing her towards the restroom, he added, "We can go in just a bit, but you really should freshen up first." As Inara's brow furrowed, he added with a sly grin, "We do need to finish our date."

Inara's stomach lurched again as she turned and fled the hallway. Once enclosed in the bathroom, she locked the door and sank to the floor, her back leaning against the cooler wood. She had known it was too good to be true; had known that after her two previous dates she had been more than lucky to get away from both clients without them demanding sex from her. But they had been older men, widowers, interested in her for the true definition of her job.

But not Ling. Secretly, Inara had suspected all along that this evening would end with her forfeiting her body to another man, a man who was not Mal, a man who did not love her and whom she did not love.

Standing slowly, Inara regarded her pale features in the mirror. "So, I really am a whore," she whispered, unable to even muster a tear at the thought of cheating on Mal. It's not cheating, she told herself firmly, reaching into her small bag and pulling out a lipstick. It's just a client, like the hundreds before. It's not any different than those others.

This was the mantra Inara would use all night; the empty assurances she would repeat as Ling took her back to his place and brought her into the bedroom with no pretense. These were the words she would repeat to herself as she let Ling's hands undress her and touch her bare skin, as she let him put his mouth all over her body, as she allowed him to enter her with hard and quick thrusts. Inara had never once felt dirty for the work she did, but as Ling's burly form hovered above her, the release of his hot seed inside of her, Inara felt a tear leak out of the corner of her eye. She feared she would never be clean again.

As Ling rolled off of her and fell asleep almost immediately, Inara rolled onto her side and cried silently. _Forgive me, Mal_.

-- --


	15. Chapter 15

-- --

Chapter 15

-- --

Kaylee absentmindedly rolled the end of her teabag between her fingers, her green eyes staring at nothing. It was very early in the training house and she knew she was the only one awake. Simon was actually sleeping and Kaylee was grateful; she only wished she could join him.

But her fear and anxiety were starting to take their toll and Kaylee found her thoughts consumed with speculation over what exactly was happening to River and what was happening to Simon.

She had never really been afraid of River's abilities; yes, when the younger girl had shot those men at Niska's place, the mechanic had been unsettled, but as far as the mind reading and psychic abilities went, Kaylee had always secretly believed it was kind of neat. However, as the weeks had stretched on, and Simon's assertion that he could 'feel' his sister and 'see' what was happening to her had grown more firm, Kaylee had become more and more fearful of what her boyfriend's newfound gifts might mean for them both.

With a heavy sigh, Kaylee lowered her head onto her bent arms and rested her eyes for a moment. Thinking that perhaps she would try to get some sleep, she was almost out the door of the kitchen when she heard the sound of someone entering from outside. Turning back into the room, she was met with Inara's surprised gaze.

Starting slightly as she had not expected to see anyone, Inara smiled weakly at her friend and murmured, "Good morning." Hoping to brush by her, Kaylee followed Inara down the hall and to her room. As the Companion fumbled with her key, Kaylee finally noticed that her friend was visibly shaking.

Reaching over and placing a hand on top of Inara's, Kaylee asked her, "'Nara, everythin' okay?" As Inara's wide brown eyes again alit to her face, Kaylee smiled and observed, "You were out all night."

Nodding once, Inara finally pushed open the door and stepped into her room, ushering Kaylee inside. Once the heavy wooden door was again shut, Inara leaned against it weakly and said softly, "I'm fine, Kaylee. I just didn't get any sleep."

Her expression neutral, Kaylee did her best to read her friend. She had spoken with Inara plenty of times after she'd returned from a client, but Kaylee had never seen her quite so pale before. Moving towards her, she placed a light hand to the older woman's shoulder and waited until their eyes met before asking, "You ain't hurt, are ya?"

Shaking her head no, Inara let out a heavy breath and moved over to her bed, flopping onto it in a very un-companionlike manner. "No, Kaylee, I'm not hurt. The commander was actually a perfect gentleman." Frowning, Kaylee stayed silent, knowing there was more to this story. "He offered to get me in to see Mal," Inara confided quietly, her heart leaping at the thought of again seeing her beloved. It had been weeks and Inara missed him. Of course, her excitement at again coming face to face with Mal was tempered by the knowledge that she had slept with another man no more than eight hours ago.

"That's shiny, 'Nara," Kaylee said hurriedly, sitting next to her and squeezing her hand. "When're ya goin'?"

Glancing to the chrono on the wall, Inara said, "In a few hours." Giving her soft mattress a forlorn look, she added, "I really should try to sleep."

Taking the hint, Kaylee rose to go, but not before wrapping Inara in a quick embrace. "You sure you're okay?" she asked, narrowing her eyes as Inara's again flashed with something disquieting before they were once again clear.

"Yes, mei mei, I'm fine," Inara lied, providing Kaylee with her most winning smile. "Just tired."

"All right." Kaylee wasn't convinced, but she could tell that she'd get no more from Inara at the moment. "Sleep tight."

Inara heard the door shut behind her friend and wearily she laid back on her mattress. She wanted to sleep, desperately, so that she could forget this entire night had ever happened. As a companion she knew that what had transpired between her and Ling was not grounds for Mal to accuse her of cheating; but as his girlfriend, and as a woman, she knew that if he ever found it she would lose him for good.

She had tried, numerous times during their friendship and courtship to blame him for feeling that way. She tried to use his closemindedness, or so she claimed, against him so that when, if, she decided to ever return to active duty, she would have an argument to fight him with.

Sighing, Inara rolled over onto her side, pulling her pillow from the head of the bed and curling her arms around it. There was no justification for what she'd done, she knew that. And she felt awful for it, felt dirty and violated in a way that she never truly had before. But she was going to see Mal, in just a few hours, and she only wished that when she did, her heart wouldn't beat so painfully from the joy of seeing him and the shame of knowing how she'd gotten there.

-- --

Pain. Fear. Hurt. Anger. Rage.

He wasn't sure what was his own and what was everyone else's. He felt each emotion more sharply, pounding through his heart and head. His vision was clouded as it swam to concentrate on the here and now. He felt very little physically – did not feel hot or cold, soft or hard, light or dark. He could only feel the intangibles, things he could not order, could not rationalize, could not understand.

Simon did not live in this world, not normally. He did not live in a realm of emotions. He was not that type of man. Occasionally, yes, he would indulge his senses in feeling happiness or sadness, passion or desire, love or hate, but usually, every day, he lived in a very ordered and structured place where his feelings were regimented and confined.

But not anymore. This chaos was too much for him. Blinking rapidly and trying to bring something into focus, Simon swayed unsteadily on his feet. He saw blurry images of a bedroom, an ornate one with nice furniture and plush fabrics. Where was he? This was not Serenity, not Osiris … where could it be?

Stumbling towards what he hoped to be the bed, Simon felt another wave of dizziness as a flare of fear welled inside him. With a small cry, he fell to the floor hard, his knees hitting the concrete with a sickening crack. Rolling quickly onto his side, he was trembling and murmuring incoherently when Kaylee found him moments later.

"Simon!" Her pained cry barely reached him.

As she dropped beside him, reaching to take him into her arms, he pulled away from her, still disoriented, still unable to put his thoughts in order. He had never been so scared in his life.

"Not mine," he kept muttering, over and over again, his voice cracking, his eyes squeezed shut as he tried to will away the foreign emotions. "Not mine. Not mine."

"Simon." Kaylee's cry this time was barely more than a whisper. Reaching out a tentative hand, she placed it lightly against his head, brushing her fingertips through his silky hair. When he did not pull away from her, she inched a bit closer, never once breaking her contact with him. "Simon, it's Kaylee. Can you hear me, sweetie?"

Slowly, his rocking stopped and with a tormented look raging in his blue eyes, Simon opened them slowly and focused on her. Opening his mouth several times before any sound came out, he whispered hoarsely, "Kaylee?"

Blinking away a few tears, Kaylee nodded and reached for his shoulders, pulling his head into her lap. Stroking her hands through his hair, Kaylee inhaled sharply as he grabbed them and held them tightly. Reopening his eyes again, Simon breathed, "Where am I?"

Swallowing thickly past the lump in her throat, Kaylee told him, "We're on Londinium, 'member? We're at the training house."

"Londinium," he breathed, his tone full of non-comprehension. Kaylee watched him try to puzzle it out, her heart beating rapidly against her chest as she realized he really didn't remember. "River?" he questioned softly, pulling her hands to rest over his heart, his head lulling to the side against the crook of her arm.

"She's not here, sweetie," Kaylee said gently, worried the truth might actually send him into another fit. "We're gonna see her again real soon."

Simon's blue eyes again stared at her intently and Kaylee held the gaze, while her mind and heart raged. She didn't know what to do, she'd never seen Simon like this and she feared for his health and his sanity.

Rising slowly and with a bit of difficulty, Simon turned to her, his eyes never breaking contact with her face. Reaching out a light hand, he placed it over her heart and whispered, "Scared."

Placing her hand over his, Kaylee murmured, "Yeah, sweetie, I am scared. Scared for you."

His brow furrowing and his eyes clouding with tears, Simon looked back to her face and murmured, "What's wrong with me?"

"Oh honey." Kaylee's breathless whisper accompanied her motion towards him and in one swift movement she had pressed him firmly against her, her arms wrapped around his trembling body.

Simon clung to her fiercely, his hands gripping at her elbow and waist, praying that she wouldn't leave. His mind wasn't so cluttered when Kaylee was near, things weren't so terrifying and Simon needed that – he needed a respite from what he felt to be insanity, no matter how brief.

With soft words of comfort and her gentle hands stroking through his hair, Simon soon released a heavy sigh. Pulling back from her slightly, he met her gaze and said, "I'm sorry. I wish I knew what to do."

"You don't gotta always know, sweetie," Kaylee reminded him, cradling his face in her hands. Glancing behind him to the big and comfortable bed, Kaylee asked, "Do you think you can get some sleep?"

With wide eyes, Simon shook his head quickly. "I don't know," he whispered fearfully. "Whenever I close my eyes I feel it."

"Feel what?" Kaylee asked, her concern again on the rise as Simon spoke gibberish.

"Everything." It was barely audible, but she heard it and shivered despite herself. Simon felt her reaction, physically and emotionally and with a pleading look he begged, "Please don't go."

Shaking her head, Kaylee smiled slightly at him and whispered, "I ain't goin' nowhere." Holding his gaze for another moment, she told him, "I love you, dong ma?"

He nodded and then rose slowly, wincing as he straightened his now bruised knees. Kaylee supported him, her arm around his waist and helped him undress. When she saw the small cuts and purple marks on his knees, she instantly went for a wash cloth, bathing the sores gently. Simon watched her, speechless the whole time, doing his best to hold onto his momentary lucidity.

Gently tucking him in, Kaylee circled the bed, divesting herself of her clothes quickly and sliding her naked form in beside him. Almost instantly, Simon rolled into her, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight, as he had no more than ten minutes ago. With a shaky sigh, he murmured, "I'm sorry."

Kaylee rested her cheek against his head, a few of her tears falling unwanted down her cheeks and into his hair. "You ain't got no reason to be sorry, Simon," she reminded him again, pressing a kiss to his temple. "Just get some sleep, okay?"

He nodded lightly, but Kaylee knew as she held him through the night, unable to sleep herself that Simon was unable to rest for even a minute. Uncertainty welling in her heart, Kaylee simply kept him tightly in her embrace and prayed.

-- --

River Tam's bruised and bloodied body was sprawled out on the room's exam table, a harsh white light shining down from above and illuminating every blemish in gory detail. The girl's brown eyes, long ago turning to mud, were open and unblinking, unseeing, as Doctor Evans attended to her injuries. Adamson watched from a corner of the room with a detached interest.

The girl had done remarkably well, all things considered. Adamson had feared that her time away from him and the Academy would make reconditioning her almost impossible, but it appeared that her time away had only given her more fuel for the insane fire that burned through her.

Her emotions were a powerful weapon and the ones she had experienced while exploring the black were potent. Love, loyalty, trust, honor, family – these were words and feelings that River Tam did not just feel, she possessed. They were tangible to her, animate, and that meant they could be manipulated, coerced, killed.

As the doctor backed away, he approached Adamson, removing his blood-stained rubber gloves. "She needs to rest," he informed the other man, his eyes drifting back towards River. "She needs fluids, solid food and a lot of rest. She's on the verge of catching pneumonia."

Frowning Adamson did not like this assessment. It would not do to have his star pupil dropping dead from some paltry disease. His eyes never leaving River's form, he asked, "Is it still safe to dope her?"

Releasing a sigh, Evans rubbed a hand over his tired eyes and said reluctantly, "I suppose, although those drugs are doing a number on her immune system. If you can lessen the dosage, it would really be for the best."

Nodding curtly, Adamson dismissed the man. "Thank you, doctor. We'll call you again if you're needed."

Waiting until the older man left, Adamson moved to River's side, reaching for a filled syringe that lay on a table at her side. There were about a dozen such needles there and a few empty ones, with six or seven vials of medicine lined up neatly as well.

Swabbing her upper arm, he plunged the needle into her bicep and pressed the medicine into her system. Watching her reaction closely, he pulled a small remote from his pocket, directing it at the projector suspended from the ceiling. As the blank wall in front of the young woman flickered and came to life, River's eyes blinked rapidly. Turning her head slowly to meet his curious gaze, she asked hoarsely, "What do you want?"

Nodding towards the screen, he asked her, "Do you know these people?"

With an effort, River turned her eyes towards the images. They felt ridiculously big within her skull and she winced as the movement of rolling them pulled at her skin. Instant recognition dawning, she told him quietly, "Yes."

"Who are they?" Adamson's eyes never left his subject, his mind reeling with a kind of giddy excitement at the success he was having.

Swallowing thickly, River tried to fight against all she had been programmed to know. A part of her, a small and scared part, wanted to jump up from the table and ram her fist so hard into Adamson's throat it would break his neck. She wanted to spit in his face and tell him that he wouldn't win; that she was stronger than he thought. But the larger and stronger part of her, the reconditioned part, knew she didn't stand a chance. And neither did the people in the pictures before her.

"Who are they, River?" Adamson asked again, watching the girl's conflict rage in her wild eyes.

"Crew," she ground out, her mind recognizing the images of the captain, Zoe, Jayne, Inara, Kaylee and her brother. "Crew of Serenity."

Frowning slightly, Adamson leaned over her, his hard face filling her entire view. "No, River," he bit out harshly. "Who are they?"

Returning his evil look with one of her own, River said succinctly, "My mission."

She was not at all surprised when the man straightened up, smiled to her again and then injected her with another drug. "Precisely, my dear," he said quietly, sitting back and watching her as she watched her marks. "Precisely."

-- --

"You'll only have ten minutes."

Inara turned pleading eyes to Ling, but with an upraised hand he silenced her request. "I'm sorry, Inara, but you're lucky to even get that."

Swallowing hard, Inara nodded, and then turned as another guard approached, entering a code into the box to the right of the barred door. As it swung open and Inara was ushered inside, she smoothed her hands down the front of her skirt. She ignored the catcalls of the other prisoners who had pressed themselves up close to the bars of their cells to ogle at the beautiful woman.

Her escort finally paused, motioning her forward and Inara took another deep breath before she stepped around him. Glancing to her right, she caught sight of Zoe in the cell across from Mal's and shared a knowing look with the woman. Then, steeling herself, Inara looked back to her left, her brown eyes coming in direct contact with Mal's blue.

His face was pressed in between two bars in his cell door, his hands gripping the metal so tightly they were turning white. Inara gave him a small smile as the guard opened the cell and then stepped back as Inara moved inside. As the guard walked down a few paces to give them some semblance of privacy, all of Inara's carefully constructed self-restraint flew out the window.

Throwing herself into his arms, Inara buried her face in the crook of his neck. She sighed audibly when she felt his arms encircle her back, holding her tightly to him. "Oh Mal," she breathed, refusing to move from his embrace. "I've been so scared."

"I know, darlin'," he murmured, pressing kisses into her hair. Squeezing her tightly, he said, "You really shouldn't be here."

She did pull away now and when her eyes again met his she saw shame there; shame and fear and love and Inara's heart beat even more sharply against her ribcage. Taking his hands, Inara moved with him towards the back of the small space, sitting on the cot there. Running a light hand through his hair, Inara finally saw him; his eyes were hollow and tired, his skin pale. There was the beginning or end of a bruise along his right cheek and Inara ghosted her fingers over it gently. Studying every inch of him, she smiled sadly as he sighed into her touch, turning his face to nuzzle into her hand.

"God I missed you," he breathed, pulling her close to him again and holding her firmly. Inara blinked rapidly, trying to clear the few tears she felt forming. She had promised herself she would not cry, not until she was back in the safety and privacy of her room.

As his hands ran gentle circles along her back, Inara finally said, "Mal, I don't have a lot of time." Leaning back from him, she said, "I wanted you to know that we're here, all of us." Cradling his face in her hands and forcing their eyes to meet, she said firmly, "We're going to get you and Zoe out of this."

Mal didn't have the heart to tell her that was pretty much an impossible task. He didn't have the heart for a lot of things apparently, because at this very moment, the only thing he wanted to do was tell her he loved her. Mal had figured over the past weeks that if he was to die, telling Inara that she was the only woman he'd ever loved would be his last conscious act in this life. But now, when presented with the opportunity, he found himself ridiculously tongue-tied.

Shaking his head, he covered her hands with his and said quietly, "'Nara, that's a real nice sentiment, but even you know it ain't gonna happen."

Pulling back from him angrily, Inara bit out, "Don't say that, Mal. You can't just give up."

"I ain't givin' up, darlin'," he told her, his tone laced with sarcasm. "I'm just bein' realistic."

"Mal, we have a chance." Her words were spoken so softly, he couldn't be sure he'd heard them. But as his eyes searched hers for confirmation, Mal felt his breath catch in his throat. She was serious. "It's a slim one, but it's still a chance." Edging closer to him until she was almost in his lap, Inara leaned her forehead against his and murmured, "The coverage of the trial is going to be intense. Tomorrow, before you're taken into court, they're going to parade you outside on the steps." Meeting his widening gaze, Inara nodded once and breathed, "You'll be out in the open."

Mal's mind reeled with this new information. It seemed an awfully risky thing to do, from the Alliance's standpoint – trotting him and Zoe out like some kind of show ponies, but then, Mal had to figure they were pretty much convinced there was no one looking to come to their rescue; boy were they wrong.

"How'd ya know?" he asked, his thumbs caressing her cheeks as his hands rested against her smooth and warm skin.

Casting her eyes to the floor, Inara blushed and murmured, "It doesn't matter. All that matters is that it'll work." Looking back to him she said urgently, "And we need your help to get to River."

"Gao yang zhong de gu yang," he muttered, angry at himself for not asking about lil' Albatross sooner. "Where is she?" he asked.

Shrugging lightly, Inara confided, "We don't know. Simon seems to think she may be back on Osiris, but …" With a sigh, she told him, "We just don't know and the longer she's gone the more convinced Simon becomes that she'll never come back."

Grimacing, Mal couldn't exactly disagree with the doctor's assessment. He didn't even want to think of what the Alliance was doing to River, now that they had her so firmly back in their clutches. "I hope she's all right," he breathed, barely aware the words were audible until Inara's hand under his chin guided his face back to look at hers.

"All we can do is get her back," she reminded him, her eyes softening as his gaze held her own intently. "And then pray."

With a small nod and a sigh, Mal didn't say anything else, but instead wrapped her tightly against him again. They remained locked in each other's arms for a long while, until the sound of the guard clearing his throat signaled that Inara's time was up.

Pulling back, Inara again studied every inch of him, her fingers running gently through his hair. Desperate to remember him she pressed her lips firmly against his, and then deepened the kiss as Mal's hands against her back brought her closer to him. Fisting his hands into her thick hair, Mal kissed her with abandon, knowing that it could very well be the last time he did.

Breaking the contact begrudgingly, Inara rose, smiling slightly to him as she wiped a bit of her lipstick from his mouth. He followed her to the cell's door, her hand in his and before she stepped back over the threshold, he tugged on it gently. Meeting his blue-eyed gaze, Inara saw the look of pure intensity there and found she had to again remind herself to breathe.

"If I don't make it," he murmured quietly, their foreheads again touching. "You gotta make sure Zoe does. Dong ma?"

Shaking her head swiftly, Inara blinked back more tears and said weakly, "Mal, don't talk that way."

"'Nara." His tone left no room for argument and with difficulty Inara met his gaze once again. "Please," he said quietly, his eyes begging.

Swallowing thickly, she nodded once and then kissed the palm of the hand he held to her face. "Be safe," he murmured as she pulled away slowly, her fingers trailing over his until they were forced to part. Inara did not wait for the guard, but instead turned back towards the exit, clutching her skirts in her hands and hurried out.

She did not see Mal's look of pure sadness as she moved away or the shared look of pain he shot his first mate. Sighing heavily, he moved back to his bunk, his hand covering his lips where Inara's had been only moments ago and he hoped to sleep so that he might possibly dream of his girl.

-- --

Inara rounded up the group as soon as she returned from the jail. She couldn't stomach the thought of being alone and she welcomed the distraction of finishing their plan. Waiting as Jayne entered the room and settled heavily into the empty chair, Inara looked to Kaylee and Simon, her young friend clutching the doctor's hand firmly as she said quietly, "I saw Mal and Zoe. They're both a bit tired and worn out, but otherwise unharmed."

Releasing an audible sigh of relief, Kaylee's shining eyes looked to Simon. "See, sweetie? An' River's gonna be fine too."

Smiling weakly to her, the doctor looked to Inara and asked, "Did you tell Mal of the plan?"

Nodding once, Inara told him, "Yes, although he doesn't think it's going to work."

"Well o' course he don't," Jayne grunted, throwing them all an annoyed expression. "None of his plans ever do."

Smiling slightly at the comment and knowing it was absolutely true, Inara sobered once again as she said, "We should go through it again." Not waiting for confirmation she looked to Kaylee and asked, "Is the transport ready?"

Grinning wide, Kaylee nodded enthusiastically. "You bet. I went ahead an' muddled our code real good. An' I got a false clearance so we can burn outta here soon as we got the cap'n an' Zoe."

Nodding, Inara looked to Jayne, the big mercenary speaking before she even had a chance to question him. "I got all the weapons we need, 'Nara." Looking to Kaylee and then back to the companion, he said, "I ain't too keen on the two o' ya carryin' guns."

"Me neither," Simon interjected quietly, getting a small scowl from Kaylee. Looking to Inara, he added, "And I really think I should come."

Shaking her head firmly and ignoring the frightened look that clouded Kaylee's gaze, the companion replied, "No, Simon, it's too dangerous. You are much too recognizable. The three of us have disguises and I'm not even sure if that's sufficient." Her eyes roving over the table, she added quietly, "But it's going to have to be."

"'Sides, you gotta be here, ready to go when we get back," Kaylee assured him, turning one of her bright smiles to him and hoping to get one of his swai grins in return. When she didn't the young mechanic's face fell, just slightly, the dip in mood only noticeable to Simon and Inara.

Wishing he could be more optimistic, Simon turned to her and cupped her cheek in his hand. "I really don't want you going without me, bao bei," he confided softly, locking his eyes with hers.

Smiling at his concern, Kaylee lowered her voice and murmured, "Well, then, think o' how happy you'll be when I get back." Giving him a mischievious grin that Simon had seen frequently enough, Kaylee leaned towards him and placed a kiss to his lips, getting a groan from Jayne as Inara demurely averted her gaze.

Rising, she placed her hands palm down on the table and said, "Mal has a point." As her friends turned startled looks in her direction, she continued. "This plan shouldn't work. But I can't leave him or Zoe there and I know that none of you can either. So we have to try."

"Oh hell, 'Nara, we gone up against must bigger odds than this an' lived to tell the tale." Jayne's grim determination settled them all; if the big man, the muscle in their scenario wasn't worried, than none of them had any right to be either. "Mal's jus' doin' what he does best. Bein' a martyr."

Hiding another grin, Inara secretly agreed, but she would never admit it. Waving them away, she said, "Well, we better get some sleep then. Tomorrow is a big day."

Jayne was up and out of the room quickly as Kaylee and Simon lingered for a moment. Inara said her good nights, exiting the small kitchen and wishing the tension she'd felt building behind her eyes since she'd seen Mal would dissipate.

Once Inara had left, Kaylee turned back to Simon, noting the far off expression that had again consumed his gaze. Placing a gentle hand to his face, she waited until he had refocused on her and smiled. "How 'bout some tea?" she asked quietly, rising to fix the kettle before he even had time to respond.

As she busied herself, Simon found his eyes following her. She moved with an ease he would never understand and it mesmerized him. Watching as she pulled two mugs out of the cupboard, Simon's mind flashed back to Serenity, back to the galley and he shook his head slightly, trying to clear the momentary confusion.

Blinking and rubbing hurriedly at his eyes, when Simon again opened them he inhaled sharply. He was back on the ship, he had to be. He was sitting at his usual seat at the table, the crew surrounding him, in the midst of a loud discussion and a protein-based meal. He heard Kaylee's sweet laugh and turned to his right, not at all surprised to find her smiling at him and chatting away. Looking across the table, Simon saw Inara and Jayne and then his gaze locked on his sister's.

She didn't look like his mei mei – not any more. Her eyes were cold and hard and Simon found he was shivering as he held her gaze. Reaching out a hand to her, he breathed, "River?"

"Didya say somethin', sweetie?" Kaylee turned from the stove where she was steeping their tea to find Simon, his arm raised and stretched towards the opposite side of the empty table. As if he was reaching for something, Simon's hand clasped at thin air. Frowning, Kaylee approached him slowly and questioned softly, "Simon? What's wrong?"

"River." Simon was desperate to get his sister back. She was there, right in front of him, but it wasn't her, he could tell. She was the killer-woman again, the one from the Maidenhead, the one from the Reaver battle. And suddenly, Simon realized, she was going to kill again.

Rising, River stared him down and in a flash the room was empty, the table between them gone. Only his mei mei remained, her eyes blazing as she reached out a hand to grasp his shoulder and pull him forcefully onto the sharp blade she held in her other hand.

The touch of a hand to his shoulder caused Simon to act instinctively. Rising swiftly, he reached for the hand and yanked hard, shoving the owner of the appendage onto the table, pinning them with his hand to their throat.

"Simon!" Kaylee's pained cry as his hand squeezed at her neck snapped him from his vision and Simon sprang back from her as if shocked.

With tears stinging her eyes, Kaylee sat up, rubbing at her red neck and panting a bit, her heart pounding as her adrenaline receded. Simon continued to back away until he had run into a wall and sank slowly to the floor, his eyes wide as his mind tried and failed to comprehend what he'd done.

"What the hell is goin' on in here?"

Turning frightened eyes to Jayne, Kaylee rose shakily. Her voice trembling, she said quietly, "It ain't nothin', Jayne. Go to bed."

"Like hell it ain't," he grumbled. Striding forward he spared a glance to Simon before turning all of his attention to Kaylee. Pulling away the hand she held to her throat, he muttered a strong curse as he bit out, "Did the doc do that?"

As Kaylee nodded once, her eyes again filling with fear, Jayne whirled on the younger man, charging at him. Realizing that the big mercenary could easily kill her boyfriend, Kaylee moved swiftly to stand between them. "Leave 'em be, Jayne. He din't mean it."

"How'd ya figure?" Jayne asked gruffly, still trying to get around lil' Kaylee to get to the doc. "You can't really try to kill somebody an' not mean it."

"He weren't gonna kill me," Kaylee said exasperated. Rolling her eyes, she took another step towards him and whispered harshly, "Stop bein' so overdramatic."

Growling at her, Jayne crossed his arms over his chest and glared, his eyes roaming from Kaylee to the cowering doc and back again. Taking the mechanic by the elbow, he said, "Well, c'mon. I wanna make sure you get to bed okay."

Shrugging out of his grasp, Kaylee took a step back and told him sternly, "I ain't leavin' Simon."

"What if he snaps again?" Jayne was getting more and more confused as the minutes passed. Did she or did she not have a red handprint on her neck from where Simon had tried to squeeze the breath out of her? Didn't that warrant a bit of distance for the two young lovers?

"He won't," Kaylee said urgently. Swallowing thickly, she turned to look at Simon, her heart breaking and more tears pooling in her eyes as she saw his frightened form. Kneeling at his side, Kaylee ran her fingers lightly through his hair and whispered, "Ain't that right, sweetie? You're okay now."

As if hearing her for the first time, Simon slowly and with difficulty, turned his face to hers. His cheeks flamed red the minute he met her tear-filled gaze. With sickening clarity, he could remember shoving her down onto the table and placing his hand around her slender neck. He would have killed her, he had thought she was River, thought that she was going to kill him. The memory made him shiver and Kaylee, noticing his distress, moved forward to wrap him into a tight embrace.

But with an upraised hand, Simon said quietly, "He's right, Kaylee. It's not safe."

Confusion clouding her features, Kaylee felt one tear break loose and fall down her cheek as she asked breathlessly, "What?"

With pleading eyes and a distraught tone, Simon told her, "It's not safe for you to be around me right now." His gaze flicking back to the table and then to her, he added softly, "I could have hurt you."

"But you din't," she assured him, taking his face in her hands. As a few more of her tears fell, Kaylee watched Simon and what she saw froze her heart. He was pulling away from her, she could see it. The look in his eyes, the stiffness in his posture was the same as it had been all those months ago when he'd first come on board; when he had first ignored her. Kaylee could see him slamming the door in her face and she could not stand it. "Please, Simon, please don't do this. Don't push me away."

Shaking his head slightly, Simon dropped his eyes to his lap and told her, "You have to go until I can figure out what's wrong with me."

"There ain't nothin' wrong with you," she told him harshly, tilting his face up so she could see his pained blue eyes. "You're jus' scared 'bout River, that's all." Leaning towards him, she desperately placed a kiss to his mouth and sobbed when he did not return her affection.

Pulling away from him, Kaylee's hurt and watery eyes almost broke his resolve. But he would not endanger her, especially not when he was the danger. Gently taking her hands from his face, he folded them into her lap and said quietly, "Go, Kaylee, please."

With another stifled sob, Kaylee stared at Simon and then rose abruptly, fleeing the room in a blur. Jayne watched her go and then looked back to the doc before leaving, figuring his work there was done.

As Simon heard the man's heavy footsteps plod away, he let his head fall back against the cold stone wall, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. Despite Kaylee's reassurances that there was nothing wrong with him, Simon knew better. Somehow, someway he was channeling his sister, her thoughts and emotions; but it wasn't just River. He had felt Kaylee's concern and love for him a few nights ago, and just now, he'd felt her fear – fear of him.

It turned his stomach and Simon sprinted from the room making it to a bathroom before he retched violently. Wiping at the spittle on his lips, he splashed cold water on his face, hoping it might quell his rising fear. He had almost seriously injured Kaylee, his bao bei, the love of his life. Vomitting again at the thought, Simon sank to his knees, laying his cheek against the cold stone tile floor.

Pulling his legs into his chest he curled himself into the smallest form he could manage and did his best to banish the image of Kaylee's frightened face from his memory. And the even worse feeling, that he might lose her for good, from his heart.

-- --

By the time Simon pulled his weary body up from the cold floor it was easily the middle of the night. Trudging through the quiet halls of the house, he did his best to push away the unfamiliar feelings that he knew were not his own.

Pausing several times to rest as his body was quickly giving out under the weight of his exhaustion, Simon focused on Kaylee and River, doing his best to conjure their beaming faces and remember all he knew of them. Kaylee's image and love for him were like a light, shining on Simon, drawing him like a moth to a flame back to the bedroom they'd been sharing. He knew he shouldn't go there, he knew that his actions in the kitchen had scared her, had made her fearful of him, but he also knew that she loved him and that fear had passed in seconds while her concern had simply grown.

Stopping again outside the heavy door, Simon rested his palm against the firm wood. His inner conflict raged – should he or shouldn't he? He would die before he let anything happen to Kaylee and he would just as soon kill himself than hurt her. But the truth was, she was the only thing that had kept in grounded in the past few weeks as his mind had spiraled out of control. He needed her, as selfish as it was.

Anger welling in him as he realized that he could not step over that threshold and risk injuring her, Simon had backed away from the door when he heard it creak open.

"Simon?" Kaylee's groggy voice was like music to him and he froze in midstep, uncertain how to proceed.

Wrapping her robe tighter around her, Kaylee stepped into the hall and placed a hand to his shoulder, which he quickly shrugged away from. Trying to hide her disappointment, she said softly, "Simon, come to bed."

Shaking his head, it took him several moments to trust his voice. "I can't."

Frowning at him, Kaylee moved to stand before him and rested a light hand to his face. "Why? I know you're exhausted."

Turning wide and incredulous eyes to her, Simon breathed, "Because of what happened before. I almost hurt you."

Taking a step closer to him, Kaylee cupped his other cheek with her hand and said, "But you didn't, Simon. You were disoriented an' you reacted to what you thought was a dangerous situation. An' I'm fine," she told him, tilting her head to one side, so he could see her unmarred neck. "Not a scratch."

Simon sighed heavily, and slowly reached a hand to her soft skin, trailing his fingers down her neck. Kaylee closed her eyes against the sensation, releasing her own sigh, as his hand moved back to her face, his thumb caressing her cheek. "I'm sorry," he murmured quietly, fighting the sob of fear and frustration he felt lodged in his throat.

"I don't never wanna hear that word outta your mouth again," she scolded playfully. Taking his hand in her own, Kaylee drew him back into the bedroom.

Standing uncertainly as she moved to shut them in the room, Kaylee met his wide-eyed gaze and tugged on his hand. "C'mon, sweetie, you gotta sleep."

"I can't," he breathed, afraid to admit it, but unable to deny the truth any longer. "I can't sleep, Kaylee. I've tried, I swear, but I-" His voice cracking with fatigue, Simon sank against the closed door heavily, his head in his hands. "It's never quiet enough," he murmured.

Regarding him with newfound concern, Kaylee watched as he slowly sank to the floor, pulling his knees into his chest. As he rocked himself back and forth, his head buried on the top of his knees, all of the signs she had been witnessing for the past few weeks suddenly coalesced into a coherent picture. His behavior was so familiar because she had seen it before … months ago in someone else.

Kneeling in front of him, she asked softly, "Sweetie, what'd ya think's happenin' to you?"

"I don't know," he mumbled, refusing to meet her gaze. He could feel her concern and fear rushing through her and it was causing his own mind to quickly lose any grip on reality. "I don't know, I just can't … I can't …"

Fear and pain and heartache again consumed him and Simon rose swiftly, his body tense, his eyes wide with fright. Before Kaylee could say another word he turned and swung the door open sprinting down the hall, away from her.

She briefly thought of following him, but found herself frozen to the floor. Taking a deep breath, a memory flashed of River from months ago, tearing apart the infirmary and speaking nonsense, and of Simon standing still as she was now helpless to do anything.

Wishing she knew what to do, wishing she could find the courage and the energy to go after him, Kaylee found herself drifting back to bed, unable to sleep as the cause of Simon's behavior started to take shape in her mind.

-- --


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: This chapter's a little short for a reason. I'll just apologize now.

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Chapter 16

-- --

Mal and Zoe were awakened early the morning of the trial and dragged from their cells in handcuffs. Placed in an anteroom with no windows and only one door, they were left alone to wait for someone to sentence them to death.

Sparing a glance to his oldest and dearest friend, Mal said snidely, "You know, ya look like hell."

Frowning at him, Zoe returned his smirk and said, "So do you, sir."

Smiling to her, Mal asked, "You ever think we'd end up here?"

Glancing around the sparse, utilitarian room, Zoe shrugged as her brown eyes came back to his face. "We've seen worse."

Nodding in agreement, Mal sat back in his chair. Zoe was damn straight about that – they had seen much, much worse during the war, only to have the whole experience capped off by their futile stand at Serenity Valley. His mind wandering, he did not notice the intense gaze Zoe had fixed him with until she finally cleared her throat, getting his attention.

"Can I give ya a piece of advice, sir?" she asked needlessly. Mal knew that regardless of his answer, she'd speak her peace. But, he nodded anyway and she continued. "Don't ever take 'Nara for granted."

Opening his mouth wide and shutting it again swiftly, he finally stammered, "I don't know what the hell you're talkin' 'bout."

Frowning mightily at her friend of almost a decade, Zoe told him, "Would you for once stop actin' like you know everything an' let a widow give ya some advice?"

Her words stopped him cold and Mal swallowed uncomfortably, wondering what he should say. He'd never heard Zoe refer to herself as a widow, had never really considered her one himself. But her self-identification caused a hard fist to close over his stomach.

Waving away his obvious discomfort, Zoe leaned forward and said, "It's jus' the truth. That ain't somethin' that's usually been a problem 'tween you an' me."

Smiling slightly, Mal figured that were true. With a small sigh, he sank back in his chair, giving her a look of mock resignation and said, "All right, advise away."

Pausing Zoe eyed her friend for a moment determining the most effective words she could use. Mal was as stubborn as a mule, especially in matters of the heart, and Zoe could understand that - the two of them were, after all, cut from the same cloth. But the one thing she did not want for her captain was the sadness and regret she felt now.

"If you love 'Nara, you gotta tell her, Mal." His eyes widened slightly at her statement, but he held his tongue, allowing her to finish. "You can't let that go by. I let too many minutes with Wash slip away. They seemed so inconsequential at the time, but now, I'd kill to have 'em back." She felt the tightness behind her eyes that spoke of tears and blinking rapidly, easily dislodged it. Sitting back in her chair, she told him frankly, "You know I ain't never been one for regrets, but ever since Wash died, I got 'em a-plenty an' I don't want you to have 'em too."

Mal stared for several moments, uncertain of what he could or should say. Zoe had just laid bare in the plainest of terms all he feared and hoped for at the same time. He did love Inara, he was fairly certain he had since she'd first walked onto his ship smelling of spices and sweetness; since she'd haggled him on the price to rent a shuttle. That had sealed the deal for him - the woman was not only beautiful and smart, but she could drive a hard bargain; how was a man like Malcolm Reynolds supposed to resist that?

But in the time she had been on board, Mal had done everything in his power to push her away, their last few weeks notwithstanding. And while he wanted nothing more than to heed his friend's advice, he found his fear and his pride creating a solid roadblock. "It ain't right, Zo," he finally confided, his voice quiet. "It ain't right for a woman like her to be with a guy like me. I'll jus' ruin her."

Her frown deepening into a scowl, Zoe shot back, "Well, maybe you shoulda thought o' that 'fore you started sleepin' with her."

"Hey now!" Mal jumped out of his chair as if her words had physically shocked him. Glaring at her himself, he said, "I don't see how that's any o' your business."

"Maybe it ain't," she said, rising and going toe to toe with him. "But you've always told me to call things as I see 'em an' right now, I see a gorram coward standin' in front o' me, runnin' away from the best thing that's ever happened to him."

Mal's mouth fell open with shock and Zoe laughed outright at the ridiculous expression. Stifling the chuckle, she said, "Oh c'mon, I've called ya a coward before."

"Yeah, but normally it's because we're runnin' from some fairly menacin' folk with guns an' the like," he reasoned, his face full of indignation. "You ain't never called me chicken o'er a woman." As his friend raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow, Mal's cheeks colored, his eyes dropping to the floor. "Well, yeah, 'cept for that one time."

Chuckling again, Zoe sighed and dropped back into her seat. "Look, Sir, I know you're gonna do whatever the hell you want anyway, but I figured that as long as I got the knowledge to share, it'd be a mite selfish to keep it all to myself."

Circling the table between them, Mal leaned against it, facing her and said seriously, "And I 'preciate that, Zo, truly. It's just that ..." The statement dying, Mal cleared his throat, suddenly realizing how uncomfortable he felt at his coming confession. "Well, you're the only woman I've managed to keep 'round for an extended period o' time. What da ya think that says 'bout me?"

Rising again, Zoe reached up her bound hands and rested one awkwardly against his shoulder. "It don't say nothin' 'bout you," she told him seriously, meeting his blue eyed gaze. After a moment of quiet, she allowed a smirk to turn up the corners of her mouth. "But it does say a heck of a lot 'bout me."

A laugh burst from Mal, filling the sterile room with a bit of warmth and Zoe's smile finally reached her eyes. Realizing that he hadn't seen a genuine smile from his friend since Wash's death, he could only chuckle at the irony. "You realize that we're prolly gonna be led before a firin' squad an' yet this is the happiest I seen you in months?"

Chuckling herself, Zoe sat back in her seat and told him, "Boggles the mind, don't it?"

His momentary joviality replaced with a grim seriousness, he leaned down, dropping his voice to barely a whisper and told her, "Whatever happens, you get out. You hear me?"

As she hesitated to answer, Mal's tone grew sterner and he wagged a finger at her. "I mean it, no thrillin' heroics."

The sound of the door opening behind them broke the moment and Zoe rose slowly as the guards entered the room to take them. Mal held her gaze waiting for her to promise him, but as they were unceremoniously shoved from the room, she refused to answer him. Muttering about the stubbornness of women, Mal resolved to reprimand his friend once they were back on board Serenity.

-- --

"Do you have the information?" Sanchez's eyes darted around the corner of his hiding place, his gaze taking in the line of media and gawkers at least five people deep that wound its way around the front of Londinium's large courthouse.

Nodding needlessly, Rodriguez murmured, "Yes, they should be arriving in approximately ten minutes."

Nodding once in satisfaction, Diego risked a look back to his first mate and instructed, "Go back to the ship and meet me at the rendez-vous as we planned." Noting the other man's hesitation, Sanchez clapped a strong hand on his shoulder and told him sincerely, "I appreciate your aid in this, my friend."

Swallowing the retort he'd had planned, Rodriguez simply nodded once and then backed away, heading for the ship as he'd been told.

Diego watched him go, and then turned back to regard the crowd, his hand gripping the butt of his gun through his jacket. "All right, baby brother," he murmured, saying a small prayer to Marco. "Time for a bit of fun."

-- --

Dresden stepped up to the podium his office had placed on the landing to the courthouse, the crowd of a few hundred clamoring to get a glimpse of the traitors. Of course, the prime minister was perfectly aware that most, if not all, of the onlookers were being paid by Parliament. They needed this to be the biggest spectacle they could afford so that it would dissuade any other rabble rousers from rousing the rabble.

Stepping behind the bank of microphones, Dresden raised his arms to silence the crowd and Inara took in a deep breath. She was standing to the prime minister's right side, her eyes darting from him to the side door of the building where she suspected Mal and Zoe would be brought out from. Risking a look around, she caught a glimpse of Jayne's burly figure, standing to the back of her, while Kaylee was standing watch at the transport with Simon, who had won battle and been allowed to come, as long as he stayed out of sight.

Licking her lips in anticipation, Inara looked back to Dresden as the man started speaking. She barely heard him as he spouted hellfire and damnation, fabricating lies about both of the prisoners that were so untrue they were almost laughable. Adjusting the veil that covered her face and hair, Inara's eyes again met Jayne's the mercenary giving her the briefest of nods.

Saying another silent prayer to Buddha that this might actually work, all of Inara's attention focused to her left as she heard the sounds of a rising commotion. As the media pressed in and around her, Inara watched the side door to the building swing open, Mal and Zoe's bound figures preceded by four armed guards. Struggling not to suffocate as the crush of people around her increased, Inara's eyes locked onto Mal. She knew he wouldn't look for her, wouldn't see her, but she could see him and her heart beat pounded in her ears as she watched him make his way slowly along the sidewalk.

Craning her neck to keep her eyes on him, Inara felt an elbow connect with her side, shoving her roughly out of the way. Stumbling back a bit, she glared at the man who had so carelessly pushed her when she felt time stand still. Watching with a horrified gaze, she saw this man pull a small pistol from his jacket and aim it at Mal. She stood frozen in horror as she saw him cock the gun and she screamed in utter anguish when the shot rang out.

-- --

Mal and Zoe blinked rapidly as they were assaulted by the bright light of Londinium's morning. Stepping in time with one another, they followed their armed escort, neither of them daring to glance to the crowd for fear that someone would notice and discover their friends.

Mal was dying to look though; he needed to see Inara again. The kiss she had left him with just a day ago still haunted him and he said a silent prayer to the shepherd that he could have more kisses like that from her – and then he asked the shepherd not to send him to a special hell.

Zoe's eyes moved with the swiftness of a hunter, scoping out danger. It was what she did; her alertness was the only reason Mal had lived this long, he knew that. And while he also knew the only thing that could harm them was waiting for them on the other side of the large metal doors looming in front of them, he still appreciated her vigilance.

That was why Mal didn't even realize there was trouble until he heard Inara's scream followed almost instaneously by the sound of a very close gun shot. He would have recognized Inara's cry anywhere and forgetting about protocol, his eyes scanned the crowd to find her, just as he felt Zoe knock into him, pushing him to the ground hard.

The wind knocked from him, Mal's vision blurred a bit as he struggled to sit up and was then roughly hauled to his feet by two burly hands. Knowing it had to be Jayne, Mal turned to the merc to tell him to get Zoe, when he heard more screams. Glancing around, Mal looked to his feet and his entire world collapsed in that moment.

Zoe lay sprawled on the gray cement, her neck cocked at an odd angle as bright red blood ran out of the hole in her chest and pooled on the concrete around her. Dropping down to his knees, Mal covered the wound with his hands, futilely attempting to save her when he knew she was already gone. Her eyes, those big brown eyes were frozen open in a gruesome death mask that Mal knew he would never forget.

The screaming and clawing and pandemonium that raged around him held no interest for Mal. He could only continue to stare at Zoe's lifeless form lying at his feet.

Jayne watched as the guards struggled to find the gunman and then again clamped a huge hand around Mal's shoulder. "Gorramit, Mal," he muttered, lifting the man back up and shoving him in Inara's direction. "We gotta get the hell outta here."

"Damn you Reynolds!"

This voice was new and the vehemence in the person's tone cut through Mal's grief-induced haze. Even as he leaned heavily on Inara as she moved him through the crowd, Jayne following to be sure the guards remained distracted, Mal turned to find the voice's owner, catching a glimpse of someone he might know before Jayne shoved him forward, forcing him into a run.

"We ain't got all day," the big man grumbled, moving past the couple.

Tugging on his hand, Inara urged him, "Mal, come on. We've got to get out of here."

His survival instincts kicking in, Malcolm Reynolds ran for his life, realizing he'd just left a huge part of it bleeding on the ground.

-- --

Simon reeled from the pain he felt, his body convulsing as the sharp stab spread through his chest and receded just as quickly. Panting heavily as his vision cleared, he was met with Kaylee's concerned and wide-eyed gaze.

"Simon, what is it?" she asked hurriedly, glancing over her shoulder in expectation of the crew's imminent arrival.

Pulling away from her, Simon made it to a small corner of the transport, his arms wrapped around his knees which he pulled tight to his chest. Murmuring something Kaylee could not understand over and over again, she was about to approach him again when the sound of Jayne barreling through the open hatchway distracted her.

Torn between helping Simon as he simply rocked harder, his head banging softly against the hard wall to his side, and getting them away safely, Kaylee's choice was made for her when Jayne bellowed, "Kaylee! Gorramit girl, we gotta move!"

Rushing into the common room, Kaylee's eyes filled with tears of relief as she saw Mal and then quickly filled with tears of sadness as she counted those present. "Where's Zoe?" she asked, her voice barely more than a whisper.

Inara gave her a pained look that confirmed the younger woman's worst fear. A hand flying to her mouth to stifle a sob, Kaylee stood frozen staring at the captain, reading his hurt like a book. He always liked to pretend that he was unreadable, but not to Kaylee and not over the death of his best friend.

Struggling with her own grief, Inara moved towards Kaylee and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Come on, mei mei," she said quietly, guiding the woman to the cockpit. "We've got to go." Throwing a look over her shoulder to Jayne, he waved them on. "I'll get everything locked down here."

Inara nodded once and then the two women were gone. As Jayne secured the transport he did his best to ignore Mal. The man had not spoken since Zoe had fallen it was making him uncomfortable.The mercenary was used to Mal stalking around, preaching about good, truth or somesuch nonsense and he found his silence at the moment eerily disturbing. Especially in light of what had just happened.

Zoe was a damn good woman and an incredible fighter and Jayne's heart felt more than a twinge of sadness at her passing. Hell, even he felt like shedding a tear and it angered him that Mal, her best friend, couldn't be bothered to grieve.

Moving towards the man as the ship lifted off, Jayne said gruffly, "I'm sorry 'bout Zoe, Mal." As the captain's expression remained unchanged, Jayne's anger simply grew. Taking him roughly by the shoulders he asked, "Ain't you heard what I said? Zoe's gone. Why the hell you starin' off into space like some looney toon?"

Mal's cold blue eyes swiveled towards him and Jayne instantly released him. The two men held the look for quite some time, and the larger man found himself quickly unnerved. Stepping back, he muttered, "Maybe the doc needs to check ya out." Turning towards the back of the ship, he called, "Simon! You better come take a look at Mal!"

With a halting step, Simon appeared in the doorway and Jayne whistled softly in disbelief at the sight of him. He had never believed the doc to be as swai as Kaylee claimed, but at this moment, he looked like death warmed over. His eyes were hollow and sunken into his skull, while his face was paler than even Jayne remembered. His gaze never wavering from the captain, he finally murmured, "She did it for you."

Mal's gaze met Simon's and Jayne reflexively took a step back, feeling the tension in the room rise exponentially as the men stared one another down. Simon did not flinch, much to the merc's surprise, but simply held his ground and added, "She knew that Serenity could never fly again without its captain."

In one swift motion that neither man had been expecting, Mal was across the room and in Simon's face, his arm crushing against his windpipe as he pinned him to the wall. "What the hell are you talkin' 'bout?" he growled, his eyes searching Simon's for understanding. The boy was talking crazy.

"Zoe," Simon said simply, struggling to breathe as Mal's hold tightened at the mention of her name. "She saw it coming, knew the bullet was meant for you."

Releasing him quickly, Mal stepped back and stared in fear at the man before him. Simon rubbed at his neck, taking a few shaky breaths as the captain finally said, "You couldn't o' known that. You weren't there."

Not offering an explanation, Simon simply stood tall under the captain's intense gaze. Jayne again studied the two men and then took a step towards Mal lowering his voice and saying, "You ask me, he's actin' more like moonbrain with each passin' day."

His eyes widening at the analogy, Simon cautiously stepped out of the room, retreating back towards one of the bunks and shutting himself inside. The tight confines of the ship only magnified everyone's feelings and Simon felt as if his mind might explode from the overload. Mal's grief coupled with Inara's pain and Jayne's anger were a potent combination, but add Kaylee's fear into that mix and Simon found himself hyperventilating as his mind and body fought against one another.

Digging his hands into his scalp, Simon tried to pull the emotions, thoughts and feelings out with his fingers, but after ten minutes of intense clawing all he had were bloodied fingernails and an aching scalp. Satisified that at least the physical pain was a minor distraction, he sighed heavily and wound himself into the tightest ball imaginable waiting for his sanity to return to him.

-- --

A/N #2: I really am sorry, I swear! Don't hate me …


	17. Chapter 17

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Chapter 17

-- --

Beta and Omega watched as Adamson again taunted young River with images of her adopted family. They couldn't hear what he was saying, the one-way partition only allowed them a visual, but truthfully, neither man really cared. This was getting old.

With a heavy sigh, Omega turned from the scene and asked, "Why isn't he satisfied yet?" When Beta did not answer him, he continued his rationale. "She's successfully passed every simulation, every trigger, every command. She has 'killed' the members of Serenity's crew in a variety of different scenarios and she's mananged to adapt when the parameters change unexpectedly."

While Beta agreed with his partner, he also knew that Adamson was simply doing everything he could think of to ensure success. "How much room for error do you think we have on this one?" he questioned, throwing a disparaging glance over his shoulder.

Grimacing, Omega saw the other man's point. If they again failed to harness River Tam's power and released her back into the 'verse their lives would be over. Forming a response, Omega glanced back to the room beyond the window, feeling his eyes widen in shock.

Beta was already standing ramrod straight, watching the gory scene before him unfold. As his partner stepped back to his side, continuing to stare, Beta murmured smugly, "Well, maybe our wait is over."

-- --

River was growing quite wearisome of this entire process. She knew what Adamson wanted her to do and she had done it, successfully, almost a hundred times. Of course, she only would kill when triggered and resisted that snap of consciousness with all of her might, but she still completed her mission.

Watching in boredom as Adamson flashed images in front of her again, her mind swam with more of the drugs he'd given her. They were meant to make her pliant and susceptible to his brainwashing and while River was exceptionally smart and exceptionally gifted, even her brain could not fight the chemical effects. While part of her found him reprehensible and boorish, the rest of her found she was incapable of resisting him.

As the Reaver battle played to the end, the security camera angle changed as the blast doors opened and River inhaled sharply at the sight before her. She had seen it many times before, but she knew that the sight of her brother, bleeding and almost dead would never cease to surprise her. Immediately the feelings of anguish and fear she felt for him were replaced by anger and grim determination, her brainwashing taking firm hold – she would not feel for these people, not again – not if she was to kill them.

The camera pulled in, focusing on each face separately and as River's eyes refocused she felt her heart pound unexpectedly against her rib cage as a searing heat blossomed just over her left breast. With a sharp gasp, she doubled over, her eyes swimming not from the drugs, but from pain as she felt her insides shattering, her heart piereced by something metallic and foreign. Clutching her left side, she sank to the ground, panting, waiting for the pain to pass. She knew it wasn't hers, not really – it was an echo, a pain deflected to her from someone she cared about. Squeezing her eyes shut, River focused on it, tracing the small red thread that connected it to its owner to find the source. Gasping even more violently, she could feel Simon's anguish and with her stomach churning mightily, the horrific details came into focus.

River wailed loud and long. Zoe; Zoe was gone. It was the pain of her death, reflected from her brother, that had filled River so completely she felt as if she could die along with her friend. Her heart pounded as Zoe's pain receded in seconds, replaced with a cold nothingness signaling her end. And then, River felt the others, felt Mal's rage and utter sadness, felt Inara's grief, Jayne's determination as they rushed from the scene, forced to leave their fallen comrade behind, forced to not mourn until everyone else was safe.

Adamson watched intently as River's small, frail form convulsed with sobs. She had not shown this much emotion since he'd first captured her and he wondered just what exactly he should do. It could be that this new wave of feeling would serve his purpose well, would give River more reason to attack, maim and kill. But as the girl sank farther to the floor, curling herself into a tiny ball, he knew this wasn't a benefit for him. Whatever was happening, whatever she was feeling was quickly chipping away at all he had accomplished and that was something he would not stand for.

Rushing across the room, he grabbed a syringe of another drug and spun around to administer it, only to be greeted by River's calm and determined form, just inches from him. Inhaling sharply in surprise, Adamson caught the look in her eyes and took a cautious step backwards. She was wild, feral, like an animal and Adamson suddenly got the very distinct feeling she was on the hunt.

"River," he intoned quietly, waiting to see if any recognition flashed in her eyes. When there was no response, he continued, "River, we need to finish."

"Dead." It was one word, ground out through clenched teeth. Her voice, hoarse from all of her screaming barely registered in his ears, but the cold light and lifelessness in her eyes sent a chill through him. "She's dead."

Frowning, Adamson asked, "Who's dead?"

Not bothering to answer him, River attacked before her tormentor could make a move. Striking out with her fist she connected with his neck, causing the man to drop the needle as he reached for his throbbing throat, barely able to breathe as she had crushed his windpipe.

Staggering backwards, Adamson flailed, looking for something to hold onto when River's big-booted foot slammed into his chest with a sickening crunch, his sternum and ribs cracking. Watching as the man fell to the ground, River smiled with satisfaction as his next breath bought blood to his lips. Knowing she had punctured a lung, River straddled his chest, applying all of her weight to his now throbbing abdomen while she pummeled his face with her hands. Unable to fight back, unable to do much of anything, Adamson was grateful when unconsciousness claimed him.

River was disappointed, annoyed that he would suffer no longer, but with little afterthought, she rose and jammed her booted foot onto his chest one more time before kicking him soundly in the head.

Whirling and looking for the exit, she sent a quick glance to the one-way window across the room. She knew the blue hands were watching her, but she also knew they would not stop her. Neither of them was strong enough or brave enough to detain her and both of them feared death at her hands.

Having pilfered the code from Adamson's mind days ago, River punched it into the panel at the door's edge, releasing herself. Stepping into the hall, she made her way with catlike grace and a killer's instincts through the maze and to a shuttle, lifting off of Osiris no more than thirty minutes after she'd felt Zoe's death.

Beta and Omega watched her, having already given the command to the entire facility that River's escape was not to be stopped. They knew that she would leave a trail of bodies in her wake if they attempted to hold her, but that was not the agents' primary concern.

They needed her to complete her mission and come back to them as a full-fledged weapon. Adamson had succeeded in completing her reprogramming, they knew that. So, the two men would observe, wait and watch as River's crew welcomed her back and then realized too late the person they knew as River Tam no longer existed.

Looking to his partner, Beta asked, "The tracking device is working?"

Nodding once, Omega watched the screens before him, noting the small pulse on one in particular. "Yes. We have her."

Smiling smugly, Beta murmured, "Good," before moving from the room to decide their next best course of action.

-- --

"Where is he?" Dresden was seething, his entire body convulsing with the rage he could not contain.

Noting his boss' ire, the aide questioned tentatively, "The assassin? His name is Sanchez and we have him in custody. He should-"

With a sharp smack, the prime minister's fist connected with his desk, the angry sound reverberating around the office and silencing the incompetent idiot who stood before him. "No, you fool, Reynolds! Where is he?"

"We know."

Glancing up sharply to the door, Dresden's eyes still burned with anger as two blue-handed agents stepped into his office. The aide, more than pleased to have the attention anywhere else other than him, slipped out as the men moved to sit across from Dresden's desk.

"Who are you?" the prime minister asked, his voice a barely contained growl.

Sharing a look, the one on the right answered. "We are colleagues of Adamson's. Who, by the way, is dead."

Releasing another string of curses, the leader finally lost his energy and sank into his chair, his head falling into his hands. "I knew he'd fail," he bit out, not bothering to look back to his guests.

"On the contrary, he quite succeeded." The same agent spoke again, leaning forward and threading his hands together, elbows on the desk. "River Tam's reprogramming is complete."

"But I still don't have those traitors in custody," Dresden pointed out, his anger again on the rise. "They need to pay for what they did."

"They will." Beta watched the prime minister struggle for another moment and then he added, "She's on her way to kill them right now."

Inhaling sharply, Dresden's cold eyes darted between the two agents. "You're certain?" he breathed, disappointed that he would not get to publicly hang them, but satisfied that they would no longer be living.

Nodding once, Beta rose with Omega and headed for the door. "Yes. And if she doesn't, we know where she is." With a sly grin, Beta told him, "So, we can always finish the job, if she can't."

"See that you do," Dresden commanded, rising to his full height. He knew that technically he had no sway over these men; they worked outside the lines of protocol, in the gray area of legality, but he was not powerless.

At least that was what he thought. Beta bit back the chuckle he felt at the other man's empty threat. "You needn't worry, prime minister," he said as he and his partner left. "Everything will be taken care of in due time."

-- --

Kaylee felt as if her head were a lead weight and her neck could no longer support it. Her eyes had long ago dried of all the tears she could cry, her grief over Zoe's sudden death ebbing a bit as they got distance on Londinium. Of course, just the sight of Mal's dejected form caused more hurt to seep into her heart, but with practiced skill she tried to push it away. The captain had Inara, he didn't need her – but Simon did.

Her eyes roving over the small common area, she had assumed he would not be there and she was right. Grabbing a plate of food from the galley, Kaylee moved towards the closed door of one of the bunks and knocked softly. "Simon, sweetie?" she called, waiting for an answer. When none came, she stepped inside and stared in shock.

Her bao bei was rocking violently, back and forth on the bed, muttering words she could not understand as unbidden tears ran down his pale cheeks. Moving to his side quickly, Kaylee tried to steady his motion, placing her hands to his face and hissing slightly in surprise as she realized how cold he was.

"Simon," she said firmly, doing her best to draw him back to her. His resemblance to River at this moment, back when she'd first come on board, was startling to Kaylee and it took every bit of will power she had not to dissolve into a mess before him. "Simon, please, look at me."

"Can't," was his pained response, his eyes still squeezed shut, his brow creased with lines of worry and confusion. "Too much, too much." With a rapidity she had not expected, Simon scurried away from her, wedging himself into a corner and Kaylee sat dumbfounded as he pressed his hands to his ears and whimpered, "It has to stop."

Swallowing past the lump in her throat and blinking away the tears of helplessness she felt, Kaylee took a chance and edged closer to him again, reaching for one of his hands. As she took it in her own, she gasped again, noting the dried blood that surrounded his nails. Smoothing her hand over his gently, she asked softly, "Simon, what happened?"

With a giggle that startled her, Simon turned his eyes to Kaylee and pointed to his head. "Tried to get it out, take it away." Glancing to the hand she held, he shrugged lightly and muttered, "Didn't work."

"Oh my god," Kaylee breathed, moving towards him. Sitting up on her knees, she gently parted his hair trying to get a good look at his scalp. Instantly confronted with the angry red scratches he had inflicted on himself, Kaylee sat back on her heels and took both of his hands. "Simon, you did that to yourself?"

"Had to," he muttered, his eyes glazed over and far away from her. "Had to make it stop."

"Oh sweetie," she whispered, at a loss for what else she could possibly do. Reaching for him again, she wrapped one arm around his shoulders and placed the other one against his cheek, pulling him towards her. He came willingly, almost gratefully in Kaylee's estimation and she pressed light kisses to his forehead and hair, tenderly passing her lips over every cut she could find. "Simon, you gotta get some rest. You can't go on like this."

His body shuddering with a sigh, Simon nodded once and murmured, "I can't sleep, Kaylee." His voice sounded almost normal, and Kaylee pulled back a bit to see her Simon once again meeting her gaze. "I've tried, but I just can't." Searching her eyes for understanding and help, Simon pulled away from her and said, "You shouldn't be here."

A few tears leaking down her face at his dismissal, Kaylee wiped at them hurriedly. Simon's head snapped back to regard her and his expression, one moment devoid of any emotion, was now full of anguish. "I'm sorry," he murmured, pulling her face to him and resting their foreheads together. "I just don't want to hurt you."

"You ain't gonna," she reminded him, running her hands down his cheeks, determined to soothe him. "You gotta let me help, Simon, please. I can't watch you suffer like this."

"There's nothing you can do," he admitted with a small sigh.

Biting back a sob, Kaylee wound her arms around his neck and pulled him tight to her again. Running her hands through his hair, she whispered in his ear, "I don't care. We'll think o' somethin'."

Releasing a heavy sigh, Simon held her back firmly, his hands strong against her back. Burying his face in the crook of her shoulder, he murmured, "I feel so much better when you're here."

The comment buouying her soul, Kaylee squeezed him tighter and said, "Then I ain't goin' nowhere."

They stayed wrapped in one another's arms from untold minutes and finally it was Simon who tensed in her embrace. Someone else was hurting, again and Simon could not push the emotion away. He fought against Kaylee, trying to retreat to the darkest corner of the room, but with a strength he hadn't been fully aware she possessed, Kaylee kept him against her, murmuring words of comfort to him.

Stifling a strangled cry, Simon told her, "I'm so tired, Kay. There's no rest, no relief, nothing."

Her heart again breaking for him, Kaylee's mind worked furiously to find a solution. Glancing to his suitcase in the corner, she asked quickly, "Did ya bring your med kit?"

He nodded and she said, "Don't ya got smoothers in there?" As he pulled back from her, his eyes wide with an unreadable expression, Kaylee added, "They'll help ya sleep, right?"

"I can't," he murmured, a shiver running through him at the thought of self-medicating. There were a lot of rules doctors were coached to uphold and one of the most sacred involved administering drugs of any kind to oneself. "If I … I can't," he repeated.

Kaylee could read his fear, but she would not be deterred. She refused to watch him waste away before her because of his stupid pride. Taking his face in her hands, she waited until his eyes were back on her and said, "Simon, we ain't got much choice. You can't keep goin' like this." As he dropped his eyes back to his lap, she knew she'd struck a nerve. "Please do this, for me." Looking back to her with pained eyes, Kaylee stroked her fingers through his hair and told him, "I'll be with ya the whole time. It's just so you can get some sleep."

With a slight nod, Simon agreed; truthfully, he wanted the medication. He wanted to slip into a drug-induced peace where the emotions and feelings of others could not intrude; more than wanted, needed.

Kaylee was back to his side in a minute with the kit and he gingerly opened it, removing a syringe and a vial. Instructing her on how to administer it, she was a quick study, having spent more than enough hours in the infirmary watching him work. Placing the sharp point against his skin, she allowed her eyes to lock on his and asked softly, "You sure?"

With a sad smile, Simon nodded and murmured, "I've got to sleep."

Agreeing with that assessment, Kaylee injected the drug, covering the tiny pinprick with a bandage. Placing everything back in Simon's red bag, she helped to ease him under the covers, pulling a warm blanket up to his chin as he was still much too cold for her liking.

"See?" she said softly as he settled down, his eyes never once leaving her face. "All nice and cozy."

Reaching for her hand, Simon grasped it firmly in his own and breathed, "I love you." As Kaylee's eyes studied his, he swallowed hard and added, "Kaylee, I'm really scared."

Leaning over him a bit, she pressed a light kiss to his mouth, her fingers still running through his hair. "I know, sweetie," she murmured, squeezing his hand firmly. "But you're gonna be okay. We'll figure it all out."

"What if I'm losing my mind?" he asked, his eyes already drifting shut as the medicine worked its way through his bloodstream.

"You ain't goin' crazy, Simon," she told him. "Somethin's happenin' but it ain't that."

"Would you still love me?"

The words were murmured, almost beyond recognition, but Kaylee heard them and her heart caught in her throat at the pure desperation of the question. Resting her forehead against his, she said quietly, "I will always love you, Simon. That ain't never gonna change. You 'member that."

"I will," he breathed, caressing her cheek lightly with one hand as his eyes again fluttered closed.

"Just sleep, okay?" she murmured, feeling another tear break free and fall down her cheek. "You need to get a good night's rest an' then we'll see what else we can do."

Unable to reopen his eyes, Simon murmured, "Don't leave."

Laying herself down beside him, Kaylee rested her head on his shoulder, while her other arm wrapped protectively over his chest. "I ain't got no where else to be."

-- --

Inara found Mal in the cockpit of the transport. She had woken from a nightmare, one she could not remember and instantly reached for him, only to be reminded that he was not beside her. That he had barely looked at her since Zoe's death. And it was breaking her heart.

Entering the room on quiet feet, Inara regarded him silently for a moment. His eyes were staring into the distance focused on a point she could not see while his head rested against the back of the pilot's chair. His hands were limp in his lap and Inara had never seen a body so full of tension and so devoid of it at the same time.

She had also never been more uncertain about what to do in her entire life. She had been trained for over a decade to attend to the needs of men and women in a variety of emotional states, and while the strict definition of her job was precisely for moments like this, Mal in no way fit the definition for one of her typical clients. Which was, of course, one of the main reasons she was so in love with him.

Deciding that any action was better than none, she called softly, "Mind if I join you?"

Swiveling to her slowly, Mal's blue eyes locked on her face and Inara's heart clenched uncomfortably in her chest. She had known how upset he was, she had tried to prepare herself for his grief, knowing it would be ten times worse than after the Shepherd's passing. But the pure desolation in his gaze, the hopelessness that colored his features struck to her core and she found it almost unbearable.

"I ain't very good company," he droned, turning away from her.

Swallowing hard, Inara moved forward, realizing that while his answer had not been a yes, it had also not been a no, and at the moment, she would take the technicality. Sitting gingerly in the co-pilot's seat, she did her best not to stare, but her hesitation over how to help made it almost impossible not to.

"I suddenly grow 'nother head?" Mal asked as he felt her eyes linger on him.

Blinking rapidly and studying the floor, Inara said softly, "No, I'm sorry."

There was more silence laced with more tension and she felt as if she might break under the pressure of it. Screwing up her courage, she was about to ask him to talk to her, when he cut her off harshly, "'Nara, I ain't gonna talk 'bout it or share my feelin's. So if'n that's why you're here, you can just go."

Kneeling before him, Inara held his hands in her grasp, looking into his face as he continued to try and hide from her. "Mal, you should talk about it. Zoe meant so much to you." Watching as Mal's face tightened at the mention of her name, Inara added quietly, "You loved her, Mal and she died protecting you. I know that hurts."

"Bi zui." Mal's command was not loud but it was chilling and Inara started in spite of herself. Pulling back from him, she stood, watching as his shoulders heaved with each labored breath as he did his best to control his anger. "You don't know nothin' 'bout what I'm feelin', 'Nara. Stop assumin' ya do."

Her gaze hardening at his condescension, she countered, "I may not have ever lost someone as dear to me as Zoe was to you, but I know something about loss, Mal and grief." As he lifted his eyes back to her face, she added, "For instance, I know that your stubbornness right now is only going to serve to hurt you more in the end. I know that eventually you're going to crack under the pressure of trying to keep all of your pain bottled up."

Softening her voice just a bit, Inara leaned forward and pressed a hand over his heart. "And I don't want to see that, Mal, truly." When he did not interrupt her, she whispered, "Let me help."

Mal's eyes darted back and forth as she continued to stare at him. He could not do this; he had already resigned himself to that. What Inara was asking him to do would destroy him; Mal knew that. He had lost friends before, but this was completely different and he knew, deep down in his gut, that to grieve for Zoe would empty him of everything he had left. The only chance he had for survival was to hold onto that pain and anger, nurture it so it could feed him, spur his actions, give his life purpose. If he let it go, he might as well space himself.

Rising slowly, he took the hand Inara had placed to his heart and dropped it slowly back to her side. He watched her eyes cloud with worry and pain and simply steeled himself for what he had to say. "There ain't nothin' you can help," he told her quietly. His voice held no menace or anger, it was just even and truthful. "Zoe's dead, just like Wash, jus' like the Shepherd. And they all died 'cause o' me."

In silence he left her alone. It was several moments before Inara realized she had forgotten to breathe and gasping for air, she sank on shaky legs into the nearest chair. Staring out into the black, she did her best not to give into the despair she felt, but found that Mal's words, as always, had affected her all the way to her soul.

-- --

The bliss of his drug-induced sleep was a welcome respite for Simon. Even as he sunk into the blackness of deep unconsciousness, he felt a twinge of guilt that he had used medications to get there – but what else could he have done? His mind was on constant overload, his heart and head unable to process all he was feeling, his own emotions _and_ those of the people around him. The only thing that seemed to help, besides the chemicals, was Kaylee. Simon didn't have the strength or presence of mind to try and puzzle it out; he could only be grateful that she loved him and was willing to stay beside him, even as his behavior oscillated erratically.

Almost instantly within the darkness of his slumbering mind he saw her. At first convinced he was hallucinating, Simon tried to deny her, but River simply stood before him, regarding him with an open expression that made his heart stop.

"_Mei mei?"_

Her voice soft and ethereal she told him, _"Shh, just listen."_ As he nodded once, she said, _"You're going to be all right."_

Shaking his head, Simon ignored her and asked, _"Where are you?"_

Smiling slightly she told him, _"I'm coming to find you. I'm okay."_

Searching her phantom face for reassurance, Simon asked, _"Really? You're really all right?"_

Nodding, River said, _"Yes, but that's not why I'm here."_ Holding his gaze intently, she said, _"You have to stay close to Kaylee, let her help you."_

Shaking his head again, Simon told her breathlessly, _"I almost hurt her."_

"_No,"_ River said firmly. While Simon got the impression she was trying to get closer to him, she was not moving. _"You were scared and you strayed too far from her. Kaylee can save you."_

"_What's happening to me?"_ he whispered, hardly aware the question was coming. As River's eyes widened further, Simon breathed, _"Do you know, mei mei? Do you know what's wrong with me?"_

Smiling to him in an attempt to quell his rising fear, River cocked her head to one side and told him, _"We're more alike than we thought."_

His brow furrowing as he tried to understand her words, Simon stated haltingly, _"I'm not – I'm not psychic."_

Shaking her head, she said, _"No, not really. More telepathic."_

The distinction doing nothing to ease his fear, Simon's mind whirled with questions and doubts. Was it possible? He had always suspected that River's unique talents were inherent, that her time at the Academy had simply heightened an innate trait, but he had never once believed that they were hereditary.

"_It's not possible."_ His voice was small and unconvincing and River knew he needed more of an explanation, but she didn't have time.

"_Simon, I have to go, this is too much for me,"_ she said hurriedly, feeling the pull of her physical self as her body resisted the break from her mind. As his eyes again focused on her, she told him, _"Kaylee's heart and mind keep you grounded. That's why you have to hold onto her. Focus on her, focus on what you know is yours. You can do it, Simon, and once I'm back, I'll help."_ With a sad smile, she said softly, _"You have to trust her, ge ge, and yourself."_

Before Simon could even think to form an answer River was gone and his mind finally found a modicum of peace.

-- --

With a gasp River came to in the pilot's chair on her small, stolen shuttle. Panting heavily and wiping the beads of sweat from her forehead, she took deep, steadying breaths, trying to reconcile her mind and body with one another again.

Reaching out to Simon that way had probably not been the smartest thing to do; she was still exceptionally weak from her time with Adamson, but his pain had been a constant ache in her body and heart since she'd felt it after Zoe's death. She'd had to help him, even if it was just for a moment.

Leaning her head back against the chair, River closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. He was doing better now, sleeping finally and her words seemed to have stilled something in him. Hoping it would be enough until she could reach him, River readjusted her burn rate, pushing the small craft to its maximum velocity, before wrapping her knees to her chest and trying to again sleep.

-- --


	18. Chapter 18

-- --

Chapter 18

-- --

He'd been asleep for almost a full day. Kaylee had been alarmed at first as Simon had continued to slumber, but then she had remembered the pain of the past few weeks and his inability to close his eyes for more than a second and now she was relieved. Relieved that he had found some kind of peace.

Kaylee had tried to busy herself with other things, but the truth was she didn't want to be anywhere else but at Simon's side. This small transport ship didn't need repairs and Inara was tending to Mal as best she could. Jayne was fending for himself, as he always did, and so Kaylee was free to devote all her attention to Simon.

Now, as he slipped into his twenty-fifth hour of uninterrupted rest, Kaylee slid a damp, soapy washcloth over his face and down his arms. She had been able to pull his shirt off him as he slept, grinning slightly at the thought that normally the chance to wake Simon with a few well-placed kisses would be her idea of a good time. But not now, not when what he needed was rest and care; two things that Kaylee was only too happy to shower on him.

Pulling the blankets back to his waist, she dipped the washcloth into the bowl at her feet, wringing it of the excess water before she gently ran it across his bare chest. Just by the look of his disheveled appearance, she could tell he hadn't been taking care of himself and she had determined that it would become her first priority until he was again feeling like himself. Her mind wandered a bit as her hands ran along his firm muscles, outlining each one with the lightest of touches as she did not want to disturb him. She smiled softly as she remembered the first day she'd seen Simon's surprisingly muscled body. He'd let her care for him then as well.

As she was drying him a few minutes later, Kaylee watched his dark eyelashes flutter against his pale cheeks. Slowly, he opened those baby blue eyes to her and Kaylee greeted him with one of her biggest grins. "Mornin'," she said softly, pulling the blankets back up around him. Leaning towards him, she placed a light kiss to his mouth and murmured, "How're ya feelin'?"

It took Simon several minutes to find his voice. His mind was still full of sleep and his throat was exceptionally dry, a side effect of the medicine he'd used. Noting his distress, Kaylee rose and brought him a glass water, supporting his head as he took a sip. Smiling thankfully to her he said, "A little better, I guess." Closing his eyes again, he struggled to push away the mental distress he could feel threatening to rush into his head all at once. Kaylee held his hand lightly in her own, squeezing it comfortingly and when he reopened his eyes they were a bit brighter. "How long was I out?"

Smiling to him, Kaylee edged a bit closer and rested her hand against his face. "A lil' over a day."

His eyes widening in disbelief, Simon sputtered, "You weren't, you weren't here the whole time, were you?"

Frowning at him slightly, she said, "Well, o' course I were. Where else was I gonna go?" As he returned a bit of her grin, Kaylee felt her heart do a small flip in her chest.

Covering her hand with his own, Simon murmured, "Thank you."

She smiled back to him, but did not speak and neither did Simon. Instead, the young lovers found themselves staring at one another, trying to determine just where they should go from here. Kaylee was still worried for Simon, which he could feel; however, her emotions, while strong, were also soothing to him, just as her continued presence at his side was. Simon wasn't sure why that should be, but he could only figure that it was because of her place in his life, because he was in love with her that he could so readily digest her feelings.

Shaking her head to break the impromptu staring contest, Kaylee asked him, "How 'bout somethin' to eat?"

Frowning at her, Simon said, "I'm really not that hungry." He could feel his hold on this moment peace of slipping away and with everything he had, he fought to keep it. His mind was quickly re-awakening to the emotions of everyone on board, but just by focusing his eyes on Kaylee, her presence, her touch, her emotions as well as his own response to her closeness helped keep the whirlwind at bay.

Oblivious to his inner struggle, she teased, "Right. An' I really ain't that good of a mechanic." As he smiled at her joke, she said seriously, "You need to eat. Jus' like you needed to sleep."

Reluctantly, he nodded, and Kaylee again kissed him before rising and heading out of the room to collect some food. Simon watched her go, his heart beating a bit faster as he realized he was alone. He didn't want to be without her; Kaylee kept the emotions away, kept him safe and sane. When Simon had awoken, he had felt a pull of the chaos from before, but not the violent tug that he was powerless to resist. In an instant, his sister's words came back to him and Simon started to think that maybe she had been right after all, that Kaylee was his salvation.

With a sharp intake of breath, Simon's head flew back so hard it cracked against the wall of the bunk. His eyes squeezing shut against the physical pain and the emotional, he tried desperately to find his way back to the peace he'd experienced only seconds before. But he couldn't. This pain raged in him, burned and stung like the slashes of a thousand hot knives. Rolling onto his side, Simon pressed his hands to his ears, trying uselessly to stop the onslaught.

When Kaylee returned and found him like this, she tried to remain calmer than she had before. Setting down the food, she went to his side and reached for him. "Simon, sweetie. It's Kaylee."

He was mumbling again, his words gibberish to her. Scared, but doing her best to hide it, Kaylee quickly climbed over him, wedging herself between his distraught form and the wall of the bunk. Taking his face in her hands, she told him, "Simon, open your eyes an' look at me."

"I can't," he murmured, still fighting the emotional anguish that raged through him.

Setting her face into a look of pure determination, Kaylee told him, "There ain't nothin' you can't do, Simon. You jus' have to wanna." As his movements stilled a bit at her words, she lowered her face closer to his and whispered, "Look at me, Simon."

Inhaling a shaky breath, Simon slowly opened his eyes, focusing all of his attention on the beautiful angel before him now. Kaylee gave him one of her most winning smiles, and then kissed his forehead, her fingers stroking through his hair. "I knew ya could do it," she murmured, her big green eyes studying his face.

Reaching for her, Simon wrapped his arms around her waist, his head buried against her chest. Kaylee held him back, rocking him slightly as his body continued to shake with the aftereffects of his mental attack. Pressing kisses into his hair, she waited a few moments before asking, "Do you think you can eat?"

So grateful to her for so many things, Simon was not about to tell her no. Pulling back slightly he nodded once, and Kaylee kissed him quickly before moving to retrieve the food. It was not gourmet by any means, but it was sustenance, which Simon's body needed badly.

After he'd managed to choke down a few bites, he pushed the rest of the plate away and Kaylee took it without a fight. Secretly, she was surprised to have gotten him to eat that much. Returning to his side, she took his hand in hers and ran her fingers over it lightly, again looking into his swirling blue eyes. Ai ya, if he wasn't the handsomest man she had ever met.

Simon felt his love for her swell and for the first time in weeks, he recognized his own emotions and reveled in them. Staring at her, he breathed, "I am so lucky to have you."

She blushed a bit at his compliment, which only endeared her further to his heart. His other hand reaching up to rest on her face, he told her, "I mean it. I don't know anyone else who would have been so willing to stick by me."

Shrugging lightly, she reminded him, "You did it for River."

Swallowing thickly, Simon nodded and said, "Yes, but River is my sister. I had to help her."

Nodding, Kaylee told him, "Right. An' I love ya, so I have to help you. Ain't that how it works?"

Her eyes regarded him with pure innocence and Simon could barely contain all he felt for her. Leaning forward, he pulled her into a passionate kiss, sighing against her as she wound her arms around his neck and returned his embrace. Running his hands up and into her hair, Simon deepened the kiss, his actions driven by the overwhelming feelings he had for Kaylee and the similar feelings he could feel radiating from her. It was an odd sensation, almost as if someone had held up a mirror to his heart and he could see everything reflected there. But it was a heady feeling as well, knowing the instant Kaylee felt pleasure because of his actions, the second she felt joy or love for him, the minute she felt eased by his touch.

Parting for air, their foreheads resting together, Simon murmured, "I love you."

Kaylee's fingers gently glided down his cheeks as she replied, "I love you too, bao bei."

More silence fell between them and they were both loathe to break it. Kaylee wanted to ask Simon for an explanation, a reason, anything to help explain his erratic behavior. But she didn't want to hurt him or worry him that she was looking for a reason to run. More than anything, she was looking for someway to help.

"Kaylee, I don't have any guarantees," he sighed quietly, resting back against the wall, his hand still holding hers. He could feel her confusion, her need for an explanation, but that was something Simon could not give, no matter how much he wanted to.

With a quizzical gaze, Kaylee questioned, "Shenme?"

"I can tell that you want to know what's going on," he explained, furrowing his brow as she continued to stare at him uncomprehendingly. "But I don't know what to tell you."

Her heart beating a bit faster, Kaylee told him slowly, "Simon, how did you know what I was feeling?"

Simon's eyes widened slightly as he realized he'd just confirmed his sister's assertion. "River was right," he breathed, thinking that the irony of his crazy sister correctly diagnosing his own psychosis would probably have been quite humorous under any other circumstance.

Her confusion growing, Kaylee asked, "River? I don't understand."

Releasing another deep breath, Simon looked back to her and tried to think of a way to explain. "I don't know if I do either, Kaylee and that's the truth."

Swallowing hard, she edged just a bit closer, taking both of his hands in hers. "Let's just start at the beginning an' see how far we get, all right?"

Smiling to her, Simon pulled one of his hands free so he could caress her cheek lightly. Working up the courage to admit something about himself even he could not fully believe, he said quietly, "When I was asleep, I saw River."

"Like a dream?" Kaylee asked, her eyes locked on his.

Shaking his head, Simon admitted, "No, not really. It seemed like a dream, but it was more real somehow. More 'of the moment' than a normal dream." With an eye roll of frustration directed at his own inarticulation, he asked her, "Does that make sense?"

"A bit," Kaylee admitted, chewing at her bottom lip as she thought on his words. "So, it was kinda like a vision? Don't River get them sometimes?"

Nodding, Simon told her, "Yes, occasionally River has visions, the difference is, River's visions normally revolve around something that did happen or will happen. Mine was taking place in real time, almost like she and I were having a conversation like you and I are now."

Doing her best to process this information, Kaylee nodded and said, "Okay."

Taking that as a sign to continue, Simon went on. "She told me that I'm going to be all right, but that I …" He trailed off, unable to actually say the words. He still wasn't sure he could believe it. But how else could he explain his skyrocketing emotions or his inability to sleep and eat? Turning conflicted eyes back to his girlfriend, he said softly, "I don't even know if I believe it."

Her fear spiking, Kaylee told him, "Whatever it is, we'll be okay."

Again reminded of how lucky he was, Simon swallowed hard and said, "River implied that I'm telepathic." As Kaylee's expression did not change, Simon gave her a definition. "It means that I can sense things from other people, emotions mostly, strong emotions. Sometimes they can also come to me as images."

Inhaling sharply, Kaylee's eyes widened with a bit of disbelief. She had seen a few too many things since she'd been out in the black to dismiss Simon's explanation out of hand, but this was seemingly unbelievable. However, as Kaylee's mind processed the last few weeks and then went back further, examining how close Simon and his sister were, how gifted River was, she started to think that maybe it wasn't so crazy.

Simon did his best to not read her emotions, but she was so clear to him, her heart and mind as open to him as any door and he could feel her fear, her concern and her acceptance as they raced through her within the span of a minute. Wishing he knew how to make this easier for her, Simon simply waited in silence.

"So, that's why you ain't been able to sleep?" Kaylee asked, although she was almost certain she already knew the answer. Smoothing her hands along his temples, she added in a whisper, "It's been too noisy up there."

Sighing against her touch, his eyes closing, Simon nodded and said, "Yes. I've been having a really hard time filtering people out." His eyes opening again, he told her quietly, "It's been so loud and disconcerting. At any minute there are a million different thoughts and feelings racing through my mind and none of them belong to me."

Pulling her hands back abruptly, Kaylee rose and murmured, "Then I shouldn't be here."

Sitting up sharply, Simon reached for her, worry etched into his face. "What? Why?"

"I'm prolly jus' makin' it worse," she explained, wringing her hands in front of her as she realized she had unwittingly caused Simon more pain. "The cap'n's always sayin' I wear my heart on my sleeve or somesuch."

"No." Simon's voice was firm and in an instant he was standing before her, his hands resting on her shoulders. Looking deep into her eyes, he gave her a small smile and said gently, "No, Kaylee. You haven't made anything worse. I meant it, when I said that I feel better when you're here." Resting his forehead against hers, he said softly, "You make it quiet for me. When you're here, you push all the other feelings away, so all I can feel is you."

Still concerned that he was only saying this to appease her, Kaylee asked hesitantly, "Are you sure?" As Simon again focused his gaze on her, she barreled ahead, afraid she'd lose her will power if she stopped. "'Cause I can go. I don't wanna, I hate the thought o' you bein' alone, but I can-"

The rest of her statement was cut as Simon gave her another long, slow kiss. Quickly giving in to the feeling of his mouth on hers, of his strong arms holding her tightly, Kaylee melted against him. As they parted, she murmured, "Okay, I'll stay."

Chuckling lightly, Simon gently ran his thumbs along her cheeks and murmured, "Good."

With a smile, Kaylee kissed him lightly again and then noticed as he swayed a bit on his feet. Helping him back to bed, she watched his face growing paler by the second. "Sweetie? You okay?"

Shaking his head once, Simon could not form the words. The pain from earlier was back and it was stronger than before. Panting as his body refused to take in the oxygen he needed, Simon finally breathed out, "Someone's hurting – badly."

Worry creasing her face, Kaylee was about to ask what she could do when she heard the sound of raised voices coming from the common room of the transport. Guessing it to be the source of Simon's most recent distress, Kaylee pressed a light kiss to his forehead and told him, "I'll be back."

So consumed with this new pain Simon could not ask her to stay, and instead watched helplessly as she left.

Kaylee slipped out of the crew bunk and shut the door, before striding into the common room, her face set in a look of pure anger. But she froze at the scene before her, her recriminations dying unspoken on her lips.

Mal stood in the center of the room, his hands balled into tight fists at his side, while Inara sat across from him, her head buried in her hands. Jayne was no where to be seen and Kaylee guessed he had retreated from the fighting couple the minute they'd raised their voices.

Seemingly oblivious to her presence, Mal went out with his tirade in a hard, cruel tone. "You mean to tell me that while I was bein' tortured in some 'Liance prison, you was out whorin'?"

Inara did not even have the strength to lift her head. "I needed to rescue you," she murmured.

"O' course ya did," Mal sneered, his eyes blazing with rage. "But ya know, 'long the way, why not have a lil' fun, right?" Inara had no response and so Mal spat out, "Once a whore always a whore."

With a deep breath, Inara finally raised her eyes back to Mal's face. Big and wide, they were full of hurt and a plea, just for him. "Please, Mal," she breathed softly. "Please don't do this."

Moving towards her, Mal towered over her and demanded, "Did ya beg him to, 'Nara? To give it to ya?" As she inhaled a deep breath, he added, "Or did ya make him beg instead?"

Rising swiftly, Inara's eyes flashed with momentary anger as she slapped him hard, showing strength where a moment before she had been weak. She'd wanted to reason with him, had hoped that the Mal she knew, the man she loved would understand and not lash out at her so unrelentingly. But of course she'd been wrong and Inara would never beg Mal for anything – ever again.

Kaylee watched in horror as the conversation reached an impasse, both of her friends seething with barely contained rage. Remembering Simon's pain from moments before, she finally took a chance and stepped forward swiftly. "You two gotta knock it off," she told them, her voice a low whisper.

As they both turned their angry gazes to her, Kaylee shrank back a bit as Mal growled, "Stay outta this Kaylee."

"You're hurtin' Simon," she tried to explain. "All o' this anger, it's killin' 'im."

His face clouding with confusion, Mal finally asked, "What in the hell are you talkin' 'bout?"

Kaylee knew she couldn't explain and what was worse, she knew Mal would hate her explanation. She was also painfully aware that she had left Simon alone for longer than she'd intended and she wanted to get back to him. Pushing her fear to the back of her mind, Kaylee told him instead, "You shouldn't be yellin' like this anyhow." Risking a glance to Inara, Kaylee saw her friend's pained expression and scolded the captain. "'Nara was only thinkin' o' how to get you outta that jail, cap'n. She didn't wanna sleep with nobody." As the couple digested this statement, Kaylee said, "We've all lost so much all ready. Why you gotta go an' make it worse?"

Not bothering to wait for a response, Kaylee hurried back to Simon, finding him again curled up on the bed as she had suspected. Spooning behind him, she murmured in his ear, "I'm sorry, baby, it was the cap an' 'Nara. I tried to get 'em to be quiet."

"Don't tell them," he breathed, his voice more than shaky.

"Shenme?" Kaylee asked, her hand running lightly down his shoulder.

"Don't tell them what's happening to me." The statement was stronger this time and Simon turned in Kaylee's embrace so he could face her. Once again, her presence and touch were taming his inner turmoil and he was able to again gather his thoughts. "They won't understand."

Blinking back a few tears at his obvious anxiety, Kaylee told him, "I din't tell 'em nothin' sweetie, but I think eventually we're gonna have to. They ain't never gonna understand it otherwise."

Nodding, Simon was about to say something else when his body tensed again, his eyes slamming shut against another emotional torrent. Kaylee watched as he fought the agony wishing she could do more. She tried to soothe him again as she had the night before, tried to get him to focus on her, but she could tell after only a few moments that he was quickly unraveling before her eyes.

At a loss, she finally murmured, "Simon, tell me what to do."

Simon worked his tongue in his mouth for quite some time before he found the strength to speak. "Smoother," he muttered.

Remembering his previous hesitation, Kaylee asked softly, "Are you sure?"

"I can't." He was writhing again before her, his arms wrapped so firmly around himself Kaylee was certain he was bruising his sides. "I can't take it, Kaylee."

Stifling a small whimper, Kaylee rose swiftly and grabbed the medicine, administering it in seconds. As Simon felt his mind relax and clear he breathed a sigh of relief and sank into the mattress. "Thank you," he murmured to her, reaching for her hand. Kaylee gave it to him and watched as his eyes fluttered shut.

"It's okay," she kept repeating as sleep claimed him, saying it more for herself than for him. "We're gonna be okay."

-- --

"Has she contacted anyone yet?"

Beta turned a disparaging glance to his partner as he strode onto the bridge, before looking back out the canopy.

The look more than answering his question, Omega sat beside Beta and regarded the empty space before them. "What now?"

With a sigh, Beta wondered how a man conditioned to be brilliant could be so incredibly dumb. "We wait."

Releasing his own sigh, Omega's impatience got the better of him. "You know that the longer she waits to act, the better chance there is that something will throw her off." Leaning towards his partner, he confided, "If we fail again, we're dead."

"Why must you continue to state the obvious?" Beta asked harshly, rising and staring down his partner. "I am very well aware of the consequences inherent in River Tam's success or failure." As Omega held his steady glare, he added, "However, I am also more than aware that killing Malcolm Reynolds and the rest of his crew has been almost as difficult. When presented with the opportunity to take care of two problems at once, I'm going to make sure it's exhausted, before admitting defeat."

Turning on his heel, Beta strode from the room more than fed up with his partner's whining and second guessing. He had already spent a good part of the last week and a half trying to think of a way for Omega to end up in River Tam's line of fire. Unfortunately, to no avail. Determined to redouble his efforts, Beta kept thinking.

-- --

"_Mei mei, don't do this."_

"_River! No!"_

"_Gorram moonbrain! I tol' ya she was a killer-woman!"_

"_River, please, you know this ain't you."_

"_Albatross, listen to me, dong ma?"_

_River stared them down, her eyes narrowed to slits as she watched them convulse with fear. They were screaming, crying, clutching one another, doing everything in their power to escape her, but with a certainty born of government brainwashing, River knew all of their attempts to survive her were useless._

By the time River awoke, her vision awash in a red sea of the blood of her crew mates, she was sweating profusely, beads dripping from her forehead and into her lap and down her back between her shoulder blades. With barely another thought, she launched herself towards the open area of the shuttle, the small confines of the cockpit where she'd taken to sleeping suddenly suffocating her.

Falling to the cool decking, she curled into a heap of sweaty and trembling limbs as her dream again assaulted her. She had killed them, killed every member of the crew, including Simon – and she had enjoyed it. A violent shudder pulsing through her, River felt as if her insides were being ripped to shreds, her heart pulled from her chest and crushed by a million Reavers.

It wasn't possible for her to do that, was it? Yes, she had killed before, but she couldn't kill her crew, her family. The image of Simon's tortured face swam into view and River stifled the sob she felt. Kill Simon? It was laughable; how could she willingly kill her brother, the person who had saved her, the one man in all the 'verse who was strong enough to help her? She couldn't do it; she wouldn't.

But still the dream had been so real as if she'd already done it and was simply reliving it. Shaking her head swiftly against the thought, River knew that was not true; she had been able to feel Simon's pain and uncertainty just a few nights ago. He was still there, still alive, she had not done the unthinkable.

_Not yet._

"Stop it!" Her scream echoed off the shuttle's walls and River curled into a tighter ball as she felt more of her sanity slipping away. She hadn't been like this for a very long time, she had almost forgotten what it was like. With new pain blossoming in her heart she knew that this was what Simon was feeling; that he was panicking right now as badly as she was, because he could not order his mind either.

He needed her. That was the most important thing. As much as that dream had unnerved her, River knew that Simon would not survive all that was happening to him without her help. She didn't want to endanger the lives of the crew and truthfully, she knew it was a distinct possibility; she could not recall most of what had happened while Adamson had her under his control. But it didn't matter; all that mattered was that her brother was suffering, as she had suffered.

And just as he had helped her, she would help him. With an audible sigh, River rose slowly, moving to change out of her sweat-soaked clothes and continue to wait out this long journey.

-- --


	19. Chapter 19

-- --

Chapter 19

-- --

Simon was tossing and turning again, despite the higher dosage of sedative he'd instructed Kaylee to give him. She watched from his side as his face contorted in various forms of pain, before easing for a second only to twinge with conflict again.

They had been on St. Albans for a little under a day and Kaylee had hoped that once Simon was again on land, in a comfortable bed, he might feel a bit more at peace, might be able to rest on his own, without the drugs. But just as he had almost every night on the ship, he'd asked her for a smoother and Kaylee had given it to him.

She couldn't stand to see him like this. It was frightening and disorienting and she felt completely useless. Despite Simon's assertion that her presence helped to soothe him, Kaylee was losing hope. It didn't seem to matter over the past few days whether she was with him or not; he still had horrible nightmares, still woke up screaming, begging her to make it stop and doing his best just to breathe.

Pressing her hand to his cheek lightly, Kaylee took a deep breath and watched as his body stilled just a bit at her touch. Relieved beyond reason at the small victory, Kaylee moved to lay beside him when he thrashed violently and she was forced to scramble off the bed. Easily untangling himself from the sheets, Simon rolled too hard to one side and fell with a loud thud on the hard and cold wood floor.

Panting and confused, he awoke quickly, groaning as his shoulder and hip from where he'd hit protested the bruises forming under his skin. "Kaylee?"

His pained cry was enough to bring her to his side in an instant. Kneeling beside him, she cradled his head in her lap, her fingers running through his hair. "I'm here, sweetie. You okay?"

Shaking his head quickly, Simon brought his arm around and clutched at her knees, using her as his anchor. She was the only thing that he knew was real, more real than himself, more real than this room, this 'verse. Kaylee was warm and whole and peaceful. Simon had been desperate to maintain his hold on her in the past few days. He had done everything he could think of to keep the brightness of her in his field of vision, but rapidly, the quagmire of his mind was dousing that light and he was again lost in darkness.

"Kaylee, where … where …" He was breathing heavily, everything blurring as the emotions from those around him pushed into his mind. "Don't go," he managed to whisper, his hand wrapped around her arm holding so tightly Kaylee winced.

Covering the hand with her own, Kaylee gently eased it from her arm and wrapped her arms around his chest. "I ain't goin' nowhere, Simon. But we need to get you back into bed. It's cold out here."

It was slow going, but Kaylee was able to finally get him back under the covers. Sitting beside him again, she held his hand in hers, rubbing her thumb along his wrist. He was breathing normally now, and Kaylee was glad to see it. When he was gasping for air she felt the most useless of all.

Watching now as he became calmer, Kaylee felt a bit of her own anxiety wane. Leaning over him, she brushed a kiss to his mouth and murmured, "You're okay, sweetie. You're gonna be okay."

Simon sighed softly as she pulled away, his eyes still closed, his forehead still creased with the stress of trying to maintain his equilibrium. As Kaylee continued to stare, he finally rolled his head to the side and opened his blue eyes to her. Greeting him with a warm smile, Kaylee rested a light hand to his cheek as he breathed, "River."

Puzzled, Kaylee asked, "Shenme?"

"I'm here, Simon."

Turning quickly, Kaylee saw the young woman standing in the open doorway, her concern for Simon clearly evident in the way she rushed to his side, in the tenderness with which she pressed a kiss to his forehead and held his face. Holding his gaze with her deep, dark brown eyes, Simon instantly relaxed at her touch. Kaylee watched the siblings in awe as neither of them spoke a word for a long span of time.

Feeling more than out of place, Kaylee rose slowly, slightly hurt when Simon did not even notice. Heading for the door, she watched the two of them, locked in silent communication and wished she knew what to do. With a sigh, she drifted out, unseen by them both.

Shutting the door behind her, Kaylee leaned heavily against the wall and sank slowly to the floor. Pulling her knees into her chest, she hugged them to herself, her mind working valiantly to keep her fears at bay, while her heart worked just as hard to bring them roaring to the surface.

"Mei mei?"

The soft voice startled her and Kaylee looked up sharply, Inara's concerned visage greeting her. With a weak smile, Kaylee murmured, "Hey, 'Nara."

Sitting herself down beside the younger woman, Inara wrapped an arm around her shoulders, not at all surprised when Kaylee fell more than leaned against her. Running a soothing hand through her thick brown hair, Inara asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Did she ever, but she couldn't. Kaylee had promised Simon not to tell the rest of the crew until he was ready and she knew he was by no means prepared for that. "I can't," she murmured. "Not yet. But Simon an' I, we will soon."

Pulling back from her slightly, Inara studied Kaylee's distraught face and asked gently, "You're all right, aren't you?"

Nodding once, Kaylee told her, "Everythin'll be fine." Inara raised her eyebrows skeptically and the younger woman knew she was completely unconvincing, but at the moment it was the best answer she could give. "Please, 'Nara, I gotta respect Simon's wishes on this. Just trust me, dong ma?"

Nodding reluctantly, Inara told her, "All right, but if you need me, I'm here."

Smiling slightly, Kaylee said, "I know." Waiting a beat, she glanced back to the now closed door and asked, "When'd River get here?"

"Only about ten minutes ago," Inara explained. "She was very agitated and barely said a word to any of us. She just kept muttering something about Simon and rushed up here." Following Kaylee's gaze, she asked, "Is she with him now?"

Kaylee nodded, but did not speak and Inara let the silence remain. Without more information there wasn't much advice she could offer the young woman. Sitting together comfortably in the quiet, Kaylee finally cleared her throat and asked, "You talked to the cap'n?"

Rolling her eyes, Inara's features hardened with anger as she bit out, "I will never speak to that piece of go se again."

"'Nara," Kaylee admonished, glad to be focusing on someone else's problems at the moment. Turning to fully face her friend, she said, "You know he din't mean all them things."

"No?" Inara's tone was incredulous, but it was only serving to mask the real hurt she was trying to deny. "I think he's called me a whore one too many times to assert that he didn't mean it." With a heavy sigh, she added quietly, "I think the real problem is he did."

Watching as Inara's entire body deflated, Kaylee grasped for excuses for her captain, knowing full well that he didn't deserve the benefit of Inara's doubt. "But with Zoe gone, the cap, he just don't know how to deal." Squeezing her friend's hands, Kaylee waited until Inara was again facing her as she said, "He's hurtin', 'Nara. You know how he hates grievin' an' Zoe …" Kaylee felt her voice catch as she remembered the strong, tall woman who had always acted as Mal's moral compass and trusted hand.

With pitiful eyes, she looked back to her and said quietly, "I'm thinkin' that right now, the cap'n don't know which way is up. He's just tryin' to keep his head above water."

"That may be true, Kaylee," Inara admitted, her eyes clouding with doubt and worry. "But that doesn't excuse the things he said. I was only trying to help him and what did he do? He lashed out at me, said unforgivable things." Her breath hitching in her throat as her heartache again welled in her chest, she murmured, "I don't know if I'll be able to forget what he said."

"But ya love 'im, don'tcha?" Kaylee's wide, green eyes rendered Inara completely speechless for just a second, but it was all the confirmation that Kaylee needed to keep pushing. "Then you gotta try, 'Nara. It's worth it."

With a sad smile, Inara rested a hand to Kaylee's cheek, holding her gaze for a long while. Finally with a heavy sigh, she said, "Oh mei mei, I'm not so sure about that."

Pressing a kiss to her forehead, Inara rose and walked away slowly, only leaving Kaylee to feel more bereft. The captain and Inara had tried for so long to deny their feelings and now, just when things had started to really take shape between them, they had found another reason to push away from each other. It broke Kaylee's heart, almost as much as watching Simon suffer, to see her two dear friends suffering as well.

"Kaylee, what are you doing out here?"

Turning sharply at the sound of the voice, Kaylee hurried to her feet and met River's quizzical gaze. Glancing over her shoulder to the room beyond and then back to the girl, she shrugged and said softly, "It seemed like the two o' you needed some time."

Frowning, River stepped fully into the hall and shut the door. Crossing her arms over her chest, she stared at Kaylee for a moment, the mechanic's head bowing under the weight of the look. Cupping her hand under her chin, River raised Kaylee's gaze back to hers and said, "He needs you."

Shaking her head, Kaylee admitted brokenly, "I can't help him, River. Maybe the first couple o' days, but not anymore."

Sighing, River told her, "You can help, more than you know. You just stopped believing you could."

Her hand flying to her mouth, Kaylee's eyes went wide as the younger woman's statement sunk in. Inhaling a shaky breath, she murmured fearfully, "You mean, I made it worse?"

Smiling sadly, River explained, "No, you made it better. You always make it better, it's just that …" Uncertain how to explain, River decided that talking about it was not half as effective as witnessing it first hand. Taking Kaylee's hand in her own, she pushed open the door and told her, "I'll show you."

More than confused, Kaylee followed, surprised to see Simon sitting up in bed as the two women entered, a smile on his face. Pausing in the doorway, Kaylee looked hesitantly between River and Simon, unaccustomed to seeing him in such a mood given the past few weeks. Nodding to her encouragingly, River said quietly, "It's okay. I'm helping him."

Simon, easily sensing Kaylee's distress, reached out a hand to her, his smile softening into one of concern. "Kaylee?" As she still hesitated, Simon sat forward a bit and said softly, "It's okay, bao bei. I'm going to be all right."

Relief flooding through her with such ferocity that Simon's head swam, he wasn't quite prepared for the massive hug she gave him, but he was more than thankful for it. Sitting back against the head of the bed, he held Kaylee firmly against him as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. Closing his eyes with a contented sigh, Simon pulled her into his lap, his hands drawing small circles along her back as she continued to hold on. Waiting for as long as he could, Simon finally ran his hands up her arms and to her face, pulling her back gently so he could look at her.

Locking his blue eyes with her green ones, Simon inhaled sharply at all he saw and felt there. "It'll be okay," he assured her again, knowing she needed to hear the words from him more often than not.

"You sure?" she asked haltingly, mirroring his pose and resting her hands to his face. He nodded once and then kissed her lightly. "I'm sure."

Kaylee held the gaze for a moment longer and then turned to regard River. "What did you do?"

Smiling, the young psychic approached them, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Something temporary," she explained, her eyes flicking to Simon and then back to Kaylee. "Something to help him for the moment." Laying a hand on Kaylee's shoulder, she said, "The real work comes next. Are you up for it?"

Biting her lip with a bit of fear, Kaylee held River's serious gaze before looking back to Simon. His eyes were searching her face for acceptance and support and Kaylee wanted to give it to him badly, but she didn't know if she was strong enough. She didn't understand how she could be the one person in the 'verse who could keep Simon sane. It just didn't make any sense.

"You sell yourself short," River told her, a knowing smile lighting her face. "You have no idea the power you possess, right in here," she added, moving her hand from her shoulder to rest over Kaylee's heart.

Shaking her head, Kaylee said quietly, "That ain't nothin'. I ain't near as smart as the two o' you."

"Your heart is stronger, Kaylee," Simon reminded her, waiting until her eyes were again on his face before continuing. "Your heart is so strong it lights up the room, just like one of your smiles." She gave him a preview of one of those amazing grins at the comment, but Simon could still feel her fear. Cupping her face in his hands, he said, "You don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"He can do it without me?" The question was directed to River and Kaylee suddenly didn't know what scenario she liked less – the thought of being Simon's only tie to sanity or the thought that she wasn't.

Nodding once, River said, "He can. My brother is pigheaded enough to do just about anything," she added, getting a frown from him. "But the truth is, it will be a lot easier for him if you help." Noting as Kaylee still sat on the fence, the younger woman assured, "It won't hurt. You may feel a bit drained for a few days, but it won't hurt. And it won't change you, Kaylee. You're just going to give Simon a focal point." Smiling wide, she said, "You'll be his port in the storm, as it were, a safe harbor."

Grinning, Kaylee looked back to Simon, doing her best to drown her fear in the look of pure adoration he was giving her now. "Oh, well, I can do that."

"Are you sure?" His blue eyes again roved over her face. Her doubt was still there, he could feel it, but it was quickly overwhelmed by her desire to help him, to be the person in the 'verse he could count on, and it made his heart swell within his chest.

She nodded and he told her, "Thank you."

"Ain't nothin' to be thankin' me for," she told him softly, pressing a kiss to his mouth. Moving her lips to his ear, she whispered, "'Course after you're feelin' a mite better, I got a few ideas of some ways you can be showin' your gratitude."

Grinning wickedly at her words and the passion that raced through her mind with them, Simon whispered back, "Trust me, I can't feel better soon enough."

Giggling softly, Kaylee sighed, feeling at ease for the first time in days and slowly unwound herself from his lap, sitting at his side and facing River. "Okay," she said confidently, grasping his hand firmly in her own. "What do I gotta do?"

-- --

"So, crazy's back, huh?"

Mal did not turn as he heard Jayne's inane question. Staring at the snow covered ground before him, he simply wrapped his coat tighter and remained silent.

Pursing his lips with frustration, Jayne meandered towards the captain slowly. Matching his posture at the porch's railing, he muttered a curse under his breath as a particularly chill wind swept past them. "Damn planet," he muttered, blinking away the sting in his eyes. "Don't it ever get hot here?"

Mal was in no mood for company. "There somethin' you want, Jayne?" he asked harshly, hoping that the mercenary would get the point and leave him be.

Recognizing the dismissal, but refusing to take it, Jayne said, "Nope, jus' needed some fresh air, is all."

Annoyed that the man would not go, Mal moved to leave when Jayne's voice stopped him. "You know, acting like a fei fei de pi yan makes me think the wrong person got shot on Londinium."

Seething with barely contained rage, Mal turned slowly to face him, and bit out, "What?"

Turning with a wry smirk on his features, Jayne challenged, "You heard me."

But the other man refused to take the bait. As his eyes blazed with anger, Jayne just continued to smirk at him, determined to act obnoxious enough that the captain would have no choice but to take a swing at him. In Jayne's less-than-overly-large mind a good fight was all Mal really needed. That was the way most men of honor and thieving dealt with their grief – by pummeling someone else into a bloody pulp. It was not a duty Jayne would normally volunteer for – punching bag – but he had respected Zoe, missed her too, and he knew that Mal's pain was easily a hundred times worse than his own. And no man deserved that.

Much to Jayne's disappointment though, Mal simply turned again to walk away, forcing the merc to play his trump card. "Oh, an' thanks by the way."

Frustrated by the other man's ability to goad him, Mal paused and Jayne continued, bracing himself for the fight he knew was coming as soon as his next statement passed his lips. "For tellin' 'Nara off." He watched as the captain turned slowly towards him and then said, "I've been waitin' for my chance with that jian huo an' I'm thinkin' now's the time."

The speed with which Mal attacked was surprising, even for Jayne. Knocked back as he rushed him, Mal emitted a low growl as he tackled the man around the waist. Jayne's breath was knocked out his lungs as he hit the deck hard, his chest heaving as Mal sat on his stomach and raised his fists to his face.

"You keep a civil tongue in that zhen ke pa head of yours!" Mal's first punch connected with Jayne's temple and the merc saw a few stars as his second connected with his cheek. "Stay away from her!"

Jayne realized his tactical error just as another punch from Mal caused him to taste blood. Reaching for the man's hands, he grabbed Mal by the wrists and pulled hard over his head, swinging the captain up and around, his body landing on the porch with a crack.

Keeping his wrists locked above his head, Jayne hovered over his face panting. Taking a moment to spit out a wad of bloody phlegm, he looked back to Mal's seething form and asked, "Better?"

With another angry growl, Mal wrenched his hands away and rose, seriously considering ending his merc right there when he heard, "Mal?"

Glancing quickly past Jayne's shoulder, he saw Inara's concerned face in the doorway. Wondering how she could still look at him with such worry, Mal stared Jayne down for another second before storming off the porch and into the snow. Wiping at his aching jaw, Jayne watched him go, shaking his head. That man even took the fun out of blowing off some steam.

Turning to get some ice for his face, he was met with Inara's cold stare. Her arms crossed firmly over her chest, she asked, "What did you do?"

"Jus' tried to get him to wise up is all," Jayne muttered as explanation, pushing past her and into the house.

Following closely on his heels, Inara repeated, "What did you do, Jayne?"

Reaching for a frozen slab of meat, Jayne slapped it onto his already swelling jawbone and turned back to her with a proud smile. "The usual," he said, sinking into a chair with a sigh. "Told him he shoulda gotten shot on Londinium, insulted you. You know, basically egged him into a fight."

Beyond disbelief, Inara asked simply, "Why?"

Shrugging, Jayne thought on it for a moment, knowing as he formed an answer she would not like it. "That man needs to blow off some steam, 'Nara. Or he's gonna get dead or get one o' us killed. I figured I could take a punch or two."

Her mouth hanging open in shock, Inara stared at the bigger man, barely registering the severe bruises that were already showing on his face. Unable to comprehend the fact that Jayne had just picked a fight with Mal in an effort to help him grieve, she turned and muttered, "Unbelievable," before leaving Jayne alone to nurse his wounds.

-- --

Swirls of color and flashes of light made a very unrealistic backdrop. Within the confines of this time and place, reality was a bit nebulous, pushed and pulled by thoughts and feelings; defined by the moment, not the past or the future, simply the present.

But within that moment a million things could happen: good things, bad things, scary things, boring things – and all of them happened within Simon. There was not a thought or feeling he could not sense. There was not a moment or minute of rest from the emotions of those around him. And it was dizzying.

Breathing deep, he focused first on the noise of his breath coming in and then going out, tried to find solace in the repetition of the act. However, breathing had become an afterthought now as the feelings of those around him rushed into his mind, creating tableaus of confusion he could not process. Struggling to understand, he continued to breathe.

River watched her brother closely, noting the way his body tensed, the way his chest rose and fell with an effort as he tried to find a path through his addled mind. Secretly she was more than a bit surprised at the amount of chaos he was experiencing. She had managed to ease it some, had managed to block out the strongest emotions so Simon could learn how to center himself at a normal pace. It wasn't that difficult, not for her, but as she continued to watch him as he fought to find control, she grew more concerned.

Risking a glance to Kaylee, she took pity on the other woman's expression. She had asked her brother's lover to sit in a chair across the room, near the fire and simply wait. River had wanted Simon to do as much as he could on his own before bringing Kaylee into it, but now she saw that that had been the wrong choice.

Smiling softly at the look of genuine apprehension and love she saw on the young woman's features for her brother and his pain, River let out a big breath, taking a step towards the bed and called softly, "Wait."

Blinking his eyes open slowly, Simon brought the room back into focus as Kaylee looked expectantly to River. When the reader nodded to her slightly, Kaylee moved quickly to Simon's side, holding his hand in her own, as he leaned his head back against the wall and tried to regain some strength. He knew River was helping him more, he could tell by the lessening of the noise and colors in his head that she had again formed shields to protect him, because he couldn't do it himself.

Opening his eyes once again, he asked softly, "I'm not doing well, am I?"

Frowning slightly, River moved to his side and amended, "Let's just say it's going a bit slower than I expected."

"Why?" Simon hated to fail, it was one of the many reasons why he'd been in the top three percent – status quo had never been an option. "I don't understand."

"Sweetie, maybe ya ain't supposed to," Kaylee reminded him quietly, resting a gentle hand to his face. As he turned his sad blue eyes to regard her, she added, "Maybe there ain't a why."

Squeezing her fingers lightly within his own, Simon managed to give her a weak smile. She was closer now too, and that was helping. He had hated it when River had ordered her across the room, but then he'd hated himself even more; what kind of man was he if he was so emotionally distraught he couldn't go a minute without his girlfriend at his side? True, he didn't want Kaylee to leave him or him her, but this was taking interdependence to a completely different level.

Glancing to his sister, he asked her, "Is that true?" As River cocked her head to him quizzically, he explained, "Is there no why?"

With a sigh, River held her tongue for a moment, trying to determine exactly what Simon should and should not know; well, more accurately, what he should and should not remember. All the answers he was seeking were locked in his brain, his overly bright brain that held too much information for its own good. But River knew these secrets were buried for a reason, a reason that had always protected Simon – until now.

"You know something." Startled, River brought her eyes back to Simon's face and then chuckled at her own stupidity.

Sitting beside him, she said lightly, "You know, something tells me getting used to you being able to read things off of me is going to take some time."

Sharing her smile and a knowing look between each other, Kaylee glanced back to River as Simon said, "It's about time you got a taste of your own medicine."

Her grin widening, River watched as Simon waited for her to continue. When it became obvious she would not volunteer any information, he prodded her. "River please. I'm already so confused about so many things. If you can shed some light on this, please do."

With another small sigh, River nodded once and then settled more comfortably on the bed beside her brother. Glancing to Kaylee's expectant gaze and then back to Simon, she asked him softly, "Do you remember when I was born?"

Smiling wide, Simon reached for her hand and squeezed. "Of course, I do. What kind of question is that?"

Shaking her head once, she held his gaze steadily and told him, "No, Simon, I mean really remember. Do you?"

His brow furrowing at the seriousness of her expression and the concern that was beginning to pulse through her, Simon allowed his mind to drift back those eighteen years. He'd been seven at the time, and so excited to be a big brother, especially once he found out he would have a baby sister. He'd known instantly that he would be his sister's protector; that he and his mei mei would be friends and that he would love her completely.

Closing his eyes for a moment, his childhood home coalesced in his mind's eyes in startling detail. Inhaling a breath, he wandered through the foyer and up the grand staircase, even remembering the musty smell of old paintings and sculptures. As his small seven-year-old feet trudged along the dark carpet, Simon felt his heart begin to race a bit, his steps slowing as he reached the door to the nursery.

Paling instantly, Simon's breath caught once more in his throat, causing Kaylee to panic a bit. Edging closer to him, she called softly, "Simon? You okay?"

Reopening his eyes after a moment, Simon's gaze never wavered from his sister's face as he said, "You were so little."

River nodded and smiled at him again, then forced herself to look away and meet Kaylee's worried expression so she could explain. "I was very sick when I was born. I was in the hospital for a long time."

"They wouldn't let me see her," Simon interjected quietly, his eyes having again focused on a spot that neither woman could see. "I begged mother and father to take me to the hospital with them, but they wouldn't. They said I had too many germs and I would only be made to sit in the waiting room."

Kaylee's eyebrows knitted together with more concern as she watched Simon's eyes cloud with pain at the memory. Grasping for a positive thought, she looked to River and then back to her bao bei, smiling big. "Well, that's terrible, but look at River now? She's all healthy."

Appreciating her attempt to cheer him, Simon squeezed her hand gently and said, "I know, bao bei. You're right." Looking back to his sister, he said, "That was a very painful time, but I don't see what it has to do with what's happening to me now."

River didn't have an answer to that so she instead continued to stare at him, willing him to dig deep enough to find the truth he was seeking. Simon's eyes locked with hers almost instantly, his heart beating fast as he felt her intensity. There was something she wanted him to know, to remember, and she was determined he would uncover it.

His eyes fluttering shut, his mind again wound back the clock and he was once more in his family's home. Judging by the sights and smells, he guessed himself to be in his father's den, and when he saw a puff of pipe smoke rise up from behind the tall, wingback chair, he knew he was right.

As his father swiveled to face him, a hard and disappointed look in his eyes, Simon's nostrils flared, inhaling so sharply he choked. Coughing, he opened his eyes and looked to his sister, fear and remembrance mixed in his gaze. "Oh my god," he breathed, reaching both of his hands to her. "I had completely forgotten."

"No, not forgot," River corrected. "Chose not to remember."

As the siblings continued to stare, Kaylee looked between them both in a state of utter confusion. Whatever had just transpired, she had missed completely and the feeling of once again being left in the dark as the two gifted geniuses communicated on a level she could not hope to understand caused a pang of hurt to resound in her big heart.

Catching her anxiety, River and Simon both turned to regard her at the same time and Kaylee swallowed hard under the intensity of their stares. It was just a bit uncanny – she was used to River looking at her as if she could read her mind, but Simon … that was a completely different story.

Trying to quell her trepidation, she asked tentatively, "Didya remember somethin'?"

Swallowing thickly, he told her, "Yes." He hesitated to continue, hesitated to reveal such a painful memory even if it was to the most caring, kind and loving person he'd ever met. Squeezing the hand she still held, River waited until Simon's eyes were back on her face, before reminding him, "It's time, Simon."

Remembering her admonition from just a week ago, that he truly open his heart to another, Simon smiled softly at her before looking back to Kaylee. Her hesitation had faded to be replaced by her overwhelming concern and love for him and the emotions, so strong and sure waved over him with the gentlest and warmest of touches. Placing a hand to her face, he told her, "What River reminded me of I think it might be the reason why I've never noticed these abilities before."

As Kaylee still struggled to understand, River began to explain, knowing that Simon would add what he needed to in time. "When I was born and I was sick, Simon was very concerned for me. He had been so excited for so long to have a baby sister and then for the first few months of my life, I was in the hospital.

"My parents were a bit distant," she said, pausing as Simon snorted derisively. "Which I suppose is putting it mildly," she amended, giving her brother a grin. "They kept Simon in the dark as much as possible."

"And it was killing me." Simon's voice was stronger than it had been for days, commanding their attention. "I knew something was wrong, really wrong, but I didn't know what." His eyes big and haunted, he looked to Kaylee and told her, "I knew something was wrong on a level so much deeper than I ever had before and it scared me."

Her gaze softening, Kaylee told him, "Well, of course it did. You was just a little boy."

Nodding, Simon swallowed hard, and continued. "So, like any little boy, I turned to the one person who was supposed to help." Pulling his eyes reluctantly from Kaylee he glanced to River and she finished it for him. "Father."

Kaylee felt the tension in the room rise and she shifted uncomfortably. "I'm guessin' he didn't take it so well."

Sadly, Simon sighed and told her, "No, not at all." His features hardening, Simon remembered his father's exact reaction and now, instead of making him sad, as it had all those years ago, it made him angry. "He told me that a boy of good breeding who would one day grow in a man that a father could be proud of didn't talk about such crazy things. When I told him that I knew River would be all right and would come home soon, he slapped me once, the only time father ever hit me, and explained in no uncertain terms that I was never to speak that way again."

"So you didn't," Kaylee finished in a whisper, her heart pounding hard as Simon recounted his trauma to her.

Shaking his head once, Simon said, "No, I made sure never to 'feel' that way again." Still confused, he looked to River and asked, "But why now?"

Shrugging, she said, "Why not?" As Simon frowned at her flip answer, she said, "So much has been happening in the past few months, I think that your mind just couldn't fight its natural tendency anymore." Simon digested this as River continued to explain. "There was Early and then the Maidenhead and Miranda." Her voice dying to a whisper, she glanced back to Kaylee and again watched as the young woman admired her brother with unparalleled love and devotion. "And then, you fell in love."

Simon smiled wide at this last bit as did Kaylee. Edging closer to her, Simon kissed each of her hands lightly and then stared at her. "Yes, I did," he murmured, his eyes never once traveling from Kaylee's face.

River watched them for another moment, perfectly aware that she was no longer needed, at least for the night. Rising, she backed towards the door, and reached for the knob. "You'll be all right now, Simon," she said softly. As he turned sharply to look at her, his face clouded with concern as he realized she was going. Reassuring him again, she told him, "You'll be all right for the night. We'll work more tomorrow. Get some sleep."

Simon smiled to her, holding his breath as he watched her leave the room, grateful when the powerful emotions did not flood him once she was out of sight. His eyes still fixed on the door, Kaylee watched him for a moment and then rested a gentle hand to his cheek. "You okay?" she asked as he turned to look at her.

Leaning forward, Simon pressed his lips to hers, loving the way her mouth felt on his, loving how her mind and heart lit up at his touch. Wrapping his arms around her, as they parted he held her tightly and said, "I'm okay."

Holding him back, Kaylee had never felt such relief in her entire life.

-- --

The house was silent and almost pitch black. Inara moved as a ghost through the chilly hallways, her fingertips gliding lightly along the wall so she would not lose her way. She should be sleeping, she was tired enough, but she couldn't. Every time she closed her eyes she saw one of two things: either Zoe, lying dead and bleeding at Mal's feet or Mal, staring at her in disgust as he once again called her a whore. Neither image did much to encourage rest.

With a small sigh, she made it to the front door and rested her forehead against the cold glass of the window beside it. It was snowing again, not much of a surprise. Inara didn't mind the snow though, didn't mind the white or the cold or even the wetness. Sihnon hardly ever got snow and as a girl all she'd ever wanted was to build a snowman. Smiling faintly, she realized she'd finally gotten her wish about fifteen years too late.

Stepping on silent feet, she turned from the door, wrapping her arms tightly around herself. At least if she were up in her room she'd be warm. She'd built a fire, not a raging one, but it still glowed brightly enough to keep the cold away. Down here, the hearths were empty, the ashes from their hasty departure over four weeks ago all that was left. Walking aimlessly into one of the parlors, she found herself again sitting in front of the piano. It was too late to play, she'd no doubt wake the whole house if she did, and Inara knew that if any of them were lucky enough to be sleeping, she had no right to disturb them.

As she lovingly stroked the keys she was unaware of a pair of eyes on her. After many silent minutes, she finally decided to entertain her insomnia in her big, warm bed. Rising and turning to leave, Inara started slightly at the dark form sitting across the room.

Taking a tentative step forward and squinting hard, Inara recognized the body and whispered, "Mal?"

He didn't answer her, but she wasn't surprised. He'd made it quite obvious in their last discussion that he wanted nothing to do with her. She'd of course vowed never to give a second thought to anything he ever did or said again, but how did she think that was possible? She loved him, despite his meanness, despite his questionable morals, despite the marginal legality of his work. She _loved_ him and that was the one emotion Inara could not so readily dismiss – no matter how badly her mind wished her to.

"Mal, why aren't you in bed?" She took another step towards him, his face illuminated by a sliver of moonlight. Seeing his expression only made her heart more conflicted; the pain he was so obviously feeling struck Inara deeply and she cursed and welcomed the empathy all at once.

Reaching his side, he did not bring his icy blue eyes to her face, did not move, barely breathed. He was wrapped in his brown coat, his hands thrust deep into the pockets. His cheek was swelling from where Jayne had managed to land one good punch before the captain had gotten the upper hand. Kneeling beside him, Inara placed a hand to his face and pulled it back sharply. "Ai ya, Mal, you're freezing."

He did not react to this either. Straightening quickly, Inara felt his hair, realizing it was soaked, as was his jacket. "Mal, you're going to catch your death of a cold," she scolded, moving to the hearth and lighting a fire as fast as she could. Once it had begun to burn brightly, she moved back to him. He had not shifted his position in the slightest, but Inara did not care; she refused to watch him sulk to the point of death.

"You need to get warm," she said softly, grabbing the warmest blanket she could find from off the couch and draping it over him. Moving to his feet, she pulled off his boots, noting how wet they were as were the socks underneath. Once his feet were exposed, she wrapped a hand around his toes; they were ice. Concern clouding her features, Inara glanced up to him and told him, "I'm going to get you some tea. All right?" Again, he didn't answer her and so Inara rose, reaching for another blanket and tucking it around his feet securely.

Resting a hand to his shoulder, she stared at his profile for a moment, feeling such undeniable grief and love for him she almost couldn't breathe. Tearing herself away, she turned to go when his rough voice stopped her cold.

"Did ya see him?"

Turning slowly, Inara's eyes narrowed as she tried to understand the question. "Shenme?"

"The shooter," Mal said, his voice still toneless, his eyes still focused far away. "Did ya see 'em?"

Swallowing thickly, Inara stepped back to his side, kneeling there and said, "No, Mal, I didn't." Resting her hand against his arm, she added, "I would have stopped him if I had."

This statement finally brought his eyes to her face. They were so cold, so lifeless, Inara could not remember a time when she had seen him like this; adrift and lost, floating aimlessly in the black he normally called his home.

"Zo told me once …" He was speaking again and Inara buried her own concern for him to focus on his gravelly voice. "She tol' me she knew that the only thing she'd never see comin' was her own end." Mal actually grinned at the memory. They'd been entrenched in a dogfight, bombs and bullets ricocheting around them. She'd just barely missed a mortar explosion and only his quick reflexes had saved her life.

Swallowing past the sudden lump in his throat, he added, "I always tol' her that was all right, 'cause she had me." His voice finally cracking under the weight of the grief he was trying so hard to hide, he dropped his gaze back to Inara's pained expression and told her, "I'd see her end an' keep her from meetin' it."

Blinking back a few sharp tears as they stung her eyes, Inara reached up and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling his head to her chest. He did not relax in her embrace or cry as she had thought he might. Instead he simply sighed heavily and allowed her to hold him.

Inara wished with the limited power she possessed that there was more she could do. She wished mightily that she held sway over time so that she could turn back the clock and make it so Zoe hadn't died, make it so she hadn't ever gone on that date, make it so Mal had not said all those nasty things to her – about her.

But Inara had learned long ago that time was relentless in both its forward motion and its inevitability.

"Why're you here?"

Mal's soft voice pulled her from her musings and Inara leaned back slightly to find him studying her face intently. As her brow furrowed in confusion, he asked, "Why're you here? With me?" His tone was not necessarily menacing, but it was by no means friendly either and Inara tensed at the sound.

Refusing to let him strike out at her again, she backed away quickly, her arms falling slack to her sides. She shivered a bit as she realized she was now damp from holding his wet form. "I'll go." She didn't give him the chance to ask her to stay or tell her to go. In an instant, she was gone.

She fled so quickly she also didn't get a chance to see the look of pure regret that passed across Mal's face as he realized that this time he might have pushed her away for good.

-- --


	20. Chapter 20

-- --

Chapter 20

-- --

"She's going to fail us." Dresden voice left no room for argument and for the first time since meeting the prime minister, Beta was very glad at the amount of space that separated them. "You need to take control of the situation."

Nodding tersely, Beta told him, "We've been on her tail since she left Osiris. We're hitting full burn now. We should be to them in about two days."

Grimacing, Dresden bit out, "If you fail-"

Holding up a blue-gloved hand, the agent said, "You really don't need to remind me."

His grimace turning into a scowl, Dresden's beady eyes bored through the screen for a second more before he closed the connection. Rising swiftly, Beta was the across the room in an instant. "Take us to full burn," he barked through the ship's comm, getting a quick "Yes sir" from the bridge in reply.

This Tam girl was going to be the death of him. Why couldn't she just do what she'd been programmed to do and kill her brother and the rest of that pathetic excuse for a crew? It really shouldn't be that difficult – not for a finely-tuned weapon as her.

Of course, he knew why she resisted; she was still too human – she still cared. Cared for her brother and the captain and the rest of that motley bunch. Curling his lip in disgust, Beta wandered to the closest viewport, his arms across his chest as he studied the stars. Emotion was one construct of humanity that had become much too important in his estimation. And Blue Sun, his employer, felt the same way.

That's why every agent, like himself, like Omega had been stripped of any true emotion at the time of their birth. He was sure it was a fairly painful process and he was glad to not remember it. The lack of emotional turmoil had allowed him to do his job successfully and efficiently for almost fifteen years; there was nothing about feeling that he missed.

River had been an experiment in swinging the other way; she had been the guinea pig in a test to see if fueling emotion with a never-ending stream of combustible gases would make living killers better, stronger, more fierce. The surgeries and training, the sensory deprivation and isolation – all tactics meant to reduce the young students, students like River to their basest elements: anger, fear, pain, love, jealousy, need. The theory had been to take these base elements and couple with them the most primal need of all, survival.

She had been the first and most promising and she had been stolen before the real work had been completed. That was a failure that Beta could not tolerate. The fact that her brother, a doctor of all things, had managed to infiltrate the highest levels of government and Blue Sun-designed security, and keep them safe for almost a year and a half, worked Beta into the most frenzied state he ever experienced.

As it was right now. River Tam's continued existence was a black mark on the organization and government to which Beta had long ago pledged his life. And if she refused to make good on her duty to validate all his superiors had strived to uncover, than Beta would simply end her and the ridiculous hope that surrounded her.

-- --

Mal moved with heavy steps up the stairs to the second floor landing. He wasn't exactly sure what had propelled him out of the chair downstairs. Probably the fact that the fire Inara had started had finally died and he'd once again been freezing.

Inara … with a heavy sigh, Mal closed his eyes and tried to banish the image of her concern from his mind. She didn't belong here, with him, hiding and suffering while he lashed out at any living person so he could forget for seconds at a time that his best friend was dead. He had hoped that Inara would realize he wasn't worth it after his tirade on board the transport. He had hoped that as soon as they'd landed on St. Albans she would have told him to have a nice life and lit out so fast the snow would have melted in her wake. But no, instead, she'd stayed … with him and Mal realized he wouldn't have the strength to try and push her away again.

He should, of course, it was his duty as captain to be the one who made the biggest sacrifices. And there was no greater sacrifice in Mal's mind than pushing Inara away so far she would curse him until the day he died. It was selfish, to want her with him, just as it was equally selfish to want her gone. He wanted her off his boat and out of his life so that he wouldn't have to shoulder the responsibility of keeping her safe; he didn't want the anxiety of fearing for her life day in and day out if she was around him.

With another deep sigh, Mal forced himself to keep walking, looking for an empty bedroom and a place to crash. He was bone weary and still cold and at the moment all he wanted was the blissful peace of sleep.

Plodding into the first open room he came across, Mal slumped down on the bed, shrugging out of his wet jacket. He hadn't bothered to put his boots back on since Inara had removed them, but he had replaced his damp socks. It was just too gorram cold to walk around without them. Colder now than before, he rose slowly, heading for the empty hearth and jumped.

"Ai ya!" Taking a moment for his heart rate to return to normal, Mal blinked quickly at the dark form curled into the corner. "Albatross, you scared me half to death," he scolded, his tone more surprised than angry.

When she did not look at him or acknowledge his presence, Mal felt his consistent anxiety spike a bit. Moving towards her slowly, he knelt beside her and placed a light hand to the top of her head. "Lil'one?" he called softly. This close to her, he could feel her shaking from the cold and he suspected she was also crying. "River, what's the matter?"

Sniffling, River wiped her nose along her bare arm and brought her round brown eyes to Mal's face. Through his almost permanent sadness, she could feel his concern for her and while River was close to despair, knowing that someone was worried for her brought a bit of hope to her dark and damaged heart.

"Pain." She squeezed the word out through clenched teeth before a few more tears fell, these one silent. Staring at him intently, she waited for Mal to say something, to do something. She guessed he would either rage at her or leave her be.

But he did neither and River didn't realize until his arms closed around her how grateful she was for the comfort. "There's lots o' that goin' 'round, lil' one," Mal murmured, squeezing the trembling girl to him. She wasn't much warmer than himself, but Mal didn't want to let her go in order to find her a blanket. Instead, he held her close and asked, "You all right?"

When she did not answer right away, he clarified. "Where were you? All them weeks, we din't know." Pulling back from her slightly, Mal studied her tortured gaze, his breath catching in his throat as he saw more emotion swirl in her eyes. Resting a hand to her cool, pale cheek he asked softly, "Did they hurt ya?"

Nodding once, River stifled another sob and then clutched at his shirt front. Turning pleading eyes to him, she whispered urgently, "I don't want to talk about it. Please don't make me."

"I won't," Mal assured, again holding her close. "I won't."

As River continued to shake with the weight of her emotions, Mal did his best to soothe her. He felt guilt of course, for allowing her to be taken, but he felt even worse that in the few hours she'd been back he'd been so consumed with his own pain he hadn't bothered to tell her how good it was to see her.

River kept her arms firmly locked around his neck, her face buried against his shoulder. She could feel the pull of anger and violence burning through her, that was why she'd been hiding. She'd been trying to avoid it, but River knew with an uncanny intuition that there would eventually be no escaping anything. One could not escape one's own destiny and River had just remembered hers.

To kill. The dream had been violent and real, releasing bits and pieces of her memories from the past month when Adamson had again broken her down into nothing and built her back into an assassin. She didn't want to do it; she didn't want to kill her brother or her crew, her family, but River feared the choice would not be hers.

She knew she should tell them, warn them that she might snap so they could take precautions, but Simon still needed her. His pain was a bit eased, her own mental capacity stretched to the limit as she tried to maintain his barriers and stifle her own anguish. But it was the least she could do; Simon had forgone his own life for years in an effort to first rescue and then heal her. River reasoned that a bit of struggle now to ensure that her brother's life was everything it should be later was worth it.

As the minutes passed, River felt a tiny bit of comfort from Mal's closeness. He was, after all, her surrogate father, and while the pain and grief he felt were overwhelming to her, his love and compassion were just as strong. He simply was trying to convince himself that the latter two didn't exist.

Feeling River shift against him, Mal finally pulled back and held her gaze. "How about some sleep?" he asked softly, waiting for her nod of consent, before he scooped her small, frail form into his arms and tucked her in.

Once she was well under the covers, Mal hurried to build a fire, waiting for a few minutes to be sure it was burning strong. Back at her side, he took one pale hand in his own and asked, "You gonna be all right?"

River nodded once, her wide eyes never leaving his face. Holding her gaze for a moment more, Mal leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead, before rising. "Sleep tight, River," he murmured, heading for the door.

As he took one step back into the hallway, she called to him, "Go to her."

Pausing, Mal released a heavy sigh, his shoulders falling. He knew exactly what River was talking about although his first defense was to feign ignorance. Instead, he turned back to River, leaning against the jamb and admitted softly, "She don't wanna see me."

Frowning, River propped herself up on one elbow and told him, "That's not true. You don't want to see _her,_ because then you'll remember and you'll be scared."

Not for the first time uncomfortable with the amount of insight River possessed regarding his thoughts, Mal said, "Damn right I'm scared. She stays with me she'll get dead. Jus' like-" Stopping in mid-rant, Mal pursed his lips together, his eyes burning with frustration as the unfairness of it all came raging to the forefront of his mind.

Regarding him with her most open gaze, River shrugged lightly and said, "She'll die one day anyway." As Mal's eyes widened with horror, River held up a hand and explained, "Not predicting, just stating a fact." Waiting for a bit of his fear to recede, she finally added, "But if she's with you when that happens, there won't be any regrets." Mal's eyes widened imperceptibly at this statement and River told him, "Just like Zoe. No regrets."

Blinking quickly as his eyes stung with emotion, Mal backed up and into the hallway, turning to grasp at the railing. He suddenly felt as if his legs could no longer support him. River was right, of course, she normally was. The pain of losing Inara was nothing compared to the pain of actually letting her go, of pushing her away so violently he'd never have any chance to love her again. This past week had proven that in startling detail. It hurt, physically, every time he saw Inara's face. Hurt like a stab wound to the heart, because all he could see when he looked at her was the anger and pain on her face as he'd said those awful things. Hurt because he knew all she'd been trying to do was help him, love him and like an idiot he'd pushed her away, griping and grumbling about his guilt and grief.

He had thought – no, actually he had foolishly hoped – that if he tried to hate her, tried to think of her as nothing more than a whore, it wouldn't hurt when she walked away. But that wasn't and never would be true; it would simply hurt more because he would always know the role he played in letting her go and he would always remember the hurt he'd caused the one woman in the 'verse he never wanted to injure.

"Mal?"

Turning sharply at the sound of her voice, Mal met Inara's concerned gaze as she stood in the doorway to her own room just a few feet away. She had pulled on a warm terrycloth robe and she hugged it tightly to herself now, shivering in the cold night air. Her hair was undone, hanging loosely about her face in soft curls and her face was devoid of makeup. She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever known.

"Are you all right?" she asked softly, taking a tentative step in his direction. "I thought I heard you talking with someone."

He nodded once, swallowing thickly. Glancing back toward the room where he'd left River, he noticed the door was shut and actually smiled softly. Leave it to Albatross to play matchmaker.

"I was gettin' River to bed," he explained, taking a step towards her. "She was a bit tweaked 'bout somethin'."

Her eyes clouding with concern, Inara asked, "Is she all right?"

Mal answered her as he took another step in her direction, painfully aware that she had stopped approaching him as soon as he had started to walk towards her. Uncertain whether or not to take that as a bad sign, he had decided to just keep moving forward. "I think she will be. Seems a mite tired."

Rolling her eyes, Inara murmured softly, "Aren't we all?" Dropping her chin to her chest, she rubbed the back of her neck softly, trying to ease some of the tension that had pooled there. Releasing a soft sigh, she brought her eyes back up and inhaled sharply as she realized that Mal was now only a hands-breadth away from her.

Her skin tingling at his nearness, Inara bit her lip in anticipation as one of his hands rose slowly towards her face and rested there, the pad of his thumb rubbing gently across her cheek bone. Her eyes locked onto his, Inara focused all her attention there as his other hand rested against her cheek and he took one more step forward, closing the distance between them.

Releasing a big sigh, he leaned his forehead against hers and murmured, "Thank the gods you didn't run."

Resting her hands over his, Inara told him, "I've never had any intention of running, Mal." As he leaned back to lock his blue eyes back on her face, she smirked slightly and said, "No matter how badly you tried to make me."

With a horrified look crossing his features, Mal told her urgently, "I'm sorry 'bout what I said, 'Nara. It was wrong." Swallowing thickly past the lump rising in her throat, Inara opened her mouth to speak, but Mal pressed a finger to her lips. "Let me jus' say this, okay?"

She nodded once and he continued. "I din't ever think Zoe was gonna die. I know that's foolish, but after all we'd been through together I figured we was both pretty indestructible." Inara smiled softly at him, her hand moving from his to comb through the hair at the base of his neck. "An' when she … when she died," he choked out, swallowing hard in order to keep going, "All I could think was that it was my fault an' that you'd be next."

"Mal," Inara breathed, stepping closer to him still, their bodies pressing into one another. "I'm not going to die. And if I did, it wouldn't be your fault."

Frowning at her, Mal said, "Yeah, it would. I'm the cap'n an' that means the safety o' my crew is no one else's responsibility but my own."

"But I'm not on your crew," Inara teased lightly, hoping the memory might alleviate the tension she could feel radiating off of him.

"No, ya ain't," he admitted, a bit too readily for her liking. As her brow furrowed in confusion, he explained, "But you are in my heart an' that means that losin' you is somethin' I ain't rightly sure I could survive."

Inara didn't need to hear anymore. Pushing herself onto her tiptoes, she pressed her mouth hungrily over his, both of her arms snaking around his neck and pulling him tight against her. Mal returned her passion with his own, his hands running down her back and resting against her hips, holding her so tightly she knew he would leave a mark, but she didn't care. She needed him, needed his closeness and his touch like she needed air.

The kiss deepening as their tongues met and tangled, Mal backed Inara up slowly towards her room, the two of them making it inside and to the bed in minutes. Forced to part for air, Mal buried his face into the crook of her neck and held her tightly, feeling unbelievably safe and warm in her embrace.

Inara held him back, knowing that since Zoe's death he'd gotten little rest. She wanted to make love to him, wanted to feel his passion for her and hers for him, but she couldn't ask. She would make no demands on Mal, not now, not when his pain was running so close to the surface.

Moving her mouth to his ear, she whispered to him, "Let's go to bed, okay?"

He nodded silently, but did not speak, stepping away from her reluctantly. Moving to shrug out of his clothes, Inara aided him, noting the weariness with which he moved. He did not even protest as she helped to undress him and Inara realized in that moment how truly lost Mal was. Her heart swelling with more love and concern for him, she stripped him down to his boxers and then gently helped him get under the covers, moving to stoke the fire once more before laying down beside him.

As she crawled into bed, he moved towards her instantly, wrapping his arm around her waist, his head resting against her chest and listening to the steady sound of her heartbeat. With a heavy sigh, Inara felt him finally relax, the tension in his shoulders easing a bit as she ran a light hand through his hair and down his arm. Pressing a kiss to his forehead, she murmured, "Just sleep ai ren."

Mal did not speak, but was soon sleeping peacefully and Inara felt a wave of relief wash over her before she joined him in slumber.

-- --

Kaylee awoke slowly, her eyes protesting the light that streamed through the windows, momentarily blinding her. With a yawn, she blinked them open, her face bathed in the light of the sun shining brightly off the snow outside.

With a sigh of content, she rolled over to nestle herself against Simon's side and suddenly realized she was alone. Fear gripping her heart as she sat up swiftly her eyes searching the room for him, Kaylee was pushing the blankets away and moving to stand as the door opened and he returned, a tray of food balanced on his arm.

"Good morning," he said, his voice light and free of the tension that had been plaguing him for almost three months.

Eyeing him suspiciously, Kaylee watched as he moved to her side, placing the tray in her lap and kissing her lightly. "Mornin'," she said quietly, her green eyes studying him intently as he rounded the bed and gladly crawled back under the covers.

"Brrr," he murmured, reaching for a piece of toast from the tray and taking a bite. "It's freezing."

As he chewed, Kaylee could only stare, her mind having a very difficult time reconciling this apparently happy-go-lucky Simon with the tormented one from only ten hours before. Noting her concern, he swallowed thickly and asked, "What?"

"You okay?" she questioned, placing the food between them and shifting to face him. "You seem, I don't know, kinda-"

"Normal," Simon offered, smiling wide.

Shrugging, Kaylee's cheeks flushed at the comment, ashamed to admit, even to herself that that had been her impression. "I guess I'm jus' a bit surprised, is all."

Giving her a warm grin, he told her, "I was actually able to sleep last night. It really helped."

She still didn't seem all that convinced and Simon scrambled for a way to ease her trepidation. Leaning forward he pressed a kiss to her mouth, not at all surprised when she returned the contact hungrily. She missed him, just as much as he missed her, and it felt good to be in control, to be and act normal, like the man she'd fallen in love with; not the crazy loon who couldn't piece together more than a sentence at a time.

Panting slightly as they parted for air, Simon met her twinkling eyes with another big smile and then told her, "Eat up. I know you didn't get dinner last night."

Her eyes lighting further at the sight of all the food, Kaylee reached for a muffin and took a bite, settling back into the warm blankets and resting against Simon's side. He was glad she was no longer facing him; he knew that the longer she did, that the longer he was scrutinized under her beautiful, green-eyed gaze, the more chance he had at telling her the truth. Telling her the real reason why he was acting as a normal person.

He didn't have too many medicines at his disposal as his full drug cabinet was back on Serenity. But his medkit had enough, including some of the residual cocktails he'd developed for River in the last few months of her insanity. Waking again in the early morning hours with his mind and heart raging under the weight and confusion of more emotions he could not control, Simon had downed one of these mixtures and within the hour had felt the change. He'd become calm once more, able to think and feel clearly, able to get out of bed and cook breakfast. He'd felt sane.

Of course, he also felt a bit of guilt; he knew ethically speaking it was wrong to self-medicate and even worse to hide it from Kaylee, but at this very moment, he didn't care. All he cared about was getting his life back, and for the first time in months, he finally felt like he had.

Kaylee was still staring out the window as Simon ruminated and it was her voice that drew him from his thoughts. "Think we can go out today? Build a snowman?"

Simon smiled slyly at her, moving the tray from between them. Pulling the remains of her muffin from her hand, Kaylee turned a quizzical look to him and then allowed her mouth to turn up into her own smile as she recognized the look on his face. Edging closer to her, Simon brought his lips to her neck and murmured, "I was actually thinking that we might stay in."

Shivering slightly from the feeling of his tongue against her skin, Kaylee leaned into the touch and said, "Oh really." As he nodded, his mouth still on her neck, his hand trailing up and over her chest to cradle one of her breasts in his hands, she asked breathlessly, "What're we gonna do all day? I'd hate to be bored."

Flashing her a look of mock hurt, Simon raised his eyes to her face and brought his mouth to within an inch of hers. "Trust me, you won't be bored," he whispered, his breath warm against her lips before he covered her mouth with his own, his hand cradling the back of her head as he deepened the kiss.

Sighing against him, Kaylee wiggled down beneath the covers, pulling Simon on top of her, quickly lost in the closeness of him and his touch.

-- --

_Everything was red, his vision, his hands, his arms. The floor beneath his feet was slick with it and Simon's stomach turned as he realized it was blood – his blood and Kaylee's, Mal's, Inara's and Jayne's._

"_Mei mei, don't do this."_

"_Gorram moonbrain! I tol' ya she was a killer-woman!"_

"_River, please, you know this ain't you."_

"_Albatross, listen to me, dong ma?"_

_River stared them down, her eyes narrowed to slits as she watched them convulse with fear. They were screaming, crying, clutching one another, doing everything in their power to escape her, but with a certainty born of government brainwashing, River knew all of their attempts to survive her were useless._

_Chest heaving with panic, Simon's eyes roamed the room frantically, his hand gripping the gushing wound on his neck. Pulling away a bloody hand, he gasped audibly as his eyes set on River, scythes in her blood-stained hands plunging a sharp blade into Kaylee's gut._

"No!"

With simultaneous cries Simon and River awoke on opposite sides of the house, waking the rest of the crew as well. Panting and trembling, Simon felt all the fear and panic from his dream swirling through his mind, the drugs having warn off while he slept in Kaylee's embrace. She was awake as well, her hands running soothingly through his hair as he once again hyperventilated, unable to slow his heart rate or banish the images from his dream.

River stumbled into their room, breathless, rushing to Simon's side and sinking onto the bed beside him. Taking his face in her hands, she kept murmuring over and over again, "I wouldn't, I swear. I won't do it."

Not particularly surprised by River's sudden appearance, Kaylee sat up as the siblings shared a moment, reaching for her robe at the end of the bed and shrugging it on, guessing that the rest of the crew would not be far behind. And she was right.

Moments later, Mal, Inara and Jayne arrived, the three of them completely baffled by their comrades' behavior. With a worried gaze and a frightful expression, Kaylee turned to regard them and then slowly looked back to Simon. He had calmed somewhat in River's presence and with an effort he turned his face to look at her.

Leaning towards him, Kaylee pressed a kiss to his sweat-soaked skin and said, "We gotta tell 'em."

Swallowing hard, he nodded once and whispered, "I know."

-- --

Twenty minutes later they were all gathered in one of the parlors, a fire roaring in the hearth and filling the room with its warmth. Each of them held a mug of some hot beverage in their hand, Inara and River drinking tea, while Mal and Jayne drank coffee and Simon and Kaylee drank hot chocolate. Simon's expression was distant and far away and Kaylee sat as close to him as possible, one hand wrapped around her mug and the other wrapped tightly around one of his.

While it was obvious no one wanted to be the first to speak, Mal was quickly losing patience with all of them. They'd all been through hell, that much was true, but they needed to start acting like a crew, a family again. And he knew their distance from each other right now was as much his fault as anyone else's. And so, he was going to fix it.

"Doc." Getting Simon's attention, Mal took care to really study Simon's blue eyes as they lifted slowly to alight on his face. The boy looked more defeated and lost than he'd ever seen and it took Mal by surprise. Sparing a glance to Kaylee, the captain quickly realized that whatever was happening his mechanic was fully aware of it and completely scared. Looking back to Simon, he asked, "You wanna to tell us what's goin' on?"

Sighing, Simon closed his eyes for a moment. With River and Kaylee both so close, he was feeling a bit clearer than he had for a while, even without the drugs. Reopening his eyes, he looked to Kaylee who smiled at him warmly, as she always did and scooted a bit closer, squeezing his hand reassuringly. Smiling back to her slightly, Simon addressed the rest of the room as he said, "I haven't been feeling well these past couple of months."

"Well that's pretty plain," Jayne snorted, hiding a smirk behind his mug as he took a sip. "You look like hell."

Frowning at the man, Kaylee bit out, "Shut it, Jayne. Simon's got somethin' important to say."

"Don't he always," Jayne muttered sarcastically, getting another angry look from both Kaylee and River. Grumbling, he grew quiet, trying to ignore the look of annoyance Mal and Inara were also favoring him with.

"What's wrong, Simon?" Inara asked quietly from her place at Mal's side. They weren't quite as close as the doctor and Kaylee, but there was definitely a level of intimacy between them that had been missing their last few days on board the transport and subconsciously it set everyone at ease. "Are you sick?"

Shrugging lightly, Simon said, "Not really, I suppose." Glancing to his sister, he asked quietly, "What do you say, mei mei? Am I sick?"

Shaking her head, River smiled softly and told him, "Not sick. Just more than healthy."

"What in the good gorram is goin' on?" Mal was done watching them dance around the issue at hand. He wanted to know what had half his crew waking up screaming and walking on egg shells.

Noting the captain's irritation and even more importantly, feeling it, Simon winced and told him, "Would you mind dialing back your annoyance with me, Captain?" As the man's eyes widened at Simon's request, the doctor continued, "It's a bit painful."

"Simon what is goin' on with you?" Mal questioned, doing his best to temper his mood.

Smiling wryly, the younger man finally admitted, "Apparently, River isn't the only person in my family with unique abilities."

Straightening up quickly, Jayne spat out the last sip of coffee he'd taken, wetting his shirt front. Eyes wide as they darted between Simon and his crazy sister, he shouted, "You're as nutty as she is, ain't ya?" Turning a smug look in Mal's direction, he said triumphantly, "See? I told ya."

"Jayne would you for once shut your yap!" This outburst, from Kaylee of all people, startled everyone. Rising swiftly, the younger woman's body heaved with emotion as she stared down the big merc until he dropped her gaze, sinking back in his chair. Satisfied that she'd at least shut him up for the time being, Kaylee's eyes moved to first Inara and then finally came to rest on the captain. "This has been jus' about the scariest an' hardest thing for Simon to go through." Throwing another glare in Jayne's direction, she said, "It ain't a joke."

"No one's sayin' it is, lil' Kaylee," Mal said, trying to soothe her frayed nerves. As she raised her eyebrows to him skeptically, Mal amended, "No one but Jayne is sayin' it is. We know that this has gotta be mighty hard. All we want is some answers."

Kaylee was still mad, they could all see it, but as soon as Simon's hand closed around her wrist, her anger faded, replaced with concern and love as she turned back to regard him. Tugging gently on her hand, he pulled her beside him and whispered, "It's all right, Kaylee. You don't have to defend me."

Pained eyes studying his face, she answered in the same voice, "I know you din't wanna tell 'em an' I don't want nobody makin' ya feel worse than you already do." Resting a hand against his cheek, she added, "I am so proud o' you for bein' so honest."

Simon swallowed hard at this comment, pulling her into a tight hug so she would not see the shame that colored his gaze. Pulling away from her, he looked back to his sister, instantly regretting it. He could see her suspicious look and knew that she had picked up on his remorse; she probably even knew about the drugs. Shaking the thought away as he knew it was not the most important thing at the moment, Simon looked back to the captain and said, "I wasn't sure myself of what was happening until just a few days ago. It appears that I'm slightly telepathic."

"You can move things with yer mind?" Jayne questioned in awe, his eyes widening even further as the implications of the doc's hidden talent hit home.

As all of them turned disbelieving gazes to him, Simon did his best to stifle a chuckle. "No, Jayne, not telekinetic. Tele_pathic_, it means that I can feel strong emotions from other people."

"But you're not a reader?" Inara asked, doing her best to process everything calmly.

Shaking his head once, Simon clarified, "No, I'm not a reader or a psychic. I can't predict things, I can just feel them when they happen."

Hanging his head, Mal realized just how awful the transport ride from Londinium to St. Albans must have been for the younger man. Not only had he had to deal with Inara, Jayne and Kaylee's grief, he'd also had to filter out Mal's pain, anger and guilt, three emotions that had been hard for Mal himself to deal with and he was nowhere near as sensitive as it appeared Simon was.

"You didn't know, Mal," Simon said quietly, getting the other man to again look at him. "You couldn't have known. I didn't want you to. It's not your fault." Simon's eyes roamed the room and he told them, "It's not anyone's fault that I've been a bit unstable these past months. It's just my mind adjusting to this newfound ability."

Silence descended upon the room as they all tried hard to digest this latest revelation. It seemed completely unbelievable and if the six of them had not been living with River for the past year, they probably would have dismissed Simon's assertion as delusional and gone about their business. But they couldn't, not after all they'd seen and all they'd experienced together.

"Why now?" Inara's voice broke the quiet. Looking to Simon intently, she asked again, "Isn't it strange that this should be happening to you now?"

Looking to his sister for help, River smiled slightly to Simon before addressing the room. "It's kind of a long story," she began. As the rest of them looked to her disbelieving, she added, "Let's just say it has to do with my father and Simon as a young boy. Will that do?"

"For now," Mal muttered, fixing her with a look that conveyed his skepticism of that vague explanation.

"This is why you tried to choke lil' Kaylee," Jayne blurted out, his eyes widening as recognition came. Of course, once again, there he was, shooting his mouth off and saying nothing to aid anyone in understanding.

Wide eyes snapping to Simon's face from both Mal and Inara, Mal bit out, "You did what?"

"It was nothin', cap," Kaylee hastened to explain, sitting closer to Simon and wrapping her arm in his. "He was just a mite confused is all. He didn't know what he was doin'."

Not entirely convinced, Mal looked back to Jayne and asked, "You knew about this?" When the bigger man nodded once, the captain questioned angrily, "An' you didn't say nothin'?"

Raising his hands in a gesture of surrender, Jayne told him, "I ain't stupid enough to try an' get 'tween Kaylee an' her man. She said she was fine so's I took her at her word."

Muttering a curse under his breath, Mal risked a look to Inara, guessing by the wideness of her eyes that this was news to her as well. "Kaylee," Mal began slowly, looking back to his mei mei and not at all surprised to find her face set into a look of grim determination.

"Simon needs me, cap," Kaylee told him firmly. "So whatever you're thinkin' o' sayin', save it."

About to counter with another argument, River spoke up, causing the entire room to tense with silence once again. "It was my fault."

Five sets of eyes shifted to her and River felt the intensity of their stares and their confusion. Glancing to Simon, she smiled weakly and said, "Sorry, ge ge."

Returning her small smile, Simon reached out and squeezed her hand reassuringly. There was so much he could feel coming off of her, even though she was doing her best to shut it out, to protect him. Although, the longer he held her gaze the more convinced Simon became that she was the one who needed his protection once again.

Pulling her eyes from his reluctantly, River fixed them back on Mal and told him, "The Alliance took me back to Osiris. They took me back to the Academy. That's where I was, while you were on Londinium."

This admission caused a collective gasp to echo through the room. Both Inara and Kaylee covered their mouths with their hands as River's words registered, while Jayne simply muttered a violent curse and Mal continued to stare at the young girl before him. Simon's eyes were clouded with pain and concern for his mei mei. He could tell that whatever had happened at the Academy this time around had been bad – it was always bad – but there was something else, something River was valiantly trying not to remember and he feared whatever it was, almost as much as he feared what had been done to her.

"They took me back there because they wanted to …" River's voice faltered. She knew she should tell them about Adamson's desire to reprogram her, to build in a new trigger that would cause her to turn into a weapon and kill the crew. But one look to Simon and she knew she couldn't do it. He was barely hanging on, she could feel that, could feel his pain and his fear. And she knew what he'd done. River knew he'd downed drugs that morning and it scared her to think that her brother, the doctor, was desperate enough to try anything to quiet his mind.

Forcing her gaze back across the room and to Mal, she said, "They were trying to build in a new trigger. They put me under, injected more drugs, ran more tests. I was in a lot of pain, physical and emotional and Simon picked up on it." Smiling weakly to her brother and then glancing to Kaylee she murmured, "Sorry."

"You don't gotta be sorry, River," Kaylee assured, rising swiftly and hugging the girl. "We're all gonna be okay."

River nodded once, meeting Simon's gaze over Kaylee's shoulder. She knew he didn't subscribe to the mechanic's optimistic view, knew that he feared things were actually only going to get worse, but he refused to admit it. He refused to drag Kaylee any further into what he considered his mess of a mind.

"Why?" Mal's question focused all the attention to him and only after Kaylee had pulled away and resumed her seat beside Simon did River look to him. "What were they tryin' to get ya to do?"

Shrugging, River lied. "I'm not sure."

A tense silence wound around them, causing each crew member to breathe deeply. Mal didn't believe River, that much was plain. She knew more than she was letting on, but he also knew that if she'd decided to keep it from them, there wasn't much he could do to wheedle it out of her.

Frowning fiercely in her direction, he was about to say something else when Inara interrupted. "With all due respect, River's time at the Academy may not be our biggest problem." As the focus turned to her, she swallowed thickly and looked to Mal. "You were hours away from execution and we freed you. Something tells me that a man like Dresden isn't going to just let that go."

Dropping his chin to his chest, Mal let out a big sigh. "You think he's gonna come after us?"

"I don't see why he wouldn't," Inara admitted, reaching out a hand and placing it against his arm. "He was able to capture you before. And he's seemed fairly adamant about making you pay." As the rest of them allowed this information to sink in, Inara added, "When I was at his estate, for the party, all the politicians were pretty much in agreement. They felt that if they discredited you and the rest of us, then the Miranda incident would just fade away. No one would take it seriously."

"That ain't right," Jayne bit out, surprising them all. "Them people on Miranda, they deserve to be taken serious. An' people need to know that it's their right an' shiny government that made the Reavers."

"No one's disagreein' with that, Jayne," Mal reminded him, turning his hollow eyes to the bigger man. "The question is, how do we make sure that happens?"

More silence and more tension; no one wanted to admit defeat. No one wanted to admit that they had no resources, no allies and no money; that they were hiding from a very powerful enemy who could quite easily demolish them with one swift stroke. But no one had a solution either and at the moment, none of them could tell which feeling was worse: helplessness or hopelessness.

"What happened to the recording?" Kaylee asked quietly, her gentle voice breaking the silence.

Furrowing his brow slightly, Mal told her, "I got it still." Watching Kaylee, he could see the wheels turning in her head, could see her puzzling something out behind those impossibly large eyes. "Why? What're ya thinkin' lil' Kaylee?"

Frowning slightly, Kaylee swallowed hard, pulling her gaze from the far off point she had focused on to look around the room. Suddenly feeling very nervous at all the extra attention, she sat forward and said, "I ain't rightly sure it's gonna work."

Smiling, Mal told her, "How 'bout you let us be the judge o' that?"

Returning his grin, Kaylee told him, "Dresden an' the rest o' them, they think they can control everythin', that they can squash the Miranda info."

"Yeah," Mal said slowly. "That's what we're sayin'."

"But why?" she asked him, her eyes growing wide as they searched for an answer. "Somethin' awful like that, it shouldn't be so easy to dismiss." When no one had an answer, Kaylee continued. "Seems to me that if'n more people knew about it, it'd be damn near impossible to dismiss, actually."

Whistling softly between his teeth, Mal sat back in his chair, surprise and pride welling in at him Kaylee's line of thinking. "You wanna re-broadcast it?"

Nodding once, his mechanic said, "Seems to me the more people know, the more allies we might get." Casting a gaze to Simon and then to River, she smiled slightly and looked back to Mal. "An' I'm thinkin' we could use all the help we can get right now."

Chuckling lightly, Mal stood up abruptly and moved to Kaylee, pulling her up from her seat and into a giant bear hug. "You are a marvel, mei mei," he whispered to her, squeezing her tight.

She held him back, a bit surprised by his overt show of affection, especially in light of the last few days. Describing his mood as despondent seemed awfully generous.

"But how are we going to broadcast it?" Inara asked, agreeing with the idea in theory, but having no idea how it could be executed. "Mr. Universe's complex was destroyed. Where are we going to find that kind of broadcast capability?"

"I know," River said quietly, her brown eyes distant as her mind sifted through buried data. "There's a place. An Alliance facility that has everything we need."

Turning a worried gaze to his sister, Simon reminded her, "Mei mei, we don't exactly have the manpower to occupy a government-run facility."

Frowning to him, River said, "I know that. It's abandoned." Looking to Mal, she said, "Remnant of the war. Needs some work though."

"I'm guessin' any work it'd need, lil' Kaylee can handle," Mal said confidently, getting a nod of affirmation from his genius mechanic.

"I'll do my best," she confirmed, smiling wide at the fact that she had helped to solve their problem.

"We're gonna have to get movin'," Mal informed them all, his eyes moving about the room to take in everyone's worried gazes. "The sooner the better, far as I'm concerned."

River rose and said, "The facilities are on Hera, short ride from here. Do you have the disk?"

Mal nodded reluctantly and tried to ignore the shocked expressions from everyone, especially Inara. "Yeah, I got it." Giving his girlfriend a sheepish grin, he admitted, "It's on 'Nara's shuttle."

"What?" The companion's eyes opened wide. "Where?"

"A secret place," Mal said cryptically, smiling at the scowl she favored him with. Glancing back to Kaylee and then to Simon, Mal asked, "You gonna be up for this doc?"

Smiling tightly, Simon rose and told him, "I should be, although right now, I'm pretty tired. I'm going to try and get some rest." Simon was out of the room before any of them could say another word. With a worried expression, Kaylee left to follow him, but River's hand to her arm stopped her.

"Let me," she told her friend quietly. With a reluctant nod, Kaylee watched her go.

"Mei mei." Mal's voice was gentle but insistent and with an effort, Kaylee refocused her gaze to him. "We need to talk this through. Make sure we got all you need. Can you do that?" he asked, gauging her reaction as he studied her closely.

With one of her big smiles plastered on her face, Kaylee did her best to bury her concern for Simon and nodded. "Course I can, cap." Pulling back from him, she clapped her hands together and said, "Let's work a plan."

-- --


	21. Chapter 21

-- --

Chapter 21

-- --

River found Simon in his room, hand cupped over his mouth. Frowning at him mightily, she shut the door quickly and scolded, "Don't, Simon."

Returning her frown, Simon removed his hand, the medication resting in his palm and reminded her, "I am a doctor, mei mei. I know what I'm doing."

Shaking her head, River moved towards him so quickly he barely had time to counter her motion. Swiping the pills from his hand, she told him, "You may be a doctor, but that's not what's driving your actions right now."

Angry, Simon crossed his arms over his chest and allowed his eyes to bore into her. She didn't flinch, which did not surprise him. "And what is driving me right now?" he challenged, reading her annoyance and concern for him.

Taking one step closer, River locked her big brown eyes on his blue ones and said simply, "Fear."

"Why shouldn't I be afraid?" Simon's question surprised even himself. Pacing away from her, he rounded the bed and stood before the fireplace, resting his hands on the mantle. Staring into the orange-red flames as they burned steadily, he added softly, "Of course I'm scared."

"But you don't have to be," River reminded him, going to his side. Placing a light hand to his shoulder she said, "I'm going to help you and so will Kaylee."

With a pained expression, Simon turned to her and said, "River, I cannot rely on you and Kaylee to keep my sane. _I_ have to do something." Pointing to her fisted hand where he knew the pills to be he said, "That's why I need to take those." Reaching for them, River jerked her hand away throwing the medicine into the fire and watching the capsules begin to melt.

"You don't need them, Simon." Her voice was calm, but firm and when Simon raised angry eyes to her face, he saw her patented grim determination staring back at him. "They won't help, they'll only hurt." Resting a hand to his cheek, she softened her gaze just a bit as she said, "They'll only make you weak."

Simon's heart beat sharply against his chest as he realized she was right. He knew, better than anyone, what medications could do to a person's natural defenses and instincts. He knew that even though he'd only taken smoothers a few times, he had already started down a dangerous path and the sooner he turned back the better off he would be. But that didn't change the fact that he was quickly spiraling back into a world of unbridled emotions and overwhelming feelings. A world within his own mind where nothing made sense and he was again insane.

"You're _not_ insane," River stated emphatically, getting him to again focus on her. "You just have to learn how to filter things out. How to make sense of the chaos." Smiling slightly to him, she said softly, "And I know you can do that."

With a heavy sigh, Simon walked away from her and sank into a rocking chair. Dropping his head into his hands, he breathed deeply for a few moments, trying to find some calm. Finally, he asked, "How?"

Regarding him for a moment, River waited until he had again looked to her before saying simply, "Trust."

Puzzled, and in no mood for games, Simon asked, "What?"

"You have to trust yourself and me and Kaylee that you can do this." River watched as he tried to digest this and felt his immediate rejection of the concept. Her poor brother; he had always been the protector, the strong one. Never before had he had to believe in others or trust others in this way – and the thought, coupled with all the craziness that was raging within him was enough to cause him to pull away violently.

Before he could retaliate, River knelt before him, resting her hands lightly on his knees. "I told you that Kaylee and I can help, but until you believe we can, it's not going to matter what we do."

His blue eyes, full of fear and skepticism pierced her heart and River wished she knew of an easier way to help him. "I can't ask the two of you to do this. I can't." Simon sank back in the chair with another sigh, his eyes drifting out the window to the snow-covered ground. It would be nighttime soon and the sun had started to set.

River allowed him a moment of quiet reflection, before she reminded him, "You didn't ask either one of us. Kaylee and I only want you to be well." Swallowing hard, she was not surprised that her words had no effect, but she knew her next statement would. "And if you don't trust Kaylee to help, you're going to lose her."

Snapping his eyes back to her face, Simon's hurt vanished in an instant to be replaced by more fear and a bit of anger. "What are you talking about?" he bit out, sitting forward and covering her hands with his own.

Smiling sadly to him, River said softly, "Nothing that you don't already know yourself." As his anger simmered below the surface, she continued. "Trust has never come easy to you, ge ge, and that's the truth." He didn't deny it; he couldn't. "And even though you love Kaylee, you don't trust her. And until you do, the two of you will never have a chance at a lasting relationship."

Snorting derisively, Simon rose abruptly, knocking River off balance. Catching herself, she moved to sit in the chair he'd vacated and watched as he paced the small room like a caged animal, his movements tense and sharp. His hands clenched and unclenched into fists at his sides as he moved back and forth. Not pausing, he asked her, "Since when have you become an expert on relationships?"

Taking no offense at his accusation or the implied insult, River told him, "Since I could read your mind and Kaylee's."

This made him stop. Turning to face her with wide eyes, River watched him try and calm himself, try to be open to what she had to say. He knew she was speaking the truth, that she was only being painfully honest with him because she loved him and wanted to help. But she had also been right before – his judgment had taken a serious beating in the past few months and he was finding it difficult to think with a level head.

"Kaylee trusts you, Simon," she told him firmly, watching him closely for each reaction. "And not just some of the time, all of the time. One hundred percent. She's trusted you since you saved her life and nothing you've done since has made that faith waver for even an instant."

Simon's chin dropped to his chest in shame. He knew River was right; part of Kaylee's charm was her ability to trust, her ability to see the good in just about every living person. And he knew that she loved him, he had been able to read that from her plainly and part of Kaylee loving someone meant she trusted them completely.

"But you don't trust her." River's words, spoken quietly, stung and Simon's eyes shot back to her face, his chest heaving as he knew she was right. "And that's not fair," she added softly, rising to stand before him.

With River's big brown eyes staring into his, Simon felt his breath catch in his throat. He didn't want to lose Kaylee, he loved her, more than his own life, but he also knew that he would if he couldn't extend to her the same faith she'd given him so freely.

Sighing softly, he asked his sister, "Do you have any idea how hard it is for me trust people? Like this?"

Smiling sadly to him, River rested a hand to his face and said, "Yes."

Returning her small smile, Simon took the hand she'd rested to his face and kissed it. "But I have to do it anyway, don't I?"

Her smile widening, she said, "If you want to get better, if you want to learn how to live with your gift." As Simon contemplated this statement, she added, "And if you truly want Kaylee in your life, than yes, you do."

Closing his eyes, he was instantly greeted by Kaylee's smiling face and the sight brought a smile to his own lips. "I do, I want that," he whispered, blinking his eyes open to meet his sister's open gaze.

Nodding once, River pressed a kiss to his cheek and skipped towards the door. "No time like the present," she sing-songed, swinging the door open to find Kaylee standing on the other side, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

Looking up sharply at being uncovered so unexpectedly, she gave both of them a sheepish grin and murmured, "I was jus' comin' to make sure everythin' was all right."

"Everything will be fine," River assured her, stepping forward and placing a kiss to Kaylee's cheek, before pulling the girl into the room and switching places with her.

Catching Simon's gaze over Kaylee's shoulder, River told him firmly, "Trust," before she swung the door shut and the two lovers were alone.

They stood in a tense silence for several moments. Kaylee didn't know why she felt so on edge, it was ridiculous really, especially after the day she and Simon had spent together. She'd lost track of how many times they'd made love, of how many times he'd held her close, of how many times she'd told him she loved him. Why was she nervous now?

Steeling herself to meet his gaze, she realized why in an instant. The confidence and normalcy she'd seen in his eyes just a few hours ago was gone now, replaced by the fear and agitation that she'd witnessed over the past months. Couple it with Simon waking up screaming and Kaylee found herself standing on the precipice of anxiety and fear for her bao bei.

Taking a tentative step forward, she asked softly, "You okay?"

Nodding once, Simon moved towards her and took her in his arms. He could feel her hesitation and he wanted to end it, if he could. Once he'd wrapped his arms around her and he felt Kaylee sigh with content against him, a small smile graced his features. Maybe he could do this after all.

"Are you?" he murmured, his lips against her forehead.

Nodding, she told him, "Righ' an' shiny."

Silence again filled the room and Simon could sense Kaylee's mounting anxiety. Leaning back from her slightly, he said, "Thanks for sticking by me through all of this. I know it's been really hard."

Smiling sweetly to him, Kaylee told him, "I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else than right here with you."

Her words, while meant to ease his spirit, only caused more guilt to well in his chest. His sister was right, as she usually was, Kaylee did trust him completely and he was being grossly unfair to her by not returning that faith. Watching as his face clouded with some dark emotion she could not identify, Kaylee asked him, "What was you an' River talkin' 'bout?"

Sighing softly, Simon took Kaylee's hand in his own and drew her towards the bed. Once they were both seated, knees turned towards each other, their hands still intertwined, he looked into her deep green eyes and said truthfully, "You."

A bit surprised, Kaylee breathed, "Why? Did I do somethin' wrong?"

"No, bao bei," Simon assured quickly, moving his hand to her face. "No, you've done everything right. I'm the one who's been wrong."

Frowning, Kaylee protested, "Simon, don't talk like that. You been goin' through a lot. Ain't nothin' wrong with that."

Shaking his head, Simon said firmly, "Yes, there is. Because I could be getting better, but instead I'm standing in my own way. And that's not fair to you or to us."

Her brow furrowing with confusion and concern, Kaylee's heartbeat sped up a bit as she asked, "What'd ya mean?"

Realizing that he was only making matters worse, Simon decided to try a different tactic. Taking both of her hands in his, he asked softly, "Kaylee, do you remember when River and I told you that story about my father? About his reaction to my telepathy when I was little?"

She nodded once, biting her lower lip in anticipation of where exactly this was going. Hoping to ease her fear quickly, Simon continued. "Well, in that moment, when he hit me, I realized something pretty profound for a seven-year-old." Swallowing thickly, Simon forced the words from his mouth. "I realized that I couldn't trust myself, my emotions or thoughts or feelings. And so I stopped trusting all together."

Kaylee breathed in quickly, her eyes widening at his admission, but Simon forged ahead knowing there was a good chance he'd lose his nerve if he stopped for even a second. "I think that's one of the reasons why I clung so possessively to my studies and medicine. Especially medicine; it was very factual, empirically-based. No conclusion was based on heresay, it was based on evidence, and I knew that I could trust the facts. Emotion, instinct, intuition – those were the things I rejected."

Pulling one of her hands from his, Kaylee rested it to his face and caressed his cheek gently. "Simon, you was scared an' so little. O' course you din't know what to think."

"Yes, that's true," he told her, locking his blue eyes on hers; even her gaze was trusting and Simon again marveled at it. "But the older I got, the more closed off I became." Swallowing hard again, he drew his eyes from her and found them focusing on the fire. The flames were dying, the embers really all that still glowed hot. Transfixed by the slow-burning wood, his mind was lost in the past, lost in all he had forgone in his youth and young adulthood by believing in nothing more than cold, hard evidence. He had been so foolish.

"But ya ain't now." Kaylee's soft, hopeful voice pulled his eyes back to her and he could only smile at the sight of her. "You're trustin' an' lovin' an' honorable. You got past it."

With a heavy sigh, Simon told her, "Kaylee, I love that you only see the good in people, especially me, but the truth is, I'm not past it. And I should be – I've lost so much because I refused to believe in myself and others around me." His eyes again focusing on a point Kaylee could not see, he said softly, "I lost River that way."

"What?" Kaylee's face colored instantly with confusion. Running her hand lightly through his soft hair, she waited for him to explain.

With sad and tired eyes, he told her, "I knew, almost the minute she went to that place, that something was wrong. That she didn't belong there. But I didn't say anything. I kept my mouth shut and waited three years until she finally begged me for help." Trying hard to bury the pain of his failure, he added in a whisper, "And by that time, I was too late to really help her."

"Simon," Kaylee breathed, hating the guilty tone in his voice. She reached for him again, to bring him closer, but he pulled back swiftly, rising away from her and pacing across the room. She let him go, noting the tension that had formed in his shoulders and back and she realized that there was more.

Simon had tried hard for years to not remember these instances, these small moments of his life when he had overlooked his intuition and later regretted it. But now, they all came roaring to the surface and he knew why. They were as much a part of his emotional makeup as anything else, and if he was to truly find a way through this new gift, he would have to share the guilt he felt with someone. He would have to trust Kaylee enough to believe she would not abandon him. He owed her that.

"There was another time on Osiris. I was a first-year resident and I'd scrubbed in on a fairly complicated surgery." He again found himself standing before one of the room's windows. Night had fallen and the snowy ground below looked like a blanket of diamonds as the full moon shined upon it. "The attending doctor left me in charge of the patient's care all night, left me with a list of instructions and medications." Sighing, he admitted, "But I knew it wasn't right. I knew that patient needed something else. But I didn't trust myself." Turning back to Kaylee with a forlorn gaze, he said softly, "The patient didn't live through the night."

"That weren't your fault, Simon," Kaylee said firmly, rising to stand at his side. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she rested her chin on his shoulder and said, "You din't do nothin' wrong."

Pulling his arm up so he could wrap it around her shoulders and hold her close, Simon said, "Maybe not, but the fact is that I am doing something wrong now and I need to fix it."

With wide, innocent eyes Kaylee gazed at him and asked, "What? What do ya gotta fix?"

Turning to face her fully, Simon rested his hands on her shoulders and said, "I have to trust you. I have to believe in you and your love for me. I have to believe that whatever is wrong with me you can help."

Moving her hands to his face, Kaylee held his gaze for a few moments before she found her voice. "Have I ever given ya any reason not to trust me?" she asked quietly, trying to push aside her hurt at his admission.

Shaking his head, Simon smiled weakly and said, "No, Kaylee you never have. And that's what I was trying to say. My inability to fully trust you has nothing to do with you, it has to do with me. Only me."

Nodding once, Kaylee let the statement sink in before she drew Simon's face closer to her own. With the barest of smiles on her lips, she told him, "Well, knock it off."

Letting out a small chuckle, Simon kissed her soundly and she returned the embrace, wrapping her arms around his neck and holding him close. Pulling back from him, she rested her head against his shoulder and sighed softly, feeling exceptionally relaxed in his embrace.

Interrupting their quiet moment was a knock on the door and as they both looked up, neither of them was surprised to see River pop her head in the room. "Ready to try again?" she asked them both, getting slightly puzzled expressions from her brother and the young mechanic.

"Try what, sweetie?" Kaylee asked, resting her head back against Simon's chest as he continued to hold her.

Frowning slightly, the young reader said, "To help Simon. We didn't finish last night and something tells me we'll have a lot more success now." Her face lit up with a big smile that Simon and Kaylee quickly shared.

Turning her big eyes up to him, Kaylee asked, "What'd ya say? Wanna give it a shot?"

With a big sigh, Simon kissed her quickly and said, "I just want to be better, so that I can give you everything you've ever wanted."

Smiling widely to him, Kaylee kissed him back and whispered, "Well, you already done that, but if'n you wanna give me more … I ain't complainin'." Her eyebrows shot up suggestively at this last and Simon felt his cheeks flush a shade of pink at her implication.

"Later you two," River said with mock exasperation, moving towards them and pulling them apart. "My goodness, don't you think of anything else?"

While Simon's face only turned a deeper shade of red at the question, Kaylee simple smiled big and answered, "Nope."

This answer while completely expected, still got a good laugh from all of them, easing any residual tension, before River set about to help her brother again find his inner equilibrium.

-- --

"Are you sure 'bout this?"

Pausing in her dinner preparations, Inara did not turn to face Mal, but simply went about with her work as she asked innocently, "Sure about what?"

Frowning at her back, Mal stood in the doorway to the kitchen and watched her for another moment before explaining, "Sure about stickin' with us through this?" As she turned a disbelieving gaze to him, he hastened to add, "You can always take the transport and head back towards the Core. We'll swing by an' get ya once it's done."

Doing her best not to be offended or angry, Inara moved to place her casserole in the oven. Slamming the door shut and realizing she'd lost her battle with her anger, she crossed her arms over her chest and fixed him with a hard stare. "And why exactly would I want to do that?"

Letting out a big breath, Mal knew he'd made a big mistake even broaching the subject. But he still felt responsible for her, still felt that it was his duty to protect her, if he could. Inara had a good life with the Guild, steady money, decent digs and he didn't want her to continually risk that – not for him. Taking a chance, he moved towards her and said quietly, "I don't want you gettin' mixed up in this."

Her gaze softening a bit at his admission, she reminded him, "Mal, I already am mixed up in this." Resting a light hand to his face, she said, "I don't want to be anywhere else, but here, believe me. We are in this together, you, me, all of us." Resting her forehead lightly against his, she murmured, "The crew is my family too, I wish you'd believe that."

"I do, 'Nara," he told her, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. "I jus' can't help thinkin' that I'm-"

Pressing a finger to his mouth, she made him stop. "Don't, Mal. Just don't, whatever is you think you've done or think you're going to do, don't say it." Cocking her head to one side, she confided in a sarcastic tone, "I am a big girl you know. I can take care of myself. Make my own decisions even."

His mouth turning up into a sly grin, he brought his lips close to hers and whispered, "That's sass, isn't it? You're sassin' me."

Smiling back at him, Inara's deep, dark eyes twinkled with merriment as she murmured, "Maybe."

Pressing his mouth to hers, Mal held her tightly, one arm around her waist, the other around her shoulders as he kissed her. Inara returned his kiss and then some, her soft lips moving over his, before her tongue teased the tip of his lightly, causing him to open his mouth and allow her entrance. Fisting her hands into his soft hair, Inara pressed herself closer, reveling in Mal's strong touch and the heat of his body seeping into hers.

Parting for air, he moved his mouth down her neck and murmured, "Ai ya, I've missed you."

"Mmm," was all Inara could moan, as his lips closed over a particularly sensitive spot of flesh and his tongue began to lave the skin there. Panting slightly as his ministrations caused her to ache pleasantly with need, Inara whispered huskily, "Wanna go upstairs?"

Grinning against her warm skin, Mal raised his head to look at her, his desire-filled eyes burning as he told her, "I thought you'd never ask."

-- --

There was still a lot of color, light colors and dark colors, shadows and solids, but they were starting to make sense. Simon could already see a pattern forming, could already see where he should build his mental barriers, where his mind and heart needed protection from the outside world, where his own emotions lied so he could keep them separate.

It was still a bit of a maze, still twisty and curvy and Simon took in a deep breath as another wave of overwhelming emotion – desire this time – surged around him. Doing his best to put it in its place, he began to breathe heavily, his grip on his sanity slipping.

River watched her brother closely, noticing the strain in his face as he tried to push past this newest swell of emotion. Passion was actually one of the hardest emotions to contain, whether it belonged to oneself or someone else and secretly, River was glad that Mal and Inara had felt the need to experience some; Simon needed the practice.

But he was losing his struggle. Kaylee was close to him, sitting on the edge of the bed and she shot River a concerned look over her shoulder. Nodding once, River stepped forward and said softly, "Find it, Simon. Find your center."

Breathing deep, Simon did his best to center himself, did his best to look for the island of calm he knew River was coaching him towards. It had to be close, he knew, if he could just … With an audible sigh, Simon relaxed visibly against the pillows on the bed as he caught sight of his bright, tranquil place of peace – where Kaylee was waiting. Her emotions, her presence were a constant to him, always there, always soothing and River had taught him, fairly quickly now as he had finally allowed himself to believe, on how to use that calming presence as his anchor. In truth, he had been doing it in fits and starts since he'd first discovered his abilities, but never with any consistency and that was what River had taught him. And Simon was more than grateful.

Opening his eyes slowly, he was met with Kaylee's shining face. Leaning forward she brushed a kiss to his mouth and whispered, "Welcome back."

"My sunshine," he whispered back, trailing the back of his hand down her soft cheek. He was spent, tired from the day and all the work he'd done; it was much more draining than he could have imagined.

River watched them with a knowing gaze, feeling Simon's reaction to Kaylee's closeness and vice versa. He was finally getting it, and with a sigh of relief she actually felt that her brother might see his way through this.

Stepping back towards the door, she told them, "I'll see you both in the morning. Inara's made supper, but I doubt she'll be serving it anytime soon." With a knowing grin, she told them, "I'll take care of it. Come down if you're hungry."

They both smiled to her, and watched her go, before turning to again stare at one another. Kaylee edged a bit closer to Simon, her hand resting gently over his heart. His eyes had closed briefly, but at her touch, he again opened them and smiled sleepily to her. "You okay?" she asked him quietly, her eyes scanning every bit of his face for any sign of distress.

Nodding once, Simon took her hand in his and said softly, "Shiny."

Giggling at the use of her favorite word, Kaylee snuggled up into his side, wrapping her arm around his chest and holding tight. "Is it gettin' any easier?" she asked, tilting her head back to meet his gaze.

With another nod, Simon pressed a kiss into her hair and said, "Yeah, actually it is." Kissing her forehead this time, Simon brought his blue eyes to her green and said, "I'm sorry about before. That I didn't understand what my stubbornness was doing to you, to us."

"You don't gotta be sorry, Simon," she reminded him, shifting to face him fully. "Sometimes there's things we gotta figure out on our own. I know that I coulda told you a million times to trust me, but until you believed that you could, it wouldn't o' made a bit o' difference."

Placing a finger under her chin, Simon tipped her face up and pressed his mouth to hers. Running his hand along her jaw, he cradled the back of her head and deepened the kiss, his tongue searching for hers and finding it. Despite their tiredness and their activities from earlier that day, Kaylee felt her body tingle with anticipation as he continued to kiss her, his lips hungrily and eagerly possessing her own. Kaylee pulled herself flush against him, her arms winding their way around his neck and holding him tight.

Forced to part for air, Kaylee found herself breathless, her hands roaming down Simon's back as he lightly massaged her shoulders and moved down to her breasts, teasing her nipples through her shirt. Moaning softly, she looked to him through veiled eyes and noted the expression of pure adoration on his face. Scooting towards him and sitting in his lap, she kissed him lightly along his jaw line and cheek as he told her, "I am so unbelievably lucky to have you."

Grinning, she pulled back to meet his gaze and said with fake sarcasm, "Well, duh."

Grinning back at her, Simon chuckled, the deep, happy sound echoing into her chest and warming her entire body. Circling his strong arms around her, Simon kissed her again and murmured, "So, where were we?"

Tipping her head to the side so Simon could have easier access to the sensitive flesh of her neck, she teased, "I seem to remember somethin' 'bout givin' me everythin' I want?"

Smiling slyly, he looked up to her, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "Oh, right, that," he told her and then kissed her again, hard and deep even as she shifted her hips against his, causing a feral groan to escape his lips as their groins met.

Giggling back at his obvious enjoyment, Kaylee and Simon both soon found themselves lost in a similar passion to the one that had consumed Mal and Inara only minutes before.

-- --

River waited impatiently for supper to be ready. She was actually hungry, which wasn't that out of the norm, but considering all she'd been through it was a bit strange. So, she waited by the stove as the hour cooking time wound down, and the delicious smell of Inara's food wafted through the house, bringing Jayne's gruff presence to the kitchen.

With a hidden smile, she watched him stop short in the doorway, uncertain with how to proceed at seeing her there. Glancing around expectantly, he finally muttered, "Thought 'Nara was cookin' tonight?"

Grinning even wider, River bent in front of the stove, watching the cheese bubble on top of the dish as it melted. "She is," she told him, bringing big, mischievous eyes to his face. "In more ways than one."

Grunting his amusement, Jayne actually let out a soft chuckle and then entered the room, heading for the fridge. Fixing a mug of ale, he asked her, "You want one?"

Wrinkling her nose, River shook her head quickly and he shrugged before taking a long swig. Watching him intently, River wondered where Jayne fit in the whole scheme of their new family dynamic. He was a warrior like Zoe … well, kind of … there was a marked difference between Zoe, a soldier with a deep sense of right and wrong, and Jayne, a hired gun with a mercenary's instincts and the weapons collection to match.

"What s'matter?" he asked grouchily, not at all liking River's scrutiny. "I gotta wart on my face or somethin'?"

Shaking her head quickly, River moved to get them plates and utensils, setting the table in time for the timer to go off. "No," she finally told him, serving them both and sitting again. "I was just wondering how you're doing."

Frowning at her, Jayne lifted a forkful of food to his mouth, blowing on it as the steam rose off the noodles. "I'm fine, moonbrain," he answered, taking a bite and burning his tongue. Cursing and swearing at the discomfort, River simply watched him writhe with big eyes, doing her best to withhold a laugh.

"Should learn to be patient," she murmured quietly, her lilting voice damaging Jayne's calm more than he cared to admit.

"Gorram crazy," he muttered, taking his plate and his beer and stalking haughtily from the room.

River sighed heavily once he was gone. She found that now that the food was in front of her she wasn't that interested. Pushing the bits around her plate, she spread the thick red sauce about, a shiver runnig through her as a memory surfaced at the sight. She soon found her eyes unfocusing, her mind falling back in time to a moment she'd rather forget.

Red; it was always red, red and sticky and it smelled. Smelled of metal and death and River didn't like it. Closing her eyes for a moment in an effort to clear the disturbing and blood-soaked image, when she opened them again, she was back in the middle of the Reaver battle, fighting not just those savage men, but her own crew.

Dropping her head to the table, River began murmuring softly, "No, no, no," as the images became more vivid. She sat firmly on her hands, squeezing them painfully against the seat in an effort to keep them from grabbing for a weapon, from finding a blade and sliding it into someone's warm flesh – maybe Mal's, maybe Kaylee's, maybe even Simon's.

"No!" The shout brought Jayne back to her side.

"River," he called, approaching her cautiously as she continued to squirm in her chair. Her dark hair flew about as she shook her head violently and Jayne's hands subconsciously drifted to his waist where his favorite knife, Shirley, was sheathed. "River girl, you all right?"

Raising her head slowly, River panted as the kitchen came back into focus. Her chest heaved with heavy breaths as she tried to control her heartbeat, tried to swallow down the fear the memory had caused. Turning to Jayne with wide eyes, she didn't speak, but apparently she didn't have to. Her look told him all he needed to know.

"You wan' me to get the doc?" he asked, taking a step back towards the room's door. He did not like the look in River's eyes at this very moment; it looked a bit too much like the look she'd fixed him with before he'd had a nice shiny cut across his chest, inflicted by her hand.

River felt his fear, she could even smell it, and it too smelled of metal and death. Inhaling the scent as if it was the sweetest odor she could possibly know, River's lips turned up imperceptibly as her mind raced to find the programming the color had triggered. Her conditioning had been completed and now, whether River wanted to or not, she would finally fulfill her deadly mission.

Shaking her head once in answer to his question, River's brown eyes grew dark and Jayne found his breath catching in his throat. His muscles tensing at the perceived threat, he had brought up his left hand to block her even as she launched herself from her chair, her hand grabbing for and securing the knife from his belt.

"Gorramit girl!" Jayne's shout was stifled as River jammed her fingers into his throat, bruising his larynx and causing him to choke on his words. As his hands instinctively reached to guard the injury, River brought the knife around and slid it between his third and fourth ribs. Unable to cry out as her punch to his throat had rendered him voice-less, Jayne fell to his knees, grabbing for River as she slashed him again, this time tearing through the bicep of his right arm.

Gasping for air, Jayne reached for her, but River turned the knife, handle down in her hand and cracked it on the top of his head, knocking him out in one stroke. Repositioning the bloody blade with the sharp end pointed towards his motionless form, River's eyes roved over the body determining the best place to inflict more damage. About to sink the blood-stained blade into one of his lungs, River froze, her eyes wide, her sweaty hair plastered to her face as she heard footsteps approaching.

Killing the lights in the kitchen, she dragged Jayne's body from the doorway, managing to push him out the back door, before crouching in the corner of the room near the stove. She was driven now, not by revenge or hatred, but by duty. She was supposed to do this, supposed to kill, and she would.

-- --


	22. Chapter 22

-- --

Chapter 22

-- --

Simon was just drifting off, sated and content with Kaylee's warm body beside him when he felt the violent intrustion. Sitting up quickly, his hand flew to his chest as he felt his heartbeat speed up beyond reason. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to calm himself, even as a sweat broke out on his forehead, his body overcompensating for the assault to its system.

"Sweetie?"

Kaylee looked to him anxiously, her brow furrowing as she watched him fight to find some semblance of control. Placing a gentle hand to his face, he turned terrified eyes to her and whispered, "It's bad."

Before Kaylee could even question his meaning, Simon had bounded out of bed, searching in the dark for his clothes. Finding his pants and pulling them on, he was heading for the doorway, when he caught Kaylee getting dressed as well. Looking to her, he said urgently, "No. Stay here."

Puzzled, she looked to him quizzically and Simon's expression of worry only deepened. "Please, Kaylee. I mean it. Stay here until I get back."

Nodding reluctantly, Kaylee watched him go in silence, her fear immobilizing her for seconds after he'd left. Replaying the last few minutes in her head, Kaylee quickly found that same fear propelling her out of bed. Throwing on clothes, she rushed across the hall on silent feet and rapped lightly on the door, calling, "'Nara? Cap?"

Hearing movement within, Kaylee waited on anxious feet as the door finally cracked open and she saw Mal's concerned face regarding her. "What is it, lil' Kaylee?"

"Somethin's wrong," she told him, her voice dropping to a whisper. "Simon woke up, all bothered by somethin', an' then told me to stay in the room." Trying to peek past his shoulder, she asked, "Where's 'Nara?"

Frowning at Kaylee's news, Mal was about to answer when the sound of a crash down below startled them both. Muttering a curse, Mal shut the door quickly pulling on his pants and shirt and then rushed from the room and toward the sounds of what could only be a pretty intense brawl.

-- --

Inara's stomach was protesting its lack of food and she knew Mal's was as well. Having drifted to sleep after their extremely passionate lovemaking, she'd woken with a cramp in her gut that told her she needed some sustenance but Mal's warm body was wrapped around her. She hadn't wanted to get out of bed, leaving him there, but she also knew the thanks she'd get if she returned with plates of hot food.

With a small smile on her lips, she approached the kitchen, a bit surprised to see the lights out. She'd assumed that at least Jayne would be awake, stuffing his face. It wasn't that late after all. Stepping over the threshold, Inara reached for the light switch and felt a slim, strong hand wrap around her own, pulling her in one swift motion onto the sharp point of a knife. Her eyes widening in shock as the blade ripped through her side, Inara's pained gaze met River's wild one and she found herself unable to speak.

River pushed the knife in to the hilt, twisting it slightly and causing the woman to gurgle in pain, her face growing ashen in an instant. Pulling the blade back, River smiled tightly at the blood that now coated her hands, and watched with disinterest as Inara's bleeding form slid to the floor, her eyes closing as her body went into shock.

Considering that she should drag the Companion out into the snow with Jayne, River had her hands wrapped around the woman's wrists when she felt him approaching. Grimacing, River simply shoved Inara to the side with a swift kick of her bare foot, and faced the doorway, waiting for Simon to appear.

Entering the room hurriedly, he stopped in midstep at the sight of Inara's unconscious form. "Mei mei," he breathed, unable to believe what he was seeing. But the blade in her hand and the look in her eyes told him all he needed to know. Fighting through the dark, cold menace that had consumed River's mind, Simon managed to bite out, "Eta kooram nah smech."

He waited for her to fall to the ground and … nothing happened. Her lips curling into a feral grin, River began to circle him, the knife held to her side as she determined the best way to slice his throat. "Not going to work, Simon," she taunted, feeling his mind swim with confusion as she stayed on her feet. "Not a puppet, not anymore."

"No?" Simon's question was strained as he tried to protect his mind from the low-burning rage that coursed through his sister's. "Then what do you call this?" he asked, gesturing to Inara's motionless form. With pained eyes, he told her, "She's your friend, River."

"Friends are a weakness, Simon." Her response was rehearsed and devoid of emotion and it caused him to shiver.

Simon wanted to reason with her, wanted to find a way to end this standoff without anyone else getting hurt, but in an instant, she took the option away from him. Lunging across the small space, River's knife grazed the top of his thigh as Simon dodged her blow with an uncanny reflex. As she growled at him with frustration, Simon gasped sharply feeling the push of her anger. It caused more confusion, more disquiet in his mind and dropping to his knees, Simon squeezed his hands to his temples, trying to push the pain away.

His vision was flooded now with bright colors that spoke of anger, aggression and darkness. With this out-of-control spiral came thoughts and memories that were not his own: a room full of dead Reavers; cities full of decaying corpses; children bound to lab tables with needles sticking out of their skin.

Panting as his vision clouded further, tears of agony welling in his eyes he risked a look to his sister and murmured, "River."

She was standing over him, the knife poised to slice across his neck and when he looked to her, she smiled. Not a beatific or caring smile, but an evil one that only served to pain him further.

"Simon!"

He whimpered at the sound knowing that Kaylee was now in danger. Trying to warn her to stay away, Simon was powerless to stop his sister from reaching for the young woman and pressing her tightly against her, knife to her throat.

"River." Kaylee's voice trembled, her eyes wide as she quickly surveyed the scene. Noting Simon's pained state and Inara's bleeding form, Kaylee tried to breathe deep, but found her heart beating rapidly in her chest, her breaths coming up short. "River, what're you doin'?"

Ignoring her hostage's question, River's haunted eyes remained locked on Simon's struggling form. "I'll do it, Simon," she told him menacingly, her brown eyes darkening as the extent of the threat seeped into his addled mind. "I'll do it. I'll take her away. I'll take your sunshine away."

Gasping, Kaylee bit her lip. She could tell by the feel of River's painfully tight hold on her wrist and the blade that was just beginning to pierce the skin of her neck that the other girl meant it. Fighting back tears of fear, Kaylee whispered, "Simon."

Taking a deep breath, Simon closed his eyes against the chaos and tried to find a place of calm. It was difficult, Kaylee's normally peaceful presence echoing through his mind with terror. Her terror, mixed with River's anger and his own sadness were a potent combination and his head throbbed as the emotions overwhelmed him. But he would not allow it; he would not allow anyone, including his sister to hurt Kaylee, to hurt any of them. He couldn't.

With difficulty, he brought his eyes to River's face and grimaced at the feral grin that had curled her lips. Blinking back a few more tears, Simon shook his head sadly and told her, "No, River, you won't."

In answer, the assassin pressed the knife harder into Kaylee's neck, causing her to yelp in pain as a thin line of blood trickled onto the top of her nightgown. Whimpering softly, Kaylee brought her big green eyes to Simon's face, her silent plea for his help almost incapacitating him. "Want to try that again?" River growled.

"Stop," Simon said firmly, rising on shaky legs. "Don't do this, River. Please."

"Please?" Her tone was mocking and sickeningly sweet and Simon's blood curdled at the sound. "That's the best you can do?" she taunted, looking to Kaylee's terrified profile and then back to her brother. Shaking her head sadly, she murmured, "And I thought you loved her."

"I do," Simon said, his voice stronger than he'd anticipated. "I do love her, River and you know that. I love her just as I love you." Her expression remained unchanged forcing Simon to dig deeper. But with a violent force, she mentally blocked him, pusing him back so hard he actually stumbled.

"Enough!" She yelled and then again pressed the knife into Kaylee's flesh, the smooth edge of the blade tracing the outline of her collarbone and causing Kaylee to cry out in pain.

"Take me instead." Simon's voice was quiet and deadly calm, but River heard him, her hand freezing in mid-slice. Raising large eyes to her brother, she asked, "What?"

"If you're so intent to kill someone, kill me." How his face stayed steady, Simon would never quite puzzle out. Taking another deep breath, he straightened back up, moving towards River with slow, measured steps. "I can't live like this," he admitted, hating how true the words were. "I can't, I won't. And it's not fair to Kaylee." With a conflicted gaze, he met her eyes and said, "She deserves so much more than a crazy man like me. Don't take her life away from her River, please. Take mine instead."

River's eyes burned with a different kind of anger now and Simon watched as the grip she had on Kaylee's arm eased a bit. Continuing to approach her cautiously, Simon said, "End my misery, mei mei." His blue eyes dark and imploring, he murmured again, "Please."

"Simon," Kaylee whispered, her eyes still full of fear, but now also full of compassion. "Don't do this."

Shaking his head swiftly, he locked his eyes on River's and told her, "I have to, Kaylee. You've had nothing but pain since River and I boarded Serenity. This is the least I can do."

Simon was standing just a hands-breadth from River, watching as her knife hand went slack. He could feel her conflict raging now, the small piece of her conscience that she'd managed to hold onto during the trigger fighting for control. His words had managed to permeate just enough and Simon only hoped it would be enough to get Kaylee to safety.

Catching his intent a split second before he acted, River jammed the knife into Kaylee's upper arm, even as Simon grabbed for his girlfriend's wrist and pulled her to him. Moving so quickly, River was stunned into inaction and didn't see or hear Mal as he cocked his gun and fired.

-- --

River dropped to the cold floor like a rag doll and for a moment none of the three standing crewmen could move. And then, no one could stop moving.

Rushing to Inara's side, Mal cradled her head in his lap, gently sweeping her hair from her face. "'Nara?" he whispered urgently, his eyes roving over her body to assess the damage. Seeing the blood that had stained the side of her robe, he pressed his hand to it and she awoke screaming.

"Ahh!" Blinking rapidly, Inara fought to bring her vision into focus. Her head was swimming, her legs and arms heavy and immovable. "Mal," she breathed, her voice a pained murmur as the blood loss zapped her energy.

"I'm here, darlin'," he told her, resting his cheek to her hair and pulling her a bit tighter to him. "Doc's gonna fix ya up righ' quick."

Glancing up to locate Simon, Mal saw the younger man hunched over his sister's immobile form and felt his breath freeze in his chest. Mal wished to all the heavens he hadn't had to shoot her, but at the moment, as she'd held that knife to Kaylee and Simon's words had had little effect, Mal had acted. He'd only shot to take her down, not to kill and he hoped that when the doctor decided to retaliate against him for his actions, he'd take that little fact into account.

Looking to Kaylee, he saw his mechanic sitting, staring blankly, one hand clamped to her upper arm, coated with blood. The other wounds at her neck and shoulder didn't seem quite as deep, but Mal knew that River had meant that last stab to injure, to hurt and judging by the paleness of Kaylee's features and the numbness with which she regarded the room, he realized with a grimace the slice had done its job.

As his eyes again rested to Inara who had once more passed out, he wondered how his big, hulking mercenary could have missed such a show. "Where's Jayne?" he asked quickly, not surprised when no one even looked in his direction. Moving as quickly as he could without jostling Inara, Mal circled her body and positioned himself at Kaylee's side. "Mei mei?" he asked quietly.

It took the young woman a full thirty seconds to pull her eyes from where Simon was tending to River and when she brought those big green pools to his face, Mal felt his breath catch in his chest again; this was all so very, very bad. Resting a light hand to her knee, he said softly, "I need your help, lil' Kaylee. Can you watch 'Nara for me?"

Unable to determine if she'd understood a word he'd just said, Mal faced her fully and said again, "I don't wanna leave 'Nara alone. Can you sit with her? I gotta find Jayne."

Blinking suddenly, Kaylee nodded once and without a word sank to her knees beside her friend as Mal placed a kiss in her hair and rose. Walking briskly to the stairs, he shouted up them, "Jayne!" When there was no answer, Mal's heartbeat started to race a bit. It wasn't like the big guy to miss the chance for a fight, especially not when River was the one he could tussle with. Striding back to the kitchen, he surveyed the scene, the same from just seconds ago and then allowed his eyes to study everything a bit more intently.

If Jayne wasn't in the house, he'd be a damn fool to be outside. Night was well underway and in the silence of their shock the wind howled and whipped by outside, rattling windows. Sparing another glance to Inara and Kaylee, Mal thought to leave Jayne stewing wherever he happened to be when a dark stain on the floor caught his attention. Moving swiftly, he bent to the ground and saw that the stain was actually a trail. Cursing violently under his breath, Mal raced to the back door, flinging it open, Jayne's unconscious and frozen form falling over the threshold as the support gave way.

"Gorramit!" Mal muttered. Reaching down, he wrapped his hands under the larger man's arms and hauled him inside, shouting, "Doc!"

Simon heard Mal struggle to bring Jayne's injured body inside, heard him call his name and demand he get off his 'worthless pigu' and tend to the rest of the wounded, but Simon was frozen. Frozen with the fear River had accused him of no more than four hours ago. Fear and heartache and undeniable guilt.

Her wound wasn't that bad, he knew Mal's only intention had been to bring her down and it had worked. The human body reacts quickly to unwelcome events and a bullet entering a person's hip definitely qualified. Simon tightened the makeshift bandaged he'd made from a dishtowel, knowing he had to move on. This was triage in its purest form; multiple casualties and not enough medical staff. Chances were that his sister wasn't even the one in need of the most care.

Releasing a big sigh, Simon took a bit of relief in the fact that with River unconscious his mind was not nearly as chaotic as it could have been. No one's emotions were as strong to him as River's, no one's but Kaylee's. Risking a look to her, he felt his heart break sharply at the sight. She was still staring at nothing, her face colorless and lifeless, but it was the lack of feeling Simon was getting from her that caused him the most panic. She was a blank canvas to him now where just hours ago it had been the most beautiful painting he'd ever seen. The absence of her, of that intimacy brought with it an open maw of despair and longing that Simon had not known before. But there it was, big and gaping, swallowing him whole from the inside. It had every intention of consuming him and Simon had every intention of letting it.

Mal, however, had had enough. Rushing to the doctor's side, he took the young man by the shoulders and hauled him to his feet. Shaking him a bit, he forced Simon's blue eyes to lock with his own and ordered, "Do your job. Treat my crew."

"This is my fault," he muttered quietly, his voice no more than a whisper. Glancing back to his sister's unconscious form, he added, "I should have known something was wrong."

Swallowing his frustration as best he could, Mal whipped the young man's head around so fast it actually hurt his neck. "You listen to me, Simon," he bit out, the fierceness in his gaze leaving no room for argument. "We ain't got time for your pity party, so save it. An' this ain't your gorram fault. It's River's. But if you don't do nothin' an' someone dies, that will be your fault."

His words sobered Simon, just as the captain had known they would. That oath he'd sworn so many years ago never failed to spur him into action. Abruptly, Simon looked to Mal with a clear gaze and said, "My medkit's in my room." Moving towards Jayne, he told the other man, "As soon as they're stable enough to move, we'll need to get everyone on the transport. I need my supplies on Serenity."

Nodding once, Mal bolted out the door, taking the stairs two at a time as Simon rolled up his sleeves and set to work.

-- --

In under an hour, all six of them were on board the transport, Mal in the cockpit to get the ship in the air. Simon had administered a sedative to his sister, unable to look at her for any length of time before immeasurable sadness and anger fought for dominance in his heart. Once Mal had chained her to one of the beds in the back of the ship, Simon had shut the door, locked it and walked away.

She wasn't his biggest concern; both Inara and Jayne were in dire straights and Simon had to make them his priority. As he took another cursory glance at Jayne's injuries, he immediately moved to help him, his training coming automatically and saving the day. He was vaguely aware that all of this was made easier because his mind was calm. Guiltily he was grateful that the only person right now who he could feel anything from was Mal. And even Mal's emotions were barely discernible; the man had perfected taciturn years ago.

Sighing heavily, Simon looked back to where Kaylee sat, her eyes unfocused, her shoulders slumped forward. He wanted nothing more than to go to her, and hold her until he forgot the events of this awful night, but he couldn't. Moving to Jayne's side, Simon worked hurriedly, rocking slightly as the ship broke atmo. Mal appeared a minute later, moving quickly to Inara's side and Simon started to bark out orders.

He'd already administered pain killers to all of them, Kaylee included, while Jayne and Inara had received a dose of anti-coagulants as well. Even once he got back to Serenity, he didn't have the blood for transfusions, and he needed to stop that bleeding. Mal wasn't as skilled a nurse as Zoe had been, but he knew how to staunch Inara's wound and for that Simon was grateful.

Working on the deep slash between Jayne's ribs, Simon called for the captain. "Mal, I need you to look through the ship for any medical supplies."

With difficulty, the older man pulled himself from Inara's side. Looking to Kaylee, he called softly, "Mei mei, will you sit with her?"

Not bothering to answer Kaylee simply rose and walked to her friend's side, sitting on the floor near her head. Satisfied that at least someone would be watching over her, Mal left the room quickly, in search of whatever he could find. Simon simply continued to work.

-- --

Not surprisingly, Jayne was in the worst shape of them all. Mal acted as nursemaid, handing Simon tools and equipment as he needed them. He'd found a few portable IVs and the doc had easily inserted one into the mercenary and Inara.

"He gonna make it, doc?" Mal asked quietly, watching as Simon worked furiously to stymie a fresh swell of blood through the hole in Jayne's chest cavity.

Grimacing, Simon managed to grunt out, "It's too soon to tell." Based on that answer, Mal decided not to speak again unless spoken to.

-- --

"You did a good thing."

Lifting his heavy head, Simon looked to Mal, the older man seeming as though he had aged a good five years in the past twelve hours; maybe he had, maybe they all had. Sighing heavily, Simon tipped his head back to rest against the back of the couch and commented dryly, "You mean I fixed the hell my sister rained down upon us."

Grimacing as his assessment was pretty much spot on, Mal told him, "I wasn't gonna say that, but now that you mention it …" Sitting heavily beside the doctor, Mal studied him out of the corner of his eye for a moment and then finally said, "You know that I didn't-"

Holding up a hand, Simon said tiredly, "Save it, Mal, please. I know you didn't want to kill her." As the captain let out a small sigh of relief, Simon looked to him and said honestly, "And I'm grateful you stopped her."

Snapping his head up, Mal stared wide-eyed at the younger man, his expression a mixture of shock and sadness. Smiling weakly, Simon held the gaze for a moment and then rose slowly, stretching his muscles. Glancing through the open doors of the infirmary, he felt a bit of relief that they were back on board Serenity; back home. Catching sight of Jayne and Inara's immobile forms, he asked, "Will you stay with them?"

"'Course," Mal said roughly, rising as well and moving back towards the room. "You need to take care o' lil' Kaylee."

"Exactly," Simon murmured, stepping into the infirmary and grabbing his med kit as well as a few other supplies. "Did you see where she went?"

Back at Inara's side, Mal looked to him and shrugged, "She said somethin' 'bout gettin' some rest. Maybe try her bunk?"

Nodding once, Simon headed out and then paused halfway. Turning back to Mal, he asked, "What are we going to do? About River?"

Closing his eyes as he remembered the wild look she'd fixed them with before trying to slice and dice his mechanic, Mal shook the memory away and looked sadly to the doctor. "I honestly don't know, son."

With a slight nod, Simon left and Mal found himself again staring at Inara's pale face. Inching forward, he reached for her hand, the feel of her cold fingers against his skin more chilling than any temperature. Grabbing for another blanket, he draped it around her, tucking it in at the edges in an effort to trap as much heat as possible around her still form. Placing her hand underneath it, Mal rested his on top of the layers while he laid his other hand against her cheek.

"You gotta wake up soon, 'Nara," he whispered, his voice hoarse as his emotions threatened to finally break through. "You gotta wake up an' tell me what to do, 'cause right now, I don't rightly know."

Despite his request, she did not stir, the smoother Simon had administered designed to keep her asleep for at least another four hours. With a heavy sigh, Mal simply hung his head and waited.

-- --

-- --

Kaylee watched from the doorway, her empty eyes transfixed on River's unconscious form. She didn't know why she was here; didn't know what she thought she'd see or do just sitting at the threshold of River's makeshift cell, waiting. She knew that if the trained assassin was to wake again, she would be powerless to stop her. In truth, sitting so close was probably akin to a death wish, but Kaylee found it impossible to be anywhere else.

Her arm was throbbing a bit, the medicine Simon had given her losing its effectiveness after twelve hours, but Kaylee didn't care. She didn't really care about much at this moment. She was numb, more numb and hollow than she could ever remember being. It was too much; too much pain, too much sadness, too much grief and Kaylee found herself longing for simpler days, back home with her family, wishing she could escape.

She felt her cheeks flush with shame as she realized that if she did, she'd be without Simon and that was something she was not willing to give up. But where did they go from here? What would Simon do now that River had again turned deadly? What did Kaylee want him to do? The uncertainty was too much as well, and Kaylee found that at his moment in time she loathed the unknown.

Rising stiffly, her joints and muscles protested the movement; she missed the adrenaline that had coursed through her during and just after River's attack – it had made it easier to move and not think. Now, all Kaylee could do was think and barely move and it was excrutiating.

Leaning heavily against the doorjamb, she swayed a bit on her feet, the loss of blood, coupled with the night's events making her vision swim. In seconds, she felt a strong, steadying arm wrap around her waist, and looking up she saw Simon as he pulled her against him firmly, silently pressing a kiss into her hair. Without a word, he led her across the hall of the passenger dorms to the bunk they'd been sharing for the better part of four months.

Sitting her down gently, Simon looked deeply into Kaylee's hollow eyes, shivering at what he did and did not see looking back at him. Reaching for her injured arm, Simon gently cut the sleeve of her shirt the rest of the way, exposing the whole wound and called softly, "Kaylee?"

She heard him, but did not respond. Her eyes had fixed on a point so far away from this time and place, Simon wondered if she was truly aware of anything. She was still blank to him, her mind and her emotions empty, causing another ripple of fear to race through him. This wasn't Kaylee – this hollowed out girl who sat before him, unable to move and barely able to breathe. She should be crying or screaming or embracing or something … but she wasn't, she was doing nothing and it hurt Simon, almost more than watching his sister hold a knife to her throat. It hurt him because he knew, better than anyone the depth of emotion Kaylee was capable of; to see that well run dry was an unfathomable loss he could not comprehend.

And he refused to let it be a reality.

Removing the haphazard bandages Mal had applied, Simon irrigated the wound and wiped the dried blood from her skin. Hissing slightly as he realized just how deep it was, Simon tried again to reach out to her. "Kaylee? Can you move your arm over your head?"

Focusing dull eyes to him, Kaylee blinked once and then slowly, hesitantly, tried to lift her arm, only getting it up to about a forty-five degree angle before it fell back heavily to her side as she cried out in pain. Shaking her head once, Kaylee looked back to him with the same lifeless expression.

Stroking her cheek lightly, Simon told her, "It's okay. I think a bit of the muscle was damaged. It just means it'll take a little bit longer to heal." Again examining the wound, he added, "You're going to need stitches."

She nodded numbly and again let her gaze wander, her green eyes unfocusing as Simon administered a local anethestic to make treatment less painful. As he readied the materials, Simon asked, "Can you talk to me, Kaylee?" Pausing as he started the first stitch, he kept his eyes focused on his work as he added, "I could really use the sound of your voice right now."

Nothing.

Fighting back his rising despair and the nausea that accompanied it, Simon continued to work in silence for a few moments, struggling to think of a way to reach her.

"Why were you sitting with River?" His voice was low and soothing, but curious as well, and she still would not answer him. Simon just continued to work.

As minutes of silence stretched between them, he found himself consumed with images of what had transpired; of the look in River's eyes as she'd threatened to kill him, tried to attack him. He couldn't think of her that way – he just couldn't. Grasping for anything that might relief the undeniable hopelessness he felt rising an image popped into his head and Simon quickly found himself compelled to share the memory.

"When River was little, she used to make me play this game." Simon's voice was soft and tender as he administered to Kaylee's wounds. He hoped that by humanizing his sister, he might get her to feel something, whether it be rage, sadness or some emotion in between, Simon didn't really care. As long as it was an emotion, he'd take it.

"She used to say that the Browncoats were getting attacked by dinosaurs." Smiling softly at the memory, Simon remembered those endless days and nights when his sister had relentlessly hounded him, tugging on his arm until he agreed to be eaten by some prehistoric creature. "She was always saving the day," he continued, finishing off the stitches and moving to tend to the cuts on her neck and shoulder. "She'd come swooping in at the last minute and jump in front of me, brandishing her sword-" Choking on the words as he realized what he'd said, Simon let out a heavy sigh, his hands dropping to his lap in defeat.

He couldn't do this. Who was he kidding? He was trying to defend his sister? A woman who had just held a knife to Kaylee's throat and threatened to kill her? Who had tried to kill all of them? And now here he was, sitting with his girlfriend, a woman who had literally saved him from the brink of madness and was now a shell of her former self and he was talking about River? How much of an idiot could one man be?

"I'm sorry."

Her voice was strained, raw and barely audible, but Simon heard it, the sound a melody to his ears. Snapping his head up to gaze at her, he held his breath in anticipation as she reached out her good arm and rested her hand to his face. Covering it with his own, Simon drew it down and over his heart, clasping it there firmly. Brushing some of her hair behind her ear, he whispered, "Why are you sorry, bao bei?"

"She ain't that girl anymore," Kaylee said, tears pooling in the bottom of her eyes. "I know that's gotta be hard for you."

Shaking his head once, Simon allowed his eyes to study every inch of hers as he said, "She hasn't been that girl for quite some time. I just kept refusing to see it."

Unable to take the intensity of his gaze for another minute, Kaylee dropped her chin to her chest. Taking a deep breath, she tried to steady her emotions, but her nerves were shot and within moments she found herself shaking uncontrollably, a few silent tears running down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry," she murmured softly, unwilling to meet his gaze again.

Simon's own eyes welled at the sight. She was slowly opening to him once again, her mind lighting with dark colors that did not belong, not within Kaylee, but were there all the same. So much despair, so much anguish roared through her that Simon was honestly surprised she was not a sobbing heap in front of him. Realizing again in that instant how undeniably strong she was, Simon leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers. "Don't be sorry, Kaylee, please," he begged, his hands moving up to rest on her face. "None of this is in any way your fault."

"She was gonna kill us," Kaylee breathed wetly, her sobs choking the words in her throat. As Simon nodded, unable to verbally confirm her words, Kaylee asked, "Why?"

Swallowing thickly, he managed, "I don't know, Kaylee. But she won't. I won't let her or anyone else hurt you ever again." Pulling back a bit to hold her gaze, he allowed himself to reach out to her, to feel and absorb all the darkness she felt, all the sadness. Inhaling sharply, Simon realized something else, something he had missed before and again felt his love for her grow tenfold; none of what she felt had anything to do with her own well-being. All the sadness and anger and hurt and pain were for those around her, for him and River, for Mal and Inara, for Jayne, even for Zoe. Kaylee's tears were not tears of pity, they were tears of grief for all their family had lost in the past few hours and the uncertainty of the aftermath.

Leaning forward, Simon wrapped her to him in a tight embrace. She held him back with her uninjured arm, unable to move the other one at all. Burying her face into his shoulder, she murmured, "How'd we get here?"

Shaking his head once, Simon rubbed soothing circles along her back and told her, "I don't know. All that matters is that we survive it." Again pulling back from her, he cradled her face in his hands, and said, "I love you, Kaylee. Please believe that."

Nodding once, Kaylee whispered back, "I love you too, Simon. I wish this wasn't happenin'. You an' River, you don't deserve this." This last was more of a strangled cry and he found himself holding her tightly to him. As she shook in his arms, Simon could only whisper words of love and comfort, hoping that he was having some effect.

She held him back fiercely, offering him words of encouragement when she could get them out, pressing light kisses to his cheek and temples as often as possible. Her sadness finally easing, Simon leaned back after a few moments of quiet and cradled her face in his hands. Pressing his mouth to hers, Kaylee returned the contact eagerly, leaning into him as the kiss turned more passionate. Parting for air, Simon leaned their foreheads together and murmured, "You need to rest. You lost a lot of blood."

Nodding sullenly, Kaylee laid down on the mattress, her small form still shivering a bit. Simon instantly pulled a warm comforter up and over her, tucking her in with a kiss to the forehead. As he rose, she reached for his hand and asked, "You ain't gonna stay?"

"I need to go check on Jayne and Inara, but I'll be back in just a bit." He didn't want to leave her, but his patients were dictating his schedule.

She nodded once and then kissed the hand she held. "Hurry back," she whispered, again turning those soulful green eyes to him.

Leaning down to brush one more kiss over her lips, he told her, "As fast as I can. Just sleep."

Exiting the bunk quietly, Simon turned to head towards the infirmary and found his feet carrying him across the hall. With his arms hanging loosely at his sides and an unreadable expression on his face, he stared at his sleeping sister. She looked deceptively peaceful while slumbering, but he could remember with vivid clarity all she'd done, all she'd threatened to do a mere twelve hours ago. And what was worse – she'd almost succeeded.

He wasn't sure how long he stood staring, trying to find out how exactly he felt about his mei mei now. He wanted to be angry, wanted it so badly he could practically taste it. But he wasn't angry; he was sad, unbelievably sad. Simon knew now, with clinical detachment and brotherly intuition that River would never be well. The girl he had hoped to rescue from the Alliance's clutches no longer existed and the past year had been his futile attempt to revive the dead. His sister, his baby sister, would always be a danger, someone who could never fully be trusted and Simon found that realization more debilitating than anything else. Worse than his father disowning him; worse than being chased across the 'verse by a myriad collection of bounty hunters; worse than watching Kaylee almost die.

There was no hope left now, not for River. Simon still loved her, he didn't know how to live without loving his little sister; it was a part of his makeup, like his hair and eye color. But he could no longer trust her, could no longer focus all of his attention on finding a way for her to be better. She would never be cured, she would only be better or worse than yesterday. She would only be more lucid, less violent. She would always be what they had created, not the girl he'd grown up with.

Releasing a long sigh, Simon dropped his chin to his chest and rubbed the back of his neck trying to ease the tension there. It didn't work.

"Hey."

Glancing up sharply, Simon caught sight of Mal, standing at the mouth of the hallway, his arms over his chest. Moving towards him swiftly, Simon asked, "Is everything all right? Do they-"

"I was just comin' to tell you, why don'tcha get some sleep?" Reaching out to clap the younger man on the shoulder, Mal told him, "I'll take first watch." Cocking his head in the direction of the doc's bunk, he added, "Don't think lil' Kaylee should be alone right now, do you?"

Shaking his head quickly, Simon tried to offer the man a smile of thanks, but it was empty and they both knew it. "Thank you," he managed roughly, backing up towards his door. "If you need anything, come and get me."

Not waiting for acknowledgement, Simon turned and entered his room as quietly as he could not at all surprised to find Kaylee still awake, the fingers of her good hand absentmindedly twirling the fringe of the blanket between them. Kicking off his shoes, Simon gratefully slid into bed beside her. Kaylee did not say a word, but simply settled against him.

With a small sigh, she instantly felt warm and safe, and found her eyes drooping shut in minutes as she nestled even more into his strong form. "Tell me we're gonna be okay," she murmured softly, the pull of sleep almost irresistible.

Pressing a kiss to her forehead, Simon squeezed her a bit tighter to him and murmured, "We're going to be okay, Kaylee. I promise."

With another small nod, she was soon asleep, and while Simon longed to follow her, he found himself awake for most of the night, so glad to be holding her, but petrified of what the morning would bring for them all.

-- --


	23. Chapter 23

-- --

Chapter 23

-- --

"_It's your fault."_

_Breathing heavily, Simon fought to clear his vision, pushing the black he felt encircling him away. _

"_No, it's not," he whispered, forcing the words past his dry lips. Searching for his unknown judge, he said again, "It's not my fault."_

_Clucking her tongue, River stepped out of the closest shadow, moving up to Simon's side with such speed he was unable to back away from the iron grip she clamped around his forearm. Forcing his wild eyes to meet her cold, dark ones, she murmured again, "Yes it is. And if Jayne or Inara dies, you'll be a murderer."_

_Trying to deny her statements, Simon shook his head, wrapping his hand around the one she had placed to his arm and prying her fingers away. Pushing her back from him, he backed up a few steps and kept muttering, "No, no, no."_

_River regarded him for a moment more, head cocked to the side as if watching a tub drain. "Killer," she rasped, taking a step back from him, covering herself half in shadow and half in light._

_The blackness was back and this time Simon felt the weight of it pressing heavily on his chest. Gasping for air, he sank to his knees, watching as River backed up further, the only bit of her visible her face. Unwilling to watch her slip away, Simon raised a hand towards her and whined, "River."_

_But without further sound, she was swallowed by the shadow and Simon's chest hurt painfully as his lungs could not take in air._

"_Simon, help me."_

Gasping he was awake, sitting upright in his bunk, Kaylee's wide-eyed and frightened presence beside him. Reaching out a shaky hand, she pressed it lightly to his cheek and asked, "You okay? You was talkin' a bit."

Swallowing several times before he felt certain enough of his voice, he swung his legs out over the side of the bed and planted his feet firmly on the deck. "It's fine, Kaylee," he finally managed, reaching for his shoes. "Go back to sleep."

She was silent as he pulled his shoes on watching him move slowly and methodically. Kaylee knew what that meant; Simon was controlling every action in an attempt to not lose total control. Swallowing back her own hurt and fear, she edged towards him and sat at his side, running her good hand through his hair. Resting her chin on his shoulder, she whispered, "It's okay to not be fine."

Turning to look at her, Simon felt his breath catch again as he was confronted with her round, doe-y eyes. Placing a hand to her cheek, Simon drew her lips towards his and pressed a gentle kiss there. Pulling back, he whispered, "I've got to just get through the next few days. Make sure that Inara and Jayne …" Simon's voice died as he remembered River's assertion from his dream. "I need to make sure you're all right," he said softly, his hand still on her cheek and gently caressing the skin there.

"Whatda 'bout you?" she asked him, edging closer, her body pressed flush with his side. Her eyes wide and concerned, she told him, "I gotta be sure you're okay."

Smiling sadly to her, Simon's heart beat against his rib cage as he felt his love for this beautiful woman grow in seconds. "You don't have to take care of me, Kaylee," he said, his forehead resting against hers. "You just need to get better."

Nodding slightly, she said, "I can do both; look after ya an' get better." As he leaned away to again meet her gaze, she asked quietly, "Will ya let me?"

His eyes studying her entire face, Simon tried desperately to memorize the curve of her cheeks, the plane of her nose, the shape of her eyes. Her skin was still a bit paler than usual, her body no doubt still suffering from the blood loss, but her eyes were expressive once again and Simon was so grateful. Kissing her again, when they parted, he told her, "I love you."

At his admission, she kissed him and Simon found himself lost in that eternal moment of bliss that only Kaylee's touch had ever brought him. It was the moment where nothing existed except the two of them and their feelings for one another and it was the most peaceful and passion-filled moment Simon had ever experienced. One he could have easily lost just a day ago.

Forced to part for air, Simon helped to ease her back under the covers, taking a quick peek at her wound. Reaffixing the bandage, he ran a hand through her soft hair, watching as her eyes drifted shut. "You're going to be okay. Just get some more rest, all right?"

She nodded, murmuring something Simon could not make out and with one more kiss pressed to her forehead, he reluctantly left her sleeping there, feeling the pull of her heart and her love as if connected to him with a string.

Sighing, he moved towards the infirmary, noting that neither Jayne nor Inara appeared to have awoken while he slept. Stepping into the room, he cleared his throat quietly and Mal quickly lifted his head from where he'd rested it against Inara's shoulder.

"How are they doing?" the doctor asked, stepping past Mal to get a better look at the readouts on the various machines hooked up to his patients.

Shrugging, Mal stretched mightily before again resting his hand to Inara's forehead and stroking his thumb along her skin. "There ain't been a change all night. Thought for a few minutes couple o' hours ago, 'Nara might wake up, but she didn't."

The dejection and disappointment in his tone hit Simon especially hard. He knew what he'd feel like if Kaylee were in Inara's position right now and he did not envy the captain at all. Moving to his side, Simon assured him, "She will, Mal. Just give her body time to heal."

Glancing to the younger man with an expectant gaze, he asked, "You sure 'bout that?"

With a small grin, Simon told him, "I can't imagine Inara passing up the chance to insult you for the rest of your life." As Mal actually chuckled at the joke, Simon's eyes flitted over to Jayne's much more injured form. "I'm actually a bit more concerned about Jayne at this point."

"Now those are certainly words I never thought to hear outta your mouth," Mal confessed, following Simon's gaze. "He's that bad, huh?"

Nodding once, Simon rounded the diagnostic chair Inara was on and stood beside Jayne as he laid on the cot along the wall. "I wish I was more optimistic, but at this point, I-"

Stopping in mid-sentence, Simon squeezed his eyes shut as a flare of pain welled in his chest. Waiting for it to pass, he slowly reopened his eyes, placing a steadying hand to the wall. Breathing in deep, he tried to push the pressure away; it was mounting, behind his eyes, causing his vision to swim again and with a heavy sigh, he leaned hard against the wall.

"You ain't lookin' so good, doc," Mal told him needlessly, moving to his side and taking in the boy's ashen appearance. "What is it?"

Struggling to pull air into his lungs, Simon swallowed hard and finally was able to lift his eyes to Mal's face. Squinting against the suddenly harsh light, he murmured, "River. She's awake."

-- --

Mal approached River's room with a heavy heart and almost palpable trepidation. Clutching the hypo Simon had prepared in his hand, he reached for the closed screen and steeled himself for what he'd see on the other side – a girl or a killer. He'd had to face this same dilemma just four months ago; could it have only been four months? – but it had somehow been easier then.

Releasing a heavy sigh, Mal slid the door open, pausing in the doorway as he met River's unblinking gaze. Staring unrelentingly, River did not move and Mal wasn't even sure she was breathing. She just continued to hold his gaze, her expression unreadable. Refusing to move any closer, Mal asked quietly, "You know where you are, River?"

With the same wide-eyed stare, River nodded once and remained silent. Willing his heart rate to slow, Mal asked, "You know what you did?"

Mal could see her eyes instantly pool with tears and while he was upset and just a little scared, he also felt a twinge of sadness for the girl. She'd come to mean a great deal to him over the past year and this situation now was more than horrible – it was unfathomable.

"Jayne? Inara?" she choked out, her voice rough and raspy.

"They're stable," Mal informed her, watching as she closed her eyes against this news and muttered something he couldn't hear. "Kaylee's gonna be all right too."

Reopening her pained eyes to him, River stared and asked, "Simon?"

Crossing his arms over his chest, Mal told her sternly, "I reckon you'd know better than anybody how he is at the moment." Her face blanching at this comment, River swallowed thickly and held his gaze steadily. "He ain't doin' so good, River," Mal admitted, looking for her reaction.

It was as he expected. With no warning, River arched her back off the bed letting loose a wail so long and loud he was certain it would be the noise that finally roused Inara and Jayne. Pulling sharply against the cuffs that kept her chained to the wall, Mal watched her struggle for a few moments, before he finally caught sight of the injury she was inflicting on herself.

Moving towards her, Mal placed his hands to her shoulders, pressing her back into the mattress, stilling her. Panting, River turned her big eyes to him and whispered, "I didn't mean it." Her voice was barely audible, but the words stung Mal, shocking him enough to pull back his hands. Searching his face for understanding, River whispered again, "I didn't, Captain Daddy, I swear. Please, tell them. Please believe me."

Shaking his head, Mal wasted no time in administering the sedative, pressing the hypo into her arm. Rising swiftly, he backed away and told her, "We'll check on you later."

"Please, captain," she begged again as her eyes refused to stay open and her body sagged into the bunk. "Please, please help me."

Watching as she fell into a restful sleep, Mal rubbed a rough hand over his face, trying to displace the tension and helplessness he felt tightening his skin. She looked so frail and fragile, lying there. Her dark hair was splayed around her pillow, framing her face in a halo of black, while the rest of her pale white skin was set off by the dark blue of the dress she wore. She was a contrast in lightness and dark, both physically and mentally and Mal wished he knew of a way to banish the darkness for good.

Taking another long look, Mal backed all the way out of the room and slid the screen shut, locking it from the outside in the process. Turning to head back to Inara's side, he started slightly as he came face to face with Kaylee's shaking form.

"She awake?" she asked quietly, nodding in the direction of River's bunk.

Moving towards her, Mal placed his hands on her shoulders and tried to steer her back to bed. "Not anymore," he answered. "You need to be restin', mei mei."

Shrugging him off, Kaylee looked to him with hard eyes and said, "I'm tired o' restin'. I gotta do somethin'."

Nodding once, Mal backed out of her way and Kaylee stepped around him heading for the stairs to the galley. "You eaten anythin' lately?" she asked, turning as she stepped on the first step.

Smiling at her thoughtfulness, Mal murmured, "No, lil' Kaylee, I sure ain't."

With a look of grim determination, Kaylee moved up the stairs and Mal could hear the rustling of pots and pans just a minute later. Figuring that burying herself in cooking was safer than having his injured mechanic try and bury herself in messing with his ship, Mal moved back towards the infirmary and Inara's still motionless form.

-- --

"Time to eat."

Both Simon and Mal raised weary gazes to Kaylee as she stood in the doorway to the infirmary, a tray of food balanced on her good arm. Moving swiftly to her side, Simon took the tray from her and said, "Bao bei, you should be resting."

Shaking her head she smiled at him and said, "We all gotta eat. I know the two o' you ain't gonna do nothin' about it, so I figured I would." Glancing past Simon to meet Mal's gaze, she added, "C'mon, Cap, you too."

Turning she walked out towards the couch and chairs across from the infirmary. Simon followed, placing the food on the low table there as Mal slowly trudged behind them. Sitting heavily in the chair, he watched as Simon and Kaylee took seats close to each other on the couch, Kaylee's hand immediately enveloping Simon's in a tight grip. As the younger man turned to offer her a small smile, Mal leaned forward and grabbed for a hunk of bread.

Tearing her eyes from Simon's, Kaylee looked to Mal and asked, "How's 'Nara?"

Chewing for a moment, Mal swallowed hard and said, "Same." Gesturing in Simon's direction, he added, "O' course your boyfriend here tells me she's gonna be fine. He better be right."

Gazing to him adoringly once more, Kaylee sighed wistfully. "I'm sure he is. He's the best doc in the 'verse."

Smiling sheepishly at the comment, Simon reached for a bowl of protein-based soup and ate it slowly. "They should both be all right, although, I'd feel better if Jayne's blood pressure would come up," he explained between bites. Pausing with the spoon halfway to his mouth, Simon squeezed his eyes shut again as another wave of pain, like before, hit him behind the eyes. Even though he knew Mal had again drugged River, her emotions were stronger now and she was fighting the medication. She was fighting to reach out to him and Simon found the sensation not only heart breaking, but hurtful.

"You okay, sweetie?" Kaylee asked softly, taking the food from him before he spilled it in his lap.

Nodding once, Simon breathed in a slow, deep breath before he felt he could open his eyes. Meeting Kaylee's concerned gaze, he squeezed her hand, before looking to Mal. "We have to decide what to do; about River. Before she wakes again."

Sighing heavily, Mal suddenly wished he hadn't eaten anything – his stomach was now swimming uncomfortably. "You ain't wrong," he muttered, avoiding the younger man's pained gaze. Rubbing a hand over his tired eyes, he asked, "What do ya think our options are?"

"I honestly have no idea." And he didn't. With a heavy heart and sick feeling in his gut, Simon had no clue what they should do with his mentally unstable sister. She could have easily killed them all back on St. Albans and Simon feared what would happen if they set her free again. His eyes unfocusing as he tried desperately to strike the image of River's blood-stained hands holding a knife to Kaylee's throat, Simon said, "I thought she was getting better."

"She was," Mal affirmed, sitting forward with his elbows on his knees. "Until those hun dans at the academy got her back for a few weeks. Now, who knows?" The disgust in his tone, directed not at River, but at the Blue Hands and their minions was evident and Simon could only grimace. With another heavy sigh, Mal asked, "Do we know what set her off this time?"

Shaking his head once, Simon pulled his eyes back to Mal and said, "No. I'm hoping that once Jayne wakes he might be able to give us a clue, but until then …" The statement died. All three of them realized they were at an impasse and none of them was comfortable with that uncertainty.

"But she's still River, right?" Kaylee's voice, strained and quiet hit the two men squarely in the heart. Neither of them liked to hear such distress coming from the young women and evidence of it now only made Simon and Mal both curse their inability to fix the situation. "I mean, wasn't it kinda like when she killed all them Reavers? She was killin', but she weren't gonna kill us."

Running a hand lightly through her hair, Simon got her attention and told her, "I'm not so certain she's making the distinction between enemy and friends, Kaylee." Frowning as he thought on it more, Simon added, "But she used to." Looking to Mal with just the smallest glimmer of hope in his gaze, he said, "River never would have attacked any of us before. She was a danger, but never to the crew."

Nodding once, Mal said, "I'm fairly certain Jayne's privates woulda disagreed with ya after the Maidenhead, but for the most part, you're right." Watching the younger man's as the wheels in his brain kept spinning, Mal questioned, "What are ya gettin' at?"

Shaking his head swiftly, Simon told him, "I don't know. But if this new trigger is a result of her most recent visit to the Academy, maybe there's a chance of undoing it. Maybe now that I-" Inhaling sharply, Simon's back stiffened, his eyes opening wide with fright and pain as he felt the sharpest and most intense stab at his heart. Covering his chest with his hand, he panted a bit, trying to stymie the feeling of discomfort left behind. He was also trying desperately to block out Kaylee's rising fear, her concern for him causing a consistent wave to buffet him.

Placing his hand over hers, he told her quietly, "It's okay, Kaylee."

Shaking her head, she told him firmly, "No, it ain't." Placing a gentle hand to his face, she turned him to look at her and asked, "Is it River?"

Nodding once, Simon did his best to find the line between his own thoughts and feelings and the jumble of both he was getting from his sister. He was amazed that even sleeping she could be this strong; he shouldn't have been – River had always been a marvel, but it still caught him off guard and it took him several minutes to erect some of the mental barriers his mei mei had taught him.

After tense minutes of silence, Simon finally felt his heart rate slow and his mind settle. Opening his eyes, he was immediately confronted with Kaylee's warm smile and the look buoyed his flagging spirit. Resting his hand to her face, he whispered, "I'm going to be fine."

Biting her lip, Kaylee nodded hesitantly, even as she moved her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. Simon held her back, meeting Mal's puzzled look over her shoulder. After a moment, he finally said, "I have to go see River."

Kaylee tensed instantly in his embrace, holding him tightly and murmuring, "You can't go in there. She could hurt you."

Running a hand through her hair, Simon said, "No, she can't. She's bound to the wall." Turning his head, he pressed a kiss to her temple before pulling back from her. "Will you stay with Mal and watch Inara and Jayne for me?"

Nodding reluctantly, Kaylee pulled her arms down, her hands resting in her lap. Wincing slightly as the extra movement caused the cut on her arm to throb, Simon kissed her lightly and said, "Take it easy with that arm. I'll be back in a bit." Rising, he moved away slowly, entering the infirmary for a moment to grab his kit. A meaningful look to Mal brought the older man into the room and Simon waited until he was close before saying urgently, "Do not let Kaylee come and find me."

Frowning, Mal asked him, "Why? You gonna do somethin' she ain't gonna want to see?"

Mirroring his look, Simon told him, "No, of course not. Kaylee just isn't ready to deal with what River did." As Mal's confused look only grew, Simon eyed him warily and said, "Trust me."

Nodding once, the captain told him, "Been trustin' you quite a bit lately, son." At Simon's incredulous look, Mal assured, "Ain't sayin' I'm gonna stop anytime soon, jus' statin' a fact."

Smiling slightly, Simon moved to leave and told him, "Well, I do appreciate your faith, captain." Sparing a glance to Inara, he added, "Especially given the circumstance."

With a nod, Mal dismissed him and Simon hurried from the room, giving Kaylee a small smile as he moved past her and towards his sister.

-- --

Inara felt the pain in her side first, before she registered the light trying to permeate her lids, before she realized she was cold. Before anything else, she felt the pain, a dull, aching pain that radiated from her right side and through her mid-section.

Moaning softly as consciousness seeped back in, Inara's eyes watered as she tried to open them and the light burned. In less than a second, she felt a shadow cross over her, a warm hand covering her own and she breathed a small sigh of relief. "Mal," she breathed just as she felt lips brush against her forehead.

"Hey there, darlin'." His voice was quiet and soothing to her ears, helping to ease the throb in her gut.

Inara could feel the brush of his hand through her hair and she wished she could see him. Fighting the sting in her eyes, she forced her eyelids open and felt a few more tears come. "Mal," she whimpered again, trying to grab his hand; she needed him to ground her, to remind her she was real because the horror of the last time she'd been awake was so unbelievable she feared she was dead.

"I'm here, 'Nara, it's okay," Mal assured, sitting on the stool at her side and clasping her small, delicate hand between his two larger ones. Pressing his lips to her fingertips, he told her, "You scared me, ai ren."

Swallowing several times in an effort to ease the burn in her throat, Inara murmured, "River … why?"

Wishing he knew, Mal placed his hand to her face, his eyes having difficulty drifting too far from her beautiful features. She turned her face into his touch, nuzzling her lips to his palm. "We don't know why, darlin'," he finally whispered. "But you're gonna be okay now, that's all that matters."

Feeling the pull of sleep again, Inara opened her eyes once more and could finally bring Mal's blue eyes into focus. "Are you all right?"

Smiling at her, Mal tried to swallow the tightness in his throat. Leaning forward, he brushed a kiss to her lips and whispered, "Yeah, darlin', I'm fine. Just keep restin', all right?" She nodded imperceptibly, releasing a heavy sigh as her body again relaxed. Gently squeezing the hand he held, Mal found himself unable to move away from her side.

Kaylee watched Mal and Inara from the doorway to the infirmary, her heart breaking as she witnessed the tenderness between them. She'd always known that once the captain and the companion stopped being stubborn they would be ridiculously happy together and for a fleeting second, Kaylee believed they had been. But now in just a few fateful moments it had almost come crashing to a halt.

Backing out of the doorway, she turned on shaky legs, her feet propelling her forward even as her mind clouded with sadness and grief. Wrapping her arms tightly around her waist, Kaylee soon found herself in the engine room – her room. Even with Serenity quiet this place could still comfort her. It was dark inside and she didn't bother to turn on the lights. Instead she moved with memorized ease to the back wall, wedging herself between it and the engine. Leaning her back against the curved metal, she sat still and quiet, trying not to think, not to feel.

If she let herself feel anything, she knew it would be anger and disappointment and she didn't want that. Kaylee always, no matter what, had believed the best in people; it was part of her, just like her gift with machines. But she found it waning now. She could no longer think the best of River.

Shivering at the memory, her mind flashed the image of River's blood-thirsty gaze, forcing her to remember. But it hadn't just been a look, it had been the cold, calculating tone to her voice, the way she had so casually threatened to end Kaylee's life – and the pure nonchalance she had affected when Simon had begged to be her victim instead.

This shiver was more violent than the last and Kaylee found she was hugging her arms so tightly to herself it hurt. She could feel the pull of her wounded arm, felt it throb again painfully, but she didn't care. She couldn't stop shaking, couldn't stop feeling helpless, hopeless, lost.

What could they do for River now? She knew Simon would never harm his sister and deep down, past her fear and pain, Kaylee knew she didn't want that either. She loved River, like a sister, which made the horror of what had been done to the younger woman all the worse. River attacking them, trying to hurt them, it wasn't her, it was the programmed killer the Alliance had strived to make. And Kaylee realized for the second time in five months, they had succeeded.

Trembling now, Kaylee leaned over onto her side, resting her face against the cool grating of the floor. Watching as the room began to spin, she squeezed her eyes shut and curled herself into the tightest ball imaginable, hoping that maybe if she just waited long enough, all of this would pass.

-- --

Simon had placed his hand to the screen four times, each time failing to find the courage to open the door. For the fifth time, he reached out and rested his palm to the jamb and took a deep breath. Feeling another wave of pain and guilt from his sister wash over him, he knew he could no longer delay this meeting.

Clicking open the lock, Simon slid the door back and entered the room, keeping his eyes to the floor. Shutting the screen behind him, Simon found his heart beating rapidly, more anguish welling in his chest than he rightly knew what to do with. Closing his eyes, he fell lightly against the wall, needing the support as his knees threatened to buckle. An image, a memory that was not his own intruded on him then – one of a room covered in blood, full of dead Reavers and even worse, dead crew. And standing in the middle of it all, his sister.

Snapping his eyes open, Simon finally met her tormented gaze and said softly, "Don't River."

Unblinking, she stared at him and defended her actions. "Have to understand. Have to know it wasn't me."

His gaze softening a bit, Simon explained, "I already know that, mei mei. I know it was the Alliance. Another trigger, right?"

Nodding once, River's eyes welled with tears and she fought to hold them in as she said, "I'm so sorry, Simon. I didn't mean to hurt them, any of them, especially Kaylee."

Dropping his chin to his chest, Simon released a heavy sigh, before moving to her side and sitting. Placing his medkit on the floor, he reached in and pulled out a few pads of gauze and some antiseptic. Turning to tend to the wound on her head, he told her, "I know that, River, but it doesn't change the fact that you did hurt them." Pausing for a moment, his eyes locked on hers as he added, "Badly."

Crying more silent tears, River's wide brown eyes never left his face as the minutes passed in silence. With practiced calm he tended to the bullet graze along her scalp. It wasn't deep and had only served to render her unconscious – right when they'd needed it.

Unable to busy himself any longer, Simon allowed his hands to drop to his lap and reluctantly brought his eyes to River's face. The look of pure despair and remorse swirling in the brown depths caused Simon's own chest to constrict with grief. Cradling her face in his hands, Simon wiped at her tear stains even as more drops fell to replace them.

"Oh, River," he breathed, the words strangled as he swallowed a sob. "I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do."

Holding his gaze intently, his sister, once so innocent and full of life, now studied him with wounded eyes, haunted and tortured by memories she should have never been made to bear. With an expression that bordered between sadness and annoyance, she told him softly, "Already told you what to do. But you didn't." As Simon's brow furrowed, his mind racing to remember the solution she had provided and he had ignored, River swallowed hard and whispered, "Bullet in the brainpan, squish."

Shaking his head violently, Simon held her face rigid, forcing her to meet his gaze. "No, River, I won't. That's not … that's not a solution." His voice broke as he tried to assure her.

Her eyes hardening in a second, she said firmly, "Yes, Simon it is. Thou shall not suffer a witch to live." Her tone was as cold as her gaze and Simon found himself visibly shaking.

"Stop it!" It was an anguished cry that echoed around the small room. Simon rose swiftly, pacing away from her. Confronted with the confines of the bunk, he struck out his fist, hitting the wall so sharply he knew his hand would be bruised for days. Whirling back to face her, he said in a controlled tone, "You are not a witch. You didn't mean to do it, I know that." His shoulders slumping forward as his momentary rage turned to despair, he sank down to the floor, his head falling into his hands. "You're my sister," he whimpered. "My baby sister. I can't …"

River watched Simon struggle to come to grips with what he knew was the only answer. He didn't want it to be and neither did she, truthfully; she didn't want to die. She wanted to grow up and fall in love; watch Simon and Kaylee get married and have a life; watch her brother become the amazing father he was destined to be; travel the 'verse and see all there was to see, before she started over and saw it again.

But that future, which just a few short months ago she had thought was her destiny, had disappeared from view. She no longer saw past the moment; she could no longer read more than what was happening in the here and now and she knew what that meant – she didn't have anything past the present. She no longer had a future.

"Didn't fail, Simon." Her voice was low and even, more controlled than Simon would have expected it to be. Unable to bring himself to look at her, he simply strained to listen as she continued. "Didn't know the girl you rescued wasn't your sister. Didn't know River was already dead."

At this statement his head snapped up so fast it hurt his neck. Moving to her side instantly, Simon listened in stunned horror as she repeated, "River is dead. I'm not her." Placing a hand to his face, she whispered, "Let me go. It's okay."

"No, River, please." His voice was a sob he could not stop. "You wouldn't do it again, I know it."

"Do you?" Her voice was cold and Simon inhaled sharply as he looked in her eyes. "Do you know that for sure? Are you willing to risk your life or Kaylee's to find out?" Watching as he struggled for words, she pulled against her restraints, sitting as far forward as possible and yelling, "Why don't you let me go and find out?"

Recoiling in horror, Simon's eyes darted along her face, watching as she seethed with anger, her teeth gritted as she fought another snarl. "I mean it, I'll kill again. You know I will." Closing her eyes, he felt a harsh push as her mind assaulted his, again overlaying the image of her murderous rampage in his memory. "I'll kill them all. Unless you kill me first."

"River. Stop."

Barely able to catch his breath, Simon did not turn as he heard Mal's voice from behind him. Wondering how the captain could have gotten so close without him hearing, Simon scooted back along the edge of the bunk, rising on shaky legs, his eyes still fixed on his sister as she seethed with contempt.

"Stay out of this, captain." It was no more than a growl, low and deep and it only served to anger Mal further.

"I most certainly will not," he told her harshly, stepping fully into the room and towering over her. "I ain't gonna stand by while you take the coward's way out." Leaning down, Mal brought his face to within an inch of hers and whispered, "And what's worse, you weren't even gonna have the guts to do it yourself." Gesturing back towards Simon, Mal watched as some of River's fight left her and she sagged into the mattress. "I ain't gonna listen to you scare your brother into killin' you. Do you have any idea what that'll do to him?"

River's eyes darted from Mal to Simon's distraught form and back again in a second. But in that second Mal saw a flash of the young woman who loved her brother more than life itself and he knew he'd made his point. Straightening he told her, "You force him to do this, you may as well shoot 'im first."

"I can't live with what I did," she wailed suddenly, her body convulsing, the pain she felt hitting Simon like a punch to the gut, breaking through any of the barriers he'd managed to put into place. Struggling for air, he barely heard Mal as the older man tried to reason with his sister.

"You ain't gotta choice, River. Dyin' is the easy way. You ain't never done nothin' easy an' now is not the time to start." Mal's tone was authoritative, like a parent speaking to a small child and Simon did not miss the similiarities they shared, right now, in this moment, to a family – a real family. "You gotta have some faith that we're gonna figure this out, dong ma?"

"You can't trust me," she hiccupped between sobs, staring at Mal's face with such intensity it nearly rendered him speechless. "I can't even trust myself."

Sitting beside her, Mal rested a hand to her shoulder and said, "At the moment, that don't matter, lil' one." Her body relaxed a bit at the use of the endearment, more tears falling as she craved the fatherly comfort Mal provided. "All that matters right now is whether or not you trust us. Do ya?"

Biting her lip against another sob, River nodded once, her eyes again wide and all-seeing. Leaning forward, she got as close to Mal as her restraints would allow and whispered, "Help him, please."

Glancing over his shoulder, Mal caught sight of Simon's nearly doubled-over form and grimaced. The boy was hurtin'. Turning back to River, he told her, "I will darlin'. We all will, just like we're gonna help you. Dong ma?"

Nodding again, Mal murmured, "All right then," before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her forehead. With a heavy sigh, River laid back against the pillows, her body shuddering as her final sobs subsided. Watching her for a moment more, Mal leaned forward, reaching into his pocket in the process and producing the key to her bindings. Undoing them, he placed her wrists against her abdomen and then re-cuffed them, allowing her the freedom to move a bit easier. "That'll be better for sleepin', I think."

Smiling weakly at him, River's eyes closed almost immediately, her body unable to fight the fatigue such emotional trauma caused. Glancing back to Simon, Mal nodded imperceptibly and the younger man moved forward on unsteady legs to his kit. Pulling out a smoother, he administered it swiftly, ensuring that River would be out for at least another eight hours. Collecting his things, the doctor reluctantly moved to the door, Mal following him and locking the screen again once they'd exited.

Neither man said anything for several moments. Simon simply stared at the now closed door, while Mal stared at him. The kid was strong, brave and damn smart, but Mal knew this was well beyond just about anyone's tolerance for strength, bravery or smarts, and it pained him to see the younger man hurting, just as much as it pained Mal to see River so torn up.

Clapping a hand to his shoulder, Mal forcibly steered him back towards the infirmary. "How 'bout you look in on your patients an' then try to get a bit more rest, huh?"

Too numb to provide an answer, Simon simply walked with a measured step back towards the medbay, his medkit clutched to his chest. Entering the sterile room, he moved first to Jayne, studying his readouts with clinical disinterest before studying Inara's vitals. As he finished looking over the companion, his head snapped up and met Mal's worried gaze. "Kaylee?" he breathed, realizing for the first time that she was no where to be seen.

Cursing quietly, Mal shook his head once. "Sorry, Simon. 'Nara woke up an' I just focused on her. Lil' Kaylee musta slipped out then."

Hurrying through his last few tests, Simon hastened to the room's exit, needing to find her, for his own sanity and, he feared, for hers.

-- --


	24. Chapter 24

-- --

Chapter 24

-- --

Kaylee was not in their bunk, her old bunk, the cargo bay, bridge or galley and Simon was panicking. He had known when he'd left to check on River that she wasn't doing well. Her mind and psyche were understandable to him, clearer than just about anything else and he'd felt the encroaching effects of anxiety and fear plaguing her. Simon had hoped that if she stayed with Mal while he checked on River she'd be distracted enough not to retreat within herself. He knew that's what she longed to do. And it angered him.

It angered him that Kaylee, so full of life, often his only reminder of the good in the 'verse, was left with no other alternative but to hide. That wasn't Kaylee.

Pausing for a moment in the midst of his frantic search, Simon forced himself to take a deep, calming breath. Standing at the mouth of the hallway to the crew quarters, he closed his eyes and loosened the barriers around his mind for just a second. River's anguish immediately flooded through him, but with a deep breath and shaky control, he pushed it back until he felt Kaylee's pain as well. It was an echo really, nothing more and the lack of strength caused his worry to spike sharply. Snapping open his eyes, Simon bounded across the galley and towards the engine room in just a few steps, sprinting the rest of the way to the darkened room and entering hurriedly.

Pausing for a moment as his eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, he called quietly, "Kaylee? Are you in here?"

He wasn't accustomed to the room being so silent, but even in the quiet he could not hear her. However, he could feel her and the lack of emotion was almost as devastating as the opposite. Rounding the engine, he squinted and was able to instantly outline her small, trembling form. Rushing forward, Simon reached for Kaylee, placing his hands on her shoulders, hoping to draw her to him and stop her shivering, but with a speed he wasn't expecting she scrambled away from him, wedging herself between the bulkhead and the engine.

"Go 'way, Simon." Her voice was raspy and hollow and Simon didn't like it.

"No," he told her firmly, keeping his voice as soothing as possible. "Kaylee, I want you to come back down to the infirmary with me. I think you need to get some more rest."

Shaking her head once, Kaylee wrapped her knees to her chest and murmured, "Don't wanna sleep."

His gaze softening, Simon edged a bit closer to her and asked, "Why not? You'll feel better if you rest."

Her head turning from side to side once more, Kaylee released a huge breath and leaned back against the wall, her eyes gazing at the ceiling unseeing. "No, I won't. Won't help – sleepin' won't change nothin'."

Finally beginning to understand her thought process, Simon continued to listen as Kaylee's broken voice went on. "River'll still be crazy, dangerous. 'Nara an' Jayne they'll still be hurt. You an' the Cap, you'll both still be upset an' worried an' nervous 'bout what to do." With the smallest shrug, she looked to him and said, "Sleep won't help any o' that."

At a loss for what to say, Simon's mind searched for a reason, some way to convince Kaylee that while sleep wouldn't necessarily change their predicament, it might help her to feel better about it. "You're right," he finally admitted, again moving closer, grateful when Kaylee did not back away. "Sleep won't fix any of what's happened. But, Kaylee," he murmured, reaching for her hand. It was so cold within his own and Simon felt an instant chill sweep over him. "Kaylee, I need to know you're all right." His voice catching in his throat as more emotion, both his own and Kaylee's bubbled up inside him, he added quietly, "I need you, bao bei. I need your help."

Kaylee could not miss the plea in his voice and with wide, green eyes, she looked to him. The room was dim, but she could see Simon's features, etched with worry lines, his brow furrowed by his need to do something to help and his inability to determine what that might be. Squeezing the hand he held, Kaylee leaned forward and whispered, "There ain't nothing I can do."

Simon's heart broke at the statement. "How can you say that?" he asked incredulously. Moving his hands to her face, Simon reminded her, "You're the one that's helped me stay sane, reminded me that things will be all right, no matter how dark it gets. Just knowing that you love me has helped more than anything else."

Biting her lip against a sob, Kaylee murmured, "I do love you, Simon. I just don't …"

Watching as more pain flashed across her features, Simon prompted, "Don't what?"

Swallowing her pride and her fear, Kaylee pushed the words past her lips. "I know that you can feel the things I'm thinkin' an' a big part of what I'm thinkin' right now is fear." Raising her eyes to his face, she whispered quietly, "I'm so scared, Simon. Scared for all o' us. I don't wanna be around you, makin' things harder. That's the last thing you need right now."

Shaking his head, Simon refused to let her say anymore. Pulling her into a tight embrace, he murmured, "Kaylee, my abilities do not change the fact that I love you. If you're scared, happy, sad or anything else in between." Pausing for a moment, he took a deep, shaky breath and whispered in her ear, "I love you. Let me help you."

"I wanna help you," she whispered back, her arms wrapped around him tightly.

"Then we'll help each other," Simon countered, pressing a kiss to her temple. "And the first thing we're going to do is make sure you get some more sleep and be certain that that arm is healing nicely."

Wincing as Kaylee felt another stab of pain through her arm, she told him, "Yeah, it's been botherin' me a bit."

New concern coloring his features, Simon pulled back and rose slowly to his feet, helping Kaylee to stand as well. "Then we should definitely get you back downstairs so I can take a look."

Silently, they moved towards the room's exit. Kaylee leaned against Simon heavily, her head swimming once again as her feet moved forward. Why was the room always spinning?

Reaching the few steps to the exit, Simon lifted his foot to ascend them noting the way Kaylee faltered beside him. Looking to her quickly, he could just make out the whites of her eyes as they rolled back in her head, her entire body sagging limply against him as she passed out.

"Kaylee!" he called urgently, shaking her a bit in an effort to rouse her. When it didn't work, Simon quickly scooped her up and into his arms, racing back through the ship and towards the infirmary faster than he ever had before.

Knowing there was no room for her in there, Simon gently laid her on the couch opposite his sanctuary before rushing past Mal, ignoring the man's baffled look, as he collected some equipment and then rushed back out. Kneeling beside his beloved, Simon felt first for her pulse, his eyes roving over her unconscious form looking for the offending injury. As they focused on her bound arm, Simon hissed sharply seeing the blood-stained bandage. She'd been bleeding for the past hour, unchecked and it was the blood loss that had caused her body to give out. Glad that he knew he could fix it, but angry that he had to, Simon administered a few medications, working swiftly. He felt Mal's presence behind him, the older man consumed with concern for Kaylee as she appeared so pale before them both.

"She'll be fine," Simon said quietly as he worked, not bothering to look at the captain. "She's going to be fine."

Praying he wasn't wrong, Simon continued to help her, knowing he would not rest until her wide green eyes had again opened to him.

-- --

Beta regarded the spinning brownish orb below with a cold gaze. It made no sense for them to be here, not again. Why River would return to Whittier, where she had been apprehended before did not fit their probability matrix; the girl was much too smart for that.

But the signal had led them here, and the pulse was still strong. It couldn't be a malfunction or some type of interference. Whether it fit her profile or not, River Tam was somewhere down below and that meant it was his job to again find her.

"Sir?"

The voice coming through the comm was commanding, although Beta could sense just a bit of hesitation. The peons on the bridge had learned early in their tour together that he was not to be interrupted in his private chambers – unless it was grossly important.

Sneering, Beta flipped open the channel and asked, "What?"

A pause; and then, "We're getting a wave from Londinium – the Prime Minister's office."

No wonder the lieutenant had hesitated. Swallowing a curse, Beta ordered, "Get Omega to take it. I'm busy." Quickly shutting off the comm, the agent sighed heavily and turned to regard the planet below. Weighing his options, he soon found himself out the door and heading for the flight deck, knowing that if this was ever going to end, he would be forced to do it himself.

-- --

Mal watched silently as Simon fussed over Kaylee, at her side every minute he was not in the infirmary checking on his other two patients. Jayne's condition still oscillated between critical and stable, but Inara was healing much quicker now, almost seventy-two hours after the fact and Simon was not the only person on board relieved by that news.

With difficulty, the captain pulled himself away from Inara's side, brushing a kiss against her mouth as he went. Silently he moved past Simon and Kaylee, the young woman still asleep on the couch, and made his way back to where they'd be holding River.

Sighing heavily, Mal opened the screen not at all surprised to find River awake and staring at him intently. Trying to give her a soft smile, he entered the room, shut the door and then turnd to face her. "How're ya feelin' lil' one?" he asked quietly, his arms over his chest. He was doing his best to keep the hardened, stone walls around his heart – the ones he'd perfected after the war, the ones that had protected him from years of any true emotion. But Zoe's death, Inara's injury and River's betrayal had pretty much turned them to rubble and Mal secretly knew it was only a matter of time before he felt everything with more clarity then he'd ever experienced before.

Unblinking, River said, "Still crazy."

Dropping his chin to his chest, Mal squeezed his eyes shut and admonished, "River-"

"Let me go, Captain Daddy." The words were soft spoken, not angry or hurtful, just there and Mal's face snapped back up to meet her open gaze.

"What?" he breathed, taking a step closer before stopping himself.

Frowning, River wiggled around on the bunk until she was more or less sitting up, her bound hands resting in her lap. With the most plaintive of gazes and no malice in her tone, she repeated, "Let me go. You've done all you can and so has Simon. Time for me to make it on my own."

Shaking his head once, Mal told her, "No, River, that ain't an option." As she continued to stare, he grabbed desperately for reasons to discount her words knowing full well that this was a battle he would more than likely lose. "Never mind the fact that your brother would kill me dead, we can't jus' dump ya somewhere an'-"

"And run the risk that I'll kill again?" River interrupted, finishing the statement he would have never been able to voice. Shrugging lightly, she reminded him, "Big girl now, an adult. If I were to be triggered again, I wouldn't be your responsibility." Leaning forward, her eyes widened even further, if that were possible and Mal felt his breath race from his lungs as the look of resignation he saw there rendered him speechless. "Not your burden to carry, not anymore."

Another protest rose to his lips, but before Mal could push the words out, River's entire body tensed, her head falling back against the wall of the bunk as she started to convulse, murmuring incoherently. Moving to her side, afraid that her thrashing might cause her to injure herself, he grabbed her shoulders firmly and called, "River, what is it?"

River's vision swam with dark memories she had tried to forget. Some were new, others old, but all were sinister and frightening. Feeling the dampness of a light sweat coat her forehead, she forced her eyes open to look to Mal and whispered, "Two by two, hands of blue."

Backing up from her abruptly, Mal whispered, "They're here?"

Nodding once, River swallowed hard and took several deep breaths, willing her heart rate to return to normal. When she felt she could again speak, she told him shakily, "Looking for me." Pausing, she tilted her head to the side as if listening and then, with a ferocity Mal had not expected, growled loud and deep before pushing her dress up so she could expose one pale thigh.

Mal watched with a mixture of fascination and horror as River clawed at her own flesh, screaming, "Get it out, get it out!" Frozen in shock, he could only watch as her fingers dug into the outside of her thigh, questing for something that he could not see and quickly drawing blood.

Simon was to the doorway in an instant, immobilized by the same shock that had overtaken Mal. Recovering faster and doing his best to block out River's anger and rage, Simon rushed to her side and pulled her hands away, gripping them tightly with his own. "River. Stop," he said firmly, his voice carrying in the small room.

Panting heavily, River wide eyes, full of pain and fear locked onto Simon's face and she whispered, "I didn't know. Didn't know I was singing to them."

Furrowing his brow, Simon glanced back to Mal, wondering if the other man was able to decipher what she was speaking of. With a light shrug, Mal conveyed he was just as lost as the young doctor. Remembering her warning from only a minute before, Mal's mind finally compelled his body into motion. Moving back to River's side, he asked hurriedly, "Where an' how soon?"

Meeting his hardened gaze, she whispered, "Any minute now. Coming in a shuttle."

Leaving Simon to deal with the rest, Mal moved quickly from the room, taking the stairs two at a time and sprinting to the bridge. He was by no means a skilled pilot, but he would save his boat and his crew from any other danger – that was his job.

-- --

As soon as Mal had gone, Simon turned his attention to River's bleeding leg, noting how effectively she had wounded the skin there. Hissing through clenched teeth, Simon asked her, "What were you trying to do?"

"Have to take it out," she told him, moving his hands from hers to the wound and pressing them down. Even as she winced at the added pressure, she guided his fingers until she knew he could feel the foreign device that had betrayed them. "Need to stop singing their song."

Simon's eyes widened as his fingers gingerly probed. There was something there, something that did not belong. Rushing from the room, he was back with his med kit just as he felt the ship shudder, the captain obviously having gotten them in the air. Trying to forget how tight the cave was that they were buried in and therefore how incredibly ill-advised it was for Mal to be piloting, Simon swabbed River's skin, prepping the area for surgery. Administering a local anethestic, he set to work quickly.

-- --

Kaylee awoke quickly, her body tensing as she recognized the familiar hum of her ship in the air. Blinking her eyes rapidly in an effort to clear the drug-induced fog, she winced, feeling the pull of her arm. Glancing about, she realized she was alone, her heart thudding in her chest as she feared what that could mean.

Swinging her legs out and onto the deck, she rose slowly, steadying herself as she still felt a bit shaky from the blood loss. Moving towards the infirmary with a measured pace, she called quietly, "Simon?"

Not getting an answer, her heart beat even more sharply against her rib cage. Entering the immaculate room, her wide green eyes swept over Inara's and Jayne's still motionless forms and she felt bile rising in her throat. The captain and Simon would never leave them alone, not unless they'd been forced to. Gripping the hatchway for support, Kaylee slumped against the wall, her mind spinning with all the awful possibilities of what could have drawn the two protectors away from their charges.

Doing her best to banish the image of a crazed River standing over their bleeding, lifeless bodies, Kaylee straightened again about to go in search of Simon, when a scream pierced the air. It was high-pitched and pained and Kaylee recognized it immediately as River's. With barely any forethought, Kaylee stumbled towards the counter in the infirmary, her hand reaching for and closing around the cold metal she'd been seeking, before she headed back out of the room and towards the sound. The scream had died down into a whimper and Kaylee clutched the scalpel she held more tightly, her knuckles whitening from the ferocity of her grasp.

She didn't know what she expected to find, or what exactly she thought she'd do. All Kaylee knew was that in the past two and a half weeks, they'd lost Zoe, Mal had almost been executed, Simon had taken a trip down the road to insanity and almost not survived the journey and River had tried to kill them all. God help her if she found out that the cries she heard now were the aftereffects of the young woman's remorse at having finally succeeded in ending her brother's life or the captain's. Kaylee knew if they did, she wouldn't be responsible for her resulting actions.

Arriving at the open doorway to River's cell, her entire body tensed and ready for a fight, Kaylee grew dizzy, the blood rushing from her head and her heart as she saw Simon bent over his sister, blood staining his clothes, his hands. There was blood on River as well and the girl's eyes were closed tightly against tears.

At that moment, the moment of seeing all that blood and drawing the conclusion that the love of her life was in mortal danger something snapped within Kaylee. The usually cheerful, peace-loving mechanic raged, her closed fist brandishing the scalpel raised high over her head as she charged into the room with a snarl. Ready to strike at River and not stop until she had erased the danger from their lives, Kaylee's rampage was interrupted as Simon whirled quickly into her path, raising his hand to grab at her upraised wrist and still her slashing motion.

"Kaylee!" His cry was a mixture of shock and awe, never before having seen or felt such raw anger from her. Meeting her wild, green-eyed gaze with his concerned blue one, Simon asked, "What are you doing?"

Forcing her eyes to meet his, Kaylee's body again slumped back, weak from the exertion and the lack of adrenaline as it faded from her system. Glancing down to his shirt and the blood that stained it, she looked back to River and saw the incision he'd been in the process of closing. Releasing a shaky breath, she looked back to him and whispered brokenly, "She didn't hurt ya."

His eyes swimming with fear, love and concern for the woman before him now, Simon shook his head slowly even as he pried the scalpel from her hand. Placing both hands to her shoulders, he held her gingerly, unwilling to stain her clothes with the blood covering him. "No, Kaylee, I'm fine." As seconds of silence passed between them and it became obvious that Kaylee could not speak, Simon told her, "But I have to finish what I started. There's something in River, something the Alliance implanted and I need to get it out."

Numbly, Kaylee nodded once, backing out his touch and moving slowly towards the door, never once turning her back on the scene before her. "'Kay," she murmured before entering the hallway and moving just as slowly across the way to Simon's bunk. Shutting the screen, Kaylee sunk onto the bed, curling up onto her side into the smallest ball she could manage. Shivering uncontrollably, she pulled the warm blanket from the foot of the bed up and over herself, as she rocked back and forth doing her best to not think of the drastic action she'd almost taken – against a member of her own family.

-- --

Simon finished his work in silence, wresting the small, silver rod from his sister's muscle. It was no more than a half an inch long, but Simon knew it was Alliance and he guessed, by the way she eased into the pillows the minute he wrenched it free, it was what had her so bothered. Closing up her wound, Simon did not speak as he stitched.

His sister, much calmer now, watched him carefully and finally said, "She'll be all right."

Not bothering to ask who she meant or dispute the claim, Simon continued to work in quiet. River could feel his turmoil, roiling under the surface like the ocean's waves before a storm. He was petrified for Kaylee, for River, for himself. He had no idea that Kaylee, his bao bei, so sweet and loving, could ever be driven to pick up a weapon, could ever be incited to violence and it shook him to the core to know that she had.

Leaning forward gingerly, River said urgently, "Only did it because she thought you were in trouble. Only did it because I am a danger."

With a heavy sigh, Simon dressed her wound and finally met her gaze. "That's not true, River, you're not a danger."

Frowning at him, River rolled her eyes and told him, "Stop, Simon. You've already denied the truth for too long." As his pained eyes bored into hers, River said softly, "Time to move onto the next stage."

Returning her frown, Simon asked, "Stage of what, mei mei?"

"Grief," she told him simply, acting as though she hadn't just shattered his world when in actuality she knew had. As another protest of denial rose to his lips, she quieted him. "You have to accept that the River you knew is gone. You have to mourn the loss of her. Denial is a fine place to start, but before you can truly move on, you've got to move through that pain."

"I will not let you go, River," Simon reiterated, taking her face in his hands and determinedly holding her gaze. "I won't."

River had never felt such conflict. She didn't want Simon to let her go truly. He was the only person, in her entire life, who had ever grounded her, ever cared enough to make her whole, make her a person. She loved him more than she loved anything or anyone else. Which, of course, was the precise reason why she would force him to abandon her.

Backing out of his touch, she told him softly, "Then you'll lose everything." His eyes widening at this admission, River continued before he could interrupt with more denials. "You'll lose Kaylee," she said, watching as his face grew pale, the thought of the bright, loving girl no longer in his life frightening him beyond belief. "You'll lose Serenity, you'll lose your sanity." His wide and unaccepting eyes fell again to her face and through a few tears, River smiled sadly and said, "And all you'll have gained is a sister, a killer, who is beyond salvation."

Choking back a sob, Simon rose swiftly and stumbled for the door. "That's not true," he breathed, unable to meet her gaze. The unadulterated conviction her brown eyes held were enough to tell him, even without his newfound talent, that she spoke the truth. A truth he still could not accept. "That can't be true."

River's retort died on her lips as she ship rolled violently to the side, tipping Simon off his feet, his shoulder landing heavily against the wall. River managed to keep her balance, staying in the bunk, but when she met his gaze again, she told him, "Needs my help."

Torn between ensuring their survival and possibly causing their demise, Simon moved forward and unbound River's feet from the bunk. With her hands still together, she could do serious damage, but he was counting on this current moment of lucidity to last just a bit longer. Taking her by the elbow, he guided her from the room and to the bridge, only able to imagine what exactly the captain's reaction would be.

-- --

"Ni ta ma de tian xia suo you de ren dou gai si!"

Mal cursed again, loudly and violently as he felt one of the ship's thrusters bounce off the close walls of the cave. He'd been flying as slowly and carefully as possible for the past ten minutes and had only succeeded in adding more dings and dents to his boat while getting them about five feet closer to the mouth of the cave. At this rate, they'd be emerging just as the Feds were upon them.

"No! Wait!"

The string of curses that escaped his lips now were much more violent and much more loud. Risking a glance behind him, he scowled at the scene of Simon guiding River up the hallway towards the cockpit. "What the hell is she doin' not tied to the bunk?" he shouted turning back to the controls.

"Need my help." River answered instead, basically sprinting the next of the way towards the bridge. "Put the ship down. Don't leave the cave."

"Are you kiddin' darlin'?" Mal asked incredulously, still doing his best to ease the ship towards the entrance. "We'll be sittin' ducks in here."

"Exactly," River told him, grabbing his forearm in an iron grip.

Mal's confused blue eyes met her gaze, his next protest dying on his lips. Guiding the ship back down to the floor of the cave, he did not power her down or take his hands from the controls, but simply ordered, "You better start explainin', lil' one."

Looking to her brother, she told him, "Get the tracking device and meet in the cargo bay in five minutes."

His eyes searching hers for understanding, Simon was torn. He knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt that whatever River had planned would save them all, while potentially putting her in danger. He didn't want that. He knew there was another way – there had to be. The crew would trust her again, she just needed to give them time.

"We don't have it, Simon," she reminded him quietly, her brown-eyed gaze never wavering from his face. "Time is something we just don't have."

Pursing his lips, it was obvious Simon liked this explanation even less, but with one quick nod from the captain he was off the bridge, sprinting back the way he'd come. Leaving River and Mal facing each other.

"What'd ya got planned, lil' one?" Mal asked quietly. He was unbelievably tense, the muscles in his shoulders coiled taut as he waited for River to either help them or betray them. He didn't know what had convinced him that she wasn't a threat at this very moment, he had no idea why he felt compelled to trust her when all he could remember was the look of Inara's pale face as she lay downstairs in the infirmary. But he had and once again he was betting his life and the lives of his crew on the theory that she was a person, real and whole.

"Need to get them away from us," she said, glancing past him to study the readouts. According to the screen the ship with the blue-handed agents had yet to break atmo, but would do so soon. They really didn't have a lot of time. "Need to convince them we aren't a threat."

"Yeah, well reason's never been the 'Liance's strong suit now has it?" Mal retorted, quickly losing patience.

Pulling her eyes from the display screens, she fixed him with an unwavering gaze and finally explained. "Not going to reason. Going to die."

-- --

"Dresden is madder than we've ever seen him," Omega confided, leaning close to the screen as he studied his partner's dark countenance. "He's demanding that you call him with a status update immediately."

Casting an eye roll to the screen, Beta told him, "That's nice." Watching his screens, he saw that the signal from the tracking device was still coming through loud and clear. "I'll have his update by end of day. And chances are I'll have those tian sha de e mo by then too." In disgust, Beta closed the channel and sent down his clearance codes, ready to end all of this speculation and nonsense once and for all.

-- --


	25. Chapter 25

-- --

Chapter 25

-- --

Simon paced anxiously in the cargo bay, holding the tracking device in his hand. He rolled it absentmindedly between his forefinger and thumb, barely aware of its presence. But he was more than aware of the coming darkness.

River had unknowingly led the feds to their exact location; this tiny device he held in his hand was proof that they had thought of everything to be sure she could never escape them and it caused more anger to churn in his gut. Risking the onslaught of emotion he would feel, he lowered his mental barriers for just a moment, sensing anger, fear and loss rushing towards him. Unable to ascertain who exactly was feeling what, Simon was about to call the bridge, when he caught sight of River, with Mal on her heels, flying down the stairs of the cargo bay to meet him.

"Do you have it?" she asked, thrusting out her upturned palm.

Simon nodded and moved to drop the rod into her hand, but paused, meeting her gaze. "What are you planning, mei mei?"

Frowning at him as she knew they didn't have this kind of time, she explained. "Just trust me, Simon, please. This one last time." Taking one more step towards him, she lowered her voice to a whisper and told him, "It'll be all right."

Highly doubting that hypothesis, Simon relented, depositing the tiny tracker into her hand. In one fluid motion, River enveloped him in a huge embrace. Pressing her lips to his ear, she murmured, "Make sure she understands it wasn't her fault. Don't blame her for this, please." As Simon pulled back, confusion etched on his features, River told him, "Just love her, Simon, with all your heart and you'll both be okay."

"River, this sounds like a goodbye."

"That it does, Albatross," Mal interjected, stepping forward and wearing his best captain-y expression. "I thought we agreed, no thrillin' heroics."

Shrugging lightly, River held up her still bound wrists to Mal as she told them both, "Chance that something could go wrong. Chance I won't see you on the other side of this." As Mal undid the cuffs, River hugged him tightly as well. "Watch after him for me, dong ma? He still needs guidance, even though he doesn't think so."

Nodding once, Mal held her back. They had discussed this plan on the bridge and while Mal did believe it had its dangers, he did not believe he'd never see her again – he couldn't.

"Yeah, well, I ain't gonna have to, River," he told her, pressing a kiss to her temple. "You're gonna be buggin' the crap outta your brother for years to come."

With one final squeeze, River pulled away, taking the small satchel he handed her and smiled sadly at him. Then, she rushed towards the cargo bay's door, flinging the heavy metal open quickly. Mal and Simon watched after her for a few moments once she'd disappeared. Neither man was at all sure what to say, but Mal knew what they had to do. Clapping the young doctor on the shoulder he said, "I gotta get back up to the bridge if'n this is gonna work." Turning on his heel, he raced for the stairs, calling over his shoulder, "Make sure them patients o' yours are strapped in good. Things are gonna get interestin'."

Silently nodding, Simon's blue-eyed gaze stayed transfixed on the far end of the cargo bay his heart heavy with the knowledge the he might never see his mei mei again.

-- --

River oriented herself quickly to the transport. Throwing the small bag of ammunition into the co-pilot's seat, she flipped on the comm, opening the channel to Serenity. Waiting as Mal got settled, she unwound her fist, bringing the small rod-like tracker into her line of sight and studying it intently.

"Time to end it," she whispered, feeling for the first time in years that she might actually see her way out of this nightmare.

-- --

"Kaylee?"

She heard Mal's voice, insistent and urgent and it roused her from the dreamless sleep she'd been mired in. Feeling dark and cold, Kaylee stared at the comm on the wall in Simon's bunk for countless minutes, waiting until Mal had called her name four more times before rising slowly and slapping it on. "Yeah, Cap?" she asked sullenly.

"I need you on the bridge, mei mei," he told her, the distress in his tone not lost on her. "I need your help riggin' the transponder code."

With a heavy sigh that Mal could hear loud and clear over the open channel, she answered, "Be right there, Cap."

Her body felt as though it weighed a thousand pounds and Kaylee found her walk to the bridge slow and plodding. She knew they didn't have time to waste, but even as she tried to speed her steps, she couldn't do it. She avoided passing the infirmary, choosing instead to head for the stairs in the cargo bay to reach the cockpit's level – she didn't want to see Simon right now. She didn't want him to look at her with disappointment in his eyes when he remembered how she'd threatened his beloved sister.

Shaking the memory away, Kaylee was on the bridge just as she heard River's tinny voice proclaim, "Expect intercept in fifteen."

Confusion and concern quickly replacing her sadness, Kaylee turned to the Captain asked, "What's goin' on? Why ain't River still trussed up downstairs?"

"All in good time, lil' Kaylee," Mal murmured, his eyes never flickering from the readouts before him. "I'll explain once we're in the clear, I promise." Turning in his seat, Mal reached for his crew locker, pulling out a black box with a few wires sticking out of it. Tossing it in her direction, Kaylee caught it easily, recognizing it for what it was.

Sitting in the co-pilot's seat, she began fiddling even as Mal told her, "I need that to have a code that don't got nothin' to do with us, fireflies or any o' the like, dong ma?"

He risked a glance to her, noting the way she focused so intently on her work. Mal also did not miss the way her hands shook or her shoulders slumped and while he wanted nothing more than to comfort her, or better yet, let Simon do it, he knew they didn't have that kind of time. Once they survived this, then they all could go about living their lives, but not until then.

Satisified that she was working diligently, Mal looked back to the screens and asked the comm, "River? Where you at?"

_Glancing about her newest hideout, River peeked around the high rock wall, her eyes making out the dim outline of the transport farther back in the cave. Sinking back onto her knees, she pulled the handheld unit to her mouth and told him, "Safe and sound. Now all we have to do is wait."_

Looking to the screen, Mal told her, "Well, you ain't gonna be waitin' too long. He's definitely locked onto ya."

_Grinning like a cat that swallowed the canary, River rubbed her thumb lightly against the detonation button and murmured, "I know."_

-- --

With barely contained joy, which was not an emotion he had ever exhibited before, Beta waved the Prime Minister's office. Once Dresden's dark scowl filled the screen, the agent told him triumphantly, "I have them."

His eyes widening with shock and eagerness, the man asked, "You're certain?"

Nodding once, Beta again consulted his data, noting that he had both the tracking device and Serenity's transponder code broadcasting towards him with no interference. "Most assuredly." Pressing a few buttons, he sent this information back to Londinium. "You'll see for yourself in just a moment."

Impatiently waiting for the proof to coalesce in front of him, Dresden warned, "I did not appreciate being fawned off on your partner earlier."

Smiling tight-lipped to the man, Beta let the comment slide, knowing the pompous leader would be apologizing once he'd brought River Tam and Serentiy's crew back to Londinium with proverbial nooses around their necks. Guiding his small shuttle down towards the rock formation that his signals were coming from, he watched Dresden's eyes widen even further before a smug look of satisfaction fell across his face.

"Excellent," he murmured, all but rubbing his hands together and twirling his non-existent moustache. "Don't mess this up, Beta," he threatened before ending their connection.

Grimacing at the now blank screen, Beta found his annoyance with the other man quickly ebbing as he wound his way through the tight confines around him. How they had managed to navigate the firefly through these crevasses was a testimony to their pilot's skill. Hunching forward, his hands tightly gripping the controls, he focused all his concentration on finally getting the respect he deserved.

-- --

"What's a man gotta do get a drink 'round here?"

With a look of pure disbelief, Simon turned to regard Jayne, the big mercernary's eyes finally open, his head turned towards Simon where he'd been checking Inara's vital signs.

Stepping towards the larger and smellier patient, Simon reached out to check his pulse and heart rate as Jayne muttered, "Feel like I been stabbed."

"Ah, what an astute observation," Simon drawled, pleased with the vital signs he was reading. Stepping back, he crossed his arms over his chest and asked, "How do you feel, Jayne?"

"Other than bein' gorram thirsty, I'm fine, I guess." Trying to rub a hand over his face, Jayne frowned mightily when he realized his body was not cooperating. "Where's River?" he asked harshly, more annoyed that his limbs were fairly useless than he was at the girl who had tried to end him.

Using a pen light, Simon moved towards him again, lifting up his eyelids and testing his pupils. "Saving our lives," he murmured, switching from one eye to the other before turning his attention to Jayne's ears. "Again."

"Huh." It was a grunt combined with a cry of discomfort as Jayne had again tried to move and been rewarded with nothing for his troubles. As Simon straightened up again, making notes in his chart, Jayne asked, "Anythin' I can shoot?"

Not even bothering to look up, Simon said dryly, "Sadly no."

"Huh, okay." With that Jayne's body again sank into unconsciousness, the drugs coursing through his system too strong even for the large man to fight.

With a small smile, Simon looked to him and murmured, "Will wonders never cease."

"Will she be all right?"

Turning swiftly, Simon was confronted with Inara's open eyes, her head turned to the side as she regarded him. Moving towards her, Simon took her hand in his and said, "Well, it must be my lucky day. Both of my patients are awake."

Smiling tightly at him, Inara repeated the question. "River? Will she be all right?"

Shaking his head sadly, Simon dropped his eyes to the floor, wishing his heart hadn't just sunk down to his shoes as well. "I doubt it, Inara," he admitted quietly.

Squeezing the hand he held, she waited a beat and then asked, "Where's Mal?"

"On the bridge," Simon answered, moving away from her. Busying himself by straightening supplies that weren't messy to begin with he let silence fall upon the room again and wasn't surprised a few minutes later when he found Inara again asleep.

With a heavy sigh, he moved slowly from the room, walking to the couch across the way and flopping down onto it unceremoniously. Tilting his head back, he gazed at the ceiling for a moment before he felt the pull of overwhelming fatigue. His eyes fluttering closed, he knew he couldn't sleep, but he still took the moment to try and rest.

Kaylee found him like this, his arms sprawled across the back of the couch, his head tilted back, eyes closed. She watched him timidly from the bottom of the stairs for a moment, fighting back the urge to throw herself into his arms. She knew he had to be upset at her, for wielding the scalpel at River; he just had to be.

Suppressing a sob as she again shivered with cold and longing, Kaylee turned to head back to their bunk, but Simon's soft voice stopped her.

"Please don't go."

Turning slowly, she looked back to him, her heart fipping over in her chest when she met his blue-eyed gaze. With need, want and love shining in his eyes, he extended a hand to her, beckoning her to join him on the couch. Unable to resist the open invitation, Kaylee hurried to his side, curling up tightly against him. With a sigh, she relaxed as his arms came around her, warming her for the first time in days.

"I'm so sorry, Simon," she murmured, her breath hot against his neck. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. I-"

Placing a finger under her chin, Simon tilted her face up to his and pressed a slow kiss to her lips. It wasn't one of their normal, passionate kisses, the ones that typically led to more; and it wasn't one of their chaste, we-don't-have-time kisses either. It was more comforting, more tender and loving somehow than those. Kaylee reveled in the contact, her arms winding up and around Simon's neck as her fingers slid through his dark hair. He gently massaged the back of her scalp and her neck with his deft fingers as his other hand slid up her arm and rested against her cheek.

Leaning their foreheads together as they parted for air, Simon caressed her face with the back of his hand gently and whispered, "We can talk later, Kaylee." As her wide, green eyes met his, he added in a soft voice, "I just need to hold you right now. Okay?"

Nodding once, Kaylee snuggled into him, her arm wrapped around his chest, while she locked her fingers with Simon's where his hand rested around her shoulder, his other arm firmly around her waist.

Not speaking, they simply waited in silence, each saying a silent prayer that this moment together would not be their last.

-- --

River had just finished recording her message when she heard the whine of an approaching craft. She and Mal had cut their connection over five minutes ago, wanting to be sure that the Alliance's men could not trace the signal back to Serenity's hiding place. Crouching low and pressing herself further into a shadow, River used all of her abilities to determine when she should strike.

Licking her lips in anticipation, she watched the shadows shift and change near the mouth of the cave. The tracking device's signal was strong and she knew it would lead the agents directly here. Couple it with Serenity's transponder code and it was like they had hit the jackpot. Seeing the sweeping beam of a search light pass by, River repositioned herself so she was squatting, ready to spring into action if necessary, holding her two lifelines in her hands. One was the detonator, the one she had quickly rigged after she'd laced the transport with enough of Jayne's explosives to more than likely destroy a small moon; the other was her handheld comm, her last connection to Serenity and soon the bearer of her goodbyes.

Willing away the tears of longing and regret she felt forming, River watched the Alliance's transport hover just a few yards from the mouth of cave, before it swung around and entered the darkened cavern slowly, cautiously. With a smile, River waited, knowing her work was almost done.

-- --

Mal hated waiting for a variety of reasons although he was fairly certain that having been forced to wait in Serenity Valley with no rations and dying men was the primary source of his aversion. Refusing to wrest his gaze from all the screens before him, he had watched with agonizing patience as the blip that marked the Alliance's transport had approached River's new location.

Sitting forward now, he felt his heart constrict in his chest as he watched the blue Alliance dot come to rest almost exactly on top of River's red transport dot. Mal watched, his hands clenching so tightly that his knuckles were white as the red dot flickered once, twice and then winked from existence, followed almost immediately by the blue marker.

Feeling a sense of overwhelming relief that the ruse might actually have worked, Mal sprung up from his seat ready to share the good news when a new red dot glowed before him. Cursing silently, he flipped on the wave screen so he could watch the recorded message that this latest light indicated and felt all of his momentary relief wash out of him in a split second.

-- --

River stayed hidden within the cave, watching as the ruins from both ships continued to smolder. She knew the agent was dead and she was more than glad, but she knew that his men would be coming to investigate. She really shouldn't linger.

Taking a deep breath, River could only think of one other thing to do. Closing her eyes, she found her center, the one that Simon had searched for vainly in the months since he'd freed her from the Academy, the one that the Miranda incident had so readily uncovered and from that center she outlined her heart and her mind. She found all the emotions and thoughts that were uniquely hers, her personality, her impressions, her thought processes.

In this place, where she existed, her brother was also there. Her brother and her family, the crew. Each of them was connected to her in some way, always had been, Simon's connection simply the strongest of them all. It was at these points, these five spokes of the wheel that she first began her work, building high, strong walls that cut her off from each of them. Simon's was the highest and strongest wall of course, it had to be. She had to be certain his newfound talents would not enable him to find her. She knew he couldn't; she'd had much more practice then he, she could easily keep him out if she wanted to.

Inhaling once more, River built the rest of her impregnable fortress, outlining her inner self with learned skill. Thirty minutes later, the young woman who had once been River Tam emerged from that cave and started the long journey back to self-discovery.

-- --

Filled with sadness that threatened to choke him, Mal walked slowly from the cockpit towards the infirmary. He caught sight of Simon and Kaylee, nestled close to one another, both young people looking to him intently as he entered the room and headed straight for the medbay. Simon followed in silence, pressing a kiss to Kaylee's cheek as she curled up under the blanket and watched the scene before her with fearful eyes.

Moving to Inara's side, Mal covered her hand with his own, staring down into her beautiful face. Her color was returning, her cheeks a bit brighter than they had been just that morning and it warmed Mal's heart to know she was actually on the mend.

Sinking onto the stool at her side, Mal pressed a kiss to her forehead as he murmured, "I love you, 'Nara."

Pulling back, he ran a hand through her hair, content to watch the easy rise and fall of her chest, grateful just to know he hadn't lost her too. He'd already lost so much, too fast: Book, Wash, Zoe and now River. He knew his Albatross wasn't dead, he knew that, but she was gone, no longer part of their lives, perhaps never to be seen again and that weighed heavily on him. She had been as precious to him as any, almost as if she had been his daughter and he found an unwelcome tightness burning in his eyes as he realized he'd been unable to save her.

Lost in his own thoughts, it took Mal a moment to realize that Inara's deep brown eyes had reopened and were studying him intently. Reading his pain in an instant, Inara squeezed his hand, getting his attention. "Mal, what is it?" she asked hoarsely, worry creasing her brow.

Shaking his head once, Mal couldn't answer her, the tightness behind his eyes causing a similar tightness in his throat. Instead, he simply rested his forehead to her shoulder, wrapping an around her, careful of her side. Inara heard his heavy exhalation of breath and felt tears well in her own eyes, knowing it was bad. Not willing to push him, she simply brought up her hand to rest it to the back of his head and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"It's all right, ai ren," she murmured, over and over again, knowing that he was valiantly trying not to cry and losing the battle. "It's all right."

"Captain?"

Looking up quickly, Mal cleared his throat, brushing a hand over his face before he turned to face the young doctor. The man was standing in the doorway, the look of pain on his features conveying to Mal that he knew full well what had happened. He simply needed the proof.

Silently, Mal held out the data stick he'd brought from the bridge, the one he'd recorded River's message to.

With a shaky head and a tentative step, Simon reached for it, the slim device cool in his palm. "We're gonna stay put a couple o' days," Mal informed him. "Not sure where exactly we'll go from here."

Nodding once, Simon stared at the rod in his hand before turning to leave. Glancing to Kaylee he offered her a sad smile, before headed for the bridge. After only a few seconds, the young mechanic followed him in silence.

Waiting until they both were gone, when Mal again brought his eyes to Inara's concerned face, he felt another stab of love and grief well up in his chest. Sighing heavily, he murmured, "Oh, 'Nara."

Covering the hand he held to her face, she asked him, "What happened?"

Closing his eyes for a moment, Mal fleetingly hoped that if he kept them shut and clicked his heels three times he could rewind all the horribleness from the past four months. But with a defeated sigh, he knew that wasn't possible.

Opening his pained blue eyes back to her, he said quietly, "It's a long story, darlin'."

-- --

"Simon, I know this is hard for you to accept and I'm sorry for that, I am. But I knew that if I didn't make the decision for you, you'd never make it for yourself.

"Don't look for me. Don't stay here any longer than you have to. Just go, let me be, let me figure out how to atone for my sins, how I can make it right. It's not your job to help me with that. I'm a big girl now and my mistakes, my actions, are mine. I have to fix them.

"Tell Kaylee it wasn't her fault. It was never her fault. The only thing she's guilty of is loving you. And don't forget that, Simon, I mean it. She loves you, loves, with a capital L. I know that you already know how lucky you are, but in case you're ever inclined to forget, I'm going to remind you right now – you're the luckiest person in the 'verse to know the kind of love Kaylee has for you. It's rare and precious so treasure it.

"I will always love you, Simon. I will always remember that you were the one who saved me. I will always love Serenity, and Captain Daddy and Inara and even Jayne. I love you and Kaylee and I know one day, probably soon, you're going to make me an aunt and I will love my little niece or nephew too – even if I never get to see them.

"But I think I will. I think, Simon, that we'll see each other again. I think I can find a way to make it right and once I have, I'll find you and we can be a family. But it has to be on my terms, Simon, not yours. If I get a hint that you're even thinking of looking for me, I will run fast and far and you'll never see me again.

"Let me go, Simon. It's okay. You're not abandoning me, you're not giving up on me, you're setting me free, and that's what I need. Love you."

-- --

Londinium – Prime Minister Dresden's office

In a statement issued early this morning, Parliament was able to confirm the recent deaths of the crew of Serenity, the transport alleged to have broadcasted the Miranda broadwave approximately four months ago.

Among the casualties were Captain Malcolm Reynolds, former Independent, Zoe Alleyene Washburn, Jayne Cobb, and Kaywinnet Lee Frye. Details are still being released and will be made available as necessary.

Speaking from his vacation home on Osiris, Prime Minister Dresden made this statement: I am relieved to know that the perpertrators of such slanderous and treasonous material have been stopped, however the deaths of any Alliance citizens are always met with sadness.

A memorial service has not been planned.

-- --


	26. Epilogue

-- --

Aftermath: Epilogue

-- --

" … you're setting me free, and that's what I need. Love you."

Kaylee listened in silence as the recording wound to the end and then replayed, Simon restarting the message from his sister for the fifth time. Swallowing thickly past her own guilt and sadness, Kaylee watched from the doorway to the bridge as Simon stared out into the darkness, slumped into the pilot's seat and listened again.

It was killing him. No one needed special powers to see that. Simon's world had just shattered in an instant when it became clear that River had decided to disappear. And Kaylee had no idea what to do.

As the recording ended for a sixth time, Kaylee held her breath in anticipation waiting for it to start once more. When silence consumed them, she raised her pained eyes back to Simon and released that same breath in a rush of air.

He was hunched forward, his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands. She knew how tired he was, how drained. Kaylee knew how much the last few months had taken out of him, out of all of them; it had been one of the most trying times and just another example of the unfairness of the 'verse.

But in the midst of all of that nastiness, she and Simon had found something good and whole. They had found each other and she'd be damned if she let that love, or the man before her, slip away.

Taking a few tentative steps, she was at his side, a light hand running through his hair. He did not start at her touch or change his position, he simply sighed heavily, letting the quiet stay between them until finally Kaylee heard him murmur, "She's gone."

Swallowing thickly, Kaylee knelt beside him, her hands now resting on his knee and whispered, "I know."

Raising pain-filled eyes to regard her, Kaylee felt her own pool with tears. The look of pure anguish on Simon's face was one she had only seen a handful of times before and it managed to render her speechless every time.

"Simon," she breathed, reaching forward and wrapping her arms around him, tightly pulling him to her.

Releasing the heaviest sigh she had ever heard, he melted against her, his own strong arms wrapping up and under hers and holding her tightly. "She's really gone," he whispered again, his voice straining as he struggled to hide his emotions.

"It's gonna be okay." Kaylee kept her voice low and soothing, pressing the lightest of kisses to his cheek and scalp as he stayed locked in her arms. She'd do anything to ease this pain for him now, but there was nothing she could do, she knew that. Nothing she could do, but love him, with all that she was, every part of her, every cell, every fiber. And so that was exactly what Kaylee would do.

"I love you, Simon." She whispered these words over and over again until she felt his body finally begin to shake with the start of his tears. Pulling back from him slightly, Kaylee crawled into his lap, guiding his head to her breast and continuing to hold him until his sobs died down and they were once again sitting in silence.

-- --

NEWS BULLETIN – Ariel

A supply room full of medicines, bandages and similar medical supplies was raided in the early morning hours at Ariel General Hospital today. A hospital official, speaking on the term of anonymity, stated that this raid is similar in both size and scope to one that took place no more than eight months ago. No suspects were ever identified or apprehended. An investigation is currently underway.

-- --

Night was descending, making the brown hills and craggy surfaces around them glow with an orange light. Taking a small step forward, Mal edged closer to the newest grave marker, his hand resting lightly on the stone, still warm from the sun's rays.

It had been a nice ceremony, he supposed; peaceful. No one had managed to say anything, similar to when they had laid the Shepherd and Wash to rest. Mal had known he should speak, should manage to share the fond remembrances of his best friend, but he couldn't do it. The minute he even thought of one of the more than five dozen stories he could tell about Zoe, his throat constricted and his hands started to shake. And he was still the captain; that kind of behavior just wasn't right.

Inara watched him from the top of the cargo bay ramp. They had landed fairly close to the grave site and even in the waning light, she could still make out his hunched form. With a heavy sigh, she took a hesitant step forward and then stopped herself. Mal's grief, his final goodbye, was a private moment and she should not intrude.

"I don't know what the hell you're waitin' on."

Grimacing, Inara turned to regard Jayne as the bigger man lumbered forward, his gait still a bit off kilter since River's attack over a month ago. Standing beside her, his big arms crossed over his broad chest, Jayne's eyes followed her gaze and he added, "That man could teach classes on martyrdom, I swear."

"Jayne, he lost Zoe, his best friend." Inara knew there was no reason to defend Mal, not to Jayne. Each man grieved in his own way and that was as it should be. Turning a wry expression to him, she asked, "What would you prefer him to do? Take a swing at you again?"

"Ha." Jayne's barked laugh caused a small smile to grace Inara's lips and she turned, focusing all her attention back to Mal before the mercenary could see it. Letting the silence settle on them, Jayne finally said, "You know he's out there waitin' for ya, right?"

"What?" Inara could not hide the shock she felt at this admission. Coming from Jayne it just seemed … wrong … but also, amazingly credible. "He asked for some time."

Frowning, Jayne told her gruffly, "It is still a wonder the two o' you ever got your acts together." Pointing towards Mal, he added, "He's got strong feelin's for you an' while you may think he wants to brood on his own, he don't. Trust me, that man ain't gonna leave that gravesite until you go an' tell him he can." Dropping his arm he said, "He can't get Zoe's forgiveness no more, so he's gonna need yours."

Her eyes widening in shock at his fairly astute observation, Inara asked skeptically, "Since when did you become such an expert in grief?"

Shrugging lightly, Jayne moved away, walking back towards the infirmary as he said, "I've lost a few folks in my day an' most of 'em would prolly still be alive if'n they'd never met me."

With those words he was gone and Inara was dumbfounded. Never in her wildest dreams had she expected such succinct or accurate observations to come from Jayne, the hired gun on their boat. But what astounded her more was that she knew he was right. All of her training and all of her heart told her as much, and so with a new determination, she finally moved to meet Mal. By the time she reached him, she could hear his quiet goodbye.

"I shoulda done better by ya, Zo an' for that I'm sorry." His head turned to regard Wash's headstone just a few feet from his deceased wife's. "Wash, I'm sorry I din't look after her better, but now at least the two of you are together again." Reaching out a shaky hand, Mal rested his fingers to Zoes's name and murmured, "I guess that's how it should be."

Taking a deep breath, Inara moved up behind him and rested a light hand to his shoulder. Squeezing gently, she murmured, "Come on, it's getting cold out here."

Shaking his head once, Mal told her, "No, you go. I'm gonna stay a bit longer."

"Mal," Inara intoned lightly, stepping to stand at his side. She couldn't kneel, the wound in her side making that type of movement impossible, so she had to settle for gripping his shoulder just a bit more firmly. "There's nothing more you can do, ai ren. Let it be." Casting a fleeting glance to the headstone and the holo that flickered there, she whispered, "Let her rest in peace."

"I should stay an' watch over her." Mal knew his words were foolish. There was no more protecting Zoe, although truthfully, she'd always been the one saving his sorry pi gu from one mess or another. "I gotta-"

"You've got to go on with your life, Mal." Inara's voice was firm and determined and he finally raised his eyes to meet her gaze. "You've got to let Zoe go and live your life."

"Without her," he murmured, unaware the words were even coming before they had escaped his lips.

Swallowing hard, Inara agreed. "Yes, without her." Cupping her hand under his chin, she tilted his face back up to meet hers and added softly, "I realize I'm no Zoe, but I'm here, Mal."

Nodding once, Mal rose slowly and immediately pulled Inara into a warm embrace. She was grateful for his closeness and his affection and she snuggled against him willingly even as the added motion pulled at her wound. Hissing slightly as a stab of pain radiated through her side, she felt Mal tense against her. "You all right?"

Refusing to let go, she assured, "I'm fine, Mal." Waiting a beat, she looked up into his face and asked, "Are you?"

Shaking his head no, Mal pressed a light kiss to her forehead and murmured, "Not yet, but I think I will be."

Smiling sadly, Inara rested her head against his shoulder, staring out into the night for a long while. Mal was silent, his cheek resting against her soft hair, his battered spirit and heart taking comfort in her nearness, in her intoxicating scent, in all of her. As the minutes passed, he shifted his hold on her, keeping one arm firmly around her shoulders as they started to pick a path back towards the ship.

Inara leaned into his side, wishing she had more than words to offer as comfort. She wished with all her might she could take his grief away. Placing one slipper-shod foot onto the edge of the open bay doors, Inara was about to step inside when Mal's hand in hers stopped her movement.

Turning to face him with a quizzical expression, she started slightly as he pulled her to him, his mouth crushing against hers. The kiss was passionate, full of desire and pent-up emotion and Inara gave into it, letting her own sadness and her love for the man holding her fuel her actions. Her hands ran up his arms and along his shoulders, finding their way into his hair and slipping through the soft strands, while Mal's moved down to her waist and encircled her back.

Only parting because their lungs demanded the oxygen, they both stood, panting slightly in the tight embrace, eyes locked onto each others. "'Nara," Mal whispered huskily, his voice laced with unmistakable desire. "I told you somethin', when you were out before an' I'm thinkin' I should say it now too, when I know you can hear me."

Nodding imperceptibly, Inara's heart fluttered in her rib cage as she imagined what Mal might say and prayed she wasn't wrong. Still staring at her with the most intense gaze she had ever seen, he breathed, "I love you."

As Inara struggled to find her voice, her breath completely stolen by this handsome man holding her Mal continued, words spilling from his lips in a torrent of profession. "I've loved you for so gorram long, I don't know why I ain't said it 'fore. That was just foolish. I don't want you to go, 'Nara, not ever. I want to love you for the rest o' my life, if you'll have me."

Silencing any more of his words with a kiss, Inara leaned against him heavily, her tongue driving through and finding his, their bodies each raging with desire as the kiss deepened. Again breaking apart for air, Inara told him, "I love you, Mal. Thank god you feel the same."

Chuckling lightly, the sound filled the empty bay and with a lightness blossoming in their hearts, Mal and Inara slowly made their through the bay, arm in arm.

-- --

NEWS BULLETIN – Londinium

The Prime Minister's office issued a report today addressing the unexpected fireworks display set off from Parliament two evenings ago. According to Prime Minister Dresden's aide the display had been planned for quite some time to mark the Alliance's victory in the Unification War, however a flock of birds chewed through some of the wires and accidentally set off the fuses.

His aide refused to comment on rumors circulating on the Cortex that someone sympathetic to the Independent movement, commonly called a Browncoat, might have been behind the impromptu light show.

-- --

It was the middle of the night on Serenity, or at least what passed for the middle of the night. They had been back in the air for a little over a week now, having stopped off at St. Albans to collect Inara's shuttle. Now they were wandering a bit, looking for work, finding it difficult as most of the 'verse thought them dead.

Simon sighed heavily as he circled the bay for about the fifth time. He had found it impossible to sleep, despite Kaylee's warm presence beside him and so again, for the third night in a row, he'd found himself pacing the cavernous room, trying to exhaust himself to the point of catatonia. River had been gone for over a month now and they had not heard from her once. Simon had known they wouldn't, but he'd still hoped that maybe she'd send him a sign, just one, to let him know she was okay.

But she hadn't, and while this neglect had caused his sadness to deepen during the first few weeks of her absence, he found lately that it simply made him angry. She'd just left, left him to once again clean up after her. Left him, Simon, her brother, her only true family and the one person who had saved her from a fate worse than death. Some gratitude.

Clenching his fists tightly as he felt a surge of anger rush through him, Simon paused, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Anger would get him no where, the rational side of his brain knew that, but the emotional side, it wanted to feel that rage, wanted to lash out at something, someone, so he could express his hostility at the undeniable crappiness of the 'verse.

Taking another deep breath, Simon opened his eyes and found himself staring at Jayne's punching bag. It was a bigger one, one the mercenary had installed after Miranda. It hung from thick chains to the catwalk above. Simon had never before boxed; trauma surgeons, as a rule, didn't endanger their hands, but as he observed the round black cylinder before him now, he felt his hands again tighten and with little warning he cocked back his arm and let his punch fly.

The sound of his fist slapping against the leather reverberated through the bay, startling Simon slightly. He hadn't imagined that hitting an inanimate object would be so satisfying, but with increasing speed and anger, Simon was soon pummeling the bag. His eyes were focused on it, even as it swung back and forth, the chain rattling as each of Simon's blows rocked it harder and harder.

River had left him, abandoned him and Simon's anger over that perceived betrayal was only stymied by his hurt at her absence. She was his sister, his mei mei, and now she was gone, and he was alone.

Simon felt his hands start to throb, knowing that soon they would be numb completely. Not caring, he blinked quickly, a bead of sweat pouring off his forehead and over his eye, as he continued to punch. Panting heavily, Simon's chest heaved with angry sobs even as he gasped for breath.

"Dammit, River," he growled, pulling his right hand back farther than before and letting it sail with reckless abandon. "How could you do this?" Each word was punctuated by a swift blow and Simon felt his knuckles splitting.

"You wanna beat on a real person for a bit?"

Whirling around, Simon's upraised fist was halted in mid-air as Mal enclosed it with his hand. The two men stayed locked in a stare for several moments, neither of them willing to give ground first. As ice cold blue eyes met anger-filled navy ones, Inara watched helplessly from above, her heart constricting as she recognized the pain Simon was in and the precarious situation Mal had just inserted himself into.

"Leave me alone, Mal." Simon's voice was a low growl and with unnecessary force, he wrenched his fist out of Mal's hand, taking a step back as he continued to catch his breath.

Shaking his head, Mal crossed his arms over his chest resolutely and said, "Well now, doc, you know I can't rightly do that."

"Why not?" This wasn't a growl or a snarl, it was a scream, an enraged cry that resounded through the room and Mal simply watched as Simon's chest heaved with anger. "This is none of your business! She was my sister, my family!"

"Simon."

Both men turned at the sound of the pained whisper to see Kaylee standing in the doorway to the dorms, a blanket pulled around her pajama-clad form. With wide and uncomprehending eyes, she stared at Simon. Taking a small step forward, she asked softly, "Simon, how can you say somethin' like that?"

"It's true, Kaylee," Simon bit out, his anger a bit tempered by her presence, but not much. Darting furious eyes back to Mal, Simon stepped forward, getting so close to Mal their noses were almost touching. "You've never given a damn about River or I. Stop pretending like you care just to get into Inara's bed."

With no premeditation, Mal landed a square hit against the younger man's jaw, causing Simon to stagger backward. Kaylee let out a small yelp as she watched him hit the deck hard, rushing to his side as Inara raced down the stairs to join the fray.

"You okay?" Kaylee asked breathlessly, reaching for Simon's cheek and more than surprised when he pulled away from her violently. Dropping her hands to her lap, Kaylee watched with rising terror as Simon launched himself at the captain, tackling the man around the waist and taking him down to the deck.

"Simon!" Kaylee couldn't help herself; she knew she should stay out of it, but she couldn't stand to watch this, two men whom she loved more than just about anyone else as they tried to kill each other.

"Don't mei mei," Inara's soft voice reached Kaylee, the firm grip on her arm keeping the distraught mechanic locked in place, her eyes still wide with fear.

"'Nara, he's gonna kill 'im," Kaylee whispered, her eyes never leaving the scene as the two men wrestled.

Wondering who exactly she was referring to, Inara simply wrapped an arm around the younger woman's shoulders and held her close.

"Gorramit, Simon, you are stronger than I ever gave ya credit for," Mal muttered, as he gripped tightly at Simon's shoulders and swung the man over. Pinning him against the deck and doing his best to ignore the throbbing in his cheek from where the doctor had landed a solid hit, Mal managed to incapacitate the younger man.

Thrashing about for a few minutes, Simon finally gave up his struggle, panting heavily, his eyes burning into Mal with such fury the captain was surprised his head didn't explode. "Are you done now?" Mal asked harshly, noting the way the doctor's nostrils flared as he tried to bring his rage under control.

"Let. Me. Go." Simon's face held the look of pure defiance, his body tensing again as Mal's grip on his shoulders tightened.

Watching from the side of the bay as the two men again stared at one another, Kaylee felt her heart pound against her chest uncomfortably. She could not take her eyes off Simon. He already had a nice bruise forming along one cheek and she could see that his knuckles were bloodied. Watching as his face contorted with a bit of pain as Mal adjusted his grip, she moved forward, saying, "Cap'n, c'mon, let 'im go. You're hurtin' 'im."

Her voice cutting through to his heart like the sharpest piece of glass, Mal did his best to ignore the pang of regret he felt as he said evenly, "'Nara, why don't you take Kaylee back to her bunk?"

Shaking her head once, Kaylee tried to stand her ground. "No, I ain't leavin' Simon."

Tugging at her gently, the Companion steered Kaylee around. "It's all right, Kaylee. Mal and Simon just need to talk."

Unable to fight, her heart and body exhausted from the weeks of stress, Kaylee only nodded numbly, casting a longing look over her shoulder to Simon before they were gone.

Mal watched the two women go, releasing Simon once he knew they had left. Scrambling up hurriedly, Simon rubbed at his shoulders, wincing as his now swollen and bruised hands throbbed. Stepping towards him, Mal took one of the damaged hands in his own, turning it over and getting a good look.

"Well, now that is a mighty fine job you did on them pretty hands," Mal said, his voice full of mock awe. "You really are talented."

"Go to hell," Simon muttered, jerking his hand away as he glowered in the captain's direction. "And get the hell away from me."

"I ain't gonna do that, Simon. 'Sides, I've already been to hell, I really ain't lookin' to go back … least not so soon." Mal smirked, only serving to irk Simon even more.

With a frustrated sigh, Simon paced away, heading past Mal and back towards the infirmary. "Fine, then I'll go."

Dropping his chin to his chest, Mal let out a huge sigh, rubbing a hand along the back of his neck. Ai ya, the hits just kept on comin'.

Giving the kid until the count of ten, Mal turned and followed him, not at all surprised to spot Simon in the infirmary, tending to his aching hands. Observing for a moment, Mal knew the doctor would be unable to help himself; his hands, which were quickly stiffening, could not manipulate the weave. Throwing the bandage to the counter, Simon slumped down onto the stool, cursing quietly.

Without a word, Mal entered the room, grabbing the supplies he'd need. Surprised when Simon did not pull away, Mal cleaned and dressed his wounds, truly impressed by the amount of damage he'd managed to render in a short amount of time.

"Feel any better?"

Not bothering to lift his eyes, Simon simply muttered, "What do you think?"

Stepping back and leaning against the counter, Mal told him, "I think that if you'd asked me if beatin' your hands to a pulp woulda made a bit o' difference, I could have saved you the trouble." As Simon's gaze remained locked on the floor, Mal watched him carefully. He knew the boy was hurting. He'd known from the minute River asked him to watch over her brother that Simon's road back to functionality would be a slow and rocky one. But luckily for the tortured doctor, Mal himself had had a bit of experience with both self-loathing and redemption.

"You realize that actin' out like this is eventually gonna scare away lil' Kaylee?" Of course, in the absence of any real options, Mal would play dirty; his mama had always taught him to go for the sure thing, and where Simon was concerned, guilt, especially surrounding the woman he loved, was as sure as it got.

"You can't guilt me out of this, Mal." Simon's voice was even and controlled, but his eyes were still burning as they rested on the older man's face. "I don't want to lose Kaylee for anything, but I can't …" He didn't even know if he had the words. It seemed somewhat ridiculous – a member of the top three percent unable to articulate his feelings.

Taking a deep breath, he finally ground out, "My sister is gone. I have no idea if I'll ever see her again and to top it all off, I'm the reason she had to go."

Frowning as Mal's brain refused to follow the other man's convoluted logic path, he asked, "Shenme? How in the 'verse is River gettin' programmed by scary-ass men your fault?"

Rising slowly, Simon paced across the infirmary, his agitation forcing him to move. He hadn't really admitted the extent of his failure to anyone, not even Kaylee, and he worried now what it would mean if he admitted it to Mal.

"She was my responsibility," he began quietly, his eyes staring ahead unseeing. "It was my job to protect her, to make her well. River's health and well-being were supposed to be my only priority." Turning finally, the sadness that now inhabited the boy's eyes was enough to make Mal's heart hurt. "And I failed her."

Snorting lightly, Mal rolled his eyes and said, "Right. And you're also responsible for the dust storms on Harvest an' the fact that Jayne don't shower."

Studying him quizzically, Simon couldn't form a retort fast enough so Mal continued. "Simon, you ain't responsible for your sis. First off, she's an adult now, eighteen through and through and that immediately lifts any responsibility off o' you." As Simon's began to protest, Mal raised a hand to stop him. "An' yes, I do know what happened to River an' no, I don't think it makes her any less human." Stepping towards him, Mal rested his hands lightly on Simon's shoulders and said quietly, "The fact o' the matter is, River is prolly more human, more truthsome, than anyone we could ever hope to meet."

Unable to form words, Simon could only listen dumbfounded as Mal reasoned, "She's seen more an' experienced more than any person should ever hafta, but she did an' she lived to see the other side. And you helped her through that, Simon.

"That girl weren't more than a sobbin' mess o' skin an' bones when you brought her on board this boat, but Simon." Pausing again, Mal waited until the doctor's eyes were focused on his face as he told him firmly, "Four weeks ago, when she walked outta here, she was more than that – she was a person. A young woman makin' a choice. An' while none of us rightly agree with it, she did what was best for her, an' prolly all o' us, sacrificin' everything she knew in the process.

"An' that kind o' sacrifice don't deserve your anger, it deserves your respect."

Swallowing thickly, Simon slouched against the wall, his knees feeling as though they may buckle. Attempting to flex his hands and only getting waves of pain for the effort, Simon finally murmured, "I just can't help feeling like I wasn't enough."

"You weren't." This confident statement brought Simon's pained gaze back to the captain and Mal hastened to add, "But Simon, ain't nobody would o' been enough. River's gotta do this on her own. She's the only person who can see her through this."

With a heavy sigh, Simon nodded sullenly, knowing the captain was right. The older man hadn't really said anything that Simon hadn't tried to convince himself of over and over again for the past weeks, but hearing it from someone else, from a trusted third party, a man who was a surrogate father-cum-older brother to Simon seemed to ease the blow. He hadn't been enough to save his sister, and that was all right.

"I hate that she's gone," he whispered, his voice a rasp.

Nodding once, Mal told him, "You an' me both, son. She was a damn fine pilot."

More silence stretched in the space between them and Mal found that the brief camaraderie they'd shared was waning quickly. Clearing his throat in an effort to hide his discomfort, the captain stepped back towards the door, turning once more to say, "An' Simon. You hurt lil' Kaylee, an' I'll kill ya."

As Simon managed a weak grin, Mal added, "She's the best damn thing that ever happened to anybody on this boat an' for some unknown reason she is in love with you. Don't mess that up."

Nodding once, Simon felt his courage and his spirit bolstered. Straightening, he said, "Yes sir."

Giving the boy his trademark grin, Mal moved out of the room, seeking out Inara so he could finally go back to sleep – it had been one hell of a night.

-- --

It took Simon over an hour to feel as if he could face Kaylee. He felt undeniable shame for his actions and not just the ones of a few hours ago. He'd been acting like a real heel since River had left the ship, storming around one minute before collapsing into a depressive state that he could not be roused from the next.

But regardless of his behavior, Kaylee had never once wavered. She had never backed away or given up and Simon could barely comprehend that type of devotion. Truthfully, if he hadn't been able to feel it from her, as much as witness it, he'd probably never have believed it.

His feet moving towards her of their own volition, his body, his heart, his mind drawn to her as a moth to a flame, Simon found himself at the door to their bunk. Letting out a silent breath as he slid open the screen, he stopped short at the sight before him. She was sitting up in the dim light, her knees pulled into her chest as she sat against the far wall of the bunk. Looking up as he entered, she did not change her position nor speak, but only followed his every movement with those impossibly deep green eyes.

Those eyes had stolen his breath more times than he could possibly remember; and they had just done it again.

As the two lovers found themselves locked in an intense stare, Simon's heart thudded painfully against his rib cage as Kaylee lowered her gaze first, sniffling slightly, a shaky hand rising to her face and wiping at the tears he knew she was trying to fight.

His body again acting out of inherent need, Simon was next to her in a moment, sitting on the edge of the bed. Cupping a hand under her chin, he raised her face to him, his hands cradling her cheeks. She watched him closely as he touched her so gently, these last few seconds the most intimate they had been since River had gone. Brushing his thumbs along her cheek bones and taking a few of her tears with him, Simon leaned forward and pressed light kisses to both cheeks, before he murmured, "No more tears, bao bei."

Biting her lip in a combination of anxiety and anticipation, Kaylee leaned into Simon's touch, her face nuzzling lightly against his hand. Noting the way he hissed at the added pressure, she immediately pulled back, wrapping one of his injured hands between both of hers and pulling it down to study it.

With fresh tears welling in her eyes, she ghosted her fingers over the weave Mal had applied and murmured, "Oh, Simon."

"It'll heal, Kaylee," he reminded her softly, edging closer and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Everything heals in time."

Shaking her head slowly, Kaylee's eyes would not leave her lap as she murmured, "Not grief. Not loss."

Wrapping his hands around her upper arms gently, Simon waited until she was again looking to him before he said firmly, "Yes, Kaylee, even grief."

She knew he was only trying to convince her, to make her feel better so she would not carry around his pain. But Kaylee also knew that her heart would continue to break, a little bit each day, if Simon tried to live a lie. Praying she could convince him to confide in her, to let her in, she moved her hands to his chest, gripping the fabric of his thin t-shirt lightly and told him, "It's okay to be sad, Simon." Watching as his eyes roamed her face, she added, "It's okay to miss her."

Swallowing hard past the lump in his throat, he admitted, "I do miss her, every day." Determined to make things right between him and the love of his life, he said quietly, "But River made a choice. A choice to leave, because she felt it was best." Again meeting her wide-eyed gaze, Simon told her softly, "And I made a choice too."

Leaning forward, Simon's mouth hovered barely an inch from Kaylee's and she inhaled sharply at his nearness. Her emotions, already raging so close to the surface, had her body on edge, and now as she felt the warmth of Simon's breath tickle her cheek, she could feel herself responding to him, could feel the ache building in her core. Her need for him was almost palpable; her need to help him, heal him, her need for Simon to do the same for her.

"I love you," he whispered finally before crossing that minute distance and capturing her mouth with his.

Kaylee felt herself grow a bit faint at the contact, at the pure desire and passion she felt in the way Simon's tongue plundered her mouth, the way his hands wrapped around the back of her head, fisting into her hair and pulling her tight against him. And Kaylee returned every touch, every caress with desire-filled ones of her own. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she leaned forward and pressed herself against him, easily giving her mind, body and soul over to the man who held her so assuredly now.

Forced to part for air, they leaned their foreheads against each other, Simon's hands working down the front of Kaylee's pajamas until he'd reached the hem of her shirt. Tugging it up and over her head, his eyes twinkled at the sight of her perfect upper body, even as Kaylee managed to divest him of his t-shirt, her nimble fingers dancing across his firm chest.

Trailing his fingertips softly along her collarbone and down her chest until he cupped one perfect breast in his hand, Simon moved his lips to her neck, sucking and nibbling on the pulse point he found there and grinning against her skin as she moaned at the contact. Her body was quickly moving from warm and tingly to hot and electric and she found her hands gripping his shoulders tightly, pressing his mouth and teeth even more firmly to her skin.

Drawing a warm, wet line up to behind her ear, Simon's kisses turned light and teasing as he told her, "I have been such an idiot this past month."

At his words, Kaylee's hands stilled in his hair, where she had wound her fingers to better direct his kisses. Simon felt her tense and he paused in his ministrations as well, lifting his head from her neck and meeting her green eyes just inches from his own. "You had no reason to stick by me and yet you did," he told her truthfully. He had certainly given her plenty of reasons to run, but not once had she so much as taken a step back. "You are the most loyal, loving and compassionate person I have ever met," he added softly, moving a hand to her face and tracing the outline of her eyes, nose and mouth with gentle fingers. "And I cannot imagine my life without you."

Happy tears welling in her eyes, Kaylee murmured, "I ain't goin' nowhere." As he continued to stare at her with an intensity that made her shiver, she added, "You _are_ my life, xin gan. I love you."

Kissing her again, Simon's lips worked over hers, his tongue tracing along the upper and lower lip before gently parting them and finding entrance into the warmth of her mouth. As their kiss deepened, more passion and desire coursing through them both, they again broke the contact, gasping for air. Simon's mouth again wandered down Kaylee's jawline and to the hollow of her neck where it met her chest and Simon tickled the skin there with his tongue, bathing the warm flesh before he moved lower and finally took one nipple into his mouth, laving the small bud and nipping at it lightly until he felt it harden.

Kaylee's body arched into him as he closed his teeth around the sensitive flesh and she again moaned softly, sending a shot of desire straight to his groin. Moving his attention to the other breast, Simon waited for the small gasp and moan before bringing his eyes back to her face. Her own eyes were clouded with lust and want and Simon found the look incredibly intoxicating, his already straining length feeling the confines of his pants even more acutely.

Leaning forward to brush another kiss to her mouth, Simon began, "Kaylee, you are-"

With an upraised hand, she pressed one finger to his lips, silencing him. Giving him a small smile that hinted at playfulness, she leaned towards him, her lips grazing his ear and whispered, "No more talkin'."

Groaning at the pure passion in her voice, Simon found his body again responding to her as her hands slid along his bare chest, one moving low and cupping him through his pants, squeezing just enough to cause him to push towards her hand. Just as she squeezed again, Kaylee's warm mouth and moist lips covered his, swallowing his moan and heightening his need for her.

Pushing him back lightly, Simon fell easily onto the bunk, watching delightedly as Kaylee straddled him, grinding her hips against his covered erection, a feral moan escaping from them both.

Ai ya, she was hot for him. Kaylee could feel her wetness coating her panties, felt her core throbbing as it imagined the fullness and hardness of him inside of her, moving and pulsing and driving her mad. Closing her eyes as the memory sent a ripple of lust down her spine, Kaylee moved against him again, sitting up a bit. Simon could see all of her now and just as he reached to pull her back on top of him, his eyes widened as he watched her move one hand down her navel, pressing her fingers through her pajama bottoms against her core as the other hand moved up and over her breasts, kneading the flesh of one as she more persistently rubbed her covered sweet spot.

Realizing that watching any more of this would cause him to come in his pants, Simon sat up swiftly, reaching for her hands and holding them firmly as he forced his tongue into her mouth, plundering it so thoroughly all Kaylee could do was hold on for dear life.

Panting, Simon pulled away from her reluctantly, his hands moving to her waist, his fingers sliding under the waistband of her bottoms and pulling the material down. Kaylee helped him, shimmying out of the material and causing him to again groan as her movements rubbed against him. Once she was bare before him, Simon laid her back, watching her chest heave slightly with need and anticipation, as he positioned himself between her legs. She spread her thighs for him invitingly, her hands again moving dangerously close to her own center so she could provide herself with a bit of the release she so desperately craved.

Knowing her intent, Simon was determined she not ruin his fun. Hovering above her on strong arms, Simon's teeth nipped at her lips, teasing them relentlessly as he worked a slow string of kisses down her naked body. Kaylee writhed as each touch made her body pool with more need, his name falling from her lips in breathless pants. Each moan sent a jolt to Simon's aching length and he fought the urge to strip down and drive into her. He wanted this to last, he wanted it to be so unbelievably satisfying for them both that they would be boneless for hours, only able to sleep and lie in one another's arms content and sated.

His mouth and tongue having finally reached the apex of her thighs, Simon closed his eyes for a moment as her scent overwhelmed him. He would never get used to this, never get used to how hot and wet he could make Kaylee, never get used to how much she wanted him and him her. It was almost too good to be true.

Moving his mouth further, Simon darted his tongue out and flicked at her folds, managing to taste just a bit of her. She writhed again at this tease, her hands fisting into the bed sheets. As Simon's tongue traced her entrance, this time more slowly, she moaned again, her hips arching off the bed as she tried to get him closer. Moving one hand to her waist, he held her gently against the bed as his mouth closed over her completely, his tongue immediately surrounded by her heat and wetness.

Kaylee was panting, having a hard time catching her breath as Simon continued to taunt and tease her. She mewled sharply as he focused his attention on that small bundle of nerves that was already dying from anticipation. Her body was tightening deliciously and Kaylee knew she would snap soon, Simon was making sure of it and she was helpless to stop it. Of course, she had no intention of stopping it, ever, not with Simon. All conscious thought left her as one of his long fingers joined his tongue, thrusting into her, the pace quickening as Simon felt her getting closer.

Running her hands down to her hips, she reached wildly for him, unable to see as she had scrunched her eyes closed and could not force them open. Curling her fingers around a few strands of hair, she tugged gently and murmured, "Simon, ta ma de."

He loved it when he made her swear – well, in this context. Making her swear during an argument or after he'd done something stupid was a completely different story. He knew she wanted him to join them. Simon knew Kaylee's body, as well as he'd ever known any lovers, better actually and Simon knew that while Kaylee liked to play and tease as much as the next, for her nothing compared to the feel of him inside her. And that made him all manner of proud, in a purely manly fashion.

Ending his internal debate, Simon slid his tongue and finger from her, grinning as she let out a frustrated growl. He knew he'd better move fast or she'd never forgive him for leaving her at the edge and not pulling her over. Sitting back, he pushed his own trousers down, letting out a breath of relief when his hardened length was finally freed. He was so ready for her he knew it wouldn't take long for his own release. Running his hands up her body as he again hovered over her, Kaylee slowly fluttered her eyes open to look in his face. Reaching for the hand he'd had inside her, Kaylee licked the finger clean before she lifted her head slightly and captured his mouth in a deep, slow kiss, tasting herself on his lips.

As they explored each other's mouths, Simon braced himself above her and slid into her, his stiffened length quickly and completely enveloped in her warmth. Kaylee immediately arched her hips to meet the pleasant intrusion, her hands moving down his sides to rest at his waist, giving her purchase as he slowly began to move.

Dropping her head back to the pillow, she knew that she'd be gone soon, floating for that endless moment as Simon's motions and attentions lit her from within. Closing her eyes against the immense pleasure, she felt Simon's lips brush against her cheek, moving towards her ear. His breath warm against her skin, he whispered to her, "Look at me, Kaylee."

With an effort, as her body was quickly losing the ability to move of its own will, she turned her head and blinked her eyes open, meeting his deep blue-eyed gaze. Pausing his movements, Simon studied her face, loving the way her normally tan cheeks were flushed a beautiful shade of pink, how her lips were slightly parted, small puffs of air escaping as she fought to maintain some semblance of control; how her eyes, full of compassion, lust and adoration stared intently into his own.

Brushing a few stray strands of hair from her forehead, he murmured, "I will love you forever, bao bei. I promise."

Her heart, already beating rapidly, sped up a bit at his words and Kaylee ran her hands up from his waist to curl them into his hair. Pulling his face a bit closer to hers, Kaylee whispered against his mouth, "Love you, forever and always," before closing her mouth over his.

The kiss reawakened the slightly cooled passion and Simon found his body again moving. Driving into her, his thick length hit every nerve ending and within seconds, Kaylee was keening beneath him, her body tightening and pulsing around his buried length as she came. Wrapping his arms around her back, Simon held her as she shuddered, waiting until she'd stilled before bringing about his own end.

Kaylee helped of course, her mouth close to his ear, spurring him on as her hands roamed across his back and pulled him tighter to her, gripping his backside roughly as his hot release thundered into her, sending another jolt of delight through her center.

Utterly spent, Simon fell on top of Kaylee and she gladly supported his weight, loving the feel of him still buried within her. Pressing light kisses to his damp skin, Kaylee ran her hands through his hair and down his back until Simon again regained his senses and rolled over. His arm firmly around her shoulders, he pulled Kaylee with him and she snuggled on top of him, her cheek resting just over his heart, one leg wrapped around his so that there was not an inch of empty space between them.

They didn't sleep for a long while, even though they were both emotionally and physically exhausted. Instead Simon and Kaylee, two of the most unlikely lovers in the 'verse stayed awake, enjoying the intimate contact of the other and reveling in the knowledge that they were, forever and always, well and truly loved.

-- --

One Month Later

-- --

NEWS REPORT – Osiris, Capital City

An explosion today rocked the outskirts of Capital City, injuring at least five dozen civilians and possibly killing more. At the height of the day, a dormant warehouse in the city's manufacturing district seemingly imploded, the six-story structure falling with amazing speed. The clouds of debris caused panic and confusion for quite a while until maintenance and fire-fighting crews were brought to the scene.

When questioned, the Chief of Police commented that the warehouse had fallen into disrepair and city officials had discussed just a week ago demolishing the building. Pressed further on the true purpose of the facility, the chief denied rumors that it had once been used as a secret Alliance/Blue Sun consortium. Neither Prime Minister Dresden nor Blue Sun's CEO could be reached for comment.


End file.
